The Love We Long For
by cr0wznest
Summary: Brittany S. Pierce was admitted into rehab at the age of 14, a month after attending high school at Mckinley. When she returns to Mckinley to begin her senior year, a lot has changed; including one feisty brunette that changes Brittany's life forever.
1. Oxycodone

**A/N: **I've been putting off publishing this for ages, but I've finally found the courage to post it. It's my first multi chapter fic that I've done in a while and I'm really proud of it, so I hope you enjoy it :)

There are mentions of drug use, but it isn't heavily mentioned. If there is anything I've messed up about the use and effects of the particular drug in this story, please tell me! But I have done heaps of research (that's the main reason I was pro longing posting this fic) so I hope nothing is incorrect. But feel free to let me know.

The rating at the moment is T, but it will be rated M later on for further chapters.

**Summary: **Brittany S. Pierce was admitted into rehab at the age of 14, a month after attending high school at Mckinley. When she returns to Mckinley to begin her senior year, a lot has changed; including one feisty brunette that changes Brittany's life forever.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee or it's characters. (god damn I wish I did though)

* * *

"When are they coming to get you?"

I didn't know what to feel once I had gotten out of rehab. I hadn't prepared myself to feel any particular type of emotion. I hadn't even prepared myself for real life again. I grew happy around the people at the clinic. Even my doctor became more like a friend to me. I had always been good at making friends.

Although in the past few months my attitude had changed. I was much more snappy during meetings when I didn't like the way other patients spoke of their families. Of course I didn't experience what they did so I had no right to say anything. But I knew my own family and that I loved them more than anything, so I didn't like it when people would say bad things about theirs.

When I first arrived it was more like a, just get it done and make everyone happy, type of thing. I didn't really expect to be changed or even sober. But I have been, for a year. The first year was the hardest, because when you're suffering people look at you differently. But you don't want that. You want people to see what you see in yourself.

I liked hearing what people thought of me, unless they were bad things.

I had relapsed 4 months before I was due to leave. So once again I was confined to the clinic for another year. Being 12 and having addictions that grown men and women have really makes you think. Maybe I did grow up too fast.

But trips to my Aunts house are what triggered everything. My Aunt was good at hiding her addiction, so it wasn't hard for me to be put under her care for a few hours during the week.

She didn't influence me, she simply provided what I desired. Oxycodone became my best friend, my only friend, for 2 years before I was found out. I didn't know how much I could tolerate but I had been suffering from immediate pain after I had surgery on my shoulder. I don't like talking about it to anyone, especially the part about me not being able to step foot in a studio or on a stage again.

I took a higher dosage than I should have, and it all went out of control from there.

I suffered from anxiety once I had gotten into the clinic. It became worse throughout the year, which is why I relapsed. Because being addicted gives you this really determined state of mind. It's like you literally won't rest until you've had your fix.

"There they are!" I squealed so loud a patient next to me blocked his ears. My doctor followed me to my dad's car and I couldn't wait until I got inside and could smell a real car smell again. All I smelt in the clinic was hot soup and window spray. They liked to keep things clean there, mostly because some patients had a tendency to throw up out of habit in the recreation room.

I expected my mom to come along aswell, but all I saw was my dad in the drivers seat. That was okay because I loved my dad more than anything in the world. He never judged me after I had been checked into rehab, he just gave me really helpful advice that stuck with me.

"Good luck." I turn around and watch as my doctor places a hand on my shoulder. I expect to shrug her away or snap at her but my anxiety has been managable lately and when people get close to me now I can handle it.

"Thanks, did you maybe want to stay in contact?" I ask really softly so my dad won't be able to hear.

"Brittany, I could get fired for what we did," Regina, that's my doctors name, says subtly. I nod my head really fast so she knows I understand, because I do. She knows that what we did was a one time thing and I'm happy to move on aswell.

But I know when I go back to school, the friends I used to have won't want anything to do with me anymore, so I thought I'd give it a try.

Even though Regina and I did have sex, it was only because she seduced me. I was really lonely one particular night and she claimed she could solve all of my problems. I trusted her because she had helped me already so much. She told me she was a lesbian a few days after I met her and that was fine with me. I knew I wasn't, but it was fun trying something new and different. She was really good, but I wouldn't do it again.

She takes her hand off of my shoulder and smiles at me really big. I give her a small wave before hopping in the passengers side. My dad is so happy to see me he literally pulls me over the middle part of the car. I hug him back just as tight to show him how much I've missed him.

"Britty, the family is so excited for you to come home," My dad says excitedly as he starts the engine.

"I'm really excited to see them too," I say, practically bouncing off of my seat. "I want to see Charlie really bad," I add and grin towards the familiar streets that we're driving down.

Charlie's my older sister, she's about to turn 21 so she can go out and get drunk. But she already does that most nights so I can see why it's not a big deal to her. She's a bit more quiet than me, except when I'm asked a really unexpected question then I freeze up.

I'm more confident and honest than her, but she's liked a lot by everyone because she's so layed back and easy to get along with. Her boyfriend Scott is really outgoing and easy to talk to, so that's why I kept telling Charlie to start dating him officially.

Scott would laugh at me because I was a teenager with really wild dreams that not everyone around me understood. I told him he could be the president one day because he was so nice and caring. I only knew him for a few months before I had been checked into the clinic, so I never met any of his family.

"Charlie's cooking dinner tonight," My dad explains, turning into the driveway. The drive hadn't been as long as I thought it would be. I was hoping I could just enjoy a car ride because I had enjoyed driving around the street with my dad so much before I checked into the clinic.

I lean over the center gear stick and kiss cheek. "It's good to have you home Britty," He says.

I smile so big at him and step out of the car. My parents knew about my change in attitude because they had been contacted one night when things got out of hand. I'm 18 now so they obviously think I've grown up a little.

I know somewhere inside me that my anxiety is still there, it always will be. But if I'm stronger than it then it doesn't need to come out and ruin anything. I just hope when I go to school I won't be anxious around anyone because that would be bad. They all know I went to crazy land for a few years, but maybe some of them forgot about me.

My dad's walking ahead of me, telling me to follow him through the house and upstairs. Once I make it to my sisters room I can barely stand still. I can hear her voice from inside the room and twist the handle on the door so fast.

"Oh my god!" She squeals and runs up to me. I instantly throw my arms around her and completely block out everybody else.

"I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," I keep repeating so that she knows. I can hear her giggle into my neck which makes me grin impossibly wider. I pull back to look at her and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "You've lost alot of weight, you don't look like my T.V anymore."

I watch her grin fall and she slaps my arm. "Ouch," I whine. I thought I was complimenting her? Oh well.

I focus on the other person in the room and notice Scott sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms open. I hug him just like I hugged my sister, with the same grip and intensity so he doesn't feel left out.

"Scotty!" I yell into his ear. He jumps and pulls back with his face scrunched. He puts a finger to his ear and rubs it really hard. I think he's just teasing me.

"Britt, you've still got one hell of a voice box," He yells rather loudly and I don't think he realises. Charlie just scoffs and sits on his lap. They're both staring at me now, probably because I haven't dropped my grin.

"You have to tell me everything after dinner, which I should be cooking now." Charlie looks at her watch and then walks passed me towards the door. She kisses dad on the cheek and leaves the room. Scott shrugs when I ask him what we're eating.

"Scott has a younger sister, she goes to Mckinley," Charlie says with her mouth full of potatoes.

"Babe please," Scott says, making a grossed out face and handing Charlie a tissue.

"I don't know if I want to make new friends, I think I'll just focus on school work," I reply with an innocent shrug.

"That's a really good idea Britty, but you have to have atleast someone to hang out with," My dad cuts in. I pinch my lips together and stare at him.

The thought of having to make friends all over again makes my stomach twist in a really tight knot. I don't want them to know how broken I still am from having experienced what I did. Regina said I'll still be recovering after I get out of the clinic, so it's normal to feel this way.

But I know that I'll have to be strong once I step into school on Monday. I'll have to stick my plan and not let anybody tear me down. I'll avoid people that stare and do things for me. Because when I had started at Mckinley freshman year, I always did what other people told me too.

I was the most gullible girl in school. I couldn't be that girl anymore.

The front door behind me opened really slowly and I think my mom was trying to creep in and surprise me. But I had heard her and jumped out of my seat to hug her. She almost fell back because of my hug. It had been way bigger than the hug for my sister and Scott but not my dad.

"I have so much to tell you that I already told dad," I say really enthusiastically incase my mom thinks I'm still a little depressed. She was always the only person that could read me like a really well written novel. She always knew when I was sad, mostly because I used the excuse 'I'm just tired' more than ten times.

"Oh Britt, you haven't changed," She pulls back and puts her hands on my cheeks to look at me. My eyes flicker down to her neck where there's two relatively large purple bruises.

I smile half heartedly at her and mumble, "Neither have you," before dragging her to the table.

My mom and dad seperated after he caught her cheating at work. I felt really bad for my dad, because he was so humble and wonderful to everybody. He adored my mom, adored her enough to let her continue living here with all of us.

I think that's one of the things that caused me to snap. It wasn't that my mom had betrayed my dad, it was that my dad was weak enough to forgive her and let her live here. I didn't want to grow up to be like my dad, even though he was super nice and liked by everyone. I just didn't want to be weak and let people walk all over me.

I promised myself I'd never fall in love really badly.

The weekend at home had been really fun. I hung out with my sister while Scott worked really hard at his job as an engineer. I told Charlie why I had relapsed and she started crying. Everytime I told her something really bad about me she'd cry. I didn't cry though, because I knew that things in the past weren't worth crying over so far into the future.

* * *

Charlie dropped me at school Monday morning when my parents went to work. She told me to be myself and I just frowned because I didn't really know who else I could be. The parking lot seemed bigger than I remember. It was nauseating having to walk across it while groups of kids whispered to each other.

I didn't even bother listening in like I would normally do. I kept my chin up and strode into the building with my plan set.

I thought the outside seemed crowded, but the corridor was even worse. I remembered where the principle's office was and quickly barged through everyone in my way.

Principle Figgins was still really bright and seemed really happy to see I was well. He gave me my schedual and locker number before sending me in the right direction. I could hardly breathe now. The numbers of kids around me was growing fast, it was like they were being duplicated by some evil mastermind.

I wonder if Sue Sylvester still works here...

I read the number of my locker again and marched quickly towards it. Luckily not many people were huddled around that area so I could put my bag down and study the lock carefully. The sound of a massive splash behind me caused be to jump forward and almost smash my head into the locker.

"You fucking assholes," A girl yelled. I watched as the red icy treat slid down her face and her shirt. I normally wouldn't laugh at something like this because I remember how bad I felt when I some of my friends from Glee club were slushied, but that's all I could do at that moment.

She looked my way and I covered my mouth. I was still giggling really bad and she squinted her eyes at me and glared so hard.

"Wanna lick it off?" She asked, stepping towards really slowly. I began frowning at her actions because I really did not want to lick anything off of her. Especially if it would make my tongue tingle and my teeth hurt.

"Nope," I replied bluntly, forgetting to throw anything in my locker and walking off to my first class.

"Wow Santana, even crazy Pierce won't look twice at you, fucking lesbo," Some guy yelled and the entire hallway suddenly fell silent. I turned back for a moment and caught the girl, Santana's, eye. She was noticably clenching her jaw really tight and I felt sorry for her almost.

Then I remembered I had to think of me, this wasn't about anyone else. In the end I just shrugged enough so she could see and continued walking away.

* * *

My first class hadn't been bad, but when the teacher called me up to announce my return, I instantly felt my hands sweat. I held myself together though, until I saw one of the guys who slushied that girl Santana wink at me. He still thought I was the slut I used to be.

Maybe I did have sex for the sake of feeling another body next to me or above me. But I had changed since freshman year, obviously. But no one knew what I had dealt with in rehab, they all assumed I was crazy and I could still give the best blow jobs.

I raised my hand and the teacher nodded when I asked to be excused. I ran to the bathroom really quickly and stood at the sink. I hadn't even noticed someone there until they spoke.

"Having second thoughts about licking me?" The girl asked with a really husky tone.

I frowned and watched her slide up the wall that she was sitting infront of. Her shirt was damp from the slushie but her face was clean.

"Nope," I answered, much like my first time. I saw her roll her eyes and step closer to me.

"You're probably wondering why I got slushied before," She started explaining.

"Not really," I cut in, turning on the tap to wash my hands just for something to do.

"Well, I'll tell you anyway," She grinned. "I'm a lesbian, I came out last year. The guys here hate me, mostly because I'm a bitch and because I'll probably steal their girlfriends. A few of the girls hate me aswell, mostly because they're scared I'll come onto them."

I really didn't want to listen to this girl. She sounded like the annoying dial tone that would ring in my ear everytime I called my dad and he would be talking to someone already. I snapped.

"That sounds great, bye." I turned off the tap and began walking towards the door. She followed me though and I barely made it out before she grabbed my arm.

"You don't have friends, I don't have friends, so we could totally hang out," She exclaimed, raising her eyebrows and grinning so her mouth practically covered her cheeks. I noticed the sides of her nose wrinkle when she smiled that big.

I focused so hard on that little detail that my eyebrows started to turn down and it looked like I was really angry. She stepped back and put her hands up in defence. Just then the bell rang and a few people walked out of the room closest to us.

"Hey _friends_," Santana said the last word really harshly. The three people we were both looking at cowared their heads and walked towards the cafeteria. I remembered them immediately.

Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn. I had talked to them the most when we all started freshman year. I wondered why Santana and I had never met. She seemed to be known around the school really well, but I couldn't be bothered asking why. I didn't have time.

So when she was distracted by her 'friends' retreating figures I quickly walked off in the opposite direction, out of the school. I didn't want to deal with anyone, especially not this Santana girl who caused my really mean inner thoughts to splurt out of my mouth.

* * *

"How was school?" I was sitting on the grass out in the backyard with Charlie and she had been plaiting my hair for half an hour.

"Okay," I reply really firmly, so she can't tell if I'm lying or not. I don't like when people can read me because it makes me feel really small. I think I'm the only person supposed to know if I'm telling the truth or not so it's annoying when people see right through my words.

"Did you make any friends?"

"I'm focusing on school work," I say loudly to get my point across. I hate this, I hate being bombarded with questions that I've answered before.

"Okay Brittany I'm sorry," Charlie apologizes and stops playing with my hair so that she can lay on her back beside me. I stare down at her. I forgot how different we both looked from each other. "Did you atleast see Scott's sister?"

"I don't know," I mumble, playing with clumps of grass in between my fingers.

"Her name's Santana, she's really sweet."

I think if eyelids didn't exist my eyes would be popping out of my face right now. I stare at Charlie again and she's waiting for an answer. I could tell her I never saw her or I could tell her that Santana was most definitely not sweet. It wasn't a hard decision because the words slipped out before I could make my mind up.

"She didn't seem sweet at all," I say.

"What? You talked to her?" Charlie sits up and crosses her legs. She tilts her head down so I can look at her but I just turn away. I really don't want to talk about Santana, she's not nice and just way too overbearing for me.

"She told me she was a lesbian, that's it." I hadn't realised what I said until I finally faced Charlie and she was sucking in her lips trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" I ask.

"Nothing, it's just so typical of Santana to come on to a new face," Charlie explains causing me to frown. I had no idea what she was talking about. Coming on to me? Why would she do that anyway, I acted like I didn't even want to be near her.

"She wasn't coming on to me," I try and say as clearly as possible but my voice cracks towards the end just thinking about the possibility. If I had ever wanted a girl to come on to me I definitely wouldn't want it to be Santana.

I scoff at the thought and Charlie smirks. "She needs a filter, I'm sure she was dropped at birth."

I bite my lip, tempted to agree but instead just keep my mouth shut. I really don't want to talk about Santana anymore.

"I'm going to find dad," I mumble and stand up before Charlie can stop me. I can hear her calling my name and sigh when I don't bother answering.

* * *

**A/N: So how was that for the first chapter? Tell me your thoughts and I'll reply via pm to any questions!**

also, this is my fanfic tumblr if you find it easier to ask about any of my fics on there :)

cr0wznest . tumblr .com


	2. You'll get used to it

**A/N: **So many alerts and favourites for the first chapter! Thank you all so much. I'm excited to keep posting these chapters, because this fic is really fun to write :) I hope you enjoy chapter 2!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee or it's characters

* * *

Wherever I went I could always feel Santana there, studying me and working me out. I didn't like people getting under my skin, I hadn't even analysed myself that far.

I was able to spot more faces that I remembered throughout the next day of school. I'm sure the Glee kids hadn't stopped talking about my return. I think if I tried to talk to them they'd make up an excuse and it would translate to 'Sorry I don't talk to drug addicted freaks'.

They were really amazing people though, back in freshman year. I kind of became a hassle though. During Glee club I'd zone out after a high dosage. They stopped caring after a while and kicked me out. I was happy in a way they didn't feel sorry for me. It felt better knowing they were treating me the same as everyone.

I wondered why Santana had been so ready to start a conversation with me. Nobody that knew of my history stepped a foot near me but she seemed eager too. Maybe because my sister was dating her brother and she was pressured into being nice to me. Or maybe it was just like she claimed yesterday, _"I don't have friends, you don't have friends."_

I'm standing at my locker, holding my books with one hand which is dangling at my side. I scan the distance to see Sam Evans, a former Glee mate of mine who I guess decided to return to football. Glee club wasn't a popular choice and I think more and more people discovered that. I gather some confidence before walking over there.

I had certainly lost my will to be 'easy' and I was just looking to make friends. Even though I had been craving some male attention since being in the clinic, I wasn't going to be what they expected; on my knees and mouth wide open.

"Hello," I say, biting the side of my lip which is curled up into a cheeky grin. Sam looks my way and smiles nervously, scratching the side of his head and squinting at me.

"Brittany Pierce," He says deeper than normal and points my way with his fingers shaped like a gun.

"Yes," I confirm, nodding my head excitedly. "Did you maybe want to catch up sometime?" I say a little desperately and watch as Sam chuckles and shakes his head. I look around me and notice a small crowd has gathered. Their eyes cut holes in me and my skin is literally burning now.

I wipe my hands subtly on my shirt and hear a small snicker to my right. Santana's standing behind a group of cheerleaders with a finger to her mouth. Her lips are curled up into a satisfied smile and her body is bopping, confirming that she's laughing along with everyone else. Although everyone else is laughing in their heads, she just doesn't care no matter who she hurts, I've learnt that much already.

"I don't think so," Sam finally says, reaching for my shoulder but I swat the hand away really fast. It causes me to hit the lockers beside me and I wince as my shoulder receives most of the pain. It's stinging and throbbing and I'm being watched by so many people it's too much too soon.

I'd been so careful with my shoulder before, never letting it receive any pain. It's still fragile. I feel like hitting myself for being so careless.

I run down the hall and out the double doors towards the football oval. I then rest my hand on a tall pole holding up the roof of the bleachers. I feel like I'm about to dry heave but I'd gotten used to stopping myself at the clinic. I learnt to gain control with every bad thing that I feared was going to happen.

"Hey he was just fucking around, that's what all the guys do to new meat." I turn around slowly and squint as the sun blocks my view of the person a few metres from me. I can recognize the raspy, thick accent of Santana, it's pretty different from everyone else's.

I don't reply. I can't reply. My breathing pattern isn't cooperating with me right now and Santana being here isn't helping. I hadn't realised how hot it was going to be today. Why the hell was I wearing tight jeans?

I'm bent over slightly, my head resting against the pole that my hand is also gripping really tightly too. I clench my teeth together, careful not rub them against each other because when I was little it made me scared that my teeth would slowly crumble.

Santana's walking around me now, sitting on one of the long flat seats. She didn't say anything until she saw that I was starting to stand up straight again.

"What's wrong with you?" She didn't even sound sincere so I glared at her and began to walk away. Of course she just followed.

"Don't walk away from me again," She sounded tired, frustrated and a little sincere now. I didn't care because she didn't mean anything to me and I wasn't going to waste my time explaining why I am the way I am to someone who doesn't deserve to hear it.

"You'll get used to it after a while," She yells, but I block her out by covering my ears and running towards the parking lot. Now I really didn't think Santana knew that I had been in rehab for most of my teenage life. I liked that she didn't know. I liked that she yelled and didn't seem to care that I was clearly upset, because it showed she treated everyone the same.

I'm sure she treats Becky Jackson the same as everyone else even with her down syndrome.

* * *

I don't know how long I've been running, but I can hear the faint sound of the lunch bell ringing and I stop to catch my breath. I've just run in a circle because I notice the bleachers a few feet away. Luckily there's no Santana, so I'm able to rest for a few moments.

"Brittany?" My head that was in my hands seconds ago is now up and staring straight at Quinn Fabray.

I can't be bothered dealing with anyone right now, especially not Quinn. When she was supposed to be my best friend, she was taking sides with the others in Glee club and agreeing when they said I was becoming a problem.

We hadn't spoken since I left school and that month I was there Quinn and me had formed a really close friendship. She had been the one to teach me how to gain popularity and how to get people talking about you for the right reasons.

That month had been the best. But she didn't even defend our friendship when people tore me down. Glee club was my safe place, it was where everyone accepted each other. When I had problems with my family I'd consider the choir room my second home and go there as much as possible for advice from Mr. Schue; the teacher or even a friend.

I wish I hadn't even gone for that month of school. Nobody would've known my past if I had.

"Why are you talking to me?" I didn't want to sound like I was being a bitch, I was just curious. Quinn hadn't given me the time of day yesterday, I don't know why she'd try now.

"I haven't seen you in three years," Quinn states, acting as if I didn't know that already.

"I know that," I spat and begin to step down the bleachers.

"Please don't be like this Bri-

"I'm tired Quinn," I say defeated. "I don't need your friendship or any of your sympathy or apologies." I suck in my lips because I can tell that hurt. Quinn looks down at the ground and slowly nods her head. The thing is, not one part of me cares.

* * *

I felt like a new coin having been pressed out of sheet metal fresh on a Sunday afternoon. I felt new and wanted - of course not by anyone at school - but by my family and anyone that didn't know my past.

I was going to go to class early, I had nothing else to do. No one else to talk too. I would get through last period because I really wanted to do good in school. I really wanted to prove to my family that I could get somewhere.

No one here mattered because they weren't going to be apart of my future. Their opinions, their stares, their whispers didn't matter. I wasn't going to join anything for extra credit. Well maybe the Cheerios, but not until I've settled in more. The only other thing I'd be good in is Glee club and that's not going to happen again.

I reach my Spanish class but I'm stopped by a sudden knot tightening in my stomach. I hadn't eaten all day. I quickly make my way into the classroom, thankful that no one's arrived, and pull out a sandwich that Charlie begged to make me this morning.

My bag sits beside me as I unwrap my lunch and take small bites from it. It feels good to be in a quiet room for once.

I'm stopped between bites by rushed footsteps sprinting into the room. Mr. Schue.

He notices me as he throws his bag on the table and I jump, causing my chair to creak on the floor.

"Brittany? Wow," He seems genuinely happy. I'll definitely answer him nicely if he asks me questions.

"Hi," I say, careful not to spill anything from my mouth. Mr. Schue stays silent, just kind of staring at me. I think he's shocked. Yeah that's what it is. He's shocked to see me back after all of this time.

"Welcome back." He claps his hands together and rubs them slowly. He always used to do that when he wanted attention in Glee club. But we're not in Glee club and he's already got my attention. So maybe he's just nervous.

"Thanks," I mumble, wrapping the crust from my sandwich in the foil and place it in an empty pocket in my bag. I give him a small smile, because I'm still pissed off about Quinn and Santana earlier. Mostly Quinn because she's the most recent and because I had kind of gotten over Santana being really forward.

I don't want Mr. Schue knowing people are giving me a hard time because he'll tell Principle Figgins and then he'll tell my mom and I don't want to seem weak to her. I think I'll just remind her of my dad, because I can't stick up for myself.

* * *

The lesson is almost half way through and I've shrunk a little in my seat because of who my classmates are. I promised myself I'd act confident but since my little conversation with Sam I can't help but shy away from him and his jock friends.

Another reason I'm half way under the desk is because Santana is also in this class. She's seated a row in front of me to the left and I can clearly make out what she's drawing on her desk rather than learning.

I notice out of the corner of my eye someone looking my way. It's Puck, one of Sam's best friends. He's smirking at me and I frown as I watch him pretend to hump the table then point to me.

At first glance I cringe because I would have never thought of going for Puck in my life. But if Sam had accepted I would've let him do whatever he wanted with me right after we hung out for a bit. So I decide to play with Puck for a little while. I suggestively open my legs, and even though I'm wearing jeans, he looks there straight away. He looks up into my eyes again and I wink.

One of his eyebrows arches and I think I'm about to burst out laughing. He's still as easy now as I was at 14.

I slowly slide my tongue over my top lip and look him straight in the eye. Then without another action I look away and down at my book. I honestly don't know what Mr. Schue is talking about but I can recognize some Spanish sayings written down.

Whatever I'm reading seems unimportant to Santana as she throws a scrunched up note on my desk. I lift my eyebrows before staring over at her and shaking my head. She claps both hands together slowly in a praying motion and mouths 'please'.

I push it aside and continue reading. I can hear her groan and turn back towards the board and I inwardly smirk.

"Alright class, I'll let you go now, be sure to read chapter 4," Mr. Schue says, ushering people toward the door. I'm still seated, waiting for everyone to leave so I won't have to bump shoulders.

Santana notices me still seated and walks over to me. She brings a chair to my desk just as I move to get up.

"Aren't you going to read the note?" She pouts and I scoff loudly. I quickly grab my bag off the floor and notice Santana pick up the note. She grins sickeningly sweet at me.

I quickly brush past her and trudge out of the room and this time she doesn't follow.

I'm almost about to turn around and look at her expectingly when I remember that we aren't even friends and it's a good thing that she isn't following.

* * *

"Goodnight," I whisper to Charlie and Scott who are cuddling on the couch. The old me would be completely grossed out and actually pull them apart but the new me just smiles really sweetly at the them and walks off.

They both turn around to face me and whisper a quick 'goodnight' back before returning to their movie. I want to ask Scott why he got all of the sane genes in the family and why Santana seemed so abrasive. She was the first person in 3 years that actually wanted my attention.

I'm lying under a thin sheet on my bed because of the warm breeze. If I close my eyes I'll see them floating around me. If I keep my eyes open I'll feel them on my tongue. Every night before I'd go to sleep this would happen. I couldn't control it. I'd have to close my eyes, open them, close them, and open them. I'd do this until I couldn't see the white, orange, yellow and green mix of pills.

Dad always used to say I was drawn to the pretty colors. That's why I started dancing aswell. The colors of costumes and stage lights captured my attention instantly.

I haven't danced in 6 years.

As I turn to lay on my left side I forget about the pain in my shoulder and shut my eyes. I wouldn't go to the doctor for a check up. I couldn't hear him say I'd have to go on medication again. Last time I did that, he asked why I was still taking Oxycodone one year after my injury. Being 13 I was able to play the innocent card pretty well.

I'm getting better...

I repeat that to myself as I force the images of a full bottle out of my head and finally fall asleep.

* * *

Charlie had to be up earlier than normal in the morning so I had to pack my own lunch. It wasn't something I excelled in because I kept forgetting where the paper bags were kept. I found them after a long look through every cupboard, high and low.

When I unzipped my school bag a note fell to the floor. I picked it up and was over come with the thoughts of Spanish class yesterday. Santana had managed to slip the note in my bag, that's why she didn't follow me.

I unfolded the piece of paper and squinted my eyes. Santana has really small but clear hand writing.

_Puck just wants in your pants, don't trust the cunt_

I read over the note again and again before it was time for me to head to school. My first instinct was to shove the note in Santana's face and tell her to fuck off out of my business. But that would involve me paying attention to her and that's exactly what she wants.

So as I walked into the school hallway, I headed straight for the bleachers. I knew Santana wouldn't think of looking there because I had already used that hiding place once.

Some students were still giggling over the fact Sam had rejected me yesterday. I didn't really care, about anything really. Not their judgemental glares, or bitchy rumours. I kept walking at an average pace so they knew they couldn't hurt me.

When I reached the oval, I saw a few cheerleaders being rushed off towards the locker rooms by coach Sylvester. She was looking like someone had smashed her trophy case. I was glad in a way I never made it to the audition to be on the Cheerios.

"I love it when you touch me there."

My feet glued to their spot. I poked my head around the corner and saw the source of the voice. Mercedes Jones was being pressed up against the wall by Sam. He was thrusting his hips into her and his pants were halfway down his thighs. I made no noise but Mercedes eyes opened. She gaped at me and pushed Sam away. Her skirt that was hiked up around her waist was now being pulled down and flattened out. Sam faltered a little when he saw me before awkwardly brushing his fringe to the side and walking past me.

Mercedes followed him, shooting me a 'why the fuck were you just staring' look. Maybe it was the fact I hadn't been intimate with someone in so long, or because Sam had chosen Mercedes over me.

I sat down on the concrete under the bleachers and stared out between the cracks of the stairs. On the oval were some jocks, hitting and tackling each other roughly when one of them wasn't looking. I knew they were idiots. But one of them had to have some morals and values still.

Puck obviously didn't, but I was willing to give him a go. It would definitely piss Santana off. There was this urge inside of me wanting to make Santana really upset. I don't know why I didn't care because I always felt sympathetic to all of the meanest people. She seemed worse than anyone I had ever met though. She seemed heartless.

Why did Santana even care that Puck and I were flirting. She clearly shouldn't since Puck was the one that shoved the slushy in her face yesterday. I was sure of two things; I liked that Santana was jealous and I liked that I wanted to make her angry. Why? I have no clue.

I believe because I had returned out of the blue with unexpected eyes tearing holes in me, Santana felt intimated. Maybe she had been popular, before she came out. She was probably jealous of the attention I got, obviously not from Sam, but from Puck. Maybe I had been in her place in the past.

I could still feel the heat from the sun melting my skin away causing droplets of sweat to slide down my forehead. Underneath this massive structure I was safe, but still very vulnerable to some things.

As I began making my way across the oval, back towards school I winced as something heavy struck my head. The hit seemed accidental by the small gasps I heard before I lost conciousness.

* * *

When I woke up my back was against something comfortable. The school nurse asked if I remembered anything. I shook my head and tried to sit up, but was forced back down by another hand. A tanned, soft one that did not belong to the nurse.

"Lay back." I look up and squint my eyes because getting up fast and being pushed back down even faster gave me a head rush. I notice her eyes first, because of the daggers they shot me on my first day at Mckinley. Although her tone was flirtactious, her glare was hard.

"What are you doing here Santana?" I sighed and placed my hand on my forehead, not wanting to have to face her. If anyone but her was here I'd be more inviting. Maybe I could call Charlie.

"I freaking brought you here," She replied back. Her tone made me flinch a little but it went unnoticed by her. "Those fucks threw a football over the field and it hit you over the head. I was walking outside and noticed that no one was even bothering to help you, so..." She pauses and shrugs her shoulders comically. "Here we are." The grin on her face sickens me. She seems so fucking full of herself.

If she hadn't laughed at me along with the other students when Sam had turned down my offer to hang out, then maybe I'd give her a chance. But no, she was just like everyone else. I had to get out of here.

"I'm leaving," I said, quickly shuffling from the bed incase she tried to grab me.

"Thank you Santana," She yelled in mock appreciation. I kept walking with my head down and my hands clutching tightly around my mid section. I could hear her footsteps rush behind me but I only began running.

"Wait!" I turned a corner, heading for the exit. "Did you even read the note?"

I stopped in my tracks and breathed out a frustrated sigh. She wanted to know about the note, that was it. She'll leave me alone after this.

"Yes," I turned around and pinched my lips together before adding, "I can handle myself, so please just fuck off."

I didn't intend on adding any curse words, they just sort of slipped out. When Santana was around, every nasty word came to my head and I wasn't able to help but spill them out in tandem.

When I walked away, she didn't follow.

* * *

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	3. The speed of rabbits

**A/N: **Sorry for any mistakes.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters (because they belong to some clowns, except Ian and Brad are cool)**

* * *

My head was throbbing again. When I returned home that day I accidentally miscalculated my jump towards my bed and smashed the top of my head against the wall. I hissed and slammed my hands on top of my head - which didn't really help either. I shut my eyes and rolled slowly onto my stomach. I could hardly breathe with my face against the blanket, but the throbbing in my head took my mind off of it.

"Brittany?" Charlie called through the door. I didn't have a chance to answer. She opened the door and saw me on the bed not moving, just breathing really heavily. "Santana called."

I groaned and I swear I could hear Charlie laugh a little. Then she turned serious again and she made the bed dip when she leaned over and turned my head to face her. "She said you were hit on the head today."

"She didn't have to call, I could've told you," I spoke with my teeth clenched shut.

"She was being thoughtful Brittany. Why do you hate her for that?" I didn't have an answer that I could form with words. There was only a million answers swimming in my head. I threw out my fishing line and reeled in the first one that caught.

"She's not my type," I coughed awkwardly. "Of person..."

Charlie shook her head in disappointment and stood up. "Do you need ice?" I shook my head and she picked her phone out of her pocket. I hadn't even heard it ring. "Yeah, I'll be down in a second." She left after that.

Santana was just trying to get her boob in the door. I wouldn't let her win. I couldn't let her have me because then she'd leave me. It's what always happened. So why wasn't she any different?

I heard a couple people speaking outside, so I stood up and walked to my window. With the curtain opened slightly I could see three figures standing on the grass. Scott, Charlie, Santana. Why weren't they coming inside? No that I wanted them too at all. I was completely happy with being a far distance away from Santana.

Scott is welcome inside though.

When life fucked me over four years ago, I never thought that four years later it would embarrass the shit out of me.

My hand slid off the window sill and my head surged forward into the glass. My face scrunched up and I wasn't sure if they had saw or heard anything from outside. I quickly shut the curtain and sat on the ground cross legged. Of course this has to happen. I needed pain killers or something, my head felt as though it was imploding. Maybe I was exaggerating a little, but it still hurt really bad.

I don't think anyone heard anything, because no one had rushed to check on me. _They saw, they just don't care. _"Shut up!" I half yelled. The voices were building and they almost sounded real. When my door burst open, that's when I knew they were.

"Brittany, who are you yelling at?" Charlie asked, a little out of breath.

"No one," I struggled to say with my head still throbbing. Santana was standing in the doorway with Scott. Her eyebrows were the slightest bit pinched down and I wondered if she worried about me. Scott spoke then.

"You're a goof Britt," He joked, reaching down and giving me a light punch to the shoulder. "C'mon we'll get some peas." I smiled in thanks and we walked passed Charlie and Santana. Santana looked like she was struggling to say something, but after a moments hesitation she said it.

"You shouldn't leer." I turned around and frowned at her.

"What?" I spat. Scott put his hand on my shoulder and whispered to both of us.

"C'mon girls that's enough." We continued down the stairs in a single file. I was in front and Santana was behind me. When we made it to the kitchen Scott opened the fridge and dug through looking for the peas.

"Scott can you help open this box, there are bottles of water in here." Charlie yelled. Scott shut the fridge and looked over to Santana.

"Can you find them San," He stated with a firm look. Santana nodded and headed over to the fridge. I was suspecting her to roll her eyes but she just did as she was told. She bent down to find the peas and because I was sitting on a stool behind the bench I could see her ass perfectly. My eyes lingered there for a moment, before I realise how long she'd been searching.

"I can find the-"

"Got 'em," She cheered, holding them near her head. She closed the fridge and strode over to me. I could see she was reaching over, wanting to apply pressure to my head, but I stopped her just before they made contact.

"I can do it," I whispered.

"Oh c'mon don't be a pussy, I'm not going to hur-"

"Santana," I half yelled. " . ."

"Wow," She breathed, handing me the bag and retreating to the sofa. All I heard was silence after that.

I had retreated back to my room five minutes later. Santana didn't offer to be up there with me, I was grateful. But I needed someone to be there for me, just to sit on my bed and just be there. I should call my mom, but she'd get angry at me if she's with her new boyfriend or whatever he is. I think I'd just laugh at her for being such a selfish bitch. Internally I'd be weeping but all I'd be able to let out were mountains and mountains of treacherous laughs.

Santana and Scott left around 10:30pm. They both came up to say goodbye, well Scott did. Santana just stood and mumbled a 'hope you feel better'. I smiled in return because Scott was there. Scott had then disappeared down stairs, probably to make out with Charlie while they had some alone time. Santana stood by the door with her arms folded. "What?" I had asked. She just smirked and stood still. "You can go," I said, hoping she'd get the hint that I didn't want her here any more.

"Still no 'thank you' ?" She said with a hint of flirtation in her voice. I turned away and sighed heavily. "Fine, see you soon Brittany." She slurred her r's when she said my name and I shuddered involuntarily. I felt her eyes on me for a little while longer until she left.

I fell asleep when they left.

* * *

I woke up in an awkward position on Friday morning. My pillow was on my butt (I have no idea how it got there) and my face was smashed against my arm which was covered by a scrunched up sleeve, so when I looked in the mirror I saw patterns on the right side of my face. Almost like a tattoo. But I didn't want one like that, especially on my face.

Charlie made breakfast, dad kissed me goodbye and mom still wasn't home. It was same routine and I was desperate for change. But I couldn't do it alone. I'd have to talk to everyone soon about some sort of family night. I took the bus to school and hadn't seen Santana on it thankfully. I stared out of the window and counted spaces in between each of the trees on the side walk. Nothing was running my mind. Just what I'd be eating for dinner tonight.

Arriving at school, I tried to avoid the obvious places Santana would be, but when I had to go to my locker after each class, I was surprised to see Santana wasn't at hers. She wasn't anywhere she'd normally be. I knew I had a class with her today and I had my guard up extra high. Only because she admitted she wanted to fuck me and I had no idea how to respond. I kept retracing back to the fact that she just wanted to use me and leave me.

* * *

It was the last period of the day. Charlie called at lunch saying she'd be able to pick me up after school so I was beyond happy for that. I could just leave the class without having to worry about waiting around for a bus - especially with Santana.

She hadn't tried following me for the past two days. I didn't know whether to be happy about the loss of her attention or to be upset I had no attention at school now at all. I didn't care, because I came back to school for myself, not to think about anyone else. I hated this, I hated that she made me think. I hated that she wouldn't speak to me, unless it was to flirt. Not that she had flirted with me recently. She just threw me glances that looked a little suspicious. They were full of lust. I was full of impatience.

I hated that everything she had said to me was written in big bold lettersin my head. She was similar the annoying little kid in kindergarten that through sand on your face when you were making a pretty castle. I think what annoyed me most was that she was actually _trying _to get to know me and _wanted _to be my friend. I haven't had someone so interested in me since freshman year. Regina was there for me but that's only because she had to be. Of course there's Charlie and dad. But no one outside of my family had wanted to know _me. _The girl that cries in the shower, the girl that used to punch herself in the face as hard as she could just to feel something, because the pain simply felt good at that time.

Our choice of seating made a diamond shape in Spanish. Actually, we were missing the last point so it was more of a triangle. But nevertheless it was still a shape I was familiar with. I could look right and Puck would be there, then left and Santana would be there. It was similar to those movies where the protagonist has a devil and an angel on their shoulder. I didn't know who was the angel in this situation.

I hadn't done anything in class for the past 45 minutes. The teacher hadn't noticed because he'd been sitting at his desk doing crossword puzzles. Nobody else had noticed me either, not even Puck.

He was actually reading from the book we were given. What the fuck was happening? I stared up at the clock which was ticking so, so slowly. The ticking noise sounded so heavy in my ears. I wondered if I had gotten over the concussion two days ago. I didn't want anybody thinking I was high because my eyes were basically rolling in the back of my head at this point.

"What the fuck Britt?" There was that voice, the one that I fucking despised. My eye lids opened slightly to notice Santana shifting on her seat. I think she was trying to subtly move closer to me. I used all my strength to mouth 'no' and she stopped moving. I breathed. Relaxed. Everything was settling down and I saw that Santana had turned back towards her desk.

What did she think was going to happen if she moved over here? Was she going to wrap one arm around me and whisper 'it's going to be okay' a hundred times in my ear?

I looked towards her legs. She was rubbing her thighs against the other and biting her lip. When my eyes wandered towards her desk I noticed a different book laying there. It wasn't the one we'd been given. It was thinner and had a soft cover. I noticed the amount of flesh covering each page and placed a hand over my mouth to muffle my shriek. Santana turned her head slightly and watched my eyes widen.

She was looking at fucking porn in class.

She didn't look embarrassed and maybe I kept staring at her because her reaction was different from others. I chewed on the side of my mouth as her lips slid right along her cheeks. She was smirking at me and winked, before looking back towards the magazine.

I was still recovering from my almost faint when the bell rang. Really, really loud. Santana stood up really fast, grabbing her magazine and tucking it under her arm. I slipped Puck a note I had written last night, because it took me a while to gain courage to ask a guy out again, especially after Sam. I knew Puck had connections, I knew he'd be able to get me into the party tomorrow night. It wasn't even a party really. I had overheard some jocks and cheerleaders saying they were going to break into to the school on Saturday night and go for a swim in the gym pool.

I didn't even know we had a school pool, but I was excited. They'd all have drinks so maybe I'd be able to talk to them and prove I'm not the crazy girl who just got back from a clinic full of addicts.

Puck gave me a quick nod, signalling a yes and I smiled and skipped out of the room. He had my number and he seemed interested. All I had to do was wait.

Santana was a few metres in front of me, turning corners where I was meant to be turning. I was now following her.

She stepped outside and I lost sight of her after the large doors closed. When I made it to them, I looked towards the ground as I continued towards the parking lot.

"Stop trying."

I stopped and looked to my left. Santana was wearing a smug grin and staring in the direction of Charlie's car.

"Stop what?" I snapped the last word. I didn't want to listen to her damn lectures.

"Stop trying to get him to like you. You think if you get Puck that the rest of the jocks and Cheerios will be your buddies?" Santana scoffed at her own words and brushed past me. My eyes were squinted because of the sun and when I turned around, they finally opened wide. She was stepping into the back seat of Charlie's car. I marched over there and opened the passenger side door.

"What is she do-"

"Britt, just get in," Charlie interrupted me and sighed heavily. "Santana just needs a ride to our house then Scott is picking her up from there."

I shut my eyes, really really tightly. I wanted to open them and not see her in the backseat looking like she was the presidents wife. But when I did open my eyes and stared into the side mirror, Santana was actually looking completely down. You could call it sad, or upset, or unhappy. She didn't look smug or like she was about to tell you how fucking ridiculous you are.

"Let's just go," I mumbled, looking back towards the road and folding my arms impatiently.

* * *

Five minutes away from my house, Santana was complaining about the window being open and her feeling cold. I didn't want to be rude in front of Charlie so I rolled it up. She didn't thank me, she just continued to shake and rub her arms violently in the back seat.

As we drove into the driveway Charlie mentioned that she'd need some privacy tomorrow night because it's her and Scott's anniversary .

"Dad and mom are going out aswell, so I'll need you to stay at a friends house or something," She explained, but I was so tired that my hearing had basically shut off. "Brittany?"

"What?" I looked at her like she was the crazy one. She just rolled her eyes and stepped out of the car. I didn't even notice Santana was already in the front garden talking to my dad.

"Brittany's staying at mine."

I swear I heard her wrong. Maybe the sprinkler was muffling her words and I had mixed them up. Santana had her hood on and she was smirking at me. It seemed weak though, not her full bitch smirk she usually wore.

I chose not to say anything. Tomorrow night I'll stay in my room hoping that no body will notice I'm still at home. I walked up the path to the front door, keeping my eyes on Santana as she talked with my dad. When I made it to the stoop she looked at me again, like she was sending me signals with her eyes. Then one of them closed and I inwardly gagged. She still hadn't grown tired of flirting with me. If that's what you call it anyway.

I chose to stay in my room for dinner. I reached the kitchen at about 6 o'clock and quickly shuffled back into my room before Santana could ask to join me. After each bite of my salad I thought about one reason I couldn't put up with Santana.

_She was so forward_

_She didn't know when to stop flirting_

_She laughed at me_

_She was just like everyone else_

_She tried too hard_

I crossed off _she was going to hold me back _because that was going a little too far. I didn't have to be friends with her if I didn't want too. Yet part of me wanted her attention because it felt really nice. It's definitely not her that I enjoy, it's just the attention she gives me. If it were anyone else I'd feel the same.

It was almost seven pm when I stepped out of the shower. I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I hadn't even left my room. I heard the click of my bedroom door as I reached for my toothbrush. With only a towel wrapped around my body, I opened the bathroom door and stepped into my room. Santana's head snapped up and she offered me nothing. No smile, no smirk. Her eyes travelled from my toes to my eyes. Internally I wondered what she thought. Apart of me wanted to ask _"like what you see?" _but she would get a kick out of that. Even though I was honest about what I thought of her, it didn't matter that she wasn't.

"Hey," She said casually. I scrunched my eyebrows up and stood over exposed in the doorway.

"What are you still doing here?" I didn't hesitate to make my tone cold. Now that no one was around I wasn't shy to speak to her the way I wanted to.

"I can't leave without a ride," She stated simply, as if my tone didn't affect her at all.

"Scott-"

"Isn't here," She finished for me. Now her cocky grin was back. She sighed and stood up, walking towards me. "So nothing is stopping us from fucking like rabbits."

I stepped back and to the side, completely away from her. She turned to face me and licked her lips, as if preparing herself for a big meal. I didn't want to be her dinner tonight. Or ever for that matter.

"Fuck off Santana." I opened the door gesturing for her to leave. She stood her ground, making the anger inside of me rise to it's highest. I didn't want to throw a fit. Charlie and dad would automatically think it's got something to do with relapsing. I couldn't convince them it was just this fucking girl that was making me to want to rip my hair out.

"Only if you fuck off with me Brittany."

She clicked her tongue against her teeth and giggled. This girl is unbelievable. I notice how each button on her shirt becomes loose and her black lace bra comes into view. I hate her confidence and how she throws it in my face. But my eyes flicker with lust for a millisecond when I stare at her cleavage. If she saw that, then her ego would grow 20 times better.

"Don't think you can try and be my friend because no one else will," I yelled. Her smile faded and she backed up against my dresser, resting her ass against it and clasping her hands behind her back.

"I don't need friends." She didn't sound so sure when she said that. Her voice cracked like a record playing one final note.

"I think you do. You need someone," I kept my grip on the door handle firm as I spoke. I needed to relieve my tension somehow and taking it out on the metal knob seemed to be working. "I'm not your fucking bestie that you can keep around for your own benefit. I don't fucking like you and I don't need you messing up everything that I've worked hard for for years."

I knew my words hit her hard by the shake in her lip. It reminded me of the vibration after you flick a guitar string. It twitched and trembled and I was proud I had that effect.

"You have it so bad don't you Brittany," She stated instead of asking. I became confused and muttered 'what' under my breath but she didn't answer. I don't think she heard.

Someone must have heard us because I heard footsteps on the stairs coming towards my room. I quickly shut the door, keeping my eyes on Santana.

"Brittany?" It was Scott. "Is Santana in there with you?"

"Yeah," Santana yelled, a smirk forming on her lips. There is literally nothing I can say to this girl that will make her feel fucking bad. She pinched her lips together and moved towards the door. She placed her hand over mine on the knob and twisted it, revealing Scott with a goofy smile.

I noticed the shake in her fingers as they hovered slightly over mine. For some reason she didn't cover my hand fully with hers.

"Sorry I'm late San," He apologized, but I couldn't tell if he was sincere because I was covered by the door. Santana wasn't though. She still had her hand over mine, I couldn't move. If I pulled my hand back I'd most likely graze my skin against hers and she'd either glare at me, brush it off or rip her hand away and storm out. I did notice characteristics about her. I wish I didn't pay so much attention.

"It's fine, we're getting popcorn on the way home though," She stated like she had completely changed in the space of 4 seconds. I waited for her hand to move away from mine so I could finally take a deep breath. She left the room, following Scott down the stairs and out of the house. Charlie had kissed him goodbye, I watched from the stairs. Santana watched them too, only she was about a metre away and seemed to be captivated by their intimacy.

I meant it. I meant what I said to her. I understood her at times, but when she changed so quickly it was hard to keep up and I didn't want too. She seemed too confused with herself to want to figure it out so I wouldn't try. I didn't feel the need to - it wasn't my job to break her apart. She seemed pretty broken already though.

If what she said before was true, I had to ask Puck if I could stay over at his house. I was going to go to the party with him and avoid Santana. Charlie may think I'll be at her house but I won't be. I doubt Santana will even want to speak to me after what I said to her. But then again, she'll probably try harder. I just don't know.

All I can think about now is if Puck will want me. If other guys will want me after they see that he brought me to a party. I'll never know unless I try.

* * *

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	4. Watching you, watching me

The morning sun burned holes through my back as I sat up in my bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I squinted down at my bare chest and remembered that I had a habit of undressing in my sleep. This time though I was completely naked, apart from my underwear and socks.

I heard footsteps come towards my room and I immediately covered myself up. My mom appeared in the doorway and pinched her eyebrows down at me. "What?" I asked. It came out a little croaky because I had just woken up.

"Is there someone in bed with you?" I wish. I shook my head and was about to tear off the blankets when I realised I was almost naked still. "Well I'll be leaving for work in 15 minutes and thought we could have breakfast together.

"Okay," I murmured, curling further under the sheets. My mom rolled her eyes and closed the door. When I knew she was gone I threw the blankets off me and looked for my bra. I found it and my shirt at the foot of my bed and hoped my mom hadn't seen that. I think if she did she would've accused me of being a hussy and having boys sneak off at early hours of the morning after having a quickie with me. I would've explained the situation but I think if I did she would just think I'm weird.

After I was fully dressed I headed down the stairs and towards the kitchen. My mom was placing some eggs and bacon onto two separate plates and when she saw me walk in she grinned. "How about that!" I think she wanted me to congratulate her on actually making an effort, but I wasn't going to just because of this one time.

We sat at the table and all that you could hear were cars driving passed the house. She then spoke in a really awkward tone, because I'm not really sure she even wanted to ask. "How's school going?"

"Good," I replied shrugging.

"Are you keeping up okay?" I nodded and picked at my eggs. Why wouldn't I be keeping up? I was better. Obviously my mom didn't believe that. Once an addict always an addict. Well, I could say the same about her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She'd get really angry though if I bring it up. Dad would aswell. He doesn't like being all nostalgic about things, that's why he still let's mom stay here. Even though she's hardly here. I can't help but think about the new guy in her life and if she's doing the same to him she did to my dad. Maybe she isn't. Maybe this new guy has changed her and loved her more than my dad ever could. But I doubt it. My dad worshipped my mom.

Maybe that was the problem. Mom was probably more interested in being ignored so she could try harder to gain dads attention. It would be sort of a challenge to her. But love shouldn't be some challenging game. It shouldn't be considered as nothing, but everything you've ever wanted.

"I hope that Santana isn't giving you trouble," She says firmly, almost like a real mother would.

"She isn't," I lie and finish up my breakfast. I walk over to my mom and kiss her forehead. I believe somewhere inside of her she wishes she could be a better mom to Charlie and I, but I don't she's brave enough to show it. And that's what kills me.

* * *

I told Charlie I'd be at Santana's by 6pm. She said she couldn't drive me there and I was fine with that because I wasn't going to Santana's house anyway. When I leave the house I'll head for school because that's where Puck and all of his friends are going to be. Santana won't even be expecting me, even though Charlie already probably called her saying I'd be staying over. Charlie knows I don't like Santana very much. She thinks spending time with her will change that but everytime I see Santana I want to run away. Far away from her and her attitude.

Scott arrived about 30 minutes ago and he's been cooking with Charlie since. It smells like old feet in the kitchen so I've been in my room all day. It's good because I've been able to go through my entire closet to find an outfit to impress Puck. I can already see his jaw drop when I walk into the school wearing this tight yellow dress. I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath, just incase I decide to get in the pool or if some jock decides to throw me in.

I spray my entire body with perfume that smells a lot like strawberries. I put on a large black coat and scarf so Charlie and Scott won't be able to see my dress. When I'm heading downstairs I can hear them chatting in the living room. When I'm near the doorway I can hear their words clearer.

"I want you to touch me now," Charlie pleads in a low whisper.

"She's still here," Scott responds quietly. They're snuggled really close on the couch, not really paying attention to whatever is on television.

"I'll be quiet."

Gross. I shuffle quietly across to the front door and open it. "I'm going!" I yell and giggle when I can hear them shift from each other and gasp. I shut the door and head down the street towards the bus stop. I don't have to wait long for the bus to arrive and after finding a seat in the back, I'm finally able to think about the possibilities tonight can bring.

When I was young I thought that falling in love would be the best feeling in the world. Although I'm yet to experience that heavy emotion for another person, I can still imagine what it would be like. Sometimes, in freshman year, I would have to hide my nervousness when I was alone with a guy. I wasn't nervous for what I was about to do, I was nervous for the simple fact that this could be the moment I fall in love with someone. Of course at that point in my life I was far too naive to believe Charlie when she would say you have to get to know a person inside and out before you fall in love with them.

I thought that you could fall in love with someone with one single touch. Like if the palm of their hand grazed your cheek. You'd think it was the nicest feeling in the world. I became nervous because I was afraid of love. Especially because I was doped up on drugs most of the time and not ready. I wanted to wait and find someone that would make me _want _to feel. I wanted to make them feel untouchable.

I notice a familiar gate and press the button to stop the bus. After thanking the driver I walked towards the side of the school.

Puck is standing by the gate, helping people climb over. I don't approach him until everyone is heading towards the gym. He sees me and smirks, waving at me to come over to him.

"Give me your coat," He says, extending his hand out. I shrug off my coat and hand it to him, along with my scarf. His eyes scan over my outfit and I instantly feel nervous and excited all at once. He hums in appreciation and takes my hand so I can climb the gate. Once I'm over I expect him to give me my coat and scarf back, but he keeps them and tells me to follow him.

* * *

We're inside the gym, sitting on the white chairs by the pool. Everyone has either brought alcohol or are stealing someone elses. People are jumping into the pool with their clothes on, making out under the water and most likely getting it on in the locker room.

"Do you want to go in?" Puck asks, leaning into my side.

I shake my head and stare at him. "Not yet." His smirk is gone and he looks a little bored. I don't want him to tell everyone that I'm a prude so I cup my hand over his crotch. His eyes snap down to where my hand is and he shrugs it off.

"I don't know where you've been Pierce," He spits with a small smirk. I frown and push off the chair to my feet. I'm barely a meter from Puck when I feel a body collide with mine. We both fall into the water and it takes me four seconds to resurface. So many people are laughing and just staring at me with grins on their faces. They're loving this. They're loving seeing crazy Pierce being made a little bitch out of.

"Give me your hand Brittany." What the hell is she doing here? I scowl at Santana because I know she'll probably let go as soon as I grab her hand. I walk to the stairs and step out of the pool. Puck wraps my coat around me and leads me out into the hall. I don't look back toward Santana because she'll just try and convince me not to go with Puck with those damn big stupid eyes of hers.

"What are you doing?" I ask when Puck presses me against the lockers.

"Making you feel good," He responds, leaning down to kiss my neck. I push him off and scrunch my eyebrows.

"I thought you didn't know where I've been," I spit. He laughs obnoxiously and presses his hand against the locker beside my shoulder.

"I don't want you touching me, but I'll touch you." He winks and leans down again. I turn my head just in time because his lips look really broken and really uninviting.

"That's not fucking fair," I growl and push him off again before walking back towards the gym. He catches up with me when we're outside the choir room and I'm too annoyed to shrug him off this time. I just want something to happen, I want to feel. His grip on my arm isn't strong, but I allow him to push me up against the lockers again.

"I won't hurt you Pierce, stop being a fucking prude." I want to be angry at his words, but I feel completely powerless. I allow him to slide his hand up my dress and rub his calloused fingers along my underwear. His chapped lips lazily press against my throat. I won't let him kiss me though and if he tries I'll scream. He's grinding his pelvis against mine but I'm not paying attention. I can see movement in the choir room and I try and push his head to the side so I can see who it is.

When I do, I squeal.

"Yeah that's right," Puck murmurs into my neck thinking that my noise was out of pleasure.

Santana is sitting on a chair in the choir room, legs spread and head thrown back. Some cheerleader's head is bopping between her legs. Santana's fingers grip on the cheerleaders head while her chest rises really quickly. Seeing this makes me grip Puck's shirt. I pull him into me and shut my eyes. He slides his hand down my underwear and I'm so ready to push him away, but I can't.

When I open my eyes they lock onto Santana's. She's staring back at me, no smirk on her face. Her lips are parted and her eyes are hooded. I wish I was at home, in my bed, out of reach of people that can hurt me. But Puck's fingers are already sliding up and down my lips and I let out a harsh growl. He moans into my ear and I swat his head away.

"Like to play rough Pierce?" I can feel him smirk as he dips he fingers lower, towards the hole. I watch Santana the entire time. She thrusts her hips upwards and licks her lips really slowly.

"No!" I scream and push Puck away as hard as I can. He'll tell everyone I'm a fucking prude now, but I don't care. I speed out of the school, climb over the fence and run. I can't go back home because Charlie will ask me why I've been crying and why I'm dressed up. She'll be so mad. But I have no other choice.

I don't know what I want. I know I'm better, but I have no idea what to do from here. What does a normal person do? Focus on myself? Focus on school? I'm trying, so hard. Everyone's making my time back at school so hard. Especially Santana. Why does she have to be Scott's sister? Fuck, it's cold out here. I can hardly see. But what's there to see in all of this darkness anyway?

I walk down the street to the grocery store and I buy a chocolate bar and sprite. The guy at the counter has a creepy ass grin on his face as his eyes blatantly stare at my cleavage.

"Fuck off," I spit and take the chocolate bar and drink without paying. I sprint towards the bus stop and sit on the grass. I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been out this late in the fresh air. I was never allowed out before.

I run my fingers through the grass for a while, gathering dirt in my hands which sticks between the gaps between my fingers. My dress is still wet and the dirt under my butt will probably stick and collect there. Charlie is going to be so mad.

I can see the headlights of the bus and I stand up, brushing off any dirt that will come off. I take a long gulp of my soda before throwing it in the trash. I step on the bus and get a sympathetic look from the bus driver. My shoes make a squishy sound as I walk to the back of the bus. I take a seat and sigh. Then I hear a yell come from behind the bus.

"Hold it!" The girl says. She steps on the bus and I can't recognise her with her hair messed up and a large coat covering her front.

"Hey," She says as she steps closer to me. Santana.

"Is that mine?" I hiss, standing up and reaching for the coat. She hands it to me, along with my scarf.

"You left it in the hall when you were fucking Puck."

My eyes snap towards hers. I clench my jaw. "I wasn't fucking Puck."

"Well then he was fucking you," She responds with a slight shrug. My eyebrows squint into a frown and I shuffle away from her towards the window.

She sits in front of me, with her legs laying across the seat. I run my hands along my face and keep them covering it for a while.

"Did you like watching me get eaten out?" My hands still cover my face when I hear her words. My eyes shoot open though and I can only see slight cracks of light where my fingers part.

I bite my top lip so hard that I can taste the crimson leaking from it. I remove my hands from my face and wipe my lips. Santana's not facing me but she's smirking.

"What is your problem Santana?" I have no idea where I'm going with this. "Do you want to fuck me? Is that it? Are you jealous of Puck?" I raise my eyebrows and watch her eyes flicker towards me without moving her head. "Do you want me to get on my knees like that whore cheerleader and fuck you with my tongue? Because none of that will never happen." I pull the string to stop the bus. "I will never let you touch me like I let Puck touch me. So stop trying to get to know me so that I'll fall to my knees and kiss your ass."

The bus stops and I begin to walk to the front, clutching on my coat and trembling. "Brittany," Santana calls. "You're bleeding."

I touch my lip and feel nothing. I stop and look down at my dress. Beyond it I can see a trickle of blood fall down my thigh. How Santana saw it I don't know, but I don't let her see the tears trickle down my cheeks.

I thank the driver and step off. I glance through the window once more and notice Santana scrunch up a piece of paper. I don't care what's written on it or what's not written on it. I keep walking until I'm at my front door. I slip out of my shoes and wrap my coat around me. As quietly as possible I open the door and scurry upstairs to my room. The lights are all off, Charlie and Scott are probably in bed.

Once I enter my room I strip down to my underwear, throw my dress in the bathtub in my bathroom and wipe the dried blood off my thigh. I sink under the covers of my bed and the image of Santana's chest ascending and descending plays in my mind for a few minutes. I can't help it, so I allow the visual of her getting fucked to evolve.

Puck's fingers hadn't done anything to satisfy me, most likely because I hadn't let him enter me. I had hardly been paying attention. I reach down into my underwear and freeze. So why did I cum?

* * *

It's Monday morning. I had to wake up earlier than everyone else yesterday so they didn't see what state I was in. I sat out in the backyard for about an hour until I knew Charlie and Scott were awake. When I saw movement in the kitchen, I walked around the house and towards the front door. I pretended I just came from Santana's house, because Charlie would have killed me if she knew what I really got up too.

She thinks I'm getting better, and I am. Things could be alot worse.

Today they have woken up the same time as me.

Charlie's eyes are droopy and Scott's forehead is pressed against the breakfast table. Dad left for work early. I saw him on my way out but thankfully he didn't notice me. He's been really busy lately and mom has been out most nights with her guy.

"Morning," I say, pulling back one of the chairs to sit on. Scott sits up and has drool stretching from his bottom lip to the table. I cover my mouth to stop from laughing and Charlie winks at me. "Long night?"

"Long weekend," Scott mumbles, then recloses his eyes. I rest my palms under my chin.

"How was your night with Santana?" Charlie suddenly asks, sitting beside me with a really hot cup of tea. I hadn't talked with her on Sunday because her and Scott were doing some couple stuff on the other side of town and left really early.

"Good," I reply a little to bluntly. I try my best to keep a neutral expression so that she doesn't know I'm lying to her face. She isn't the best at reading people's faces anyway so I think I'm in the clear.

"Do you like her now?" I chew on my bottom lip, accidentally biting a little to hard. I make a grossed out face and Charlie sighs. "C'mon Britt, what's with you two?"

"She's very annoying," I reply simply and honestly. "I don't know how I'll ever be able to get used to her."

"I think we should all get together soon and sort this out, because Scott and I," She nudges his shoulder and he nods vaguely. "Really want you two to get along."

The door bell rings and I almost flip the chair back. I race to the door hoping to see mum, but I'm met with someone completely different. Shorter, tanned, bigger eyes.

"Santana!" Charlie says out of nowhere, teetering on her feet beside me. "We were just talking about you."

"Really?" Santana grins, and I almost feel like ripping her big lips off. She's such a fake to Charlie and probably Scott. I'm the only one that sees the real Santana.

She's leaning against the doorframe and my mind is filled with the thoughts of her being licked out at school. I lick my lips and stare down Santana's figure, overwhelmed with the thoughts of her arched back and thighs rubbing against the cheerleaders face.

"I thought since we had a good time on Saturday, Brittany would like it if I gave her a ride to school," She chirps and Charlie basically shoves me out of the door.

"I don't have my books," I say. I still smell pretty bad aswell since I basically stayed in bed all day yesterday.

"You can borrow mine!" Santana grins really big and I want to tell Charlie what a huge fake she's being but then I'll probably end up blurting about last night. Or Santana will open her big mouth and say something. So I keep my mout shut and follow Santana to her car.

I didn't even think Santana had a car. Scott was picking her up all the time. Either that or she caught the bus. Was she just catching the bus to make me mad? But now she's offering to give me a ride and it's a nice gesture but I know she's being fake to Charlie and I know she'll want something in return. I just don't know what.

Santana's voice was a lot like the one telling me to relapse. The one that haunted me every night, except for the past week. I hadn't heard anything. I tried to tune her out in the car. I didn't even know she had her license because she took the bus with me Saturday night. I recall her saying it's her dad's car and he lets her take it out for a spin every once in a while.

I don't want to listen to her speak. But apart of me can't help it. Her voice kind of keeps me sane. Hearing it helps me know that I'm still breathing and that I'm not numb anymore. Charlie's voice doesn't have the same effect though. Maybe it's different with family and ... whatever Santana is to me. If Charlie and Scott get married and have babies then she'd technically be my sister in law. I'd hate to call her that, she's nothing like me. Family are supposed to get along and I can hardly see us being in the same room together, or car for longer than 5 minutes.

Thankfully we've pulled up in the parking lot and I pretend I'm late for class so that I don't have to walk with her. She takes off her aviators and checks herself in the mirror. I only notice that because the strap of my bag gets caught in the door. She calls my name, saying she can walk me to class, but I pretend that I can't hear her.

* * *

**Every time I go to publish a new chapter, I realise it's been exactly five days since the last one. It's kinda freaky. **

**I really need to start publishing every two days, because I love hearing what you guys have to say! **

**Hopefully I will publish chapter 5 sooner than the others because I love your responses! Also it's my last year of high school so it's been hectic. **

**Thank you for reading :) **

**This is my tumblr again if you guys want to ask anything at all, cr0wznest . tumblr . com (without spaces)**


	5. You've found what can destroy you

**A/N: **Many people are saying their relationship is confusing. And I agree because it's the beginning of this fic and their friendship hasn't gotten anywhere, but that's just it. It's only chapter 5 so trust me when I say everything I write has an answer. You just have to keep reading to find them out. The way I've written Brittany is a little OOC because she is pretty bitchy towards Santana, but don't worry because underneath that is the cute, humble Britt Britt we all love. I don't think I'll be writing a chapter in Santana's POV, but do not worry because I'll eventually be explaining why she is the way she is.

I really really really love the long reviews, you guys make my day. Thank you so much.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. (I WISH I OWNED A HEATHER MORRIS THOUGH, SHE'D BE SWEET)**

* * *

When I made it inside the school building I didn't expect to receive the attention that I did. It wasn't the desired attention, it was the kind of attention that I tried to avoid. But I guess rejecting Puck isn't as celebrated these days. It brings you all the wrong kind of attention.

"Guess she was too stupid to realise how hot Puck is," One cheerleader states to her friends.

"I heard she bit his finger off," One of the jocks laughs and hi fives his friend. I cringe and duck my head, trying to get as fast away from everyone as possible.

"Brittany!" I hear Santana call out. "Can you wait up a second?" I walk faster and faster until I'm sprinting away from her. Even though her locker is near mine I was determined to not confront her again today. I needed time to myself - to gather my thoughts and handle this situation I've been thrown in.

"Hey Brittany!" I bury my face into my locker, hoping the person would go away. "How many fingers did Puck get inside of you?" The guy growls.

"Hey!" Another one yells and pulls on my arm so I turn around to face his friend.

He holds up four fingers and I clench my jaw tightly. He shakes his head and scoffs, before walking off. "Bitch can't even count," He barks before disappearing out of view. I notice a few of his friends across the hall all laughing. But one of them, Mike Chang who I think is still in Glee club, doesn't join in. His expression almost looks sympathetic.

I never was book smart. Not even socially smart. But I was sure of one thing. Love was something everyone automatically knew, you didn't have to learn it.

When I was at home I was surrounded by love. I'd be so content and calm just sitting in the living room with Charlie or Scott or my dad while we watched a movie. I knew that every morning I'd have to get up and leave that love behind when I went to school.

Because at school, nobody cares what you're going through at home. You're nothing special in Lima, because everyone has individual problems.

I was almost at my locker, but I felt as though the ground I walked on was booby trapped. Every misstep would result in me falling flat on my face. Nobody would think twice to help me, comfort me. I was alone in this sea of naivety and rumours. I don't want to leave though. This school, these students; they're my life. Without them I'd be worse off. I'd go from being a nobody to being a someone. And someone's always get treated worse than nobody's. Because people pay more attention to someone's. Because nobody's float around in the background getting silently judged. It's a lose/lose, really.

I'm not sure how long I can survive the glares. Puck has probably told the entire school about my freak out. I shouldn't have looked at Santana. I should have closed my eyes. But when I close my eyes I see her anyway. The more I don't want to think about her in that position the more I do when my eyes are closed.

"Brittany?" I blink so fast and spin around that I almost lose balance. Rachel Berry is standing behind me. She looks so timid and nervous. What would scare her about me? I'm not who I was.

She was the leader of Glee club, the one that got put through hell the most. Apart from me. They kicked her out because she became too selfish. I left before I had a chance to see if they won nationals. I wouldn't have even got a big role to play in the performance, but it would have been nice to be apart of something special.

"Yes, Rachel." She's playing with her fingernails, avoiding looking me in the eyes.

"I heard you were back and I was just wondering how you are," She mutters and I have to strain my hearing to make out her words.

"Who told you?" It's the first question that comes to mind.

"Mr. Schue." She looks a little less afraid now that I'm actually making conversation.

"Cool, is he still coaching Glee club?" She hesitantly nods and her eyes are twinkling. Her lips twitch up at the corners and I can't help but smile in return. "Nice to see you Rachel," I add and place my right foot out front so I can spin around. She catches my elbow then shyly backs away when I face her again.

"What class do you have?"

"Spanish..."

Her face lights up instantly. "Me too."

I never even noticed Rachel in my Spanish class. Probably because she sits at the front of the class and I'm too preoccupied with Puck and sometimes Santana.

I didn't really have a choice of where to sit because Rachel was basically dragging me next to her with her huge grin. She seemed so happy that she was going to have a person sit next to her that didn't want to slushy her and I was somewhat happy having someone who legitimately wanted to talk to me and be around me.

* * *

When half an hour passed I realised who was missing from class. Puck and Santana. I didn't want to notice their absence and nobody around me seemed to care, but I was curious.

We had been set a task to do and I wasn't even half way through it because I just didn't get Spanish. Rachel had been trying to talk to me about a new club she was starting while finishing her work at the same time. I don't know how she did it and I couldn't be bothered asking her for help. All I could see was her mouth move and a bunch of sound come out.

I turned around, once again noticing the empty chair which Santana normally occupied. It was weird that I could tell what she'd be doing now if she was here. Her legs would be crossed, her hand would be under her chin and her nails would be clicking against the table. She'd sigh every 10 minutes because apparently she didn't need to take a class she was a fluent in.

Everybody would mock her and call her obnoxious. She was an outsider, just like me. But we were nothing alike. She only wanted to hang out with me because she needed friends or thought that I needed friends. Well now I have Rachel. As much as I want to cut off my ears and sell them on Ebay, she's better than listening to anything Santana has to say.

As for Puck, he'd probably be chatting up some poor Cheerio or making suggestive motions against his desk.

I hear a few whispers, which cause me to turn my gaze further around. A group of jocks are chuckling and pointing to me. Obviously Puck has told them about my freak out. I don't care though. Normally I wouldn't even show my face at school if something like this happened, but everyone knows about where I've been and what I've done, so I really have nothing left to lose.

Mr. Schue lets us out early. I head straight to the bleachers to eat my lunch. I know I'm not alone when I round the corner and see Puck edging Santana against the wall with his broad chest. She looks so small and terrified.

"You've fucked me before just do it again dyke!" He hisses right in her ear and I watch as she squeezes her eyes closed.

"Please," Santana replies through gritted teeth. Puck doesn't seem affected by her tone, because he responds with a devilish smirk.

"Fine," He pushes away from the wall and bends down to collect a full slushy cup. "Thirsty?" He smirks and launches the contents directly into her face. I don't know why I didn't stop him. But apart of me wanted it to happen. Does that make me a horrible person? All this time Santana's only wanted to be my friend.

But I know from past experiences that no matter how nice people are to you, they'll eventually fuck you over. Glee club proved that.

"I never fucked you sober you pig! You always had to get me wasted to get me in bed," Santana spat back and pushed at his chest. He hardly twitched because she was so weak. If we were both shoving him he'd be on the floor. I'm pretty sure I'm much stronger than Santana with all my years of dancing. Although I stopped several years ago I still maintained my fitness.

"Brittany!" I froze, literally stopped moving and breathing for a few seconds. Santana and Puck turned their heads towards the voice which was unfortunately right behind me. It was Sue. I turned and squinted at her. She waved me over and I didn't hesitate. I had to get out of there. They had seen me just standing there watching them and now they're bound to question me about it, well mainly Santana.

"Coach Sue," I addressed her politely because I didn't want her to spit out words that the other kids did. I knew she still had it in her. Her smile put me off however. It was more of a grin. A genuine grin from one Sue Sylvester.

"That's _assistant _Coach Sue tweedle dumb."

My jaw dropped because her personality had gone from devil in a tracksuit to a completely new, fresh, polite, smiling human being. So much had changed and I didn't even take the time to notice it.

"H-how, why?" I stuttered because I was in utter shock that Sue would proudly label herself as someone who worked for someone else.

"Well Jessica Simpson..." Okay she hadn't changed that much. "...There is a new coach who has some great ideas for the Cheerios and at first I was a little disapproving because nobody is better than one Sue Sylvester. But she proved worthy and I allowed her to take over as long as I get to watch her every move."

"That's pretty great," I replied, unsure of how to respond to her sudden chirpy attitude.

"You know Brittany," She folded her arms and pinched her lips together in thought. "I always wanted your athletic ability on my Cheerios. I watched you in Glee club and saw you dance and I knew I had to have you. But then you had to go and become one of Sandy Ryerson's minions so now I'm kind of glad you didn't infect my national winning squad."

"I'm better now," I stated, offended by her typical Sylvester slam. I called them that because if her words were people, that could tackle you and slam you to the ground until you couldn't feel anymore. She was one of the meanest, if not the meanest, person I knew.

"So am I," She winked and walked off in the opposite direction. Just then I heard a soft voice emit from behind me. Santana was sitting on an old couch tucked away under the bleachers. She probably put it under there to get away from everyone. Maybe this place was her safe haven aswell. That's one thing, one, we have in common.

She was singing softly to herself, unaware that anyone was still around. I'm sure she saw me talking with Sue. I'm sure she was singing so that I would come over. And it worked. I didn't say anything though. I sat on the opposite end of the sofa and rested my knees up against my chest. I held them close to me like a child would their teddy bear.

She was singing a song my dad liked. _Wicked Game. _

I liked it aswell, and her voice wasn't bad. I didn't really pay attention to her and she didn't really acknowledge me. We sat there as the bell rang out and stared at the blinding sun in the midst of the trees scattered around the football field. Her voice set the mood. It was husky and warm.

_"What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way,  
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you,  
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way,  
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you and, _

_I want to fall to in love  
No, I want to fall in love  
With you."_

__Her voice sounded so raw and light. I didn't know what I was feeling inside after she stopped singing but I had never felt it before. It was something that I feared, the something that I was deathly afraid when I would be around a guy. This was that moment and I wasn't prepared at all. All I wanted to do was float on her voice or be wrapped up in it like a silk blanket. But that was just her voice, it wasn't her. What was I thinking?

"You should join Glee club," I absent-mindedly said, still staring directly in front of me.

She paused immediately. All I could hear was my breathing, I'm pretty sure she stopped. I must have really hit a nerve there and she had said much worse to me.

Then she said something I wasn't expecting.

"Will you just be my friend?" Her lip was quivering. I think she was still getting over what Puck had done and what I had seen. I couldn't answer because thankfully she continued. "If you say no, I'll leave you alone."

"You just want my sympathy," I said bluntly, without any real expression in my voice or on my face. I couldn't quite understand her yet. I knew I wanted too, though. I hate myself for it.

"You're heartless," She whispered harshly, gritting her teeth. I didn't want to make her angry but her comment made me stand up abruptly. I wasn't going to let her talk to me like that. Her confidence had disappeared since I saw her on the bus and she held my jacket and scarf in her hands. And when she said there was blood trickling down my leg, I didn't want to show her my concern.

It was the gate. When I climbed over I had cut my thigh and the adrenaline kicked in so I didn't realise.

I'm not," It's all I could manage. I didn't let her speak again though because I began to walk away. Then I thought of something. "I don't know how you're related to Scott. He's so genuine and you're... A loser."

She breathed out sharp laugh which surprised me. I didn't move. I wanted to hear what she'd say next.

"Lima loser," She whispered, but I heard.

"What?" I ran my nails up and down on the pole beside me. She refused to look up at me.

"How am I the loser when everyone is talking behind your back and saying what a prude you are. Some are specifically saying that Puck had 4 fingers up your cunt but he got grossed out at how loose you were," She laughed again. I cringed. "I don't listen to them though, they're all fucking losers. Everyone in this town is. Don't think you're better than us because you survived some drug addiction and want to strive for a better life. Fresh starts don't mean shit. Trust me."

How did she know about me...

She patted her thighs and stood up. I watched her walk forward out onto the field without looking back. I didn't want to follow her, but I wanted to say something back - have the last word in.

"You don't know shit about me," I yelled. She stopped and turned around to look at me for the first time today. "I saw how scared you were around Puck, I know how vulnerable you can be."

She walked towards me, fast enough that I had to flinch when she stopped abruptly just a few inches from where I was standing. Her breath tickled my skin, not in the romantic way. I wanted her to back off.

"You can get out of here Brittany, because I know how much you want that. You can make it," She explained, her tone lighter than before. One corner of her lips curved up and she shook her head. "I'd just really like to be your friend. Will you be my friend?"

"No." I didn't hesitate this time. I didn't want to, I didn't have to, nor did I need to have her in my life when I do indeed get out of here. She was my sisters boyfriends sister and that didn't mean we had to get along. I didn't need anyone. I definitely didn't need her.

Her desperation to be my friend was confusing me the most. Charlie and Scott were friends for a while before they finally got together. Does Santana think if we're friends then we'll be something more? I doubt she's thinking that because her brother is dating my sister and we couldn't possibly date. I'm not into girls in the way she is anyway.

I sometimes wish I hadn't returned to Mckinley. Maybe it would have been better to start fresh at a new school. I don't know why I thought that nobody would remember or care that I had been stuck in a clinic most of my teenager life. I wish I could collect everything from my past and throw it all in a fire. Watch them burn and have everyone just forget.

I guess I just wasn't one of the lucky ones. The ones my mom always told me about that grew up with the world in their hands. I had nothing in my hands, not even sand between my fingertips because I hadn't gone to the beach with my family in so long. God, I wish everything was how it used to be. Everyone here seems bitter over someone else. I'm just bitter at myself.

"Why not?" She whispered, her head in her hands.

What was I supposed to say. I didn't hate her but I didn't exactly like her. She seemed as though she had low self esteem since she came out to everyone and it wouldn't be nice to say something that would make her feel even worse. It wasn't like I hadn't already told her my honest opinion, but I was even starting to get angry at myself.

I wanted to figure her out so bad. My parents always said that at an early age I had a passion for picking apart a persons characteristics and placing them back together like a puzzle so I could understand them.

"You won't die if we aren't friends Santana." It came out before I could think. It hit her, hard. Like a whole football team just slushied her. I didn't even have to look in her eyes to see that she was on the verge of crying. I remember what she had said to me that one time, _you have it so bad don't you. _Like she was implying that she had gone through something similar to me, or even worse. She wasn't one of the lucky ones either. I think she grew up with the world on her shoulders, weighing her down so that she'd always have to look up at people.

She wiped her hand over her mouth and sniffled. She was trying so hard not to cry. "Maybe you'll change your mind or something." She sounded small again. I've never felt so needed in my life. Not even by my family. She sounded full of hope too, something that I needed. Santana made me think about life through her eyes. All this time I thought that it was possible to go through life without needing a person beside you, but she proved that people do need others. She definitely needed someone. Why it was me, I didn't know. I don't think I'll ever know unless I actually let her in.

But it's unfair, this is all unfair. I want to think about myself for once and she's making everything difficult but I don't think she realises that so I shouldn't really be blaming her. I should blame myself, of course I should. It's all me. I just want to do well, not only in school, but in life. Making something of myself is my top priority, then my family and then maybe somewhere amongst my plans will be giving Santana a chance.

We had been standing in silence for just over 15 minutes. I waited for her to say something. I wanted to know what she was thinking because all I could do was think and occasionally blurt out something that I should have kept inside.

"I swear you'll change your mind." She didn't look at me when she said that. She smiled and almost let out a laugh. She spoke to herself mostly, but I knew she wanted me to hear her because she looked up at me for a second and nodded. Then she walked away and I wasn't sure whether to be angry at her persistence or just accept that she somehow believe I could actually like her.

I know that when I go to sleep tonight, if I ever do, her words will be running through my mind all night.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! **


	6. All you're good for

**A/N: **I like that some people are letting me know when they are really getting into this, because it makes me write longer chapters with more stuff that I know you guys like in it ;)  
As you can tell already, it's going to be an averagely slow process of Brittany realising her feelings for Santana but that doesn't mean interesting stuff won't happen before then. Brittany is already having fantasies so it may end up being sooner rather than later, who knows :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

This morning I had a shower, longer than normal. I used all the hot water and Charlie yelled at me. Scott was in the kitchen eating all of the lucky charms and I snarled at him like a wolf would a huntsman. My dad left for work early and his reassuring kiss on my forehead kept me from walking down to the chemist.

"Come straight home from school we're having dinner with Scott and Santana."

"What?" I didn't mean to sound so objective but I couldn't help it. Last week I told Santana I wasn't going to be her friend and she had assumed I would change my mind. Now she was going to be at my house; the one place where I could get away from everyone at school.

"Brittany, I thought I told you to sort out whatever is making you hate Santana so much."

I didn't exactly hate Santana. My father told me never to use that word. I hated myself, who I was. I didn't ever hate other people though. That didn't mean that what Santana says to me didn't piss me off. Maybe Puck pissed me off more, but he wasn't as persistent as Santana.

"I don't hate Santana."

Scott's head shoots up from his bowl of cereal and milk is dribbling down his chin. "Who hates Santana?"

"No one!" I yelled impatiently. "But why are we having a dinner tonight, I have ..." I chewed on my bottom lip. "Homework and stuff to do."

Charlie raised an eyebrow and brought both her hands to my shoulders. "You can't get out of this Britt, this dinner is long overdue."

A sudden thought cross my mind. "I agree. But why didn't I meet Santana when you and Scott were together four years ago?"

Charlie's hands slowly froze on my shoulders, then she dropped them to her sides. She eyed Scott and he was looking nervous.

"She was young."

"She's my age," I retorted.

"She was just busy with her own life," Charlie added. "Scott and I had only recently started dating back then so we weren't ready to introduce our families." She said it in the tone where I should have known what she was saying was obvious. Like when people say 'duh' which makes me feel stupid.

"I never met your parents either Scott," I turned to him and arched both of my eyebrows. My tone was innocent but Scott's expression instantly hardened and he coughed awkwardly into his right fist.

"Like your sister said, we had only just begun dating."

I nodded slowly and sat down at the table. There was definitely something odd about those two this morning, but my mind was buzzing too much to allow me to figure it out. I wish Charlie would act the same around me like she did before I went to rehab. If Scott wasn't in her life, she'd probably be even more miserable. Not that she is now, but I doubt she'd be happy alone. No one's happy alone, except me.

I'm glad Charlie and Scott found each other. I am looking forward to getting a boyfriend one day just like him. Scott always turns the television off and wraps Charlie in a blanket when she falls asleep early during one of their movie nights.

I only know that because I creep downstairs to get a glass of water most nights. I used to buy tic tacs and swallow them whole just to rid my frustration. They acted as pills for me for a while. Pills that didn't do any harm or anything really. They just made my breath smell minty fresh. I just enjoyed the feeling of something solid slide down my throat. Accompany it with a drink of water and you've got the entire ensemble.

I arrived at school a little early so I began mindlessly fumbling through my locker, attempting to make it neat.

I wonder if Ms. Pillsbury is still scrubbing her grapes before she eats them?

"Hey."

My hands froze on the spine of my health book. Santana's voice had seemed so close I had no idea that she had even been in the hallway. Was I going numb again? I couldn't be.

My left foot slowly slid up to my right ankle and I itched the spot there. Maybe if I ignore her and pretend like I'm doing something important she'll go away. And why the hell is she still talking to me? I told her I didn't want to be her friend.

"Are you okay Brittany?"

I shut my eyes tight and clench my jaw. I hated when she said my name like that; so sickeningly sweet and soft. She needed to get out of here or I'll become one huge anxious mess. I slowly shut my locker door and turned left so I could walk away. Once I was about 15 metres away I heard a sharp, loud bang. Some poor kid must have been pushed right into a locker and is going to be kept in there until last period.

I continued walking, head bowed and shoulders slouched because staring into people's eyes allowed them to see my emotions. Right now I was feeling like crap and they didn't need that as an excuse to make me feel even worse.

Loads of students had been rushing passed me in the last five minutes and I suddenly became curious. I immediately turned around at the sound of some poor girl screeching and I headed back to my locker. What I saw stunned me.

Santana was being thrown into the lockers by Quinn and they were pulling each other's hair. People surrounding them were hollering for more and Puck was in the midst of the crowd smirking and hooting. I felt sick.

They were snarling at each other and pulling at each other's skin. I just stood there in silence and I know I should have gone in there and helped but I didn't know whose side I was on. I wasn't fond of Quinn anymore because of how she treated me but I wasn't Santana's friend either. Sometimes it's better to let adults sort this type of situation out even if I feel like a coward.

"What's going on here?" Mr. Schue suddenly appeared and got in between the two girls. Santana was smirking and Quinn was seething at her. I had never seen either of them look this vicious before, especially Quinn.

Santana's eyes caught mine and I was trying to mouth 'what happened?' She walked towards me and grabbed my arm, leading me into the bathroom.

"What the hell was that? If Scott knew you got into a fight he'd flip!" I exclaimed.

"I was protecting you!" She immediately shot back, grabbing a paper towel and rubbing up some blood on her lip.

"Protecting me?" I scoffed, brushing passed her towards the door.

"Brittany, Quinn was telling Puck to slushie you after school, so I told her she couldn't treat you like that."

My eyebrows furrowed but my expression softened. "I didn't ask you to get into fights for me."

Santana's lip was swollen and there was bruising under her right eye. I'm sure her body hurt when she was slammed into the lockers, but that wasn't my concern. She couldn't be concern right now, I had to focus on myself and get to class. I didn't ask her to protect me, I can handle it all myself.

"Don't do that again," I added, before turning around to step out of the bathroom. I was instantly met with an ice cold slushie slapping me in my face. My mouth was gaping and I couldn't stop blinking. Every part of my face was literally stinging and pulsating. I heard a few snickers from students passing by, but my eyes were too sore to see who it was.

Luckily Santana had come out and yelled something in Spanish, adding Puck's name to the end of it. She led me back into the bathroom, but I immediately felt that she was too close.

"Stop," I hissed, when she tried to hand me a paper towel. She dropped her hand, left the paper towel on the sink and began walking towards the door.

"Santana," I called out.

She turned to me again with a tired expression on her face. I knew that expression well. I had adopted it when Quinn approached me under the bleachers. Maybe Santana was finally tired of the way I treated her. I wish I could be normal around her and I wish she'd be less full on towards me.

"Why didn't I meet you three years ago when Scott and Charlie started dating?"

Her lips contorted and she brushed her hands along the side of her jeans. She then shifted her weight onto one foot, leaning slightly so she could think of an answer.

My breathing had slowed and I wasn't as anxious anymore. I don't know what it was about her voice, or just standing here staring at her. But it did something to me. Something foreign.

"They didn't want us to meet." With that she turned and left me alone.

* * *

I left school early, because my teachers still took pity on people that got slushied and bullied. I didn't want to be one of those students that tell on others because they get slammed in the face with a slushie. That was seen as weak and that's one thing I didn't want to be.

I returned home, avoiding Charlie and Scott as they prepared the food and set the table. Charlie had asked me what was wrong and why my t-shirt was damp. I shrugged and locked myself in my room.

When Santana said 'they' I instantly knew she was talking about Charlie and my mum. I always knew my mum was more concerned with herself than others and she'd do whatever it took to keep everyone from hearing about her loopy daughter heading to rehab. She probably told Santana I was at Cheer camp or something, but I didn't want to ask her or Charlie. I'd stay in my room until Santana came and left.

Unless I go out there, confront them like a mature person would and show them that they can now treat me like an adult. They don't have to tell people to stay away from me because I might be a bad influence or something like that.

Yeah, that's it.

I marched downstairs on a mission and one thought in my head. That's not true, there were many fucked up thoughts in my head but this one was in huge bold font and screaming at me. I reached the bottom of the stairs and headed straight for the kitchen because Charlie always takes forever to make dinner. She needs everything perfect.

Once I made it inside I stopped straight in the middle of the kitchen and caught Charlie and Scott's attention immediately.

I cleared my throat. "I'm not sick anymore. You can't treat me like some fragile little girl that can't handle herself or the truth for that matter. I want you two to be honest with me and keep me in the loop of things around here. I'm back home and I want us to be a family again. That's all." I stepped backwards and walked back upstairs to get changed. Charlie's face was a little sympathetic and Scott looked slightly worried but I didn't pay attention I just wanted to get out what I had to say.

Now that I had done a mature thing, I realised I was going to have to follow it up by making an appearance at dinner.

I opened my wardrobe and picked out a plain white dress. If we were going to have a proper dinner then I was going to atleast look nice. I place some black boots infront of my bed and laid the dress out. I then stepped into the bathroom and turned on the hot water.

Once I could feel the scorching heat against my skin I could breathe easier. It's strange to say that, because normally it would hurt. But I like the feeling of it because feeling it reassures me that I'm getting better. My shoulder had been only hurting if I slept on it all night. Since I was knocked into the lockers two weeks ago I wasn't sure if I'd be able to cope without the pills.

But being without them has given me hope. So much hope.

I run the soap along my torso, down my legs and back up again across my back. I hadn't touched myself since I got out of rehab. Ofcourse there was Regina who touched me that one night and Puck in the hallway who didn't actually enter me, but I hadn't felt aroused in so long.

I don't know why. I think I'm just dying for someone I love to do it to me - to make me feel amazing. Now that I know that I can make myself feel, I want to see if someone else can aswell.

I brought one hand to my right boob and massaged the skin. I closed my eyes, dragging my other hand down between my legs. I hadn't shaved in a week. It was prickly but not too bad. I instantly felt a sense of arousal shoot through me when my fingers reached my clit. I rubbed a little too fast and found my mouth almost touching the floor.

I cupped my hand over my mound and slowly rubbed up and down. I slipped one finger inside and probed it in and out as deep as I could. It felt good, but still not as good as it would if someone I loved was doing it to me. But I was content with being alone.

If I thought of someone sexy, like a guy in the movies I watched with Charlie or someone at school maybe it would work better. School. The first thing that comes to mind is Santana getting eaten out in that classroom. _Get out, get out, get out_.

I backed up towards the wall and arched my back against it. I pressed in another finger and couldn't get my mind off of Santana's expression. I pictured her tanned, toned legs spread and her fingers pulling on the cheerleaders hair.

Everyone seemed to hate in her Mckinley, but the cheerleaders seemed to love her more than they loved the jocks. Who am I kidding? That was one cheerleader. Santana probably paid her or something to get her on her knees.

I let out a whimper when I hit my g-spot and a new fantasy flashed through my mind. Santana was still on that chair in the class room, but there was someone else between her thighs. Someone familiar. I squinted my eyes shut tighter and the girl turned around. It was me.

The thought of me giving Santana that much pleasure made my walls clench and I pulled my fingers out abruptly and sank to the bottom of the shower. Why the hell am I having these thoughts about a girl? I'm not supposed to be like this. I should be fucking Sam, or Mike Chang because that's what I'm good for.

"That's _all_ I'm good for." I whispered and felt tears prickle in my eyes.

"That's all I'm good for, nothing else," I sobbed and heard the door open. My breath hitched as I heard a voice in the doorway.

"Brittany?"

What the hell is Santana doing in my bathroom...

"Charlie wanted me to check on you because you've been up here a while."

"G-give me my towel," I ordered back automatically without thinking to thank her.

I heard the metal rack where the towel was hanging off rattle and her footsteps close in on me. I felt extremely vulnerable. The glass was fogged, I was on the ground and Santana was outside the glass door. She could open it and step right in if she wanted to. And part of me knows that she wants too. Part of me wants-

"Brittany?" Shit I was mumbling to myself again. She couldn't have heard right?

"Leave it on the floor and get out." I decided that was the better option, I needed to sit here for a few moments.

"Okay," She sighed and her footsteps became softer as she walked away. "Whatever it is you think is all your good for, you're better than that."

The tears basically leaped from my eyes this time; similar to a sky diver jumping from a plane. My tears had no parachute though and the limit to how many could jump was non existant. They flowed out like a waterfall.

I stood up and rubbed my eyes until they stung. I grabbed the towel from the floor, which was folded neatly, and dried myself off.

I stood in front of the mirror and sighed when I noticed how red my eyes were. Once I was in my room and in my dress I felt a lot better. I liked dressing up for things, not particularly things that Santana was involved in, but it's fun wearing a nice pair of shoes and a cute dress.

I steadily walked downstairs, not wanting anyone to yell at me for taking my time. I wanted to creep in so quietly that they wouldn't even notice. But when I made it to the dining table, their eyes were lasers and I had to look down at my body to make sure everything was still there.

Santana was sitting next to the only available seat and I repressed a groan. I wondered where her bruises had gone, but I could tell as I got closer that she used some extra foundation and blush.

Charlie had her hands folded on the table like some classy heiress and Scott looked like he was going to burst if he didn't eat. I sat down, stuffed my plate with food and everyone grabbed a knife and fork.

Santana was so neat in the way she ate. I didn't mean to stare but she was making it so known to the world that she was organising her vegetables and meat on each side of the plate.

I didn't care what people thought of my bad manners. I was so starving I basically shoved the entire piece of steak in my mouth. I didn't notice the lasagne in a tray beside Charlie's plate and I went to grab a slice before her hand caught my wrist.

"Eat what's on your plate first Britt."

"I'm not a baby," I responded and I heard Santana chuckle before returning to her meal. I glared at her and turned to Scott who was devouring the food on his plate. It was funny to watch, it gave me a distraction.

* * *

Nobody had spoken in about half an hour and I was getting tired of this stuffy atmosphere. There were only four people in the house at the moment but the air felt thick and the company wasn't ideal.

"I'm going to try out for the Cheerios," I spoke to noone in particular.

"That's a good idea, you can keep up your fitness," Charlie smiled and shoved a piece of broccolli in her mouth.

"You won't make the squad," Santana said and I snapped my head to her my neck almost twisted completely around. "I mean you've got the body and everything, but Sue knows about you and she won't want someone like you on the squad."

My mouth fell open and I felt like slapping her across the face. She had no right coming into my home and telling me things I can't and shouldn't do.

"How the hell would you know? And Coach Sue told me yesterday that she would have loved to have me on the squad." I left out the part where Sue said that she's glad I didn't infect her national winning squad.

"Dessert?" Scott chimed in but nobody paid attention.

"I tried out last year but due to circumstances I won't name, she wouldn't let me in." Santana shrugged and stood up from the table. She placed her plate in the sink and Charlie helped her wash them. Why did they seem so close? I wanted my sister back, she was my sister.

"Cheerleading would be pretty fun huh?" Scott stated awkwardly.

I rolled my eyes and walked to the kitchen. I stopped myself from slamming my plate down on the bench because I knew Charlie would make me go see someone for my moodswings.

I couldn't act out or she'll tell dad, or even worse mum. Dad tries to understand the situation I'm in but mum doesn't listen. She assumes I'm not better because I still talk back but I know I am because talking back is what normal teenagers do. And I'm normal.

"Let's all migrate to the living room shall we," Scott grinned at all of us but I couldn't return it. Santana was making me feel like nothing and I knew if I showed any emotion she'd grin and yell 'I win'. Even though there was no game between us, that I knew of anyway.

I sat next to Scott so Santana had no choice but to sit by herself. She walked in a few minutes later and sat on the recliner. Charlie stretched out on the other sofa and ordered Scott to put a new dvd in. He followed orders and then plopped down next to me again.

Halfway through the film I noticed Santana get out her iphone and headphones. She turned the screen away from everyone as if she was hiding something. Charlie had fallen asleep and Scott was in the kitchen making tea. He offered to make me one but I said no because tea always make my stomach feel funny.

Scott said he'd take the tea up to Charlie's room when he's finished because Charlie makes a scene when she gets woken up. I've never attempted too because I don't want to be yelled at, especially because I'm too exhausted to fight back.

I stood up and pretended to walk behind the sofa so I could see what Santana was watching. I got to a small table behind the recliner she was occupying and squinted my eyes. Because the screen was so bright my eyes took time to adjust.

When I saw what was on the screen I nearly squealed. There were two girls dry humping on each other and I could only imagine the noises they were making. Santana had an inch of a smile on her face and I wanted to say something. But my lips slammed shut and I just watched. Her fingers were tugging on her tights like she wanted to rip them off and touch herself.

Now one of the girls was on her back with her legs high up in the air. The other one bent down and I was instantly brought back to the night at school where Santana and that cheerleader were getting it on.

I turned around and my breath hitched. My eyes adjusted to the darkness again and I rubbed them. I can't believe Santana had the balls to watch porn in _my _house. Charlie would be able to see if she wasn't laying on her stomach and snoring.

I suddenly heard footsteps approach and I saw a figure pass me. I knew it was Santana by her small frame. I turned back to the living room and watched Scott enter and sit back on the sofa with his tea. He was so into the film that I didn't want to say goodnight and have him lose concentration.

I turned back to Santana who was quietly creeping up the stairs. I wondered what she was doing because I know Scott or Charlie would have told me if she was staying over. I would have yelled at them.

"What are you doing?" I whispered when we made it to the top of the stairs.

"Wanna watch?" Santana smirked and I scrunched my face up because I did not in a million years want to see what those girls were doing now.

She shrugged when I didn't answer and opened the door to my room. I don't know why I didn't stop her or pull her back. Probably because it would wake up Charlie and she would yell at me for still being a bitch to Santana.

"Have you told Scott about the fight?" I suddenly asked, unable to think of anything to say. I didn't have to say anything because I didn't want to be her friend. And friends are supposed to talk about boys and homework and parties, but I'd never talk about that with her.

"No, why would I?"

"Because he's your brother, he'd want to know." Santana scoffed and took out her headphones. She unplugged them from her iphone and turned the volume up loud.

There were moans and whimpers coming from the speakers and Santana stood there as if nobody was home so it didn't matter. I tried to grab the phone from her but she darted away.

"Santana turn it off!" I hissed and because we were cloaked in darkness I couldn't run after her incase I'd smash into something.

"Make me," I could see the tip of her tongue poke out as she ran to my bed and jumped on it. I couldn't believe how freakin crazy this girl was. It's common courtesy to ask to sit on someone's bed let alone jump on it.

I didn't follow her, because I didn't want her to think I was joking around with her.

I didn't really have any other choice but to walk away, except if I did that who knows what she'd do in my room alone.

"If I watch some of it, will you get off my bed?" She nodded instantly and sat on the edge. I crept over to her and crossed my legs. I was dreading what I'd see but if it got her to settle down then I'd do it.

She was practically bouncing on her butt on my bed. I think she was just excited to show someone what she's so interested in because I used to do that after I made up a new dance routine.

"She's blonde and she's brunette. I think the brunette is more the dominant one and the blonde doesn't know what she wants, all that she knows is the brunette can make her cum just by kissing her."

I don't know why Santana decided to share that information. Was she trying to tell me something? Was I the confused blonde? Did she want to kiss me?

Ugh! I stood up and walked towards my bathroom. I washed my face and my hands to pass the time. Santana was still sitting on my bed patiently when I returned and I had nothing to do but sit with her and endure my first dose of lesbian porn.

* * *

**Cliffhanger D: **

**Tell me your thoughts? Will Britt Britt enjoy her first porno ?;) **


	7. A dose of a different kind

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**Enjoy! **

* * *

She pressed play and I wondered what was so good about this video that Santana was willing to watch it from the beginning again. Maybe she wanted to please me somehow. I know that friends don't sit in each other's rooms watching porn together so that's why I was willing to comply just this one time.

She should be going home soon. I don't know how she's getting home because Scott's staying over like he does every night. Maybe she had her dad's car again. I didn't want to ask because I wanted to finish watching this video and then tell her to leave.

"Enjoy," She whispered through a giggle and crossed her legs like mine were.

The girls on screen were in the kitchen making small talk. I didn't understand why pornos had to have story lines. Puck used to talk about them all the time in freshman year just to seem like a bad ass. Finn was jealous that Puck was receiving all the attention so he actually asked Quinn to make a porno with him. She obviously wasn't happy about that. But the guys always talked about what they had seen in full detail and I never understood all the chatting before the sex, because I thought porno's were supposed to be just that; sex.

This was going to be the most awkward, uncomfortable, icky situation I've ever been in. It's right up there with Puck touching me at school.

The girls moved in close to each other and began whispering into each other's ear, making one another laugh. The brunette took the blonde by the hand and dragged her to a bedroom. It was a really nice house, one that I'd hope to live in when I'm old enough to move out.

They reached the bed and instantly started making out. I had never made out with a girl, because when Regina and me did stuff she just told me to lay back, but she never kissed me.

There was a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach watching these girls tongues caress together so delicately. I wondered what it would feel like at the moment and the thought of kissing a girl's soft lips made my thighs twitch. I think Santana noticed because the little smirk on her face grew even wider.

"I-I feel uncomfortable," I croaked.

"That's a good thing Britt," Santana replied. The use of the nickname made my eyes snap towards her. Charlie is the only person whose used that nickname and my dad uses Britty which was okay when I was little but now he's overused it and it's getting annoying. I wouldn't tell him that though. There are certain things you can't tell your parents because they'll be really upset and I hated seeing my dad upset.

When I continued to feel the knot in my stomach, that kept twisting and twisting, I stood up abruptly which made Santana's smirk disappear.

"There's only like 13 minutes left," She stated, but I ignored her.

I discreetly placed my hand near my crotch and could feel myself soaked. I was already known as being a crazy, prude at school and now if I didn't go back and watch that stupid porno Santana would probably tell everyone I'm a pussy.

So I turned around, clenching my thighs together and took a deep breath.

Santana pressed play again and the blonde was hovering over the brunette, grinding into her as the brunette played with the blonde's boobs.

"I thought you said the brunette was the dominant one." As soon as those words came out, the brunette in the video flipped the blonde onto her back.

Santana smiled, looking my way and I couldn't help but look up at her. "You were saying?" Her smile was so pretty and real. She always used those fake smiles to people she didn't want to deal with. But around me she became herself. Not that I knew who the real Santana was, but I could tell if a smile was fake and real.

The brunette started crawling down the blonde's body until her head was between the blonde's thighs. I watched the way the brunette never broke eye contact. It was kind of freaky the way this porno was so intimate. I thought of who could play these characters and first people that came to mind were Santana and myself.

It was mostly because of the brunette and blonde situation but because of my fantasy in the shower I had been thinking about how it would be to pleasure a girl just using my tongue and fingers.

If I ever did it with Santana though, I knew she'd act like she'd just won a prize and flaunt it around school then never talk to me again. She wouldn't tell Charlie or Scott and neither would I because I don't want Charlie to know anything about my sex life. I find it weird.

After the video ended I was surprisingly okay. I know that when everyones gone or asleep I'll probably not be able to get the video out of my head but it was okay because watching porn was what normal teenagers did. Maybe not together and sober, but they did it.

It was a little awkward as the silent tension grew in my room. Since the porno had ended it was just dead silent. I grabbed my laptop and placed it on my desk but was completely unsure of what to do now. Should I say thank you? I mean that was my first time watching porn, but I guess when you have sex with someone in the real world you don't say thank you after it. Unless it's a hooker and they just gave you an amazing blow job. But Santana isn't a hooker and it's impossible to give me a blow job... I'm rambling, I have to say something.

I turn to Santana and watch as she silently runs her fingers along her collarbone. She then lifts her arms up, closes her eyes and stretches. My eyes are still focused on her collarbones and then linger around her chest. Not her boobs, just above them. When she opens her eyes I look up at her and she shuts her lips tightly together, unsure of what to do or say aswell.

"I'd love to hear your thoughts," She says quietly, a little high pitched.

"About the p-porno?" I mutter.

She nods and I nod in return because I have no idea why. "Good. It was good." She scoffs and her eyes find my crotch. I look down aswell then up at her again but she doesn't say anything, she's just smirking. "You should go..."

Santana didn't object when I told her she had to leave. She shrugged in agreement and we walked down stairs together and noticed Scott had cuddled up to Charlie on the couch, they were both fast asleep. I ended up walking Santana to her car, only because I needed fresh air.

"Thanks for dinner and everything," She spoke and cold fog escaped her lips. My eyes darted there and I was brought back to my thoughts in my bedroom. Kissing her would probably be like kissing a cloud. So soft, so light.

"Thank Charlie, she made it." I shrugged and dug the toe of my shoe into the ground.

Santana looked like she wanted to say something but just stayed silent with her mouth open like a frog catching flies for a few moments. She shifted between feet and played with the hem of her shirt. In the end she licked her lips and turned towards her dad's car. "Bye," She whispered.

I stood by the door and watched her drive off. I looked at the clock when I got back inside and it was almost 2am. It was rude to make Santana leave this late... well early, but there was no way she could stay here. Even if we watched porn together we're still not classified as friends. I don't care what she thinks we are, I won't let her get to know me even though she knows too much already.

* * *

At 8am Charlie woke me up, saying something about missing the bus. She couldn't drive me because apparently her and Scott had made plans. I raced into the shower, picked out my clothes and headed to the bus stop.

I waited there for 15 minutes until it finally came and I knew I'd be late for first period. Mr. Schuester would probably give me special treatment though because I'm sure the teachers have learnt about where I was for the past four years.

When I finally got to school, the hallways were empty. I still managed to feel more alone when kids were surrounding me though. I knocked on the classroom door and the whole class stopped working. Mr. Schue gestured for me to come in and I mouthed a quick 'sorry' before finding my seat. Santana shot me a smile but it quickly disappeared when I didn't return it.

Mr. Schue continued with the lesson. I stared around the room noticing people turning their heads away from me. Puck had a hard expression but as I caught his eye he smirked and thrusted forward against his table. I didn't show him any kind of response. I didn't make the disgusted face he'd probably be expecting and I didn't lick my lips like last time. I stared at him blanky until he scrunched up his face in confusion and mumbled 'bitch'.

I noticed Rachel retreat in a small ball basically when I threw a blank expression at her. I probably looked like a zombie and knowing Rachel, she's probably deathly afraid of them.

The lesson wore on and nothing exciting happened. Not even a spit ball flung at Mr. Schue's jelly noodle hair. I could not handle another hour of this class, so thankfully there was only four minutes left. Spanish hadn't been something I was interested in, but I had to take some language to pass this year and Spanish was the only one offered at Mckinley.

I didn't think it mattered if I learnt anything or not. All I had to do was show up and Mr. Schue would think I was getting better. When the hell would I need Spanish in the future anyway?

The bell rang and students filed out, more like ran and pushed each other, to get to the cafeteria. I held my books to my chest until I reached my locker and noticed how empty the hallways were when it was lunch time.

There was faint music coming from the choir room. It sounded like an orchestra was playing in there. I heard rushed footsteps and when I turned around, Mr. Schue was running with dozens of papers in his hands. He managed a crooked smile at me and continued running toward the choir room.

I stepped towards the door and watched the kids, who used to be my friends, perform and laugh together. I used to laugh with them, mostly when I was high. They knew something was wrong when I kept laughing even when their laughter died down. I was immediately outcasted. They couldn't have someone holding the team back.

I was pretty surprised that Rachel was hesitant to let me leave the group. Normally she'd be the one telling people to get out if they have problems that will ruin the teams chances, but she was there for me and I was pretty happy she managed to win some competitions. Quinn however, let me know that I wasn't wanted. She was at the top of the food chain and when she joined Glee club, everyone around her looked at her differently. Just like how people look at me differently, like they can hear exactly what I'm thinking.

Quinn lost everything and she took her anger out on me.

I walked to the cafeteria and thanked god the line wasn't long. I placed the tots and a pepsi on my tray and walked towards the only available table. Normally I wouldn't sit inside at lunch if I knew that everyone was going to be with their friends, but I didn't care anymore. I wasn't here to please anyone or be the butt of their jokes. I was here for me, I was here to finish high school and make my family proud. I needed them to know that I have changed.

My table was by the window so I was able to stare outside at the shimmer of rain hitting the grass where the Cheerios were going to be practicing soon. Some jocks were throwing footballs around, not caring if their uniform was getting soaked.

I noticed one Cheerio emerge from the bleachers and head inside. Santana was following behind her and I kept my eyes on their retreating figures until they disappeared into the hallway. I stayed rooted to my spot and ordered myself to finish my tots. By then they'll probably be back anyway so I won't be tempted to follow them.

It was a different cheerleader from last week. Santana probably fucks each of them at uneccessary times during the day and night, goes home to eat and sleep, then does it all again.

Crumbs are all that remained on my tray so I stood up and placed the tray beside the others and stepped out of the cafeteria. It was so loud I was surprised my ears hadn't bled yet. Rushed footsteps passed me and a Cheerleader carrying a small pill bottle passed me. I froze just passed the doorway. _Pills. Pills. Pills. Pills. _

"Stop," I hissed to myself and was thankful that nobody else was around. I sucked in a deep breath and headed in the direction the girl went. I opened the Cheerios locker room door slightly and noticed the girl packing her bag. She shut her locker door and turned towards me. I stepped back and hid beside the door, so when she opened it, it covered me and she walked right past.

I slid around the door and stepped inside. My eyes were glued to her locker and if the pills are what I think they are I won't be able to stop myself. Yet I have so much willpower I'm unsure of how to handle it. I place my hand against the cold metal and rest my forhead against it. I can almost hear the thudding inside the locker and my mind racing for me to get the damn door ope-

"Ah, fuck."

My head snaps left where the sound is projecting from. I creep down the row of lockers towards the shower and there sitting on the bench with her legs open is the Cheerio that Santana came in with. And Santana is right between her legs, bopping her head forward and back. My foot slides slightly on the wet floor and I cover my mouth. I step backwards and press my back against the locker.

The cheerleaders moans get louder and louder and I wonder if they can be heard from the cafeteria. But the kids in there are so loud anyway, they probably wouldn't notice.

The girl is basically screaming in... pain... pleasure? I don't really know anymore. Normally when I'd watch movies that have sex scenes I'd get confused aswell. Because the girl's face was always scrunched up and she was basically wincing... if that's a sign of pleasure I'd hate to see their in pain face.

I hear the moans stop and notice the Cheerleader emerge from the shower area looking completely satiated. Santana doesn't emerge however and my eyebrows scrunch together. What could she be doing alone?

Oh.

"Mmmm." The throaty sound makes me shiver and my insides twist. I feel like my spines about to fall out of my ass. I slowly step towards the shower and hide myself behind the wall. I see Santana with her back arched and legs slightly bent. She has one hand down her pants and the other grabbing her right boob. It reminds me of the porno we watched together, only this time it only involved one person and this time I'm way more turned on.

But why would Santana not have the cheerleader finger her? Why is she doing it to herself? Did that cheerleader have practice or something she needed to get too? If I was her I'd finish the job.

Shit. I run my hand through my hair and stare up at the ceiling. What if Santana and that cheerleader hadn't been in here? Would I have done anything to break into that locker? I kind of owe Santana now, but she doesn't have to know that.

Watching someone masturbate is like watching a live porno. It doesn't make me some creep, it only makes me human right? Because plenty of people would watch some girl giving herself pleasure. Or maybe I'm just one in a million.

I go to walk to the door but the floor is so slippery that I fall straight on my ass. I squeak in pain because my coccyx bone is probably shattered. The moaning has stopped and in that moment I feel so small.

Footsteps are heading my way and now Santana is standing infront of me with her arms crossed and an amused look on her face. I could avoid her and run away - act like it never happened. But I swear in that moment, all I want to do is cry until she leaves me alone. I don't want to cry out of embarrasment or the fact that it's her, out of all people, that found me like this. I want to cry because I was about to do something I promised myself I wouldn't. If I had gotten those pills, whatever they were, and downed a few more than I should, I'd be back where I started.

Before any tears can leave my eyes however, I notice a hand hovering infront of me. I look up to find Santana's amused expression completely gone. She looks a little sympathetic for once.

I shake my head and she draws back her hand. She turns and walks towards a locker which she opens easily.

"Some Cheerleader got kicked off the squad last week so I thought it would be okay to keep some of my stuff in here. You know," She smirks, mostly to herself. "A change of clothes, some body spray."

She pulls out a fresh pair of pants and I immediately know why. I can even kind of see the wet mark on the crotch of her pants she's taking off. The pants slide down her legs and my eyes follow them. She isn't looking at me so I feel safe to keep staring. She throws the pants in a bag and shoves them in her locker.

Her underwear is light pink and lacy. I wonder why she doesn't change them too but she's probably self concious or something. I would be too if another person was in here with me. The muscles in her thighs flex as she places a fresh pair of pants on. I almost want to stop her and tell her that nobody would even care if she walked out without any pants on because her legs are so nice. But I could never say it out loud.

I didn't know why I had been staring for so long. Even when she put her new pants on and closed her locker. Maybe it was the fact that she likes girls and she'd like me looking at her the way I am. But I'm not gay. Definitely not.

"Are you just going to sit there?" I hadn't even noticed her standing near the door now. I swallow the overgrown lump in my throat and stand up carefully. She smiles, genuinely once again because I think she's proud that I managed to stand up without looking like a goof.

"I didn't mean to listen to you while you..." I trail off because I hate apologizing for something stupid like this.

"It's fine, you've seen me in that type of situation before," She replies simply. "What were you doing in here anyway? Do you have a camera?" She's smirking.

"No, no. I just haven't been in here for a while." For the first time I'm actually explaining myself to her - even if it's a lie. I think it's because somewhere buried inside me is the 'thank you' I'm never going to say to her. Because by saying thank you right now, gives her suspicions. And I don't want her to know why I really came in here.

"Okay, well I'm skipping next period so I'll probably see you this weekend or something?"

"I don't know," I grumble, suddenly unsure of why she thinks we'll be hanging out soon.

"Okay..." She draws out and squints her eyes at me like I'm some painting she's trying to evaluate.

She opens the door and holds it. My lips tighten together and I walk out first. She scoffs which makes me smile because I know why she's scoffing. She struts down the hall towards her locker. I don't know how she does it - act so confident even with the fact she has no one. Maybe we can find something in common which will make us get along. Atleast for Charlie and Scott's sake.

I watch her as she grabs a new bag out, the one that wasn't in the cheerios locker room and didn't have her soaked pants in. She turns to me after placing the straps of her bag over her shoulders. Her hands slowly clasp together and her fingers intertwine. I wonder why she does that. I wonder why people play with their hands, even I do it sometimes.

I think it's because we just all imagine it to be someone else's hand that we're holding. Her thumb is even rubbing over the top of her left hand and I think I'm starting to feel that odd pain in stomach I felt when she sang my dad's favourite song.

I take a step forward and she drops her hands to her sides. My left foot is hanging in the air, an inch away from the ground. I don't know what I'm thinking or doing. I let my eyes reach hers and we're both just silent. I really wish she didn't show me that porno because I could think of a good scenario right now. Alone. In the school hallway. Against lockers.

She realises after a while that I'm actually not going to move. So she shuts her locker and walks away from me, out of the school.

* * *

**Tell me your thoughts :) **


	8. Something nice

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**Enjoy! **

**p.s sorry for any mistakes, didn't get a chance to edit.**

* * *

When Charlie and me would play princesses when we were young, I always fought over the bigger castle that dad had built in the backyard. It was made of timber planks and painted light brown because apparently I had an obsession with that colour. It reminded me of all the food I liked looking at but couldnt seem to taste. No chocolate, no meat pies and definitely no poo. Not that I even attempted to taste that one.

Because I was the younger sibling I thought I deserved more special gifts. My attitude made Charlie cry. Then my mom patted her on the back and told her it was okay. But my dad shot lasers with his eyes at my mom and told her it wasn't okay. My dad wasn't on any side, he just wanted my mom to be a better parent.

Neither Charlie or I could ever connect with her. We desperately tried too, because throughout the early years of school we witnessed so many mothers and their daughters crying together and hugging really tight. I wanted that and so did Charlie. But neither of us said anything about it, not even to eachother. I remember walking into Charlie's room once and she was giving her best friend Amy a massage. They both looked a bit shocked when I walked in, especially because I didn't warn them.

It looked normal to me though. Their position, their red faces and their heavy breathing. Charlie's hands were on Amy's thighs and Amy was lying on her stomach facing away from the door. Charlie was on her knees and when I looked at her she looked like she was caught doing something irretreavable.

We never spoke about sexuality because it never came up. Our family has a this thing where if we don't ask about anything, we don't speak of it ever. It's kind of a policy - a deal we all have. So after I saw Charlie and Amy in that position I just kept quiet. I didn't understand because I was so young and all it looked like was a simple massage. If I mentioned anything now about sexuality, the family would probably question me why. My dad would be the most understanding, my mom would act like she doesn't care but secretly want to slap some sense into me.

I love my mom alot. She can cook really well and she used to say she'd teach me. I'm still waiting, but I'm not in any rush. One day I'm hoping she hears my silent plea for her to be the mom I long for.

I'm into boys and as long as I know that then other people's opinions don't matter. Santana can flirt with me all she wants, but I won't get on my knees for her. No matter how many times I've fantasized about her in that position, I wouldn't speak about it to anyone. Not even Rachel. And she seems pretty trustworthy.

The thing about secrets is, once it's out there and atleast one other person knows, you have this burden. A burden that you'll carry with you forever, even if it isn't a large secret. Secrets are all that we can keep to ourselves and without them we no longer feel invincible.

My only secret was that Santana haunts my mind every minute of the day. If it's not in a fantastical sort of way, it's her words that play over on repeat. _"Wanna lick it off?"_ That was the first sentence Santana had ever said to me. I wonder if it actually was what she was thinking. When I first saw her I noticed the colour of her hair immediately. Then when she turned to me I noticed her eyes. Some slushie was dripping from her eyelashes but I saw passed the mess and look at the brown in between the white.

If we were in one of my fantasies I would have answered her confidently. Because in another world other than reality I'm so different. I would have said, _"Yes, I'd love to lick it off every dip, crevace and slope of your skin."_ Fantasy Santana and Brittany would be fun to play out. But it would not be real and I was fine with it. Because in reality I don't want her like I do in my fantasies.

It's been four days since I saw Santana in the locker room. She hasn't spoken to me since then. She smiled a few times, well smirked, and I shook my head and walked away. Because I don't want her to think we're closer now that I've seen and heard her masturbating or that I stared at her getting undressed. It was wrong of me and I admitted to myself that it was wrong. That's all I need.

* * *

I've been transferred into an art class because the class for philosophy was cancelled. The teacher had discovered she had a terminal illness and the class wasn't full anyway. The teachers just decided to cancel the class and I was hoping that I would have more free periods. But then Principle Figgins announced that my old class of eight people would be moving into different classes.

I was now sitting in Mrs. Hagberg's art class. She teaches alot of classes because of budget cuts and she's very talented in lots of subjects. I wish I could be like her, except I'd keep my looks. She looks a bit like one of those tiny monsters in Mario that you have to jump on and they always look angry. I just wish I was multi talented like her.

This was my last class for the day and when I finally settled into a seat near the back, someone walked in that I didn't expect.

Santana never told me she could draw. But then again only friends tell eachother stuff like that. Halfway through the lesson I looked over the large rectangular table at her art and I was amazed. There was a field with trees, that looked a lot like the football field here. Then there was a girl facing away from the picture. She had long blonde hair. I inwardly smiled because I had always wanted someone to draw me.

The last person I thought it would be was Santana.

I turned my gaze back to my work and continued to mix coloured crayons on the paper. I didn't really know what I was doing, but Mrs. Hagberg didn't look like she was paying attention to the class anyway. The girl beside me got up and walked to the front of the class to show the teacher her work. I noticed Santana get up from her chair also and in an instant she was beside me. She leaned forward in the stool she was sitting on and I turned my head to see what she was doing. Her fingers were tapping on the chipped, wooden table and she had a slight smile on her face.

I finished with the light brown on my drawing and put the crayon down.

"Hey, can you look at me for a minute?" She asked shyly. I decided to answer her, because I was sick of myself for having an attitude all the time.

"Okay," I mumbled and I twisted in my chair. Once I was looking directly at her she turned away and started scribbling something on a fresh sheet of paper. I didn't take my eyes off her though. Her teeth appeared and bit down on her bottom lip. Her eyebrows turned down as she concentrated on what she was doing.

She turned back to me and her eyes drew across my entire face. She licked her lips as her eyes drew over my lips. It caused me to swipe my tongue across my lips and I shuddered a little. She noticed this but did not say anything. She cleared her throat and went back to drawing. I finally just looked at the drawing and noticed that it was just one eye. It was the lightest, brightest shade of blue and she had even given me thick eyelashes.

I would have thought she would be drawing my lips by how much she stared at them.

Once she was done, she slid the paper inside a black folder and moved back to her seat. The drawing didn't even look done yet. Maybe she had all she needed and was just going to add and touch something up.

* * *

I hadn't got home until 6 that night because the bus was late and I decided to walk. Then when I was halfway down the street the bus drove past.

Charlie was in the kitchen with my dad and for the first time in a while Scott was staying at his own house tonight.

"Santana didn't want to stay alone again tonight so Scott took her out for a movie," Charlie explained.

"Why would she be alone?" I didn't know Santana's family life and I know that my dad always told me not to ask personal questions, but it just slipped out.

"Brittany," Charlie said my name in a really serious voice that made my skin crawl. I knew I had said something wrong. "Santana and Scott's parents don't live with them. They passed away when Santana was very young. She -" I could tell Charlie was having an internal struggle. She wanted to tell me something but I knew she felt bad.

That's what I loved about my sister. She was very kind hearted and understanding when it came to personal issues. I knew if we talked about what happened with her and Amy she'd close up, but if I spoke about my fantasies about Santana she would probably try to understand and be there for me.

I kind of wish Santana could have told me about her parents, because I like when people can trust me enough to tell me special things about them or their life. But I haven't given Santana a reason to trust me, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

"She just doesn't have it easy. Scott doesn't either. He takes care of her."

Then I thought of what of Santana had told me the first time I rode in her car. She said it was her dad's and maybe she was truthful about that, but not about the part where he lets her drive it sometimes. Maybe he used to let her, but she never mentioned that he wasn't around anymore. Not that she had to mention it, especially to me who wouldn't even give her a chance to explain. Then I thought of that thing she told me about me having it so hard and I finally knew what she meant.

"Let's go over there and surprise them before they get back from the movie." What the fuck was I saying? I was completely changing from the girl who despised Santana to a girl who wanted to do something nice for her?

I wasn't mean. I just wanted to think about myself for once. That's what this year was about. But I also want to remember the feeling of making another person feel good. And Santana had been there for me alot. Even if we weren't friends I could do this for her. I owed her anyway.

Charlie grinned so wide. "That's actually a great idea. I don't see Scott enough." I knew she was joking so I chuckled. I was finally happy and now I was thinking about how I didn't take those pills that that Cheerleader had. That made me think of Santana now. If she wasn't there I don't know whether I would have gone to great lengths to get the pills. But she was there and in a way she saved me.

I feel like a new born baby. Except without the goo and the ambilical chord attached to me. I felt fresh. Charlie was calling me to get into the car and I basically ran out of the door. It was kind of a shame that we were leaving the house now that dad was home but I really wanted to do this.

I told Charlie to hold on a second so I could run inside. I kissed dad on the cheek and told him we'd go out for a drive this weekend and he was really happy about that.

Charlie had a spare key to the house so we got in okay. She hadn't been there in a few weeks because Scott was always coming over to our house. If I was in a relationship I'd want to balance it out. But I can tell why Charlie didn't come here much. It was kind of eerie and cramped - well the hallway was anyway.

She flicked on a light for the living room and I smiled because it was really colourful. Pictures of Scott and Santana were scattered around the room and there was even a table for their parents where some candles surrounded a family portrait. I looked over at Charlie who was already staring back at me. I couldn't hide my grin because I was genuinly happy to be here and excited for Scott and Santana to get home.

I don't how I managed to break from my insecure shell. I wasn't thinking of only me anymore, I was thinking of Charlie and Dad and Scott and even Santana. She was going to be part of our family anyway so I knew I had to atleast tolerate her for now.

There were two slams of car doors outside and Charlie gestured for me to get behind the sofa. As we sat there in anticipation I suddenly remembered what Santana had told me about what Charlie and Scott had said to her before I went to rehab.

They told her to stay away. If I was going to get passed my past then I was going to have to forgive them. But I really want to know why Charlie would tell her something like that. I wouldn't have hurt Santana because I'm not a violent person. Yeah I had random outbursts and sometimes I'd lay on my bed for hours just staring at the ceiling. But I wouldn't have hurt Santana, not physically anyway.

Maybe she was worried that if Santana and I became friends, I'd pressure her or something stupid like that. I don't want Charlie to think that way of me and I don't think she does because now she actually wants me and Santana to be friends.

"The ending was absolute shit."

I giggled at Santana's bluntness as they walked through the door. Charlie grabbed my hand as we heard them coming closer.

"I turned the light off before we left right?" Scott asked and stood in the living room scratching his head.

"Surprise!" Charlie and I jumped up and Scott did the funniest thing I've ever seen. He squealed like a girl and through a couch cushion at us which hit Charlie in the face.

"Oh babe," His hand covered his mouth in shock. "I am so sorry." He placed a comforting hand on Charlie's shoulder and led her to the kitchen. Charlie just grumbled something about Scott not getting sex tonight.

Santana had been standing in the doorway the entire time. I think she looked abit shocked that I was actually in her house, standing in front of her with a smile on my face. As she stepped closer her eyes grew wider and I could almost make out the water flooding her eyelids. Was she about to cry?

"Don't touch the couch." Her tone was cold and I complied straight away. My hand snapped back fast by my side and my smile disappeared instantly. She noticed this and shook her head, almost as if she was apologizing.

"Sorry, I just..." She trailed off and looked toward the portrait by the candles. I followed her line of vision and I knew why she was acting different. I would too if someone I didn't know was in my house when I wasn't home. She had been in my room and at first I was completely against that. Now I think it would be okay, because I'm trying so hard to let people in - mostly my family.

"I'm very, very sorry." She turned her head to me and smiled. Only half of her mouth turned upwards but I was grateful.

"What are you doing here?" Now she was speaking normally again.

"I wanted to surprise you and Scott because Charlie told me you guys went out. I don't know why I thought of it I just thought it would be a good idea. Sorry if we scared you."

"You scare me," She replied almost instantly, making my mouth slightly open in awe. How did I scare this girl who was so confident and well put together? She seems a little crazy, but aren't we all?

"Why do _I _scare you of all people?" I asked out of pure curiousity.

She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and laughed to herself. "I don't know if I can say," Her brown eyes met mine. "You might get freaked out like you always do when I come on to you."

"Why do you come on to me?" I licked my lips with anticipation. We were standing a fair distance away, just staring at each other. If Scott and Charlie came back out we'd look like fools to them. Nobody has conversations this far away unless there on the bus or something.

"The same reason why I'm scared of you," She replied in a way which made it sound so simple. Her shrug made it even more of a simple thing. I didn't interigate her any further.

* * *

We ended up back at my house because Santana felt uncomfortable for some reason. I think she didn't like change. Me being in the house was a big change from normally having only two people living there. Maybe that's why Charlie hardly went there anymore.

Scott let Santana drive us back home and we were about to cook some dinner when Santana suggested something to the entire room.

"Would it be okay if Brittany and I went for a drive?" She was smirking towards Scott who was glaring at her. He didn't really have much authority like Charlie did and I knew my sister would have something to say.

"Sure." I almost snapped my neck when I turned to Charlie. She was smiling sweetly and I instantly knew it was because dad had gone to sleep and mom was at her boyfriends house. She and Scott would basically have the house to themselves for a few hours.

"Okay," I said finally and Santana practically bounced on her heels. She grabbed the keys from her pocket and lea us to the car. She opened the passenger side door for me and I couldn't help but roll my eyes and laugh. Her behaviour amused me in the strangest ways.

I stretched my legs out and turned the heater on as soon as she started the car. The radio was low so she switched a few channels before turning it up really loud. I could hardly hear anything she was saying, but I think I heard the words 'drive' and 'cold'.

We had been driving for about 20 minutes before she pulled up outside a park. At night parks freak me out, but with Santana here I knew I would be okay. I didn't know why I felt like she'd protect me, but the way she treats me makes me think she'd do anything to save me from harm.

"Shotgun!" She squeals as she runs towards the swings. She sits on the one with the bigger seat and I'm left with the baby swing.

We're both trying to outswing each other, but my ass can hardly fit in the swing so it's sort of a challenge trying to beat her. We haven't spoken about anything really. She asked me if I was cold and I said yes. I noticed her taking off her jacket but I immediately shook my head.

This isn't some cheesy romantic comedy where the guy gives the girl his jacket. I didn't want her to think she had to make me feel special by caring so much and making it known that she did care about me. I just wanted to be in her company, it was as simple as that.

I skidded my feet across the floor to stop swinging and Santana had jumped off about a meter and a half away. I clapped for her and she bowed. She approached my swing because I hadn't gotten up yet. She put her hands on the chains and moved in close so her knees were touching mine.

I didn't think anything of it, because I was just happy that we were actually getting along. I wondered if we'd be like this at school. I also wondered why I didn't want to be her friend when she asked me. I was selfish, unwilling to let a stranger in. Maybe Charlie was right to not let her speak to me when we were young. I would've hurt her, emotionally. Because that's all I was good for.

My thoughts roamed to the night in my shower when Santana had walked in. She was sweet and I didn't give her a chance.

She was now pushing me on this swing like a mother does her child. Her knees would hit mine when she'd run forward and I'd close my eyes when I was swinging towards her because I didn't know if she was strong enough to stop me. She was though, and I was thankful.

I really didn't want to hurt her.

"We should go back," I said through a laugh as she slowed down the swing.

"Yeah, this was fun though." We shared shy smiles and wondered back to the car. She didn't open the passengers side door for me this time. The ride was silent, which I was okay with.

Charlie and Scott had turned all the lights off in the house so I used my phone to illuminate the darkness. We walked up the steps and I heard snoring coming from both directions of the hall. One was my dad and the other was Charlie.

"I wonder how Scott sleeps with Charlie's big nose," Santana joked, making me breathe out single laughs so that I wouldn't wake anyone up.

I was about to place my hand on my bedroom door when I turned around to look at Santana.

"You don't have to go home," I blurted out. She didn't smile. She just stared at me. I think she thought I was joking. I was surprised at my words also.

"Alright," She whispered in reply and followed me into my room. I gave her some pj's and put my own on in the bathroom. When I stepped out she went in and changed. It wasn't discussed where she'd sleep, she sort of just stood in the middle of the room when I climbed into bed.

"I'm too tired to find blankets," I said as a way of getting her to come to the bed. I wasn't desperate, in that moment I just kind of wanted her to stay. She nodded and seemed abit nervous. At school she could have anyone she wanted and seemed so confident when being intimate.

Now she looked so small and fragile. I didn't know what to do, I was completely frozen aswell. My mind was running like an express train. I so desperately wanted it to stop, any moment now.

Santana started to move forward and crawled in beside me. I immediately covered us up with the blankets and rested my head on the pillow to face her.

"I thought you didn't want to be my friend?" She asked once she settled beneath the covers.

"I never really gave you a chance," I replied and could only see half of her face that was illuminated by the moon peeking through the curtains.

I noticed her lips twitch up into a content smile. Nothing big, but nothing small either.

"One day I'll tell you everything," She said it so quietly I almost didn't hear her. Her voice was laced with sincerity and sweetnees and a lightness you could only see if you squinted heaps. In that moment I thought she was making a life time promise with me. The kind of promise lovers make when they're newly married and ready to start a life together.

I was hardly ready to start my own life let only share it with someone else. But for some reason I smiled at her words and even a single tear fell from my eye and hit the pillow. I have no idea why everything's changing, but something good has to come out of it because right now, being this close to Santana, feels really good.

* * *

**Let me know whatcha think. **


	9. Putting hope in something broken

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

**Sorry for any mistakes. Enjoy! **

* * *

Santana and Scott had left an hour ago and I was at the breakfast table with Charlie and my dad. When I woke up I hadn't forgotten that Santana spent the night. As soon as my eyes opened I was really nervous. Our positions hadn't changed though. And for some reason, I don't know why, I expected her to have her arms wrapped around me when I woke up.

Charlie hadn't asked where Santana slept because I think she already guessed I let her in my bed. She was smirking at me as of way of saying 'Told you you'd get along with her'. But I didn't say anything about it. I ate my breakfast and went upstairs. The bus would be coming soon. Santana had apologized for not being able to come back and take me to school because she was probably going to be running late. I was going to apologize for having her stay over on a school night but I don't think she'd accept it.

I got changed really fast and brushed my teeth. My dad was waiting at the bottom of the stairs when I came down. "Britty, tomorrow's my day off and I'm hoping to take you for a driving lesson."

I instantly smiled because I hadn't spent alot of time with my dad lately. I kissed him on the cheek before running to the bus stop. When I stepped onto the bus everywhere was crowded, but I managed to find a seat at the back next to Santana.

"Where's your car?" It's the first thing that popped into my head. She laughed and put her phone in her bag.

"Scott wanted to take it for a clean. Apparently at the park there was mud that we weren't aware of."

I smiled, "Oh." That's all I said and I faced the front.

10 minutes into the ride I heard some kids snickering from behind us. When I turned around they glared at me so I just sunk in my chair and decided to make more small talk with Santana.

"Does Scott know about the fight with Quinn?" Santana bit the side of her lip and shook her head. "You should tell him, so then Quinn might get suspended."

"I hit her back." She said that really aggressively, like I was stupid for not realising that she was also involved in the fight. I think she could see I was a little hurt from that and she turned to face me. But before she could say anything I heard someone call my name.

"Pierce, Crazy Pierce!" My eyes widened and my heart rate increased. I hadn't been called that name since Puck on the first week of senior year. Before that I hadn't been called that since freshman year.

"Wanna buy some pills?" Another boy laughed.

"No," I mumbled and sunk further in my chair.

"Shut the fuck up!" Santana was kneeling on her chair and facing the back to where the boys were. She was pointing her finger at them and pratically seething. When I turned around they didn't look intimidated, they looked amused.

"Lespez and Crazy Pierce are besties!" A cheerleader snickered and the rest of her friends laughed.

"We have a choice of laxotives, oxycodone-"

My head instantly snapped up and I drew in heavy breaths. Santana noticed and pressed the button to stop the bus. I was curled up in my seat so Santana was able to step passed me and move to the back before the bus stopped. I didn't turn around, but I heard one of the boys wince in pain and everyone gasp.

Santana came back to me and guided me to the doors and the boys at the back threw scrunched up paper at us. We stepped onto the footpath and I noticed her knuckles were red. Some of her skin was peeling off and I wondered if the guy she punched was made of concrete.

"It's fine," She reassured me and was staring into my eyes when I looked up at her. "C'mon we're only a block from school." I didn't know if she was going to take my hand or not, but I didn't want to expect anything.

She knew I was hurting and I knew she was aswell. But our empathy was silent. We just knew each other cared.

"We have Spanish first," I murmured as we approached the front doors of the school.

"Yeah." Her voice was really, really happy. Not like the fake happy that you hear from cheerleaders when they don't want to deal with anyone other than themselves.

The kind of happy that makes you feel giddy inside. And right now my stomach was doing tonnes of flips, it wouldn't stop. I think somehow I'm the reason Santana's happy at the moment. She may have laughed at me when Sam rejected me in the hall a couple weeks ago, but I think she was hiding the fact she really wanted to get to know me. I'll have to ask her one day.

"What are you thinking about?" She asks as we enter the Spanish classroom. We find our seats and Rachel looks a bit stunned that I'm actually sitting next to Santana.

"I don't know," I sigh because I find myself struggling to lie to her. "Just how I acted around you before. And how you laughed at me when Sam told me to get lost and when Puck would flirt with me. And when Puck was with you under the bleachers, what was that about?" I figured I could ask her that now, now that we're getting along.

She laughed at me and I think it's because I hardly took a breath during my sentences. "I laughed at you because I thought you were new. I didn't want Puck to flirt with you for the same reason you scare me and why _I_ flirt with you. Puck and I had done stuff when I first started here at Mckinley and he thinks he can keep getting it whenever he wants." She took three quick breaths inbetween her sentences.

"Why did you think I was new? Didn't Charlie tell you to stay away from me?"

"I never saw you before you went away. Charlie only showed me a picture but you were much younger then and your hair was covering your face but I saw your smile. It was really big. You were carrying a bucket and a spade at the beach." I knew the picture she was talking about. "So I laughed because that's what happened to me at Mckinley when I first moved here. I thought I could have anyone I wanted because back at my old school, looking the way I looked really payed off. I asked this cheerleader out and everyone laughed at me when she told everyone."

"What a bitch," I murmured.

"I know right!" She gasped and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

Mr. Schue walked in and began writing something on the board. Puck sat on the table beside us and kept giving me weird looks. I think he's gotten over the fact I rejected him and now he wants to get in with me again. But I know if I do it again it'll disappoint Santana. But then again, she has girls that she fucks and then doesn't talk to them. Why couldn't I have that with Puck?

"I don't know what to do," I suddenly said and Santana rested her hand on her chin and stared at me.

"What do you mean?"

I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and started playing with my hair. I didn't know if I should tell her this, but what have I got to lose?

"I don't want to go through the rest of the year without having someone to you know..." I raised my eyebrows and her mouth made an 'o' shape so I continued. "Puck seems like the only candidate."

"I doubt it. Just because Sam rejected you doesn't mean you won't find anyone here," She replied differently to how she was speaking before. She sounded like she was forcing confidence into her voice.

"Do you just fuck cheerleaders?" I asked innocently and she smirked really big at that.

"Pretty much." She licked her lips and turned to me. "Oh, and myself." She winked and started to pay attention to Mr. Schue.

"Are the cheerleaders gay?" I asked curiously. Santana shook her head then smirked.

"They know I'm better than the football team so no one questions that around here any more. At first I suppose it was a shock and basically every jock wanted to know how I did it, but I guess it's just all my charm," Santana jokes, flicking her hair over her shoulder, making me chuckle.

I suddenly thought of an idea. "Do you want to come over tonight and watch porn?" I know that's something people don't normally say to each other, especially in the middle of class, but because of Santana's personality I didn't think she'd be shocked at my words.

However her face turned down and she furrowed her eyebrows. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. She opened her mouth and her voice broke so she cleared her throat. "S-sure, okay."

* * *

As I close my locker I can hear some whispers coming from the girls bathroom. It's more like hissing, so I try and steer clear of that area. I walk towards the doors because school's just finished and I don't want to talk to anyone else at the moment.

I can hear the clicking of heels run passed me and when I look up from the floor I notice they belong to Rachel. She's hugging her body and running towards the choir room. I want to follow her and ask her why she's so upset, but I can't think right now. Then I hear another pair of footsteps and Quinn Fabray is rushing passed me after Rachel. I'll have to ask Rachel about that soon.

I invited Santana over and now I'm scared. I'm not scared because I've never invited her to hang out before, I'm scared because I don't know what we'll talk about. Friends usually have things in their head before they see each other. They have a plan. I don't.

When I get to the bus stop, I pull out a notebook. When I'm sitting on the bus I open my book to a new page and pull out a pen. I label the page 'Things to talk about with friends' and start making a list. I don't want to write Santana's name on the page, incase I lose this somewhere and someone finds it.

Most of the conversations on the list were about school and boys. Some others were about favourite books, movies and clothes to wear. I didn't really understand what I was writing I just read it over and over until I got home.

After I had a shower and sat in the living room I began to feel really calm. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. I don't know why.

My dad was at work, Charlie was out at a club with some friends and Scott was with his friends having beers. I was home alone and Santana would be here soon. This information made me gulp.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and I stood up really fast. My feet dragged across the floor as I slid to the door. Santana was standing on the front mat, rubbing her arms viciously. I smiled kindly and gestured her to come inside.

"I bought treats," She said, holding up paper bag full of ingredients that I didn't recognize. "We're making brownies."

I just said okay because I didn't want to be rude. Santana must have spent alot of money on those ingredients. Suddenly I didn't know if this was such a good idea. I was meant to focusing on myself and graduating and I did have some homework. Not enough to make me tell Santana to leave, so I just kept quiet as she spread the ingredients on the kitchen bench.

I watched her as she mixed everything together and stuck them in the oven. She then followed me to the living room and I turned the television on.

"I've got a computer in my room so we can watch porn." Santana turned to me and nodded. She didn't seem fazed at all by my bluntness and I was happy about that. I think if I said that sentence to anyone else they would be creeped out.

"I know some really good ones," She replied, winking before turning her head back towards the television.

The brownies were done and smelt really good. I grabbed a small one and sniffed it. They smelt really different to how Charlie makes them but Santana might have a special ingredient she uses or something.

"Wait," Santana's hand shoots up to stop me from taking a bite. "Before you eat them I'm just going to say that they'll make you feel amazing and it'll make watching porn 10 times better."

I stared at the treat then back to her. I took a bite as I stared into her eyes and she bit her lip. I think she was waiting for something to happen.

"Yum," I said through chews. She grinned and took the plate of brownies up to my room. I followed her. She sat on the bed and I turned on my computer. I let her do the rest.

She pressed play and I was already on my second brownie.

"Slow down," I looked at her with my mouth full. "Please?" She looked really worried for some reason, so I put the rest of the brownie down and nodded.

The clip started play some low sensual music. Two girls were standing outside one of their house. Yet again one was blonde and one was brunette.

"Why don't we ever watch porn with a guy and a girl?"

Santana paused the clip and turned to me. She was playing with her thumbs and looked kind of sorry.

"O-okay, you can choose," She replied shakily. I looked through various videos until spotting one that looked okay. I pressed play and sat back with my head against my pillow.

It started off straight away, unlike the ones Santana chose. The girl in the video was already on her knees, touching her boobs and rubbing herself. A guy appeared, he was really muscly and had a thick beared. His chest was full of hair and the girl dug her nails in his body.

She began rubbing him and he was moaning. I didn't really feel any jitters you do when you watch porn. So I decided to switch it back to the one Santana had it on.

"What are you-"

I held my finger up to my lips to keep her quiet. She smirked and rested her head on the pillow like me. The girls began taking their clothes off and I sat up so that it wasn't obvious I was trying to look at Santana.

Her mouth was open and her hand was on her crotch. It wasn't moving but it twitched slightly and I could tell she wanted to stick it inside her. I was hardly watching the porno anymore, my eyes were fixed on Santana's reactions. She arched her back off the bed and the slowly descended back down.

I hadn't realised the porno stopped until Santana sat up and closed the tab.

"We should clean up," She said suddenly and my mind was running in vicious circles. I tried to move but the room was spinning. I could hear laughter and when I looked at Santana her face was a little distorted.

My eyelids felt really heavy and I couldn't keep them open.

"Hello, Brittany?" Santana slurred in my ear causing me to fly back and hit my butt on the floor. Her laughter filled my ears again. I was lying on my back and she was hovering over me. I blinked my eyes closed a few times and everytime she got closer to my face. Her voice was right near my ear when she said, "Have you ever fucked a girl?" She whispered and I thought my mind was oozing out of my head now.

Everything felt like it was melting, even Santana's voice.

I nodded and continued nodding even after she said she got it. She helped me to my feet and I slumped onto my bed. She grabbed the tray of brownies and stepped towards the door.

"No more of these," She smirked and her eyebrows reached her hair line. She then walked off and in that moment I just wanted to call out to her or grab her and tell her to stay. But I didn't because I was falling over again.

I guess she heard the thud and came running back to the room. I was laughing really hard now and she laughed along with me.

"You - you - you suck," I stuttered and took in a deep breath to try and contain my laughter. "You suck Santana, you got me so high," I added and her face fell. My face fell aswell, for the same reason hers did.

I hadn't felt like this since I took the pills. I was back on that cloud again and this time it was shifting. Nothing else moved around me, it was just Santana and me on this one cloud high above every other. She looked really pretty. Her arms looked so good. I don't why I was looking at her arms. I don't know why I leaned forward and rubbed my fingers along them. When I did her breath caught in her throat. I was kind of happy about that, I don't know why.

She was so simple and I was not. What I knew of her was simple, what I didn't know could be really bad. You know when you look at something for so long you start to see it's flaws? When I looked at Santana, I mean really looked at her, I didn't find any. Not externally anyway. Internally she was most definitely broken. Like a cracked diamond taken away from the display window and thrown away with all the others at the back.

She led me downstairs where she poured me a glass of water. In an hour I had sobered up and luckily it was still only us at home. Santana seemed a little out of it but she could handle the drugs more than me.

"I'm sorry," She suddenly spoke. I moved around the bench to sit on the stool beside her.

"Why are you sorry about this?" She shrugged. "Why aren't you sorry for coming on so strong around me? Why aren't you sorry for something that's worth being sorry for?" I started yelling and I don't know if this was a side effect but I didn't want to stop. I needed to vent so bad.

"Out of all of the things you apologize for it's giving me drugs? I know drugs, maybe not the kind we had tonight, but I know the feeling of being numb really well. I don't want to go back to that so fuck it, you should be sorry!" My hands were waving wildly in the air and Santana was still on the stool looking unfazed.

"Will you stop yelling?" She asked simply. I couldn't believe it, when I told her to apologize she didn't. I was getting so confused.

"Apologize."

"I did?"

"Say it again?"

"WHY?"

"I don't know." Now I was crying.

"No don't, please don't cry," Santana was hovering beside me and I could tell she was debating whether or not to hold me. I don't want her too because I know I'd just push her away.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." She just kept repeating it and when I looked up at her, her eyes were shut tight and her fists were clenched. At that moment I knew I was right. Her external problems were showing around me and I don't think she wanted that to happen.

She was revealing herself now and I had no idea how to react, so I kept crying.

Charlie got home around two am and Santana and I were now in my room. I stopped crying an hour ago because she left me alone for a while. I called her in when I knew I wouldn't cry anymore and she seemed really really happy that I was okay.

Charlie went straight to bed without checking on us but I heard her talking to Scott on the phone, slurring something that sounded really kinky. I shut the door because I didn't want to know. I don't think Santana did either because her face was scrunched up. It was really quite cute.

"I'm sorry," I started.

"You don't need to be sorry for performing a natural human activity."

I looked at her with my eyebrows tightly furrowed.

"Crying," She re-worded her former sentence. "Don't apologize for it."

"If we don't apologize for being human what else is there to apologize for?" I asked and she looked abit stunned at my odd curiousity.

"You amaze me," She said, with her eyes slightly glazed over and lips parted.

"I thought I scared you," I replied softly, picking at the fabric of my blankets.

"You make me feel alot of things." I looked up at her and suddenly I felt nervous. I don't really know what she was trying to say. Sometimes she was full on, telling me she wanted to fuck like rabbits. Then she was saying things like this.

"I have an idea," She said. I waited for her to finish but she got off the bed. "I'll tell you tomorrow if you'll have me over again?"

I nodded and smiled really small. I hated waiting unless it was for a surprise. This was kind of a surprise. I had no idea what to expect.

* * *

**Something is happening next chapter that I know will get mixed reviews. I hope you all enjoy it though :)  
Let me know what you thought of this chapter ! **


	10. Ideas

**A/N: **Your questions/comments about the drug use in the last chapter are answered in this chapter. **  
**This chapter was difficult, only because of the way everything happens. I'm interested to read your comments on this, whether you enjoyed it or not. I definitely enjoyed writing it :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

My dad had taken me to the beach today. I got to drive and he said I did really well and followed all the rules. I was happy he was proud of me, because noone really ever felt proud of me. They were either terrified or so ignorant of my situation that they didn't try to understand. I needed someone to understand and I guess now my dad is trying to.

I doubt my mom ever will make an effort, but I know one day Charlie will sit me down and we'll spill our guts to each other. It will just be me and her like it used to be before she fell in love with Scott and before I started thinking of Santana all the time.

I had never had marijuana before that night. I had only heard about the effects it could have on you. Taking oxycodone for several years pushed away any desire to get involved with recreational drugs. Even if I had never been giving medication for my injury I would have never thought about taking drugs. I guess I just wasn't thinking when Santana said 'brownies'. I wanted to think of her as innocent, so I guess when she wanted to make brownies, I took that as just a simple, innocent activity.

I don't want to tell anybody. I don't want Santana too either. If my mom found out, she would tell Santana to never come near me again. I didn't want that, I couldn't have that.

My dad and I were sitting in the parking lot right in front of the wire and wood fence which seperated the sand from the cement.

"I wish our family was the same," He said. I turned to him but he was looking forward, so I spoke to the side of his face. His cheek has half an inch of stubble over the skin, stretching all the way over his chin to the other side of his face.

"It's my fault right?" I asked softly. I knew it was my fault. Well it was also abit of my mom's fault because she cheated and tore my dad's heart to shreds. I think it was a collaboration.

"No Britty," He sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Don't think that." So I didn't think it anymore, because I knew my dad was trying to understand and help me. He knew I was still recovering and needed someone. He didn't know exactly how to approach me anymore but he knew I was thankful that he tried.

"I hope Scott and Charlie are together forever." I said that to make him feel a little hope. I knew he wanted us to have loving relationships like he had with mom when they were young.

"That would be nice," He shifted in his seat and leaned his arm on the window. "You and Santana would be like sisters."

My eyes dropped to my lap because I hadn't expected him to say that. I had completely forgotten the fact that that would be the outcome to Scott and Charlie getting married.

"I don't want Santana to be my sister." This caused my dad to laugh and shake his head. I knew he thought that I didn't want Santana to be like family to me because I didn't get along with her at first. But that wasn't it at all.

I didn't want to feel the way I do about Santana and then have her be labelled my sister in law. It felt wrong. But I wouldn't tell my dad about these feelings because he's a boy and usually these are things girls talk about with their mom. But I couldn't, so I'd keep it inside for now.

* * *

We drove back home and I noticed someone sitting on the front porch. When we got closer my dad looked at me and winked. "Whose that?" I looked to the body sitting on the porch and groaned really quietly so only I could hear.

I had no idea how Puck found out where I lived but that would be the first thing I ask him. My dad stepped out of the car first and I followed behind him. Puck stood up instantly.

"Hello Sir, I'm Noah," He had a slight smirk on his face. I think he was trying to impress me.

"Nice to meet you boy," My dad turned to me. "I'll be inside."

I nodded and stood awkwardly in front of Puck. "How do you know where I live?"

"Quinn Fabray." I rolled my eyes. Obviously Quinn would tell the world everything about me.

"What are you doing here?" I went to step passed him to the door but his fingers wrapped tightly around my arm.

"I was hoping we could start a little arrangement." His white teeth were showing and he looked like he had recently shaved before he came over. I was repulsed and ripped my arm from his grip.

He was stunned by my strength but his eyes only grew darker. "No Puck," I stated and opened the front door.

"C'mon Crazy Pierce, I know you can fuck like a porn star!" He yelled and I squeezed my eyes shut. I knew he was speaking of my past experiences with guys before I went to the clinic. I wasn't the most innocent girl but Puck was way out of my league back then. Now that he's popular I guess it would be good for my reputation - which is doing very poorly at the moment.

But I always think to that day under the bleachers. The way he treated Santana made me cringe and I just wanted to hit him so hard that he couldn't feel any more. At the time I hadn't wanted to help Santana because of the way she stood there and did nothing when Sam humiliated me. But I was over that now, I think. And I wanted Santana to be okay because I understand how she feels a little more now. She just wants friends, and I need them, or at least one.

"Goodbye Puck," I said softly and turned around. Puck stood there with his arms crossed and a frown on his face.

"Cunt," He whispered under his breath and I clenched my jaw. I didn't say anything more, I just slammed the door and ran upstairs to my room.

I found Charlie reading a book in bed and Scott was on the computer. I asked for Santana's number and they gave it to me without hesitation.

Then I ran to my room, closed the door and texted her.

_'Can I get my surprise early?' - Brittany_

I placed my phone on my bed and waited for a reply. I didn't want Santana to take my text in a sexual way because I didn't intend it that way. My phone buzzed and I looked down to see her number flash on the screen.

_'Sure, why not. When do you want me over?' - Santana_

_'I'll come to you if that's okay?' - Brittany_

_'Alright, see you soon :)' - Santana_

I shoved my phone in my bag. I then ran to my dad's room and told him where I was going and when I'd be home. He said it was fine and I gave him a kiss on his forehead. I hated seeing my dad alone in his big bed in his big room. My mom belonged there and she was in every guy's room but my dad's.

* * *

I caught the bus that took me directly to Santana's street. I had to walk a short distance but I made it. I saw her through the window playing her piano. I didn't want to disturb her and thankfully the front door was open. And it didn't creak so she didn't hear me when I stepped inside.

She was singing aswell. It was all abit magical. I liked listening, I didn't want her to stop. I felt like I was floating again. Listening to her sing was the best thing in the world. It was like when you experience your first kiss. Not that I had ever kiss someone properly before. I remember feeling a light peck on my lips at the age of four by this boy that my mom used to look after when her friend was working all day and night because she didn't have a boyfriend.

No guy ever kissed me, I only kissed their bottom half because intimacy wasn't something I through around, unlike my dignity.

She sang out the last note then slid her fingers along the keys. She then closed the lid and stood up. When she turned around she wasn't shocked. She kind of flinched and clenched her fist around her shorts - which ultimately made me look at her outfit.

Her shirt was off the shoulder and her exposed collarbone and neck made my chest quiver and vibrate. Her shorts were a soft fabric and went just passed her butt. She was wearing knee high socks which looked sexy.

I finally looked back up to her face and she was smiling shyly, like she knew that I was admiring her outfit, but more so her body.

"You're pretty," I spoke softly. I didn't mean that only physically, but also her voice and how she played the piano and how she would bite her lip in class when she was concentrating. "You like when I compliment you?" I asked with my eyebrows raised, because of the way her cheeks blushed a deep crimson and her smile never faded.

"Let's go," She ducked her head and walked passed me to the stairs. I followed her and when we reached her room, she hesitated a little. Then she finally pushed the door open.

I didn't mind that she didn't acknowledge my compliment verbally or even give me one back. I just had to tell her, it was one of those in the moment things.

Her room was really dark. The bed was black and the pillows were red. Her curtains were black velvet so hardly any sun was coming through. Once she turned the light on, I was able to make a path to the bed. Her floor was completely clean of clothes and food scraps. I don't know why I expected her room to be messy, but I guess because her parents aren't here then she has to be a little mature about things around the house.

We were silent for a moment until I could visibly see that she had become more confident. She took in my appearance and walked slowly to the bed. She sat a fair distance away but spread her legs open and bit her lip. She was basically looking at me through her eyelids the entire time.

"I was thinking that I could help you out," She suddenly spoke.

"With what?" I was really confused. I thought there was some surprise here for me.

"With your problem," She spoke low and sensually and shifted a little on the bed.

"What's my probl-" I got it. She was looking at me with complete lust right now and I understood what she meant. She wanted to help me out. With sex.

"Look, we don't have to be all intimate about it if you don't want to, but I need someone other than the cheerleading team every now and then and since you need something new then," She winked. "Why not?"

"We can't," I croaked. I could tell she didn't believe me. I didn't even believe myself when I said it.

"But you want too," She spoke with a lightness in her voice and began to tug on my arm. I complied only because of the look she was giving me. Even Regina wasn't that sexy. I didn't know why I even found Santana sexy. Boys are supposed to turn me on, but right now I was feeling so weird.

"I don't-" She pressed her hand to my chest and pushed me back against the headboard.

"I won't do anything you don't want to, but I can tell you want this Brittany. You may have only realised now, but I really think this could help both of us out."

I looked down to her hand and it was slowly moving down my stomach to my tight jeans. If she tried to pull them down I'd just laugh because I know she'd struggle. And when I laugh she'll frown and tell me to stop laughing because she's trying to be sexy. And I'll ruin the entire mood.

"Puck came over today," I said, looking down at her hand still. I knew that saying this would stop her, but in a way I didn't want her to stop. I just knew we couldn't do this. Because of Scott, Charlie, my dad and my mom. Mostly because of me - she couldn't get involved with a person like me.

"What? Why?" She retracted her hand and turned to face me completely. I looked up in her eyes and she looked so angry.

"He wanted to have sex and I rejected him, so he called me a cunt," I whispered the last part and looked down at my hands. The bed dipped like when you first walk onto a jumping castle. Santana leaned forward and pressed her lips to my cheek. I could hear her exhale a shaky breath when she moved back and I think the kiss stunned her more than it did me.

I looked at her and she had her fingertips pressed to her lips. Her eyes darted back to mine and I had no idea what she was thinking.

"I won't do this if you don't want to, it was just an idea." I don't know how one cheek kiss changed her mind. Maybe it was Puck, but I didn't know. I couldn't read her at all. "Don't let Puck treat you that way. You don't deserve that."

I smiled small at her and looked back to my hands. She was so different to the guys I used to give myself too. They would be so forceful. I don't know if the fact she was a girl made it different, because Santana was still so upfront. Especially a few weeks ago in my bedroom. She had changed alot and I had no idea why. But I liked her this way better, even though her brutal honesty was sexy.

I decided to rest my head against the headboard again and lay my legs out flat. I spread them and I could hear Santana swallow thickly. I was presenting myself to her happily, even though there was a little voice in the back of my mind that said 'don't do it.'

I wanted too though. I wanted to see what she could do because she was so confident about her abilities. More than that, I just wanted her against me.

"Could we watch porn for a little while?" I asked innocently and she breathed out a laugh. She pulled her laptop onto the bed in front of us and turned it on. I was growing so anxious. I was in the position where she could just explore my body without boundaries but I needed to delay the exploration for some reason.

She pressed play on the video and I relaxed a little. That is until I looked sideways and saw her breathing become choppy and heavy. I was extremely turned on, especially because her chest was rising and falling so gracefully. I had never seen something so beautiful. Even the paintings in those galleries that you hear about when you're in class don't match up to this. People say paintings are beautiful because there's is depth and meaning that you can't quite see unless you truly learn to understand. Santana was sort of like a painting. She had layers and depth, that I was more than willing to explore and understand.

In that moment I decided to just do it. I reached my hand over to hers, catching her by surprise. She looked into my eyes but mine were fixed on our hands. I brought hers to my jeans and I knew that it would be difficult for her hand to go inside because they were so tight.

But Santana looked so horny right now that in one swift movement she managed to unbutton them and slide them down to my knees. I was still laying there, motionless now.

For a while she just stared. She stared at my most hidden body part like she had just found gold. But what she didn't know was that I was the rich one. Diamonds are worth more than gold in my world.

Slowly her right hand made it's way towards my underwear. It was like her fingers were on their own little trek. I looked up at her face and watched her expression change at least five times. She glided her fingers up and down my underwear and I could feel my private area start to soak up my underwear and get trapped inside. It was uncomfortable because I had never been this wet before and someone was actually going to feel it.

But she was so gentle, taking her time with each stroke. I wondered what she felt like. It had to be similar to the soft feel of a rose petal. So when she was touching me over my underwear I thought of that flower blooming, from something so unnoticeable to something so beautiful and I picture that's how Santana bloomed in life.

My breathing was very slow and I think she enjoyed it. Every time her eyes fell to my chest she would lick her lips.

"Close your eyes," She whispered. "It might feel better." So I shut my eyes and attempted to relax when her fingers slid beneath my underwear.

I hadn't realised that my hands were clenching the blanket below us, so tightly. She ran her fingers up and down a few times before I felt her lips near my cheek. She kissed my skin gently, it almost felt unreal. On the outside of my swollen lips her fingers would dig and add pressure, which made my back arch right off the bed. She would close her fingers like a scissor, taking my lower lips between them. It's like she practised this same routine for so long and now she was an expert.

She then entered a finger inside of me and I knew that the kiss was some silent way of letting me know that she'd take care of me.

In slow motion my back arched off the bed again and my mouth fell wide open. My eyes were still closed but I was so tempted to open them and look at her. I wanted to read her expression like a novel, so that I could see what she felt. So after she entered me and pulled out a few times to play with my clitoris - which drove me crazy - I opened my eyes and watched her. My moans got caught in my throat because I was trying to fight them off.

Then when she added another finger it was becoming impossible to stay quiet.

"Do you like that?" She whispered and her mouth was a few inches away from my ear.

I couldn't speak because I knew if I tried to form words only a squeak or a moan would come out. So I nodded my head and tilted it back. She wasn't rough when she entered me and I knew it was because she was trying to be gentle with me.

I arched my back into her touch and slid further down the bed. She followed me and thrust her fingers inside me faster now. I felt her thumb tickle my clit which made my legs quiver. She moaned so loud when I did that because she knew that I was close.

I had to change positions of my upper body so many times because every touch felt like a jolt of electricity. My tongue stuck out of my mouth and I probably looked like a really thirsty puppy dog.

I then squeezed my eyes shut when I could feel the orgasm approaching. A few more thrusts and I was all hers. My fingers wrapped around her bicep and I gripped on it so hard. When I felt her fingers curl up inside of me, my insides clenched tight around her and my cum dripped down the length of her fingers.

She pulled out and brought her fingers to her lips. I watched as she took them in her mouth, so satiated by what she had just done. My breathing steadied after a while and we both lay there on the bed. I had no idea what to say. Should I thank her? Should I return the favour?

"That was really good. Like," I swallowed hard. "Really good."

She smirked and rested her head on her hand, just looking at me. I suddenly thought about what would happen after this, but I knew if I said anything Santana would just tell me to enjoy this moment right now. So I did. I smiled up at her and her eyes looked like they had little diamonds in them. Despite the darkness I could see all of her brightly.

"I'm happy to help you out whenever you need me," She said. I smiled shyly and hopped off the bed. I checked my phone and there was a text message from Charlie saying that mom was home and that I needed to get home now to have dinner as a family.

I contemplated inviting Santana but I knew I would just get horny looking at her over the table. So I said I had to go, and she said that was fine.

She walked me to the door and it was getting dark outside. She offered to drive but I said that the bus would only be here in a few minutes and she nodded her head.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"I don't know," I pinched my lips together and looked to the floor. "When I figure it out I'll let you know." She laughed and brought her hand up to wave. I smiled back and began walking down the street.

* * *

**Share your thoughts?**

**Don't hesitate to P.M me I always reply. :) **


	11. Tail lights

**A/N: **Thank you for the people who have stuck with this story because I know it can be confusing at times, but everything takes time, especially revealing someone's past, so expect answers in the coming chapters.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

I'm not sure what was scarier. Coming home to find my mom yelling at my sister and dad. Or realising that I had given in to Santana finally. I don't know whether to call it sex or just leave it at she fingered me. But she was inside of me and I felt more than I did with anyone else. I was becoming easy again, even though it had taken a while. The experience with her was far better than in the hallway at school with Puck. I don't know why I felt scared though...

Maybe it was the same reason she was scared of me.

"Stop yelling please," I mumbled, unable to look at my family members incase I'd burst into tears. They'd rush over to me like a pack of animals. I didn't want that. This wasn't about me. Atleast I don't think so.

"I let you live here so you could be around our daughters," My dad yelled from one end of the living room.

"And you hardly pay attention to Brittany and I!" Charlie screeched. She was crying so hard so I walked over to her, through the curse words and violent waves of arms and took her hand. She seemed shocked at first - I don't think she realised I had returned home. My parents weren't paying attention to us and that was what I wanted just for now.

"If she gets in any trouble and you're not here, how are you going to feel?" My dad questions angrily. I don't realise that they're talking about me now until I let my dad's words sink in.

Why would I be in any trouble?

Scott wasn't here anymore and I guessed he left as soon as Charlie called. Charlie and I walked out to the backyard and entered the garage. We sat on the sofa we had moved in there to make a little sanctuary for us both to go when the house felt full.

Her head was in her hands and I hadn't seen her cry this much for a long time. The last time was when I was taken away in that white van. I could hear her screaming to my mom to not let them take me, but ofcourse she didn't listen.

Everyone had there own lives while I was in there, so I didn't get visited much.

But I'd never hate Charlie. Especially not now. She's choking on her breaths so I move over and rub her back slowly. When she's finally calmed down, she turns to look at me with wet eyes and quivering lips.

"Where were you?" My eyebrows shot down in confusion because I wasn't expecting that.

"Santana's house." Charlie ducked her head and shook it from side to side. She sighed heavily before speaking again.

"I'm starting to think making you and Santana friends wasn't such a good idea."

"You didn't make us friends," I dejected. "It just happened."

"Brittany you have to stop being so oblivious to things," She half yelled. That came out of nowhere so I stayed silent until she explained what she meant. "Santana is more like you than you think, but now you're friends with her and everything's just dandy!" She sighs before speaking again. "I didn't want to say anything because you're both recovering so well. It's hard y'know?" I didn't nod. "But it's really fucking hard to to see you be around her when Scott and I know she's been fighting."

"How? Recovering from what?"

"Scott saw the bruises even though she tried to hide them. I don't want you getting hurt because of her," She pauses. "She has to tell you the full story, but after her parents died she did some silly things."

"She won't hurt me," I sounded so sure even Charlie was a little worried. "And I'm not oblivious. I knew something was different about Santana." I wanted to say special, but I didn't want Charlie to get the wrong idea. Then I thought about what my dad had said earlier. "Does dad know about Santana? Is that why he thinks I'll get in trouble?"

"Brittany," Charlie exasperated. It seemed like she was getting tired of saying my name. But then she smiled up at me and I felt a lot better. "You always did try and see the good in people." Her tone made me think she was proud. And also that she couldn't stop me from being friends with Santana, because when I was sure of something I'd stick to it.

Then Charlie gave me a hug and she held me really tight because she noticed tears form in my eyes. I didn't know when I even started to tear up. I think because now two people, that I cared most about, were proud of me. And I didn't really do anything amazing. I just kind of existed, like I used to. Only now my existance was being appreciated in the right ways.

"I'm going to clean up and head to bed." Charlie let me go and walked out of the garage.

The house had quieted down by the time I reached the back door. The lights were off and I didn't really feel comfortable walking in the dark, especially because the stairs were on the other side of the house. So I grabbed some spare blankets from a box in the garage and lay down on the sofa. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was actually a lot softer than my bed. Less springs and more boyancy.

I remember my dad talking about the first time he met my mom. He described all of the little features she has that not many people take notice of at first. It made me think that I hadn't had that with anyone yet. My relationships weren't that at all. Just quickies when I was a freshman. And then Regina, Puck and now Santana.

My feelings towards Santana, even though I didn't exactly know what they were, made me believe it's what my dad felt for my mom the first time. The little things; the thickness of her eyelashes and poutiness of her lips. It amazed me in ways I couldn't tell you. So as I drifted off to sleep, her features were all I could think of.

* * *

Monday morning I strode into Sue Sylvesters office demanding to be allowed a try out for Cheerios. She smirked immediately because I guess she knew this was going to happen. She knew from watching old cheer videos I had showed her the first day of Freshman year how flexible and fluid I was in dancing so I could be very useful for her squad, well whoevers squad it was now.

"Tweedle dumb is back and ready to go huh?"

"Yes coach, I feel like I can bring a lot to the squad. Maybe even win us nationals again."

Sue let out a really sinister laugh and uncapped her smoothie drink or whatever it was. "Listen Courtney Love, you can have your try out, but there's no guarantee you're going to be on the squad, got it?"

I nod quickly and thank her for her time. "Be in the gym in 25 minutes." Lucky Sue could pull strings around here so she could tell my art teacher I would be late to class.

I walked towards my locker when Rachel approached me. She was rambling on about how Glee Club isn't the same without her. I agreed, because she was the star of that club, no doubt.

"So Puckerman's having this party next weekend and I'm invited."

"Cool," I replied, closing my locker to face her.

"Do you want to go? Because I'm not really going to know anyone there," She paused to bite the corner of her lip. "Well besides most of the Glee club. But their immaculate efforts to stay away from me at school allows me to believe that even at parties I won't be welcome."

I thought about how bad Puck's parties can be and how he'd probably try to make a move on me because he'd be wasted. But I hadn't been to a real party in a while and plus I wanted to help out Rachel because she was being so nice to me.

"Sure." I smiled and she grinned so big in return. She then turned around and walked down the hall. On the opposite side of the hall was Santana, walking towards my direction. She didn't come directly towards me, but her eyes found mine and we both smiled.

Maybe she was going to the party. That was just another reason to go.

* * *

The gym was empty apart from Becky who stood by the stereo, Sue who was sitting behind a desk in the centre of the room and a dark skinned woman with mustard coloured hair.

I dropped my bag which had a spare change of clothes and headed towards the new coach. She didn't acknowledge me at all.

I nodded to Becky to press play and when I leapt into my first spin I saw someone standing in the distance. I didn't pay much attention to them, I really wanted to impress Sue and the new coach. So I flipped and twirled and lifted my legs high in the air and even added the spilts in my routine.

Sue's expression was completely blank the entire time. The new coach had a her arms folded and her eyes glaring at my every move. She didn't gasp at my tricks or cringe. She didn't say anything until I finally finished. But I had hardly heard a word out of my mouth because my eyes caught the other person watching me by the doors.

Santana had her arms crossed and her eyes were glued to me. I looked away and grabbed my water bottle from my bag.

"See you tomorrow after school blondie!" Sue called out as I grabbed my things.

Santana walked straight out of the gym when I headed her way. She seemed really flushed. I looked down and I was sweating on my chest, which wasn't that covered up by my loose top. I smirked, knowing well the effect I had on her.

I headed into the locker room, losing sight of Santana. There was a locker towards the end of the last row with my name on it. I guess Sue did know I'd be on the Cheerios already. I pulled off my shirt to reveal my pink sports bra underneath. I decided I didn't need to rush so I sat down on the bench and took a long drink of water.

The doors swung open, but I wasn't anywhere near them to see who it was. I assumed it was just some cheerleaders, but there was only one set of footsteps and they stopped right behind me.

"That was hot," Santana husked. I placed my bottle down, beginning to sweat more at her sensual tone and the fact she was hovering over me. I decided to play her game because I couldn't just deny how much I wanted her inside me again.

I stood up and turned around. Her eyes instantly fell to my chest, but she didn't ogle my boobs like Puck and the other jocks did. Her eyes appreciated them while they also burned with hunger and lust. I took this as an opportunity to grab my water bottle and squirt a bit in her direction.

"Hey!" She moved back and gaped at my flirtacious grin. She then leapt for the bottle but I stepped aside and ran down the rows of lockers. She was quick but I was one of those people that wouldn't lose whatever game we were playing so easily, so I ran faster and faster until I stood at the end of the showers.

She still had that hungry look in her eyes and my lips formed an innocent pout. "Why were you watching me?" I breathed. Santana met my gaze and began walking really slowly towards me like a seductress from a racy film. I felt myself automatically backing up but I'm trapped as I hit a wall. Her face hovers close to mine and I think she's getting nervous because she can barely look me in the eyes.

"Why were you watching me?" I repeat and she shutters when my breath hits her lips.

She doesn't answer. She swallows hard and pushes off from me. She's out of the locker room before I can call out to her. She's such a tease.

* * *

I walked into Spanish class more confused than usual. I wanted to ask Santana what happened before and tell her what happened with my mom and dad and Charlie and ask her if she had mentioned anything to Scott about what we did.

Unfortunately Rachel sat next to me straight away so when Santana came in, the only spot left was in front of us, next to Quinn Fabray. Quinn had moved into this class today, along with two others from Glee club; Kurt and Mercedes.

I didn't glare at them or even look at them. Ever since I caught Sam and Mercedes getting it on under the bleachers it's been awkward. I can feel the tension already, but I don't want to approach her about it, there's no need.

Santana turns around and one side of her lips curves up into the cutest smile. I'm glad she doesn't feel awkward about before. She then looks back towards the teacher and I notice her hand hovering behind her back. I look closer and notice the small phone which has a paused video on the screen. I can see limbs entangled and bare boobs and automatically realise that this class will not be any different for Santana.

"Hey, how did you go with the homework?" Rachel whispers. I open my book, point to the homework section that I completed and then look over at her.

She has a smirk on her lips and she's facing forward. When I follow her gaze I notice that Quinn Fabray has turned around and is smirking back at Rachel and giggling.

"Rachel..." I hiss and she immediately breaks eye contact with Quinn and turns to me. I slap her playfully on her arm and bat my eyeslashes. She scoffs and shakes her head.

"Some things have changed around here Britt."

When class ends I pack up my stuff and am one of the last to leave because my books decided to go flying across the room. Finn was responsible for that one. I guess Puck told him what happened and now he thinks he's some tough guy aswell. I always thought he was gay for Puck because he worships the ground he walks on.

Santana literally ran to get my books and handed them to me. She didn't say anything, she just left after that. I whispered 'thanks' before following her out of the room. She walked straight down the hall towards my locker, but stopped in front of the bathroom and turned to face me. Her mouth twitched up into a smirk and she disappeared inside.

Did she want me to follow her? Or did she want me to fantasize about her masturbating in there or something? I quickly strode to my locker, stuffed my books in and walked back to the bathroom. When I entered it was empty, so I instantly thought that I just missed her. But then I heard tapping in one of the stalls.

I walked towards the noise, my eyes trained to the mirror. When I got in front of the third stall, Santana grabbed my waist and pulled me in. She didn't even close the door. Her eyes were piercing my skin and she clung onto my waist like I was saving her from drowning.

She then began tickling me and I couldn't help but let out a huge laugh. "Ha ha San! S-stop!"

I was almost in tears by the time she stopped and I was facing away from her, with my forehead against the wall. She pressed into me and inhaled heavily. I was glad I put on extra perfume this morning.

She then slid her fingers down my waist, to the hem of my shorts. I was frozen but still shivering a little because of her touch. It did so many things to me.

"Because you're so fucking sexy," She mumbled. I knew that was the answer to why she was watching me earlier.

Her fingers trailed up my shorts and along my underwear. A long drawn out "Mmm," was my only response as I closed my eyes and gave myself to her.

This would become a routine to her, but for some fucked up reason I was completely okay with that. I loved the way she lingered on certain parts of my skin and the small puffs of air she'd leave to stain my neck. We hadn't kissed, but she had explored me in a more intimate way than anyone else.

"You're wet already Brittany," She husked in my ear, her tongue hitting the shell.

She didn't give me a chance to reply if I wanted too. Her pointer and middle finger were deep inside of me and I instantly grinded my butt back into her. My right arm slung back over her shoulder and my fingers dug into her hair.

I could almost feel her smiling against me as she kissed my neck. She was enjoying every minute of this and I was too. I stumbled backwards but she managed to keep her fingers inside of me. We turned to face the bathroom mirror and watching her finger fuck me made me even wetter.

It was like watching the final episode of your favourite television series. You're sad it's going to end but you're grateful it even happened. That's how I felt. Santana was making me feel, not to help herself, but to help me. That was the nicest thing anyone had done for me.

"Fuck," I hissed, slamming my palm on the cubicle wall. We met each others gaze in the mirror, her eyes were all I could see of her face. They were dark and half lidded.

She kissed the back of my neck one final time, before removing her fingers and rubbing my clit. My knees jutted out and my thighs reverberated. The feeling was intoxicating. I didn't want her to stop these spontaneous 'quickies'.

* * *

When we stepped out of the bathroom, everybody had already gone home. She offered to give me a lift home but told me she had to stop at Breadstix first.

"C'mon," She said, holding out her hand to me. I wondered if she would do this if people were around. I didn't want to get caught up in my feelings for Santana, because I think all she wanted from me was sex.

I gave her a shy smile and walked passed her. Her eyes darkened with disappointment but she followed me to her car anyway.

When we reached Breadstix, she said to wait in the car because she'd be quick. So I turned up the radio a little and pulled a handle to make the seat go back. We were parked right near the entrance but I didn't bother watching Santana because she did say she wouldn't be long.

Ten minutes passed and I pulled the seat upright. From here I could see Santana talking to one of the waitresses at a table. She had her hand on the girls thigh, sliding it up and down. The waitress giggled at something Santana said and I can admit that I felt a little jealous. I knew Santana fucked cheerleaders but I didn't think she'd still flirt with other girls after what we did together. I guess I just wished that she'd only want me.

I don't even know why. Because I wasn't ready to be hers.

The waitress fiddled with the collar of Santana's jacket and leaned up slowly to kiss her. Santana immediately pulled back, scratching her head as if she didn't even see the kiss coming. I wondered why she did that. And I wondered why she pulled back so quickly in the locker room when I wasn't making any move to kiss her. But she may have known I was watching her now. It doesn't even matter if she kisses other people because we've never kissed.

A car pulls up beside me and about four people from Glee club step out and walk into Breadstix. Quinn, Mercedes, Tina and Kurt. I watch them laugh together and hate that I used to be right near them laughing along aswell. They were the last group of people I expected to shut me out.

Santana was walking up the car now holding a bag of breadsticks. She looked at me with an odd expression because I hadn't acknowledged her yet.

"What's up?"

"They just look really happy." She turned her head in the direction of the glee club members and sighed.

"They don't deserve you Brittany. They're selfish," She states without any harshness in her tone. I find comfort in her words and turn to face her.

"Can you take me home now." She nodded and started the car.

When we reached my house, Santana turned the engine off. I looked over at her and she was already staring back at me.

"Who was that girl in the restaurant?" I asked quietly.

"She's just a friend, why?"

"I thought you didn't have any friends, that's why you wanted me to be your friend so bad," I retorted and I noticed her clenching her jaw slightly.

"Fine," She inhaled long. "She's just some chick that I fucked once. Is that better?"

"Santana..."

"What? Are you jealous? Do you not want me to talk to other girls because forgive me if I'm wrong but you just came out of nowhere and I had been so content before. I had girls swarming over me and quickies before every class. And don't think it's your fault that that hardly happens anymore," She was shaking her head alot now. "Because it isn't. It's mine. I wanted it to stop _because _you came into my life. You make everything better, you make me better."

I didn't know I'd find somebody worse off than me. In my mind I was the most fucked up thing on this planet. It was like I didn't want to see that Santana was just as bad. But in a way she made everything better for me too.

"What do I make better?" I didn't mean to take advantage of her upset state, but I really wanted to know.

"I..." She hesitated then shook her head. "Another time."

"Come with me to Puck's party this weekend," I say changing the subject, watching her begin to breath more evenly.

She didn't say anything for a while. She just sat there staring forward out into the darkness. "Will you dance with me?" She spoke so shyly.

"Yes," I replied instantly, because the question was so simple. It may not have been simple for her to ask though.

She didn't say anything after that and I wanted her to. I wanted to hear her voice again. I wanted her to yell because then the veigns in her neck would show and they were one of my favourite things about her. I wanted to kiss her neck. But we had only ever kissed each other on the cheek.

"Can I do something?" She nodded, still not facing me which worked out better.

I leaned across the center console and brushed her hair back. Her eyes peered down on me but she still didn't move her head. Then I leaned down and kissed the skin under her jaw so lightly. I let my kiss linger for a long time and I could feel her pulse quicken. It was such an amazing moment, I wish my eyes were a camera so when I blinked I could capture it.

But I think everyone wishes that. Then they wouldn't have to pay so much money on real cameras and batteries and rolls of film.

I pulled back finally, but stayed close to her. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was even. I leant my nose against her cheek and breathed her in this time. She smelt like meatballs and restaurant food. I'd always wanted to nudge a meatball across a plate like they do in Lady and the Tramp. But I figured at this moment Santana could be my meatball. So I nudged her cheek with my nose and her skin was so soft.

It was odd, what I had just done. If she asked me to explain it I wouldn't be able to.

"Goodnight Santana," I whispered and stepped out of the car.

I watched her car speed off as I stood on my porch. One of her tail lights flickered and I named that one Santana. It wasn't losing light though, it was gaining light. It was trying desperately to stay lit. I was the other tail light that stood by it, begging it to stay to lit with me so we could face this world together.

I hope Santana doesn't flicker away.

* * *

**Thoughts? **


	12. Red

**A/N: **So this is my longest chapter and I'm very very very happy about it. I really hope you all enjoy reading. The next chapter will most likely be posted next week because I have to write up some more chapters to be up to date and it's my last year of high school so I really should be studying! But don't worry I won't leave it too long, I hate waiting and keeping my readers waiting!

Just to answer a few questions:  
-Brittany's parents were quarrelling because they found out about Santana getting into a fight and Brittany's mum always thought Santana would be a bad -influence(that will be addressed soon).  
-Santana's recovery from her parents death will be answered very soon. She's going to reveal something to Brittany that she regretted doing when she was young.  
-I'm sure you've noticed they haven't kissed yet and the reason why will be addressed very soon aswell.

There's still so many layers of this story to share and I'm really glad you have stuck with it and if you continue reading I'll be truly appreciative. Thanks again for reading guys! You're the best.

Anyway enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

I had made it. It was Friday and I had made it to last period. Normally I'd have Spanish, but because of the timetable change, all my classes had been shifted to different times. Art class wasn't a subject that I excelled in or really paid any attention in. Mrs. Hagberg didn't mind though, she had a love for teaching that stretched far beyond my attention span.

This class was just basically to tell them I had five appropriate subject choices so I could at least pass the year. I had to actually do well in them though, but it was hard to concentrate for reasons you'd already know.

I sat in my seat thinking of what had occurred Monday night. Why had I done it and what I was thinking at that moment. Of course the fact that Santana fingered me in a bathroom stall lingered somewhere in my mind, but I wasn't thinking about that now.

When Santana walked into class she just stared at me. No smile, no frown. She hadn't said anything that night after my lips gently and carefully attacked her neck. All she did was drive off. Maybe she was taken by surprise. I had surprised myself quite a bit. I was no longer focusing on just myself and school any more. My mind raced with thoughts of Santana being with another girl, Santana being with me and me kissing Santana's neck. It was all so crazy that I had to close my eyes and breathe in and out really slowly.

Santana was sitting on the other side of the room, but I could still see her between other students heads. She had begun drawing already and I really wanted to observe her while she did that. She was so interesting to me because it was so damn hard to figure her out.

After a few minutes of doodling stupid little cartoons I looked up and noticed Santana talking to Mrs. Hagberg. She had a piece of paper in her hand and was pointing to the back of the room. Mrs. Hagberg shook her head and pointed outside. I wondered what they were whispering about and why Santana couldn't just speak in a normal voice. She then began walking towards the door and disappeared into the hall.

My eyebrows shot down in confusion but I didn't want to follow Santana incase I got into trouble. I wouldn't risk getting yelled at just to see what Santana's up to. I'd wait until class is over and then I'd ask her why she had left and if she tells me then I'll just nod and smile and if she doesn't I'll nod and frown because I thought we were getting somewhere.

It's annoying that she can ignore me like this and then finger me whenever she wants. Maybe if she tries getting me alone again I'll tell her to back off. I'll tease her.

* * *

I felt a little better when the bell rang. Santana had returned to class not long after she left but we still hadn't spoken. She looked at me a few times but I pretended not to notice. I'm going to try to play hard to get.

"Brittany," She breathed and caught up to me when I stepped out of class.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing tonight?" She was grinning now, like she had not just spoke to me for a whole day.

"I don't know," I shrugged and turned to walk to my locker. A group of people were standing around the area where my locker was and I turned back to Santana. She was grinning really big, seemingly unfazed by my monotone attitude.

I continued walking and reached my locker. There was a large drawing stuck over my locker and two others. It was me and Santana's signature was in the bottom right corner. It was the drawing she drew of me the other week. I was a little giddy inside. No one had ever drawn me before and it was really, really amazing.

I turned to thank Santana but I could no longer see her as the students filled the hallways.

I carefully took down the drawing and watched as other students smirked and whispered around me. I stuck the drawing on the wall inside my locker, careful not to ruin it. Then I felt a hand on my hip and I almost jumped.

"Coming to my party tomorrow Pierce?" Puck husked. I had to cringe at his horrible breath.

"Probably," I said, without looking at him.

"Awesome, second time is a charm," He whispered, moving in closer.

"Isn't it third times a charm?" I said confused. He just rolled his eyes and muttered some swear word under his breath. I really didn't want to get with Puck tomorrow, but I knew he would try something.

Then I remembered that I was supposed to ask Santana if she was going and if not, then I'd ask her to come with me and Rachel.

When I got outside she was waiting by her car in the parking lot. "Hey, thanks for the drawing."

She smiled in response.

"Are you busy tomorrow night?"

"I am actually."

"Oh." I tried not to sound so disappointed but it was too difficult.

"Yeah, Puckerman's having a party."

My face lit up and I nearly squealed. "Go with me!" Santana's eyes widened. "I mean, er, come to my house and we'll get ready together and then go... together?"

Santana looked deep in thought. She licked her lips so many times I lost count. Then she opened her passenger door and said, "Get in gorgeous."

I remembered I had to play hard to get, so I folded my arms and tapped my foot. "Only if you say yes."

Santana huffed and shook her head. "Alright, alright. I was actually going to ask you the same thing."

I smiled really big and skipped towards the passenger side. She shut the door for me and walked over to the driver side.

I took a long, soothing breath to calm down. This whole playing hard to get thing was not working. I'm not good at the being flirty and leave them wanting more thing any longer. Santana is though. She's just driving with her right hand on the wheel and the other leaning on the window. She's making me want her just by sitting in a particular way and I've never ever felt this way before.

"You haven't talked to me all week."

"About what?"

"About Monday night. When I kissed your neck."

Silence.

I continued. "Did you like it?"

After a few short moments she finally answered. "I liked it alot more than getting head from a cheerleader."

It wasn't the answer I expected, but I took it and treasured it because it was actually really sweet if you think about it.

"I think that's a good thing," I muttered and couldn't contain the small smile that Santana eventually noticed when she turned to me.

"It is," She confirmed, matching my smile.

Now I definitely wanted her to come over tonight. I don't care what we did I just wanted her near me.

"I might stop by later," Santana said as the car idled outside my house.

"I might be home later," I stepped out of the car then turned and leant on the window. "If you're lucky." I made sure to use my tongue alot in that sentence and it worked because Santana kept her eyes firmly on my lips the entire time. I heard her emit a small groan before she drove off. I was proud of myself.

I had reached the point of caring about someone else without having a drug influence the emotion. I'm getting better...

* * *

All I had done that evening was cook dinner with Charlie and listen to her rant about how teenagers can get away with fake I.d's and she can't even get away with her real one now that she's 21. I felt kind of bad.

Charlie doesn't even leave the house much to go clubbing. Mainly because she has Scott. And Scott works alot but also balances out time to spend with Charlie.

I hope I don't fall in love young so then I won't have to think about another person's life aswell as my own. Is that rude to say? I don't think it is. I just think that it's completely normal. Because growing up and experiencing things on your own prepares you for finding love.

I wouldn't want my boyfriend getting angry at me for wanting to go out clubbing when I'm still young when that's what I'm supposed to do.

I was going to have a boyfriend. No matter what I let Santana do to me, it wouldn't affect my sexual preference. I did think Santana was pretty, like a waterfall, because waterfalls never stop running and she never stopped giving up trying to be my friend and I kind of feel good about that.

I did like the way Santana made me feel. I did like her skin against my lips and I couldn't even imagine how much I would like my lips against her lips. Maybe Santana was the only girl that had this affect on me. It was most likely a phase.

But when Regina did stuff to me, it was because I hadn't been able to relieve my sexual frustration with just masturbating anymore and I couldn't confide in any of the men at the clinic. So I let Regina touch me because I didn't have any other choice.

And I let Santana touch me because... I wanted her to.

We watched television after dinner and then I heard the doorbell ring. My dad got to the door faster than Charlie and I so I stayed on the sofa with my legs crossed my hands in my lap.

"Hello Sir," Santana spoke. "Could I talk to Brittany?" My dad nodded and gave her a tight lipped smile. I guess he was still thinking about the fact Santana had got into a fight with Quinn.

My head sprung up from the sofa and she turned her eyes to me. "Britty," My dad called and I walked over to them.

That's when I noticed the third person at the door. A little boy with long blonde curls. He was wearing a spider man mask and Santana had her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey Santana," I looked down at the boy and winked. "Spider man."

The boy giggled and shuffled on his feet. Santana chuckled aswell and my eyes instantly found the crinkled parts of her face because they were so adorable and I just loved looking at them. Santana nudged the boy and he cleared his throat.

"Hello Britain..."

"Brittany!" Santana whispered in correction.

"Brittany!" He cleared his throat again and I could tell he was nervous. I raised my eyebrows at Santana but she just looked away as if she hadn't noticed.

"Santana and me were wondering if you could come to my house tomorrow cause' it's my birthday and it will be alotta fun!" I chuckled lightly and smoothed the boys hair over with the palm of my hand.

"That sounds like fun, is it dress up?" I asked as I knelt down in front of him.

"Only the kids have to dress up, but you can too if you want. Santana said she was going to go as red riding the hood."

"Red riding hood, Connor!" Santana hissed and the boy flinched.

"Yeah!" He shrieked.

When I managed to stop giggling I stood up to face Santana. "I would love too, thank you for the invitation."

Connor smiled really big and his blue eyes shun through the eye holes of his mask.

"Awesome," Santana finally spoke. "He's my next door neighbour so you can just come to mine in the morning, then maybe we can go back to yours before Puck's?" She sounded nervous and a little hesitant to ask.

"That sounds awesome," I grinned to reassure her it was okay.

After they left, I walked back into the living room and sat beside Charlie. She was looking at me really weird and I couldn't help but smirk and raise an eyebrow back at her.

"What?" I asked with a shrug.

"Santana isn't flirting with you still is she? Because it looked to me she brought that cute little boy over to ask you to go with her somewhere," Charlie explained and I shook my head.

"She only flirted that one time Charlie," I reassured her.

"Alright, if you say so." Then the room fell silent and I thought about the lights on Santana's car and how one of them flickered. I wasn't sure anymore if it was really growing on it's own. Because it was so desperate to stay lit that it brought another smaller car with smaller, well lit lights to help it out.

I don't think Santana is breaking or cracking but her façade that was built up of making fun of other people because she was made fun of is definitely disappearing and I was really excited to see the vulnerable side of her.

If she continued to ignore me after we had another moment like in the bathroom, then I wouldn't try with her anymore. If all I was to her was a quick fuck during school then I wouldn't want anything to do with her. I would miss the way she touched me of course, but I wouldn't dwell on it.

Maybe I could talk to her about everything. Because she answered me when I asked her about my neck kissing. Maybe I'm too far in to shut her out completely. Because if I do shut her out, we're back to square one and Charlie will be angry with me again.

I don't want that. I want to try with Santana, not only for myself but because I find something special in her. And that's hard to find in a place like Lima, Ohio. It's odd, but I do enjoy her company.

Thank goodness Charlie still had that wolf costume from halloween 6 years ago. It was still pretty loose fitting but it was the only costume I had on short notice.

* * *

I woke up a little later than I should have. Staring at the clock, I had only forty five minutes to get ready and get to Santana's house. I brushed my teeth, cleaned my face, added some minimal make up because the costume would hide most of my face anyway and had a quick, quick shower.

I was placing my feet through the footholes when my phone buzzed. I hopped over to my bed side table and unlocked it to see a text from Santana.

_Hey Britt, I had to go over to Connor's early to help set up some stuff so don't worry about coming to mine first, go straight to his, which is the house on the left of mine. Can't wait to see you x - Santana_

That was a good thing. Santana couldn't wait to see me. I was becoming more excited for this day and night to come. Maybe after tonight Santana and I will become those best friends that tell each other everything and have sleepovers. Maybe she'll even let me in on her deepest darkest secret.

I found out that the wolf suit was the worst idea possible because the heat outside was intensifying by the minute. I had a tight white plain dress underneath so I could still take this off. I'd have to show Connor and Santana I made an effort though.

It was about thirteen minutes after Santana told me when to be there that I arrived. I knocked twice on the door and some girl with a slutty snow white outfit answered. She looked around twelve and I chuckled inside my suit.

"Oh my god guys, check out this loser!" I frowned at her words and watched as six other girls came into view in the door way. They all started laughing at my outfit and I was tempted to barrel roll straight through them, knocking them all over. They were all dressed in fairy tale princess outfits, the only difference from the Disney version was, that their dresses didn't even meet their knees. And they'd never lose a glass slipper because they were wearing hooker heels and leather boots.

"What a freak!" They murmured as I slid passed them and entered the foyer. There were adults on either side of me and looking forward I could see the kitchen which led to the backyard. From here I could see kids running around in their costumes, shooting each other with their finger guns.

I wondered where Santana was. Just when I was about to walk, someone bumped into my side and my wolf feet slid on the floor, almost making me land in the splits.

"My apologies sir," The guy said, continuing his conversation and walking off.

Some people stared and giggled. I just stood back up straight and walked off, ready to find Santana because I knew she wouldn't let people laugh at me or call me a freak.

I saw a woman in the kitchen who was preparing food. She was most likely Connor's mother, but I didn't want to introduce myself yet. I stepped outside and felt the heat hit my fur instantly. All that was visible to anyone that noticed was my lips and right now I couldn't stop panting and licking them.

I focused my eyes on a little boy in a spider man suit. He was playing around the sprinkler. Some kids ran passed me, shooting water guns and bumping into me, probably thinking there was some tough meaty guy under this wolf suit. I strode forward, careful to freeze whenever there was a kid holding some sort of weapon.

Connor stopped what he was doing and growled at me. I growled even louder back and he giggled and ran over to a girl in a red riding hood outfit. Didn't Santana say she was...

Wow.

I was so lucky I had a suit that covered my face, because when Santana turned around she looked a little confused. Well, she never said that I could dress like a princess and make it look sexy. I don't think she noticed how I licked my lips as my covered eyes trailed hungrily down her body. She had knee high white socks on, black chunky heels, a short red dress which puffed out at the bottom and a red cape which was tied loosely around her neck. She laughed at my outfit, but I don't think she was aware of who I was just yet.

I decided to play with her a little.

I stuck out my paw and she stared down at it smirking. She shook it after an internal debate then told Connor to see if his mum needed any help.

"What's your name?" I shook my head. She laughed and only when she let go of my paw did I realise we'd been connected for over a thirty seconds. She pinched the inside of her mouth and turned to walk away. "Don't go near my abuela!" She called back.

I grinned and followed her, but made sure she didn't see me doing so. She was leaning against a tree, sipping on a glass of cola and texting someone. When she locked her phone, mine instantly buzzed. Luckily this suit had a small pocket just by my left hip. I pulled my phone out and saw that Santana had texted.

_You're missing out. There are some amazing costumes - Santana_

_Oh really? Like what? - Brittany_

_Well. There is this guy in an awesome wolf suit. He might eat me before you get here ;) - Santana_

I smirked. Wondering if I could tease her further. I walked slowly up behind her and saw that she was staring intently at her phone. I think she was waiting for me to reply.

When she had her eyes trained forward again, I moved beside her and took her hand in my paw. She flinched but relaxed and laughed.

"Woah buddy," She began. "I'm kind of waiting for someone."

I pulled my hood back and turned to her. "I'm already here sweetheart."

She gaped and stuck her tongue out at me, before pushing me back gently. I laughed and poked at her sides. This was exactly how I wanted Santana and me to be like all the time around each other.

I remembered something when we both stopped laughing. "Who are those girls in the princess skank outfits?"

Santana smirked. "Hoe white is Connor's older sister. She's only a freshman."

When Santana said _only a freshman_ I suddenly felt really sick. When I was her age I was giving guys the most popular blow jobs in Mckinley. I hope she hadn't been reduced to that.

Santana rubbed her fingers along my arm. I couldn't exactly feel it but I saw her arm move towards me. She raised an eyebrow and placed my hood back on.

"I feel like such a dork. I thought we were supposed to dress up, not dress down," I mocked her teasingly by pointing down to where her dress cut off.

She rolled her tongue in her mouth and looked through her eyelashes at me. "Thank you for coming. Thank you for being my friend." She looked vulnerable again. Sexy, but vulnerable. I leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. She nuzzled her head in my chest and I closed my eyes.

Then I felt a pair of hands pinching my butt and I looked at Santana accusingly.

"Um Brittany, I think you have a bit of a fan club," She whispered, looking passed me.

"Give us a hug!" A bunch of kids screamed when I turned around. They leapt for me but thankfully Santana was quick enough to grab my hand and pull me back inside. When we reached the living room I realised that only adults were inside.

I kind of felt like going back into the garden but I didn't want to lose Santana and I didn't want those kids wrestling me.

Santana tugged me towards the hallway and I looked down to find Connor standing against the wall with his hands playing with the waistband of his pants.

"What's up C?" Santana asks, bending down to meet his eyes.

Connor looks her dead in the eye and says something that makes me burst out laughing. "The goblin pooped in my suit."

Santana's eyes widen and she backs up a little. "The goblin? Are you sure it wasn't you who pooped in your own suit?" Connor shakes his head and doesn't even look towards me once.

"Goblin pooped in my suit then gave it back to me," Connor explains again, making me have to cup my hand over my mouth to try and gain composure.

Santana gives me a worried look before grabbing my hand and Connor's hand. She takes us down the hall to what I suspect to be Connor's room. I think Connor was really embarrassed, which made him freeze up. Santana pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with the spiderman mask on the front and handed them to Connor.

"We're going to have to take the suit off then..." Santana trailed off, screwing up her face in disgust. I knew what she was thinking and I could have easily ran off. Maybe I could just tell his mother and she'd be able to handle it.

"Don't tell mama." Well there goes that plan.

Santana takes Connor down the hall to the bathroom. She tells me to wait outside the door and I follow orders. A few minutes later she emerges with the soiled spider man suit and enters a room opposite. She throws the suit in the laundry basket and takes Connor back to his room so they can find his shoes.

Connor runs passed me in the doorway after saying a small thank you to Santana.

"What do you think of Mike Chang?" I ask randomly and take my hood off. Santana pinches her eyebrows together in thought. I don't think she was expecting the question but I just want to know her opinion.

"Mike Chang is a sensitive pussy." That's not the reply I wanted.

"Santana," I warn. She rolls her eyes and stands up. She approaches me slowly and lifts her hand to wipe away a few strands of hair that are stuck to my face.

"I think that Mike Chang would be lucky to have you," She replies and I can tell she's being honest because her eyes pierce mine. "Anyone would." She scrunches up her face and shrugs.

"He's going to be at Puck's tonight," I say, suddenly remembering that I have to text Rachel that I'll meet her there tonight. "Hopefully we'll hang out abit." I think I notice her expression change. She looks a little... disappointed? Maybe she thinks I'll be hanging out with Mike more if we start talking. I don't think I could ever ditch Santana though, I'd miss her too much.

"Cool," She replies softly, brushing passed me and out of the room. I throw my hood back on and follow her. There is a crowd gathering around a table in the garden and I can see Connor's mom lighting candles on the superhero cake.

Connor's bouncing up and down, trying to get his friends to look at how cool the cake is. I follow Santana straight back to the tree we were at before and we stand side by side. She's being silent and I know it's because I was talking about Mike. Maybe I can find a girl for her tonight, that will definitely make her feel better. However I think it'll make me feel worse seeing her be intimate with someone else, even though I've witnessed her receiving and giving oral to girls. It hasn't looked intimate though.

I reach out for Santana's hand and place my paw on top of it. She looks down at the action and runs her fingers along the fur of my suit. I should tell her she has nice fingers, and they make my insides feel really good.

"You h-" The garden erupts in Happy Birthday and Santana begins singing aswell. So I just stay quiet and keep holding her hand.

* * *

Santana informs me we should get going at around 6pm. I have to shower and wash all of the sweat off of me because of that damn suit. I can admit though, Santana and I looked cute as red and the wolf.

After hugging Connor goodbye we went to her house first. She said she didn't have to shower, she just needed to change. So I waited in her car after she gave me the keys to unlock it. She didn't take long and when she entered the drivers side my eyes instantly found her exposed legs. Her dress was super tight and a really nice dark blue colour. She had a fur vest on that matched and I just admired her for a while because she was just so nice to look at.

"I like what you're wearing," I complimented shyly. She turned to me and bit her bottom lip.

"Can't wait to see what you're wearing." Immediately I could sense the flirtation in her tone and became even hotter in my suit. I needed to take a reasonably long shower tonight.

* * *

It was 7pm when we left my house. Rachel was monotone on the phone because of some unknown reason she wouldn't really explain in too much detail. She was mumbling something about someone going to be there tonight who was most likely going to make fun of her. I tried to give her advice and tell her to be positive and she laughed at me and offered to drive us because Santana really wanted to drink and I said that was okay because my sister was going to give us a lift. She didn't tell Charlie she was going to drink but I knew because she mentioned it to me before we got out of the car.

As we pulled up, Charlie reminded us to stick together and not take any drink from anyone if you didn't see them open it or pour it first. We both nodded quickly because we just wanted to party.

Rachel was super drunk when she approached me and wrapped her hands around my neck. She was slurring something about her drink tasting like pink and I just laughed and sat her down. Santana nodded towards the kitchen and I followed her.

She poured two shots of tonic and we downed them quickly. Our faces screwed up at the sting in our throats but we just laughed.

I looked outside and couldn't see Puck anywhere. He must be in a room with some poor girl.

I felt fingers intertwine with mine and I looked up to see Santana's eyes focused on the garden. It seemed natural to her but my heart was racing for some reason. I watched as she grabbed two bottles of bud light from the bench and then drag me outside.

Amidst a group of footballers I saw Mike. He was swirling his tongue inside a bottle and looked really drunk. I pulled Santana off to the side of the house where it was a little more private. She scrunched up her eyebrows in that really cute way and whispered, "What?"

"Nothing. Well, Mike is over there. Do you think I should go to him?"

As soon as the name Mike slipped from my mouth I could see Santana's features harden. I wondered what was going through her mind at that moment. She sucked her lips into her mouth and was about to say something then stopped. She sighed and shook her head.

"Yes, go to him and work your magic Britt," She answered. I raised my eyebrows at her. "Don't worry I'll go find someone," She added. I gave her a small smile and leaned in to kiss her cheek. The moment my lips touched her skin I was reminded of when I kissed her neck. Suddenly I wanted to do it again. I had put that moment to the back of my mind but now it was the only thing floating in there.

I shook my head and stepped back. She looked disappointed and internally I was too. I didn't show it though. I then walked away towards Mike and the moment I approached him he grinned really big and pulled me into a hug. I wonder if he would have done the same if he was sober.

I got Mike to crack open the bottle of bud light for me. He did it with his teeth and I though that was super cool. After drinking half of it, I was running my hand down his chest and stomach. For a second I wondered why I couldn't feel any boobs or a thin waist. I realised as I touched him I was thinking of Santana and I instantly pulled my hand away.

Santana was standing across the garden. Some cheerleader was hanging off her, clearly drunk. Santana didn't look amused at all and I desperately wanted to go over there and hang out with her because I knew she'd like that.

Rachel was in the kitchen at the sink and Quinn was behind her leaning her chin on Rachel's shoulder. She looked sad but Rachel just looked pissed off. I wonder if there's something going on between them, because the other day they were both crying and running after each other. Now Quinn looks like a hurt puppy dog and Rachel is like Oscar the grouch.

* * *

By the end of the party, Mike and I had sobered up. He was actually talking to me about real stuff. Like dancing and school and what subjects we like best and why I couldn't dance anymore. I didn't want to go into detail and he actually respected that. I found myself comparing him with Santana though. As much as Mike was a nice guy, probably the nicest at Mckinley, I knew he wouldn't have done for me what Santana did.

Maybe because he has a reputation to withhold and Santana doesn't really have anything to lose, much like me.

"Here's my number, call me sometime," He whispered in my ear and handed me a piece of tattered paper. I smiled and placed the paper in my jacket pocket. It was a leather one that Charlie had bought for me one Christmas. It still fit and went well with the floral dress I wore underneath and black combat boots.

I remember when I walked out of my room, Santana was just blankly staring at my legs. I heard a small 'wow' emit from her lips and I just giggled.

I wanted to hear her voice again. Mike left and I was alone on the sofa inside Puck's house. I realised I hadn't even gotten a chance to dance with Santana. This night wasn't as good as I hoped.

Santana entered the house looking exhausted. She saw me and extended her hand to help me off the sofa. I think she still thought I was drunk. We did keep going back to the kitchen, opening bottles of bud light that weren't ours.

I followed her out of the house, our hands still connected. She let go when we saw Charlie's car pull up, because she had to walk to the opposite side of the car.

We didn't talk on the way back home. We didn't talk when we arrived and walked inside. Scott asked how the party was and if we got wasted. Santana and I both shrugged. We automatically walked up to my room and sat on the bed.

"I met someone. She's pretty cool."

"Is that the cheerleader I saw you with?" I asked timidly.

"Yeah actually," She smirked and I blushed because now she knew I was watching her.

"Well Mike gave me his number."

"Cool." Silence.

After a few minutes, I stood up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get changed. Santana just took her fur vest off and said she'd be able to sleep in her dress. We didn't discuss sleeping over but she knew it was okay and I was happy she was. I was happy that she was even here.

"There's a chance I might wake up either naked or almost naked," I whispered in the darkness when we were both under the covers.

"I'm okay with that," She responded and I could hear her smirk. I laughed and quickly covered my mouth.

"You're still flirting with me, I told Charlie you didn't do that anymore."

"Well that makes you a liar," She retorted and I smirked to myself.

We were silent for a while and I thought Santana may have fallen asleep. Then she spoke again and she seemed a little closer to me this time. I didn't really know because I was facing away.

"We should double date." The tone in her voice told me that she was unsure of what she said.

"Maybe," I replied, finally shutting my eyes. Maybe this time, when I wake up, she'll have her arms wrapped around me.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Let me know whatcha think :) **


	13. Destined

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

* * *

Normally when I have dreams I can remember them as soon as I wake up. But I've been awake for half an hour and I can't remember anything. Staring at Santana is distracting me a little bit. She's a completely different person when she sleeps. I guess we all are. Sleeping is an escape for everyone. Some escapes involve having nightmares so those people probably like the real world better.

Half of Santana's face is squashed into the pillow next to mine and her hand rests on the corner of my pillow. I've been tracing my fingers over the tops of hers for a few minutes but she hasn't even moved.

I'm glad I didn't take any clothes off while we were asleep. I don't think I could handle her smug expression. If that happened she'd probably be the one staring at me right now. Or maybe I'm just giving Santana this pervy persona without actually giving her chance to explain. She does look really innocent right now.

Her nose scrunches and I can feel her legs stretching out under the blankets. She begins to open her eyes and I should really close mine so she doesn't suspect that I was staring at her for half an hour but I don't. I continue to stare at her as she wakes up, as the smile on her face appears.

"Hey you," She says in a croaky morning voice.

"Hi," I reply and cover most of my face with blankets so she can only see my eyes. Her smile widens so I can see her teeth. I bite the inner wall of my mouth and wait until she says something.

But she doesn't. She gets out of bed and puts on her shoes. She then grabs her dress and turns to face me again.

"I have to meet someone sorry," She says and I stay quiet. "I really wish I could stay... Maybe we can hang out later?"

I send her a small shrug because I don't really feel like talking. I watch as she pinches her lips together and sighs. I know I've made her confused by not saying anything but if I do speak then I'd probably say something weird. I could just say 'okay' or 'hope you had a good night' but I know she did. Even though I didn't dance with her or hang out with her most of the night.

She did say she met someone, the cheerleader. But when I saw them together, I didn't see Santana's eyes light up.

"You didn't dance with me last night."

I frown and lick my lips even though I know she can't see them. If I can't find the right words then I'll have to do something. So I hop out of bed and walk over to my laptop. It takes half a minute to turn on and I click itunes. Santana is still standing in the middle of the room and I approach her with a gentle expression.

I take the dress out of her hand and lay it on the bed. Then I reach out and wrap my fingers around her waist. She smirks a little and then wraps her hands around my neck. Suddenly I feel myself being walked backwards and her smirk doesn't leave her face.

My butt hits the desk behind me and I suddenly become really nervous. Santana isn't afraid when it comes to sex and if we do it right now, in the morning, then I'll feel kind of gross. I haven't brushed my teeth, not that we kiss during it anything, but still. One of her hands falls from my neck and taps the space button on the laptop.

"You have to turn the music on to dance Britt," She smiles and I blush immediately. I walk forward so that we're back in the middle of the room. _Wicked Games _is playing and I'm happy because I have a feeling Santana will want to sing it and I really like when she sings.

Her hands are firmly connected behind my neck and my fingers occassionally squeeze at her waist to move forward. We're swaying like we're floating and she's leading me which surprises me. I can't my eyes off of hers, it's like there's a string connecting them and refraining me to look anywhere else.

I can feel her thumb move along my neck, giving me the shivers. My mouth falls open but I don't want to let anything out incase I say the wrong thing because we're at a really good place right now. She's humming along to the music but doesn't open her mouth to sing. I'm okay with that because even listening to her hum makes me smile inside. She pushes me back a little forcefully than before and I let out a harsh gasp. Her hand cups my mound over my underwear and I push up into her hand, while throwing my head back.

She grabs one of my thighs with her free hand and wraps it around her waist so that she has more room for her other hand. It plays with my clit over the underwear and before I know it my underwear is soaked. She slowly and agonizingly reaches into my underwear and two fingers slide down and into me. She's wasting no time and I know it's because she has somewhere to be, which does make me feel a little used. But her fingers are magic and she's barely even pumping them fast yet.

I rest my head on her shoulder and push forward and back, urging her fingers to thrust into me. She gets the hint and curls the tips of them and the moan that escapes my lips is the most embarrassing sound in the world. Santana seems to love it though, because she leans forward and bites the flesh on my shoulder before grunting and thrusting faster.

Suddenly there are three knocks on the door and we both jump and let go of each other. Santana grabs her dress and tells me she'll give me my pyjama's back when I see her next. She opens my bedroom door and Charlie's standing there looking really sleepy. Her hair is wild and the buttons on her pyjama top are all mixed up.

"Hey Charlie, I was just going," Santana says in a joyful voice. It's way too joyful for morning. Charlie screws up her face and rubs her eyes before nodding.

"Okie Dokie," Charlie responds. Santana turns towards me again and curves half of her mouth up into a smile. I smile in return and then she leaves and I can hear her footsteps as she goes downstairs.

Charlie walks in and just stands in front of me. "We're going out to lunch today with mom, so wear something nice."

I'm about to screw up my face when I see that Charlie is a little more awake now and she's giving me a firm 'Don't argue with me' look. "Alright," I whisper.

* * *

I don't really know what to wear to lunch. All I can think of is shorts and a t-shirt because I doubt we're going to some fancy restaurant. Charlie is waiting for me downstairs and I sigh in relief when I see her wearing something similar to me.

Scott is in the living room watching television with my dad and laughing about something my dad is explaining. I wish I could chill with them all day and laugh. But Charlie's rushing me out of the house and into her car. It doesn't take long until we're in front of a nice cafe that looks like it's been plucked from the 80's.

We sit down at a booth and wait for my mom who we know will be running late. I can't wait to hear her excuse this time.

Charlie's scanning through the menu and asks me what I want. I tell her to just order a salad and fries and she calls over the waiter. Charlie orders a fancy sandwhich with a lot of random delicious vegetables in it.

Twenty minutes after we were supposed to meet my mom she finally shows up... With her new boyfriend. Charlie looks at me with a shake of her head and I can tell she's going to be really blunt towards my mom. There are certain emotions Charlie shows to a person that foreshadow a large argument.

I grab Charlie's hand and give it a squeeze before letting go and standing up to greet my mom. I don't smile really big like I used to but because I don't want to be rude I hug her extra tight. I step back and shake her new boyfriend's hand. He has a brown hair, slicked back with tonnes of hair gel.

I look over to Charlie and she's giggling at the same thing I am. Charlie moves over to my side of the booth while my mom and her new boyfriend sit across from us.

"This is Pete," My mom explains. Pete grins at both of us and nods. I don't return it. Neither does Charlie. "Did you girls order?"

I nod my head and my mom takes the menu from us to look at it with Pete. My mom chooses the salad like me and Pete chooses some meal with a large steak and vegetables on the side. It's a real man's meal.

My hand is resting on Charlie's arm. I don't think I've ever felt so uncomfortable and unsafe in my life. With Charlie here though, I know I'll be okay because she's the type of person that can make you feel better real quick. She tells really bad jokes which make me laugh.

"How's school Brittany?"

"It's good."

"What do you want to do next year?" Pete chimes in and I snap my gaze towards him. He's expecting a sharp answer and when I don't give him one my mom clears her throat. I look back at her and she's blushing. I guess she hasn't told Pete what I've been through. Typical.

"I'm not sure yet."

Pete clears his throat awkwardly too and then the booth goes silent for a minute. "Hey isn't that Santana?" Charlie whispers to me and I look over to where she's looking.

I watch as Santana leads some cheerleader from our school to a table. So that's where she had to run off to. I don't really feel jealous, but I do wish I had Mike or someone here so we could be even. Even my mom has someone.

"Oh god," My mom groans and sinks a little in her chair. She gestures for Charlie and me to do the same. "Don't bring that girl over here."

My eyebrows sink and I feel like speaking up, but then I'll have to explain why I was hanging out with Santana. I know my mom was the one that didn't want us to meet and Charlie was the other. But they most likely had completely different reasons.

Our meal ends a half hour later and we're all standing up to leave. On the way passed Santana, Charlie stops and pulls me back with her. "Hey Santana," Charlie beams.

Santana looks up and grins, but when her eyes fall to me staring at her with a blank expression, it disappears.

"Well hello Santana!" My mom is now standing beside me alone. Pete is waiting in the car. I know that Santana can tell she's being fake by her hesitant smile. "Are you being good to Britatny at school?" She winks and I almost feel like vomiting.

Santana rolls her eyes as she looks away, then turns back to us with a smile. "Yes actually, she's incredible."

My mom's grin turns completely down and she groans. "Good to see you," She says between gritted teeth, before storming out of the cafe.

"Hey Santana," Charlie begins, capturing her attention once again. "Scott, Britt and I are going to a kareoke bar tomorrow night if you'd like to come," She looks over at the other end of the table where the cheerleader is eating a hot dog. "You can bring your friend aswell."

Santana looks towards me but I don't say anything. My eyes feel really heavy and I end up blinking a heap of times before she turns back to Charlie. "Sounds awesome."

"You can bring someone too Britt," Charlie says, flicking through the channels on T.V.

"Okay," I respond automatically, pulling at my socks. I know I'll probably ask Mike Chang, but I'd still rather just go with Santana and Charlie and Scott.

"I'm going to beat you all, just watch," Scott warns, squinting his eyes at both of us. I notice and giggle before resting back on the recliner. I wonder if Santana had been on a date before. I wonder if that was even a date today. I'll have to ask her tomorrow.

* * *

When I woke up the next day and checked my phone I had two messages from Santana.

_Are you bringing Mike Wanghole tonight? - Santana_

_Chang* Sorry auto correct - Santana_

Despite how rude that was of Santana to call Mike that, because he is a nice guy, I couldn't help but let out a really big laugh. Charlie thought I was choking and leapt in my room with her arms out wide and her hair really frazzled. "What's going on? Is someone here? Whose with you Brittany?"

"No one!" I squealed back and laughed even more at how she was acting.

I texted Santana back saying _yes, tonight should be fun _and got no reply. I think she's mad at me for saying I'm going to bring someone, I don't think she really hates Mike. If I had brought another jock or even a cheerleader I'm sure Santana would still be mad. But I could be mad at her to, because she's bringing that stupid cheerleader. Well I'm sure she isn't stupid, but she could be. Maybe it'd be fun to see how Santana reacts tonight around Mike and me, because I don't really think I'll be acting any differently around her and that cheerleader.

I've seen her with cheerleaders before and I haven't gotten mad. Maybe that's because I didn't really pay attention to the fact that Santana was giving herself to these girls that didn't love her or really appreciate her. I'm sure they used her just for a quickie and she made it seem like she used them. I'll have to ask Santana about that to... And her parents because now that we're friends I'm sure she'd tell me about them.

I only just realised I've been procrastinating in my room for half the day now and it's almost time to get ready. I can hear Scott in the bathroom singing really, really loudly. I can't tell what song it is, because Charlie's yelling at him through the door.

My closet resembles a war zone because I can't seem to find the right outfit. The thing I'm most struggling with however is whether I'm trying to impress Mike or trying to impress Santana. I want to look hotter than that cheerleader because cheerleaders can't seem to look ugly in anything they wear. I haven't been this frustrated before in my life, a part from the the first time I tried to open a bottle of pills and it was sealed tight. I even tried using my teeth, but gave up after two hours. I just waited for my aunt to accidentally leave them open one night. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have to wait long.

Charlie is getting ready in her room when I step in. She eyes me in my pyjama's before shaking her head and letting out a small laugh. "C'mon over here Britt."

I walk over to her and we both stand in front of her closet. It's the same size as mine, except everything is really neat. It looks like a closet Miss. Pillsbury would own; all colour coordinated and clean. Charlie hands me various items and I walk over to her bed to lay them out. There is one dress that catches my eyes and I can already see Santana drooling over me in it...I should really have thought Mike...

"That would look hot!" Charlie squeals and picks up the dress I've been eyeing. She slams it to my chest and pushes me towards the bathroom. "Oh, Britt!" She calls just before I close the door. She picks out a pair of heels and hands them to me. I give her an 'are you sure about this' look and she nods really enthusiastically.

* * *

The car ride isn't that long, but the compliments from my dad, Scott and Charlie seemed to drag on forever. Not that I didn't appreciate them. I just didn't expect to look all that good tonight, but they said I looked beautiful, so I'll have to trust them. Charlie even did my make up and straightened my hair which is also swept to one side.

The dress is a teal colour and it's tight fitting and strapless. It makes my boobs look really good. I had texted Mike before we left asking if he needed a ride, but he said he can drive there. It wasn't long before we entered the bar and found a booth near the stage.

"Where's Santana?" Charlie asked. Scott ordered a drink before replying.

"She's at that cheerleaders place, they're getting ready together then they'll be here."

I felt really ill at the thought of Santana and that cheerleader having a quickie before they come here. When they arrive I'll probably be able to smell the sex on both of them.

"Britt your date is here," Charlie whispered to me and I turned around.

Mike was standing by the door with a big grin. He walked over to me and gave me a tight hug which I reciprocated. I'll have to ask Mike why he is so nice to me.

"Hey guys, I'm Mike, it's nice to meet you," He directs his voice in Charlie and Scott's direction. Charlie leans up and hugs him while Scott settles for a friendly handshake. We all settle into the booth and I begin to grow anxious. Surely they can't have been going at it for this long. I just really want Santana to get here because with her around everything feels sort of right - like everything is in place.

"Are you going to sing tonight Mike?" Charlie asks.

Mike's cheeks turn really red at that and he looks at me for help. When I shrug and giggle half heartedly Mike turns back to Charlie. "I'm more of a dancer."

"Well they have some awesome funky beats up in here," Scott chimes in, causing us all to stare at him weirdly.

"Why do I like you?" Charlie murmurs sarcastically and Mike and me chuckle. Mike edges closer to me on the seat and places his right hand on my thigh. Charlie and Scott are oblivious to this but I wish they saw so they could tell him to get off of me. I didn't really like closeness, I never really have. Santana breathing on my neck should have caused me to have a panic attack, but I actually enjoyed that. That much intimacy was endearing and I really wish I could kiss her neck again...

"Santana! There you are," Scott yells a little too loudly and I keep my head down towards Mike's hand which is slowly moving up and down my leg.

Once Santana and her date and standing near the booth I look up and meet her gaze. Santana's eyes are glues to my dress though, even though you can only see the top half. She then trails her eyes up to mine and we stare at each other so intensely for a few moments. She looks beautiful. Her dress is black lace and her legs look awesome.

Her lips are what catch my attention though. She's wearing bright red lipstick and they make them look more full and kissable.

The cheerleader tugs on Santana's arm and we're both snapped out of staring contest. "Introduce me Sannnn," She draws out in a whiny voice. I huff and look back down at Mike's hand. It's now creeping between my legs and I think Santana noticed before because her jaw was slightly tense.

"Stop," I whisper to Mike and he retracts his hand and places them both on his lap.

"This is my brother Scott, Scott's girlfriend Charlie, Charlie's sister Brittany who I'm sure you've seen around at school," The cheerleader smirks and nods. "And Mike... Brittany's friend."

"Date," Mike clarifies with a smug look I've never seen him wear before. I'm suddenly feeling really uncomfortable and decide to hop up and find a waitress.

"Britt you don't have to get up to call the waitress," Charlie explains and everyone laughs.

I send her tight lipped smile and continue walking around. I end up at the bar and sit on one of the stools. I order an iced water and it cleanses my throat. The stool next to me slides back and I notice Santana's the one pulling it and now sitting on it. She's smiling shyly at me and I can't help but smile back.

"You look beautiful."

"You too," I reply quietly. She blushes and turns toward the bartender.

"Same as her." I'm looking at her profile, which is just as beautiful as looking at her front on.

"Have you ever been on a date before?" I murmur and she stops drinking her water and turns to me.

"Why do you want to know?" She looks a little nervous and I don't want that reaction. I want her to feel comfortable in telling me things.

"Well, you didn't introduce your date, you were just staring at me," I respond, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you were kind of staring at me too. And you didn't introduce Mike to Elle and I," Santana retorts, raising her own eyebrow at me.

I giggle. "Touché."

"C'mon lets get back to everyone," She suggests and we both hop off our stools and walk back to the booth. Mike and Elle are talking closely when we return. They both separate and smile widely at us, opening their arms to hold us close like it's come synchronised welcome back they prepared.

Charlie and Scott are on the dance floor, if that's what you call it. It's a small space just in front of the stage and country music is playing through the speakers. Scott is dancing like a cowboy while Charlie looks like she's riding a horse and whipping it. I look across the table at Santana and Elle has her fingers trailing up Santana's arm. I know Santana doesn't like it because all her attention is on me and I feel a little smug. I don't show it though, I just lean a little closer to Mike and allow him to place an arm around me.

Santana's eyes grow intense and she looks like she's about to throw a punch at Mike. I really hope a fight doesn't break out though, I don't want Santana to have bruises again, she's too pretty. I don't think Mike would even hit her, but if he tried I'm sure Scott would step in. Or maybe I would protect her. Somehow.

There's suddenly an announcement that a karaoke tournament would be starting soon. Scott comes back over to the booth yelling that he's going to win and Santana should join him. I nod in agreement and Santana ducks her head in embarassment.

"Go on," I say gently and she stares at me with hesitation. She listens to me and stands up, following Scott to the stage.

* * *

Scott came in equal 6th with some old man that had an obsession with Cher. Santana came first with her choice of Amy Winehouse and literally blew everyone away. I loved it when she sang, I could literally feel myself being pulled her as she stared at me on stage. By the end of the song I had completely moved away from Mike and my butt wasn't even on the seat any more.

When she returned, Elle gave her a really big hug and wouldn't let go even though Santana was a little reluctant to hug back. I turned to Mike and he was twirling his straw in his hand looking really grumpy. Before I could say anything, Charlie and Scott came over and told us we should get going. Mike basically let out a relieve sigh for the whole country to hear. Charlie looked at me weird and I shrugged. I followed Mike outside and we stood in the parking lot.

Charlie and Scott said they'd be heading back to Scott's house and I could get a ride with Santana or even Mike. But by the look on Mike's face he wasn't really into me as much as he was at the beginning of the night.

"Look Brittany, I have to be honest with you. I wasn't going to come tonight," I looked down at my hands as he talked. "Puck asked me to try and get with you, I'm sorry. This was all really stupid, good night." It's weird because I could hear the sincerity in Mike's voice. But he was being really mean. When he walked away I looked up and saw Santana standing a meter away with Elle.

Elle was giggling while Santana looked like she really was about to punch Mike. She made a move to him but I stepped in front of her and whispered for her not too.

"Do you need a ride home?"

I didn't answer, I was starting to cry.

"Excuse me! You're taking me home," Elle whined.

"Not any more Elephant, I'm sure that hobo has a spare seat on his dick," Santana growled and Elle scrambled away from us towards Mike's car. They drove off together which made me cry even more. Santana tried hugging me but I pushed her away and walked around to the side of the building. People had been looking and it was making me feel worse, because I shouldn't be crying after a mostly fun night.

"Brittany stop," Santana whispered sharply. I leant against the wall and sobbed harder. She reached forward for my arms but I thrashed against her trying to break free from her surprisingly strong hold.

"Let go," I whimpered.

"No Brittany," Santana answered firmly.

"Stop!" I almost screamed but I was running out of energy. Santana was trying so hard to keep my arms by my sides but I kept hitting her chest. Once it struck me that I was potentially inflicting pain on her I stopped and slowed down. She has my wrists in her hands which were now by my sides.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on the wall behind me. Santana was breathing steadily and it was calming hearing that. When I opened my eyes, I brought my head off the wall and looked at her.

Her lipstick had faded a little, but it was still making her lips look really nice. Her nose and cheeks were shiny, like they had been covered in the shimmer powder Charlie showed me once. The pupils in her eyes were really small and it looked like her eyes were pure black.

I don't know what possessed me to say it. It could have been our closeness, or the fact we had been staring at each other, unmoving for so long. But I just let the words fall from my lips without hesitation.

"Fuck me."

It comes out as a half whisper, half whimper. I'm sure she's heard me because her eyes grow slightly wider and her lips are parted as a result of shock.

What I'm not sure of is why she's hesitating. Normally I don't have to ask.

"No." Santana walks back to her car and I follow her with a frown. Something has changed within her since we last spoke and I'm interested to know how much that took out of her to resist me.

* * *

We're in my room. She's in the bathroom getting dressed even though she hardly wears anything to bed. Tight shorts and a singlet are all that occupy her body. I know that it will be uncomfortable as soon as she steps back in here. It was quiet in the car. I still can't believe she resisted. That was probably going through her mind as well.

Before she's finished in the bathroom I decide to go downstairs and get a glass of water. She'll probably go straight to bed once she's done in the bathroom.

Dad's on the sofa. He's asleep and the television is on mute. I kiss him on the cheek and return to the kitchen. Santana's standing by the breakfast table with her head down.

Everything was so... Cute. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but I'll use it anyway. It was cute. She was cute and we were cute together and Connor's party. Then I had to go and invite Mike Chang and Charlie had to tell her to bring that stupid girl. I doubt Santana and me would have gone as each other's dates to the karaoke bar, but it still would have been nice to just be there together.

I haven't really been paying attention to what I've been doing. But I'm standing by the sink refilling my already full water. The water spurts out the rim of the glass and I turn the tap off. Santana hasn't said anything so I don't either. I turn away towards the stairs but Santana catches my wrists and says something that makes me squirm.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" She whispered. Her hold on my wrist feels really warm and as the seconds fly by I feel like I'm on fire. So I turn around and she grabs my hips. She pushes my back against the breakfast table and brings her face in really fast to mine it's like she's going to kiss me. But she darts right and her lips connect with my neck. I breathe out her name and she bites my skin.

Her finger turn white from digging into my waist and her core grinds into my own. I wrap my legs around her and she lifts me onto the table. We still haven't kissed yet and I want to ask her why. And I want to ask her why she acts how she does, because I know that it's not all the fault of her parents death. I want her to tell me things instead of relieving my stress every fucking two days.

"Ouch!"

I push her off me and she hits the edge of the kitchen bench. "I'm sorry," I pant out. "But I'm not interested in that right now. I-I thought I was but I really just want to talk."

She looks pissed off - not with me, but with herself. She holds out her hand and I take it without hesitation. What I love the most is that we intertwine our fingers and lock them together. She leads me back to my bedroom and pulls the blankets back on the bed. I get in first, then she follows.

"What did you want to talk about Britt?" She asks once we're both comfortable and facing each other.

I gaze all around her face, wondering where to start. Then I just go for it, because I feel like if we have this talk, we'll be closer.

"What's wrong with you?"

Her expression remains unchanged. "When I was fifteen I got breast implants." I hold back my gasp. "My parents never made me feel like I was pretty enough. I purged twice, in the school bathroom because I wanted to be a Cheerleader. I realised after seeing how Sue treated her Cheerios I didn't want to be one of them. I tried to join Glee club, but they found out I and six other students had bought marijuana off Sandy Ryerson and he got fired. Also, they found out I had breast implants and Mr. Schue didn't even let me finish my audition song. He said that they didn't want someone who has to change how they look to be better - that wasn't the point of Glee club," She licks her lips.

"I had sex with so many girls just to feel good about myself. And it's a weird way of trying to feel better about yourself, but it helped me because I could make someone else feel better as well," She shifts her face closer to mine. "Then Charlie told me about you. She showed me that picture and I-" She stops, wondering if she should say what she was about to. I really want her too. She's told me so much already. "I knew."

"Knew what?"

She smiles. "We were destined to meet."

I never understood fate. Not when my father used to tell me about it, not when Charlie gushed about it after making out with this curly head boy in freshman year. I didn't believe in anything, especially after I was locked up in the clinic, without anybody to love me.

"My mom told you I was crazy," By my strange tone I know she's not sure whether I'm asking her or telling her. She seems to disregard it and say the first thing that pops into her head. Something my mom would tell me not to say to strangers, but we're don't feel like a strangers at all anymore. "So what? I'm crazy too."

Santana turns over and I scoot closer to her. I inhale her scent and smile, while closing my eyes and wrapping my arm around her waist. My nose brushes against a path of exposed skin on her neck and I hear her sigh. I wrap a leg around her and push forward. She lets out another sigh, but this time it sounds a lot like a moan as well.

"What?" I whisper. _Tell me what you want me to do. _

"Britt," She breathes my name. I grind my core against her butt and she lets out heavy breaths. My hand slips under her singlet and I play with her stomach softly. She then pushes back into me, wanting more and more contact. So I give it to her. I move my hand toward the waistband of her shorts and they're halfway down her mound when she stops me and lifts my hand up to her lips. She kisses my knuckles and snuggles back into me, almost like the grinding never happened.

"Soon," She whispers. I hum into her hair as a response. It's okay as long as I'm holding her.

* * *

A/N: Lol three reviews on the last chapter. Oh well, I loved that chapter.  
Please let me know if you want me to continue this, because there is much more to reveal.


	14. Art

**A/N: **I really can't believe how many of you responded to the last chapter. It made me feel amazing to know how many of you wanted me to keep writing and I'm so excited too. It was a very very nice birthday present :D Thank you all for your kind words, I really really really appreciate them.

I'm sorry for the length of this chapter, I just wanted to give you all something to enjoy and it's separated into two so I hope you like it!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

Santana and I woke up first. We were at the breakfast table, sitting across from each other. Her bare toes were gliding up and down my leg and it felt normal and almost domestic. She even listened to me when I told her about my time at the clinic.

"I didn't sleep most nights and if I did I'd cover myself in blankets. If I saw darkness then I'd never be tempted to hurt myself or others."

"What made you think you had the ability to hurt others?" She asked.

"I don't know. I felt power for some reason. Even though in a place like that everyone should feel powerless. I guess I forced myself to be strong, even though I was so weak inside."

"Do you feel strong now?"

I met her eyes and smiled. Her movement along my leg stopped and she reached out to take my hand. This is what couples do. They stare longingly at each other and touch hands and cuddle - everything that we've done.

"Yes. For different reasons," I sigh. "People in school don't make me feel strong."

She squeezes my hand to reassure me that she'll always be there and I squeeze back to reassure her that I know.

"Are you going to tell me why you're scared of me?"

"Hey girls!" We retract our hands and look up to see my dad stroll into the kitchen. He pours himself some coffee and sits down at the table with us.

"Hey dad," I kiss his cheek. "Santana and me are going to get ready for school."

Santana follows me up the stairs and we're at the door to my room when she stops my hand from opening it. She turns me around swiftly and plants her lips on my collarbone. I let out a groan while my knees buckle. She takes that as an opportunity to slide one of her legs between mine.

"Santana, not here."

"Why?" She breathes against my neck as my hands claw at her shoulders.

"My dad's right downstairs and what if Charlie and Scott come home!" She ignores my cries and nibbles on my ear lobe - another action a couple would do.

"So?" Her bravery turns me on and I finally give in. My core falls onto her thigh and I begin to grind up and down. She moans into my ear and intertwines our fingers, pinning my hands above my head.

"Fuck," I breathe as I feel my clit tingle at the amount of grinding I'm doing. Santana lifts her leg higher and I arch my back off the door.

"Hey dad!" I hear Charlie's voice downstairs and push Santana backwards. She hits the bathroom door and she looks really red. A smirk appears on her face and she licks her lips.

"Never knew you to be the dominant one." I bit my bottom lip before getting distracted by footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly open the bathroom door, not willing to stop now. My privates are almost stinging with want and I know that I need to finish what she started. I close the door behind me and Santana knocks softly against it.

"Britt!" She hisses. "Let me in!" I ignore her and dip my hand down my underwear. As much as I want her doing this to me, it will look suspicious if Charlie sees us both coming out of the bathroom. And I don't want her to see me like this - all red and horny.

I can hear Charlie ask Santana what she's doing and Santana replies with "Chillin'." I grin and grind my hips against my fingers. I tease my folds, like I know Santana loves to do. I rub circles around my clit really fast and almost climax before dipping my fingers inside of me.

I'm not sure if Santana is still outside until I hear her through the door. "Faster," She whispers just loud enough for me to hear. She definitely knows what I'm doing in here alone. Charlie must have disappeared into her room.

"I'm inside myself too Britt," She whispers and my eyes pop open. She's masturbating on the other side of the door. The thought makes me envision it immediately and I fasten my thrusts.

My left hand manages to tug my shirt off and I squeeze my boobs but picture it as being Santana's hand.

"Picture me fucking you Britt," Santana moans and I know I'm almost gone. I turn around and stare at the door, knowing Santana is doing the same. I slam a palm against the door and Santana's slams hers back.

I then curl the tips of my fingers inside of me and I play with my clit one last time. My toes flex and I slowly slide down the door onto my knees. I reach up to the knob and open the door. Santana's sitting on her butt, her knees bent and one of her hands still inside of underwear. Her chest is rising and falling heavily and her eyes are lidded.

She has a satisfied smile on her face as she looks at me. "Well that was different."

I giggle and crawl over to her. I realise how exposed we are, but right now I just want to touch her. I place my hands on the floor, either side of her waist. Her eyes ogle my boobs, which are only covered by my bra. I lean down and place light kisses on her chest and she's sighs contently.

"We," kiss. "Should," kiss. "Get ready." Her head tilts back and a lazy smile occupies her face. More of her neck is exposed, so I don't let it go to waste. My tongue slides up her throat and stops at her chin. I bite softly on it and a laugh escapes her lips.

Her head drops down to the same height as mine and our faces are so close I could count the lighter specs of brown in her eyes. She catches me off guard by wrapping her legs around my waist and pulling me down on top of her.

"San-" She kisses my nose, pausing my words. I want her to kiss my lips, so bad, but I'm not sure if that will mean we're a couple. So I pull back and because her legs are wrapped around me she comes up aswell. I decide to show off a little and wrap my arms around her waist. I lift both of us off the ground and her arms fly to my shoulders.

"Hot," She breathes as I carry her into my room.

* * *

We were late to our first class. It was hard getting dressed when she was unchanging right in front of me, exposing almost every inch of her body. She was drooling a little aswell, because it was my first day on the Cheerios and she loved the uniform. In the car she kept playing with my skirt. It exposed most of my thighs because it was cut like paper in a shredder. At every red light Santana's eyes would drop to my legs and I ended up spreading them wider to tease her.

I know I would not have done this three weeks ago. I would have never even thought of it. But Santana was growing on me so fast that I found myself doing things I would never have before.

When we arrived in the parking lot, Santana rushed over to my side and placed her hand on my back while we walked. I didn't understand why she was acting so clingy and couple-like. It's not that it didn't suit her, because I'm positive that Santana would be the best girlfriend. It's just that I didn't think we were going to act like this. I was only expecting so much as sex a couple times a week and maybe dinner and sleepover - not any of this.

Once we made it inside school I decided to ask her what she was doing.

"Feels nice doesn't it?" She seemed so bright and happy, I didn't want to ruin her mood. I nodded and chuckled and didn't end up telling her to let go, because no one seemed to notice and it felt good.

Spanish class was different today. Santana sat next to me and Rachel looked at us weirdly, but smiled at me anyway. Santana didn't try anything sneaky during class. She didn't graze my thigh or stare at me seductively. It was nice just being in class, close to her and not having to do anything sexual to grab each other's attention.

Puck made his usual one or two sexual innuendos with his stationary. He even managed to turn his chair around and ride it. Santana rolled her eyes and I moved my chair closer to her. Puck didn't seem phased though. He just tried to grab another poor girls attention.

"What's this word?" I pointed down to the list of Spanish words Mr. Schue gave us. Santana moved even closer to me, pretending to study the word. She even put her arm on the back of my chair and all I could think of was if there was no one else in this room...

"Magical," She whispered close to my skin. I blushed and ducked my head away.

"Oh, right. It does look the same..." I replied, turning slowly back around to face her. She had diamonds in her eyes and the gentlest smile I've ever seen her wear. Sometimes I don't think she's real. Just a piece of art that makes my life better.

When we stepped out of class I walked straight to my locker. I figured Santana would just go to hers but when I turned around, I saw her following me. She was smirking and swaying her hips. I smirked back and innocently turned around, swaying my hips aswell.

I made it to my locker and opened it. When I placed my last book inside I felt a hand run from my lower back to my neck. I closed my eyes at the contact and shivered. It felt like a light breeze was devouring my spine and causing me to freeze.

I turned around slowly and leaned against my locker. Santana's fingers were now at my waist and a crowd was gathering around us. I don't know if I cared or not. I wonder if Santana's been this public with a girl before. All of these questions swam in my head but they were soon forgotten as Santana grabbed my thighs and lifted me up against the lockers. I squealed and quickly held her shoulders.

"Fuck yeah girls!" One of the jocks yelled. There were so many cheers that they outweighed the taunts being thrown at us. Stuff like "Crazy Pierce and Lezpez are going to make fucked up babies."

Santana had a huge grin on her face, paying no attention to anyone around us. It made me think that this was all for show. She had never been this public about us before, maybe this is what she wanted all along - to get close enough to me so that she can flaunt it to others.

"Why do I scare you?" I asked suddenly, making her frown.

Her grin completely disappeared and she looked so frightened that she almost dropped me. I know it's wrong to ask something just between us in front of all of these people, but if it's true that she just wants me to flaunt around the school, I have to know.

"I-" Her breath catches in her throat and I noticed the way the lump in her throat slides downwards. She's so nervous. I loosen her grip on my legs and jump down. I turn around, take my water bottle and head out to the field for cheerleading practice.

I pushed the doors open and they slammed against the wall outside. I don't know what I was feeling. This morning was one of the best mornings of my entire existence and that was all because of Santana. Now I was frustrated and horny and fuming and that was because of Santana as well. She makes me feel so many different emotions all at once, I can't control it.

* * *

We've been running laps for almost 15 minutes. Sue says we have to prove to her we can follow her rules before starting an actual choreographed routine. We all listened to Sue and Coach Roz who wasn't as clever as Sue, but still had the potential to break down a teenage girls self esteem.

"Sloppy!"

"Pathetic!"

They screamed through their customized megaphones. I was sweating so much that I think I actually ran out of sweat. We all returned to the bleachers to hear one of Coach Roz's pep talks which weren't really peppy at all.

I looked up to the sky and saw dark clouds forming, then a roar of thunder invaded our ears and half the squad screamed. I curled my arms around my legs and brought them to my chest. Rain started to pour down heavy and practice was called off early.

I called Charlie, asking if she could pick me up but she had a lunch date with mom and she couldn't cancel. I decided to stay until school finished to come up with a routine that I could show Coach Roz and Sue tomorrow. I had been in the auditorium for almost two hours, changing the songs to fit my routine but never finding the right one. I decided to give up when school ended and I ran to the bus stop.

My feet splashed in the puddles below and I almost slipped four times before regaining my balance. Unfortunately I had just missed the bus, so I walked back to the car park to find some shelter. I called Charlie again but she didn't answer.

I pulled my umbrella out of my bag, threw on my hoodie and sat on a dry part of concrete under about a meter of shelter.

"Brittany!" I turned my head to my right and saw Santana standing in the rain without any protection over her head.

"What the hell are you doing standing in the rain?" I yelled back and she walked over to me. I tilted the umbrella to the side, offering her some protection. She sat beside me and basically cuddled into my side. It was like what happened in the hallway was forgotten.

I covered us both with the umbrella before I spoke.

"Why did you do that?"

"I'm sorry," She replied quickly and shook her head. "I don't know what came over me. We were just acting really close at your house and then I just thought..." She shook her head again. "Nevermind."

I turned to face her and stared at the side of her face. Rain drops were descending down her cheek and hair. She looked like a painting. "Why do I scare you?"

She stared forward for a long time. I looked down and noticed her fists were clenched and she was holding back saying something that was desperate to escape.

"Please don't ask me that," She whispered through gritted teeth. I frowned, because once again she hadn't answered my question. I decided to ask a different one, one that she should be able to answer.

"Why don't you ever kiss me?" Her expression instantly softened but she looked uncomfortable. "You kiss me everywhere, but my lips." Then I thought of another question. "What if I want to make you feel good Santana? Why don't you let me?"

She remained silent, but she was now facing me. Her eyes roamed my face and landed on my lips. I subconsciously moistened them, just for her. I could tell she was struggling to move forward internally, so I just made it easy for her.

I swapped my umbrella to my other hand so I could rest my palm against her cheek. My thumb wiped away the droplets of rain still falling down her skin.

"Brittany," She breathed. "If we do this, I won't be able to stop."

I closed my eyes and swallowed. Her words were unexpected, but welcomed. I stared at her again, searching for any sign that she was going to run away. When I didn't find any, I caressed her lips with my thumb, basking in the soft flesh against my skin. She puckered her lips and kissed my thumb.

The rain was still pouring, but the sound was muffled. My eyes dropped down to her lips for a brief second before meeting her gaze again. I knew she was silently pleading for me to do something, so I did.

"So don't stop Santana," I whispered against her mouth.

* * *

**Thank you for reading :) **


	15. Santanasexual

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.  
**Enjoy ;)

* * *

This is the moment in my life where I've felt like I've died. It sounds so lame and I'll probably be punished for thinking it, but those velvet, wet lips killed me.

I hadn't waited another second after I spoke, closing the tiny gap between our lips. She enclosed hers over my bottom one and my eyes rolled into the back of my head when she sucked on them. My hand that was on her cheek was literally dragging her towards me. My fingers ventured through her hair and eventually found the back of her neck. I scratched and squeezed, urging her to stick out her tongue.

I could tell she was feeling nervous, because I opened my eyes for a moment and saw her frowning. She was concentrating so much on the kiss I wanted to make her relax. So when both our lips parted for a second for air, I dipped my tongue inside her mouth and licked hers. She responded with a cracked moan which made me realise how puffed out she was. We broke for air again and this time my mouth welcomed her tongue. They moved in a rhythm. Her hand dropped to my thigh, stunning me for a second, but I kept kissing her harder and harder.

Our mouths seemed to be in competition, seeing how wide they could stretch. I wanted to taste all of her and I knew she felt the same. Suddenly, her grip on my thigh tightened and I immediately allowed her to pull it towards her. We broke the kiss for a second, but I place both hands on her cheeks while dropping the umbrella. I straddled her lap and her legs were bent so she could push me closer into her.

The rain was barely touching us, but our clothes were damp and hair was still dripping. She sucked my tongue inside of her mouth and then bit my lower lip. I let out a groan and we both opened our eyes. I then leaned forward, so much desire filling my eyes. My teeth nipped on her lower lip which I had been craving for. She had a snarl on her face as she pulled back and rubbed her lips together to taste me. It was so hard to just stop, because when we did stop it was only to breathe and I knew that I didn't have to breathe as long as Santana was breathing for me.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me down again. I realised we were outside in the parking lot and many teachers would be leaving soon. If Sue saw us she'd probably kick me off the Cheerios. Even with that thought in my head I kept kissing Santana and grinding my hips against her and touching her. She suddenly grabbed my cheeks and pulled me back. Before I could ask why she stopped, she leaned forward and kissed both my cheeks, my chin, forehead and nose.

Then she leaned in again and this time I whimpered. After another short intake of breath, I decided to speak.

"We s-should get warm." I was shivering in her arms and knew that if we were inside, her warmth could warm me. She nodded and kissed my lips once more. I untagled myself from her and stood up. She took my hand and led me to her car.

At every red light she would look at me with a smirk crossed with a sincere smile. She was so happy and I was glad I was the source of it, or atleast my lips were.

"I want to take you somewhere tonight," She said.

I turned to her and grinned. "Okay, where?"

"Where do you feel like going?"

I looked up to the roof, then out the window and then back to her. "We could see a movie?" I suggested and she grinned along with me.

"You got it."

* * *

Santana dropped me off at home, saying she would pick me up later. It gave me time to lay in bed and think about everything. I enjoyed the neck kissing and I'd like to kiss Santana's chest again, maybe even lick it. Maybe even lick lower and lower.

I think I should talk to someone. Someone that wouldn't judge me and just listen to me rant about her perfect being with Santana is. If I tell Charlie we've been having sex that will make her burst - not in a good way. If I tell her we've kissed, I think she'll still burst.

I should call Rachel, she'll understand. In Glee club she helped Kurt when he came out and told us all about her two gay dads. Maybe I could even talk to Kurt, but I don't have his number and we haven't spoken in so long. He's probably busy.

I type in Rachel's number and hear the ring. She answers after two rings. I think that's the fastest somebody has ever answered the phone.

"Hey Rach."

"Brittany! What do I owe the pleasure?"

"I was kind of hoping we could hang out for a bit, there's something on my mind and I think you could help."

"Oh ofcourse Brittany, I'm actually with Kurt right now but we can still hang out!" Excellent, now I'll get to have two opinions.

"I'll be over in 10 minutes!"

I hang up the phone and go to my dad's room. He's sitting on a mat on the ground in a weird pose. His eyes are closed and he's humming.

"Dad?"

"Oh Britty, what's up honey?"

"I was wondering if you could take me to a friends house?" I looked down at my thumbs innocently and my dad stood up and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Well I'm a little busy now, could Charlie take you?" He asked.

"She's at lunch with mom." My words made my dad freeze for a second. He hates when one of us sees her because he knows she'll plant something negative in our heads.

"W-well what about Santana?" I sigh.

"Yeah okay, I'll ask her." I step out of the room and go back to mine.

If I ask Santana to drop me off at Rachel's that'll be so rude. I should ask her to come with me and then get Kurt to distract her so I can talk to Rachel. Yeah, that'll probably work.

_Sannnnn, can you come with me to Rachel's to hang out? - Brittany_

I only had to wait about two minutes before she replied.

_I thought we were seeing each other tonight? Can't get enough of me? ;) - Santana_

_I really can't ;) But it'll fun, trust me! - Brittany_

_I trust you. I'll pick you up in 5 beautiful - Santana_

My heart flew out of my chest at her compliment. It literally is gone and I think it flew to Santana's house. Because she has my heart and I want her to take good care of it and not break it.

I'm thinking like we're already a couple and I don't know if my mind has changed about that or not. I'm definitely not crossing out a relationship with her and that's what scares me the most. I actually want Santana. I want her to kiss me all day and night, I want to wake up staring at her, I want her to snuggle with me on the sofa while we watch a movie and I want to take her to family gatherings and introduce her as my girlfriend.

I might be thinking too far into it, because I don't even know what Santana wants. Since our kiss though, I know I want so much more.

My mom said Santana wouldn't be good for me, but I knew she was my cure and I was hers. And when I was with her, I was living. And it's true what they say, whoever they are, you'll never know unless you try. I actually wanted to try with Santana. She was the attempt that would be successful after all of my failures.

* * *

I heard a car beep out the front and I told my dad I was leaving and that I'll probably be back late. I was dressed for the movies so that Santana wouldn't have to come back to my house. She could just go to hers and I'd wait for her, unless she was already dressed.

When I opened the passenger door Santana instantly started the car. She winked in my direction and I giggled. I was hoping for another kiss but I could wait. I wanted to tell Santana what I've been thinking about her in a girlfriend way, but I'm scared of what she'll think.

So I stayed quiet until we reached Rachel's house.

"So tell me why we're here again," Santana began, shutting off the engine.

"I just wanted to hang out with her and Kurt will be there to," I replied grinning.

"Ah, Lady lips," She smirked. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. We stepped out of the car and onto the porch. Santana banged her palm against the door and I widened my eyes. She shrugged and waved me off.

Rachel opened the door and my eyes immediately bulged. Her face had green paint on it and she was holding two slices of cucumber.

"Welcome!" She sang. Santana looked frightened, but I just grabbed her hand and led her inside. Kurt was laying on the sofa with the same green paint on his face and the cucumbers covering his eyes.

"Hello girls!" He grinned but his body stayed perfectly still.

I walked over to Kurt, feeling a little awkward. "Hello Kurt," I mumbled.

"Brittany! Grab some fruit and a wine cooler," He offered and I laughed.

"Santana did you want something?" I turned and asked her. She shrugged again and I rolled my eyes.

"Santana you should go with Kurt, he could teach you something about..." I trailed off and pointed to the face mask. Santana's mouth dropped open, silently asking if I'm serious. I nod slowly and turn to Rachel. I carefully motion my head towards the other room and she mouths an 'okay'. Kurt stands up and takes the cucumber slices off of his eyes. He stretches an arm towards the kitchen and Santana huffs loudly but follows instructions. I pull out my phone and text her quickly.

_I'll so make it up to you later ;) - Brittany_

_You better sexy legs - Santana_

I immediately look down at my short shorts that barely cover my legs. I knew when I put them on before she picked me up that they would be easy to get off for Santana.

"What's up Brittany? You're acting a little odd," Rachel says, sitting on a recliner chair and stretching out her legs. I sit on the sofa next to her and find myself blurting out the truth immediately.

"Santana and me have been having sex."

Rachel's face dropped and she leaned forward in her chair. "What?"

"Yeah..." I whispered.

"Brittany, y-you never told me y-you were..." She trailed off, rubbing her hand on her forehead.

"I don't know if I am. I think I'm just Santana-sexual."

"W-well I mean that is possible, but why Santana?" She asked curiously, staring me directly in the eye.

"She's just..." I search the floor and walls for answers. "Perfectly imperfect. I want to take care of her because I feel like there's so much more to know about her. She's the only person that I've been willing to wait for. I never felt like this before Rachel, you have to know. We didn't exactly get along, but then she just touched me and then kissed me and I felt like it was the moment I've been waiting for. She's what I've been waiting for."

Rachel was silent for a long time. Her eyes barely blinked and her mouth looked like it was catching bugs.

"This is a shock Brittany. I can't believe you two have actually had sex. Are you in a relationship?" I shaked my head no. "Wow, do you want to be?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm more sure than I was." I grin.

"Well I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to me," She says grinning back.

Rachel pats my knee and then stands up, telling me to follow her. We walk to the kitchen and Kurt is trying to apply the green stuff to Santana's chin. She's dodging his hands which makes Rachel and me giggle.

"We have to go!" I squeal and Santana sighs in relief. "Thanks for having us guys."

"Make sure you come back again for some facials!" Kurt sings as we walk out the door.

Santana had no real expression as I looked at her in the car. She was silent and I thought she was angry but then she looked over and smiled really small. It was cute and it made my heart flutter like butterfly wings.

"What did you and Rachel talk about?" She suddenly asked.

I didn't want to lie about her but I couldn't exactly say everything in detail. So I settled with a tiny bit of the truth.

"You."

She raised her eyebrows and a smirk cross her lips. I winked and buckled my seat belt.

* * *

Santana wasn't dressed for the movie so we had to stop by her house. She only took about 15 minutes to get ready and when she returned to the car everything in my mind disappeared. All I saw were her smooth caramel legs and busting cleavage. It would be so hard to focus on the movie with her flaunting her body right next to me. I had to focus.

I stared out the window the entire ride to the theatre. Santana didn't notice though and when we arrived in the some what empty parking lot, she got out of her side telling me to wait. She then opened my door and I mirrored her huge grin. We bought our tickets and luckily we were in the back row. We chose a new romance film which was meant to be really sad but also happy in some parts. There were only about 13 people in the theatre scattered around. Santana was bold in putting her arm around me and I found it really cheesy but cute.

"I really don't know what this is about," She whispered, 10 minutes into the film.

I turned to her and I really wish I hadn't. Her eyes were so black and she was staring up at me through her lashes. I gulped and turned back to the film. Focus Brittany. But then she pulled the armrest up so that she could snuggle closer to me. I thought that's what we'd be doing - snuggling. But she has other ideas and I knew my resolve was about to crumble.

"You're so sexy," She husked in my ear. I didn't realise how close she was until I turned my head. I've been wanting to kiss her again but I didn't know whether now was a good time. Her fingers caught my attention as they slid over my shorts towards the zip.

"S-san," I muttered.

"I want you," She whispered and leaned forward to nip on my jaw. I held back a moan in case other people were as bored as us and they'd turn around. I knew we couldn't do this here, but we already paid for the tickets. Fuck it.

I grabbed Santana's hand and pulled her out of the theatre towards the parking lot. We got into the back seat of her car and just sat there staring at each other.

"You're so annoying," I breathed heavily.

"Please, that movie was annoying." She leaned forward. "I bet you're glad I was teasing you."

It was dark out now and because we were on the top level of the parking lot, we were able to see the sky. We both didn't really pay attention to anything but each other though. I stared down at the gap between her legs that her dress didn't cover. Her dress was so tight it made her butt look really good. I decided I was going to take control.

I moved forward so she had to back up against the door. I got really close to her face to distract her and let my hand slip down to her thigh. I grazed my fingers softly along her skin. She whimpered at the touch and I smirked.

"I'm going to fuck you," I husked. She nodded really quickly and spread her legs. I leaned back to look under her dress and gasped. She wasn't wearing underwear.

"Fuck," I breathed. I looked up at her again and moved forward quickly, crashing our lips together. She whimpered again and I was so happy that I could turn her on. I wasn't even touching her yet.

"You're so sexy," I breathed against her mouth, sliding my hand towards her centre.

"Mmm Britt, fuck me," She husked back and closed her eyes.

"Open your eyes San," I murmured. She opened them immediately and we stared at each other for a long time. Even when I slid my fingers against her folds we were staring right into each others eyes. It was so intimate and frightening. I saw so much of her guard dissolve. I just saw so much of Santana. I hadn't ever felt like this.

My fingers dipped down lower and her mouth formed an 'o' shape. She looked so vulnerable but beautiful. I felt like I accomplished so much just making her feel like this. She was my greatest accomplishment and we were only getting started.

"Jesus Britt," She moaned when I finally slipped my fingers inside of her. She was dripping and I knew my waterfall theory was correct. I continued to look at her dead in the eyes. She was struggling to keep her eyes open though. I nudged my nose against hers and her eyes opened fully. I kept going in and out gradually and I wondered when would be the time to curl my fingers. I knew how my body worked but I was only just figuring out how Santana's body worked.

I made use of my thumb by working it over the neglected parts of her vagina. When I hit her clit she bucked her hips against my hand causing me to moan loudly. I also made use of my other hand by reaching forward and grabbing her left breast and rubbing it at the same speed as I was fucking her. Her chest lifted in response to my touch and I switched to her right breast. Her teeth were constantly biting her bottom lip and I think that was because she was trying to fight off a moan. But I didn't want her to do that, I wanted to hear all the beautiful sounds she could make with that mouth.

"Say my name." I felt in control when I said that. Not in the crazy way, because I whispered it and she looked even more turned on. My fingers were still inside of her and I leaned forward, capturing her bottom lip with mine. She arched her back and leaned into me again, whimpering as we rocked against each other. I finally curled my fingers inside of her and we broke the kiss.

"Brittany," She whimpered softly, but I heard her and smiled so big. I collapsed her on chest that was heaving. She brought her hand to my chin and lifted my head up to face her. She then leaned in and kiss me and it was so soft that I barely felt it. We continued to kiss lazily, occasionally dipping our tongues into each others mouths.

"You really do scare the shit out of me Brittany," She whispered when we broke apart. I smiled, because I knew now that was a good thing because she said it after I made her feel special.

"Stay the night?" I asked. She nodded and planted one more kiss on my lips. We stayed like that in the back of her car for another hour, speaking about what just happened. Santana said she'd never have someone take so much care of her when they did that. She also said that she would return the favour, but I told her that this night was just for her. She accepted right after I pinched her under arm because that's a sensitive spot for her apparently. I apologized and kissed her nose which she giggled at.

I told her I never felt like this about anyone, without revealing too much. She told me she had been feeling something for me for a while, but also didn't go into detail.

It's not that I didn't believe in love after recovering, it's just that I didn't expect it to be presented in the form of her.

* * *

**Leave me your thoughts! :) **


	16. Cravings

**A/N:**** I know you all want to know more about Santana, so here is the second last secret. The last one will be revealed next chapter and I'm sure you'll all love it :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

* * *

We woke up beside each other again this morning. Every time we did, it would confirm my feelings. Everything I am belongs to her now. We didn't need a label just yet to place us in a category of romance. We just needed those subtle looks of want, those small touches during class and of course the kissing... That was my favourite part. I gave her my crusts at the breakfast table because I know how much she loves them. I let her choose the radio station and she let me hold her hand. _Your song _came on and she quietly whispered to me that this was one of her favourites. I told her this could be our song, unless she was already sharing it with someone else. She told me that her dad wouldn't mind. Apparently it was the only song he listened to after she was born.

I could tell she was worrying as we walked down the hall into school. She wasn't used to this - being noticed for something other than being weird. Of course I didn't think that, everyone else did. Even Glee club. But they were a bunch of weirdos themselves. I'm so close to telling her everything. I can feel the words running around in my head and as soon as she asks me that question I lose it. I lose the strength to follow through with how I feel. But people say actions speak louder than words, so that's why I do nice things for her. Maybe at the beginning I was a little unsure of how to deal with my feelings, that's why rabbits seemed like the only appropriate thing in my head at the time.

I hoped after that she wasn't too freaked out. But we've made so much progress. It's alot like the clinic I guess. I don't know, I didn't stay long. But I hope I'm doing better than her doctor did at her clinic, because I've never actually done this before. God, when she touched me down there I swear I could've died right there and I would have been happy. Although, if I died, she would be sad too. I couldn't have her sad if I couldn't do nothing about it. So I try and keep that smile on her face for as long as possible until she finds out. Because I don't know what she'd say to anything I'm going to tell her. I feel like I know her but there's still so much we both have to learn. I wish she could hear my thoughts right now, she'd think I was so mature. Oh crap, she just looked at me weird.

"How are you?" I ask chipper than normal. Santana's been quiet since we stepped out of the car. She was cute in the morning though. She let me eat her crusts and she let me choose what song we listened to in the car. We've also been holding hands for around 15 minutes. I even got out of the car on her side just so we wouldn't have to let go.

"I'm doing good, how are you Britt?" She gives me a small smile.

"Awesome," I respond with a grin, squeezing her hand tighter. We pass by the choir room and I notice Rachel practising some opera song with Brad the piano guy. She always goes in there when there's no Glee club practice. Santana's now tugging on my hand and leading me outside.

We both have a free period this morning, but I told her we'd go to the library to study. Obviously she has other plans as she leads me to the bleachers. "We have to study!" I giggled as we ran across the oval towards our destination.

"You won't worry about studying after this Britt-Britt," She replies confidently and my heart trembles at the new nickname. She can definitely own that one.

"I really do-" My words pause in my throat when I see that the old sofa replaced with classroom table and two chairs. There is a red table cloth covering the table because there's bound to be some gum still stuck on it. There are two candles on either side of the table not lit yet. There are two plates in front of each candle and some cutlery. The grin that I didn't know was covering my face fades when I look at Santana. She looks so worried and all I can do is stare at her and think to myself how I deserved this.

I cup her cheek and bring her face closer to mine. My lips graze over hers softly and when she licks her lips she ends up licking mine aswell. We both gasp and grin at eachother before pulling away.

"There will be plenty of time for that." She winks and pulls out a chair for me. I giggle and sit down while she takes place across from me. She unzips her school bag and pulls out two paper bags. She hands one to me and I squit my eyes suspiciously at her. "Open it!" She laughs.

I reach into the paper bag and pull out a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. "Oh my god," I squeal and hold myself back from lunging over the table to hug her. She grabs out her own sandwhich and in no time we're both munching on them. She pulls out two apple juices and hands me one.

"Thk mu!" I mumble through chews and watch Santana laugh at me failing. "Sh urp!" She laughs again, even louder this time and I stop chewing so I can focus on her mouth and teeth and brightness in her eyes. When she stops laughing she looks at me through hooded eyes and light blush floods her cheeks.

"What?" She whispers. I hold her gaze and reach down for my apple juice. She wets her lips while staring into my eyes and when I put the bottle to my lips her eyes descend to them. I try as seductively as possible to drink what's left of my apple juice and I even lick around the rim. Her eyes flutter shut for a moment as she tries to regain her composure.

"What?" I mirror her words. She smirks and bites her lips, standing up and walking over to me. When I think she's going to shove the table away and fuck me senseless, she instead picks up my paper bag and puts the crust in it while walking over the bin. She then stacks our plates and throws the apple juice bottles away.

I don't really know what to do now until she speaks.

"We should do something special one night," She looks almost embarrased as she speaks. "Like have a really nice dinner, better than this. Then maybe go back to one of our houses and really you know..." She trails off when I place my hand on hers.

"I'd love to," I reply stroking my thumb over her knuckles.

"Awesome," She murmurs.

"Should we tell anybody about us." I don't go into detail in who 'anybody' is but by the redness on her cheeks she realises who I mean.

"Maybe, if we do tell anybody," She pinches her lips together. "We shouldn't, you know, as much." She watches as my eyebrows raise. "You know, just so they know that we're serious about us, I mean you and me, this um, you know..."

I breath out a laugh and let her words think in. She's basically saying no sex until we tell Charlie and Scott. And she said she wants them to know we're serious... Does she want to be my girlfriend?

"I think we can handle no teasing or sex for a while..." I wink at her and she gulps.

"Yeah I mean, it'll be good." She nods heaps in an attempt to reassure herself.

"Ofcourse," I whisper, sitting back in my seat and spreading my legs. Her eyes instantly descend my body and I smirk inwardly. Before any of us can make a move though we hear the bell ring for recess and we both jump. Then the voice closing in on us make us both leap from out of our seats and hide under the table.

It's just some footballers and cheerleaders mumbling about having some awesome keg party this weekend. I sigh and roll my eyes and hear Santana giggle beside me. We're pretty close because the classroom tables aren't really meant for students to hide under them.

"Britt," Santana whispers and her breath hits my cheek. I close my eyes and breathe in slowly before turning to look at her. "You didnt," She moves forward. "Say that we," Her hand slides up my waist. "Couldn't kiss."

"San," I mumble into the slowly warming air around us. Being under this table it's about 30 degrees hotter. Add Santana's tongue against my ear and that's another 30,000 degrees.

"Please? Just kiss me, that's all I want," She replies softly. Our faces edge closer together and without a second thought she kisses me firmly. I'm completely caught in her spell until she swirls her tongue around mine and I whimper. She grins and her teeth nip on my bottom lip.

"Mmm San, do you know how much I want you right now," I whisper against her mouth. She swallows and nods her head.

"I want you too baby, so bad," She swipes her thumb over my right cheekbone. "We could always watch porn and masturbate?" She suggests with a wink. I slap her arm lightly and roll my eyes. It would be hot to watch her masturbate though and it wouldn't be as thought we'd be doing anything to each other... I could just watch her get off.

"Let's go back to mine," I husk and watch her eyes brighten.

She nods vigorously and says, "Anything you want."

* * *

Santana and me have spent an hour forging notes to our teachers about why we weren't in class. She's saying she has some sexually transmitted desease and signs Scott's name underneath. I just say I have a stomach bug and even draw a little bug in the corner of the paper which Santana scolds me for.

"It's cute," I squeal as she takes the paper from my hands.

"It'll get you into trouble. Do you think your dad would draw a small insect at the bottom of his daughters sick note?"

"You know what, probably not," I pinch my lips together and show Santana my puppy dog eyes. She knows she can't resist.

Finally I watch her sigh and stick the notes into the teachers lockers before running down the hall. Suddenly I stop just outside the choir room. It's empty and the perfect place to have some real alone time without a bed in the room to distract us.

Santana follows me inside, scanning the instruments on one side of the room and the half empty trophy case behind them.

"We should probably go," Santana murmurs but I take her hand and lead her to the chairs. She sits down beside me willingly and gives me a small smile. "I haven't been in here since my audition."

She's staring off in wonderment around the room and I don't know why because nothing has really changed. The trophy cabinet is a lot more full than I last saw it but everything else feels the same. Although it's colder and less welcoming.

"I liked coming here alot," I explain and sigh. "Now it just feels strange."

"My parents were performers," She mumbled, looking down at her hands. I shuffled my chair closer to her in an attempt to make her feel comfortable in talking about it. This was it. My hands were so sweaty. "They always encouraged me to sing and after everything happened, I auditioned for Glee club. I wasn't the nicest person so..." She trails off and turns her chair towards mine. I do the same. She searches my face for a moment before speaking.

"When I was fourteen I had this huge fight with my parents. I took my dad's," She chokes out a tiny sob but breathes in deeply. "Car and I drove it and ended up crashing into a pole." I could see her eyes glistening with tears desperate to fall. "I was in hospital for three months and one day the nurse came into my room. I asked her where my parents were because they were supposed to visit me and she just shook her head," She sniffled into her hand. "My parents died on the the way to visit me. It's my fault for driving that stupid car," She hisses, pain and regret flooding her features. I wanted to hug her really bad, but I'd let her finish first. "I went to a clinic because I suffered from severe depression. I got out after a year and I moved to Mckinley in sophomore year. They said I'd never be able to get close to people."

I didn't realise I was crying aswell until I could taste the tears on my lips. "Santana, I'm so sorry..." She leans forward and wraps me up into her. My head buries into her neck and we both cry against each other, our bodies quaking with every sob.

"S-San I-" Your breath catches in your throat before you can say what you have wanted to tell her for so long.

"Um..." Our heads turn the source of the noise. "Hey girls," Mr. Schue says semi awkwardly.

Santana and me look passed him to see the Glee kids completely confused. Mercedes is almost crying with us and Kurt looks slightly aroused in the romance.

"Sorry, we were just going," Santana stands and takes my hand.

"Hey," Quinn yells after us. We both stop and turn around unaware of what she's about to say. "If you girls need a place to be, other than home, you're welcome here." Her smile completes the apology, if that's what it was. Santana nods slightly and I smile really small in return. Then we both turn and walk away, hands still connected.

* * *

We're walking into my house giggling and poking each other when we notice Charlie and Scott in the living room. We stop and stare at them because they look like they just discovered their Christmas presents early. "Brittany, Santana, how would you two like to return to that karaoke bar tonight?" Charlie asks with a grin.

"Sure," I say tight lipped and look at Santana whose nodding.

"Sounds good," Santana says in the same tone as me. We're both holding back our laughter because we're so happy. Well I think she's happy. I know that I'm happy because I don't like and act like this when I'm sad. Unless I really want to hide it from someone.

"We should go and get ready," Scott says to Santana and her mouth drops open to say something.

"Um, we're just going to um, Santana left something in my room, come on," I mutter, grabbing Santana's hand and running upstairs.

I open the door to my room and let go of Santana's hand. She's standing by the door, eyeing me up and down hungrily. I didn't bring her up here for a quickie even though by the way she's looking at me I think that's what she wants.

"We won't have any alone time at the bar will we?" She asks, stalking towards me like I'm her prey.

I turn my head and blush. She always has a way of making me feel so small, but good inside.

"No, we won't but I just wanted to talk now," I say softly and her eyes instantly turn to their normal shade. She continues coming close to me though and rubs her palm along my shoulder. "I don't want you to think it's your fault Santana," I begin. "Your parents would not have wanted you to think that and even though I didn't get to meet them I just know."

She purses her lips together and nods. I urge her to talk by taking her hand off my shoulder and linking our fingers together.

"I wasn't a good person Britt. I was so selfish and Scott was so close to hating me. I was reckless and so young that I didn't know that what I did was hurting people around me."

"Is that why my mom didn't want us hanging out?" She nods hesitantly. I lean close to her so our breaths are rebounding off each others. As I look into her eyes I realise how much we've progressed. I couldn't stand to look at her months ago and now we're an inch apart and I'm thinking about kissing her. "Santana," I whisper and her eyes flutter close. "Even if we had met back then, I would have wanted to be close to you. Whether it's friends, or acquaintances, or even lovers." I cup her cheeks and wrap my lips around her bottom one. Then I feel something cold hit my cheek and when I open my eyes I realise she's crying. "You're beautiful," I whisper hotly when our lips break apart.

"Stop it," She whispers shyly.

"No," I reply firmly, bring our lips back together. "Never." She whimpers when we kiss and her hand reaches for my hair and pulls. I hiss and slip my tongue between her lips.

"Mmm, we shouldn't," She breathes against my mouth. I nod and distance myself from her.

"Yeah, I'll see you tonight," I reply, wiping my mouth and fixing my hair. She winks and walks out of my room. Tonight will definitely be difficult.

* * *

It wasn't a long drive. But it gave me time to think. What if Santana looked hot tonight? I would look at my shoes. What is Santana touching my legs under the table? I'd stand up and dance with anyone but her. What if Santana said she was going to bathroom? I'd get up and join he- No! I couldn't do anything suspicious in front of Charlie and Scott. I should have made it clearer to her we couldn't... But maybe she won't. Maybe she thinks I'll be the one teasing... Maybe I will.

I walk into the bar with confidence, not knowing if Santana and Scott have already arrived. Then Charlie leads me to a booth and I notice them standing by a table. Woah.

Santana's wearing a tight red dress and fur vest. Her hair is swept to the side exposing most of her neck. It looks so delicious.

"Hey guys!" Scott yells, wrapping his arms around me. I peek over his shoulder at Santana and she's smirking with her hand on her hip. Scott lets me go and walks with Charlie to the bar. Santana heads towards me and runs her finger from my forehead straight down the middle of my body, stopping just at my underwear line.

"You look delicious," She whispers.

"Drink?" I change the subject eagerly, swerving passed her towards the booth. We order two lemonades and I make sure to sit away from her.

"Britt," She says in a seductive voice. "Brittttt," She whines. "Brittany!" She squeals and I jump and turn towards her.

"What?" I hiss.

"I'm not going to do anything don't worry." I notice the sincerity in her eyes and give her a shy smile.

"Girls." Who the hell invited my mom?

"What are you doing here?" I ask, standing up to hug her.

"Charlie invited me, I thought she told you. Oh hello Santana," She says dryly, sticking out her hand. Santana brushes the hand away and hugs my mom. My eyes widen as I think my mom is going to implode but she just hugs back. She doesn't squeeze though, not like she does when she hugs me. I think she'll learn to though, this is just the first step.

"I'm glad you're here," I say as happily as possible. My mom buys it and scoots into the booth next to me. "Where is that guy?"

"Oh Pete? We didn't work out." She says off handedly and orders a drink. I wish my mom wasn't so dry or whatever about guys in her life. I wish she just stuck with my dad instead of sleeping around and kicking every other guy out of her life. She's wasting her time. But I couldn't tell her that. I should follow my own advice I guess and stop wasting time. Santana looks so beautiful tonight.

"So what happened with Mike the other night?" Charlie and Scott join the booth and we're all squished around the table like fish in a tiny bowel.

"Why would you ask me now?" I snap suddenly. I didn't mean to sound harsh. "I'm sorry," I sigh. "It just didn't work out."

Charlie puts her hand on my shoulder. "It'll be okay." I nod and send her a small smile before turning my eyes towards Santana. She's playing with the straw in her lemonade and I think she's avoiding eye contact.

"I'm going to dance," I say and walk to the small dance floor that's filled with mostly couples young and old. The music playing isn't club music but it's fast enough and has a good beat. I close my eyes and sway slowly at first, trying to find my rhythm. I don't want to push it, because I've always been so anxious about going out to a crowded place and dancing. I could bump into people and hurt myself and that's the last thing my dad needs. That's the last thing I need because I've gotten so, so much better.

"Mind if I dance with you?" I hear her whisper against my neck. I turn around and look passed her to my mom, Charlie and Scott all chatting at the booth. They aren't paying attention, so I think it should be okay if we dance for a little while.

I smile at her and place one hand on her shoulder. She doesn't touch me but her stomach slides against my occasionally. I groan and turn around. That's when I feel her hands on my waist. She grips so tightly that I feel like I could pass out. I shake my ass into her, making sure to really feel her against me.

My hand reaches behind me blindly and I accidentally feel skin. My fingers stay near the hem of her dress for a while until I hear her voice in my ear.

"Brittany, it's so hard not to take you right here." I can feel my skin burn at her words. It's like she's permanently carving sexual comments into my flesh. I crave her so much I can't stand it any more.

I twist around and grab her hand. I lead her towards the back door and we end up outside in an alleyway. There aren't any people out here, but even if there were I don't think I'd mind. All I can think about is Santana. I walk down further into the alleyway and twist around swiftly. I back Santana against the brick wall, making sure I don't hurt her. My lips attack hers, biting and sucking, anything they can do to taste her. She tangles her fingers in my hair and brings our faces impossibly close.

"Fuck," I breathe into her mouth and lift one of her legs so I can slip one of mine between them. She groans and arches her back. I kiss her again hard, before detaching my lips and travelling them down her jaw and neck. My fingers slip under the back of her dress and I can now feel her underwear. I squeeze her flesh and she buries her head in my neck.

I suddenly stop my movements and I know this isn't the nicest place to get on my knees but I do it anyway.

"What are you-" Santana begins to say but I shut her up by running a finger along her underwear. "Wait Britt!"

"What?" I breathe and stand up straight.

"I can't have you going down on me in an alleyway," She says, chest still heaving.

"I know I just, I need you now," I breathe and lean into kiss her. She brings her hands to my cheeks and pulls me closer. I suck on her lips, not allowing her to suck on mine.

"Britt!" She squeals and I grin.

"Sorry, your lips are just..." I trail off and lean forward again. Our foreheads rest against each other and when I look down I notice her pulling her dress down.

"Maybe we could ditch," She says with a sly smirk. I poke my tongue out and lick her lips.

"Maybe." I wink and walk back to the door. I look back and see her standing there with her hands on her hips. "We'll have to say goodbye first. Do you know how to fake sick?" Her grin grows and she runs towards me. Before she opens the door, she places a kiss to my cheek that lingers a while.

"Now you're sick too," She whispers and disappears inside.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated :)  
Next chapter will be up next week, sorry I have a lot of work and study! **


	17. Before we met

**A/N: **Your feedback from the last few chapters has been amazing! I really hope you all enjoy this chapter. It was difficult to write because I kept changing my mind, but I finally settled and I hope you like where it goes :)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

We headed back into the bar and approached the table. My mom was twirling a straw in her drink and when she noticed us she grinned. "There you two are! Charlie and Scott are choosing a song for a duet and they want to battle you both."

Santana and me looked at each other and smirked. We high-fived and headed over to the stage. Charlie was strangling a microphone to death and Scott was going through the song list.

"I want some Beyonce!" Charlie whined. Scott ignored her and selected one that was definitely not Beyonce. They noticed us and squealed, handing us both microphones. People at the tables weren't paying attention, but a few people on the dance floor stopped and looked eagerly at us. I stood frozen, because I couldn't sing well and this song needed to be sung well. It was a classic. I suddenly felt fingers thread through my own and looked sideways at Santana. She sent me a soft smile then turned and faced the crowd. I guess she knew this song well too. Neither of us looked at the lyrics screen, while Charlie was a little drunk so she squinted at all the words.

The instrumental at the beginning of the song began to play and when it was our cue to sing, Santana surprised me by taking the lead. She squeezed my hand , urging me to sing with her. I decided I would harmonize in some parts.

_And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills  
'Till the landslide brought me down _

Santana then sung by herself,

_Oh, mirror in the sky  
What is love? _

I joined in,

_Can the child within my heart rise above?  
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?  
Can I handle the seasons of my life? _

I did not pay one bit of attention to Charlie, Scott or anyone in the bar apart from Santana. She looked like a natural up here.

_Well, I've been afraid of changing  
'Cause I've built my life around you  
But time makes you bolder  
Children get older  
I'm getting older too _

I was so close to crying, not only because there were so many more people paying attention to us but Santana's voice just made me feel so much. I looked over to Charlie and Scott and saw that they had stopped singing and watch us both - well Santana mostly. She was pouring her heart into the song.

_Well maybe_  
_Well maybe_  
_Well maybe the landslide will bring you down_

Santana's voice drew out with the last note and I was speechless. Everybody was. She instantly grew red when she realised she has beat Charlie and Scott on her own and nudged me in the shoulder. I nudged her back and we walked back over to the booth.

* * *

After another 10 minutes we decided to tell everyone that I was feeling a little sick so Santana could drive me home. Charlie and Scott didn't question it, but my mom looked genuinely disappointed. I didn't like seeing that particular emotion on her face but Santana has been better to me than she has these last few months so I wanted to be with Santana.

The street lights were the only source of light out apart from the moon, so I only saw Santana's face every few seconds. When we arrived at my house Santana turned off the engine without saying anything. She just had this tiny smirk on her face and I knew why. I followed her to the front door and noticed it was open so my dad must not have gone out tonight. Santana walked in after me, holding the hem of my shirt because no lights were on. I paused suddenly when I heard a sniffle to my left.

I blindly felt around in front of me until I felt the light switch and flicked it on. There sitting hunched over on the sofa was my dad, crying in his hands. He wasn't even making sounds but his body was shaking so much that I felt so nervous. "D-Dad?" His head snapped up and his face was so sad that I instantly felt tears leave my eyes. He raised his hand to his mouth and shook his head, crying violently once again.

I felt Santana let go of my shirt but before I started walking I took her hand. She followed me to the sofa and sat beside me while I hugged my dad. His body made me shake, which made the sofa shake. I turned to Santana and saw her face full of empathy and I knew she wanted to do something but wasn't sure how to do it. I reached an arm around her and pulled her closer to me so I was hugging both of them. "What's wrong dad?"

"Oh Britt, I'm sorry I shouldn't be crying in front of you," He wept and wiped his nose. I loosened my grip around him to let him breathe.

"Please tell me what's wrong," I pleaded. He took a long breath before speaking.

"I just miss," He shook his head. "I miss how we all used to be. I miss your mom Britt," He said honeslty and turned to me. He laughed sadly and rubbed his forehead. "You have to promise me you will treasure whoever you fall in love with," He added firmly and I swear I felt Santana tense. She then broke our embrace and sat back. I wanted to ask her what was wrong but I couldn't look after my dad and her. I couldn't even look after myself.

"You have to tell mom," From the look on his face I knew I hit a nerve and I could almost feel his heart pinching tightly in agony. He was defeated and I knew how he felt, accept when I felt defeated I was in a completely different situation. So, this is the weak side of my dad that I never want to inherit. Of course, I cry and I know that is normal for people. But there's a certain way in which he's crying. Like he knows exactly why and he wishes he could stop but he purposely doesn't. I think I know why as well. I think he knows he is weak when it comes to his feelings for my mom and the tears are the result of realising he is weak.

"No, no, I can't," He says tiredly, as if he has been forcing himself to repeat those words to himself every night.

I don't really know why I want my dad and mom to get back together. Well I don't really. I just want my dad to be honest to her about how he feels, because I've come to learn how good it feels. Santana and me are getting so close to that point. "She doesn't deserve you anyway," I mumble into his shoulder. He sniffles and leans his head on mine.

"Promise me you'll treasure whoever you fall in love with Britty," He repeats and I immediately nod.

"I promise dad, come on," I whispered, helping him off the sofa. I lead him to the stairs and he said he'd be able to take it from here. He kissed my forehead and went upstairs. I then went back to the living room and saw Santana pacing around the room. "San?"

"Hey," She whispered and stopped. "How is he?"

"Fine, he's going to rest. Did you want to stay?" I asked hopefully. I really didn't want to be alone right now, but I understood if Santana had to go. I wouldn't tell her that I'd be sad if she left, because that would be far too clingy.

"Britt," She whispered, stepping closer to me. One of her hands slid from the top of my head down the side of my face. "I gotta go." I nodded, understanding fully why. She stepped passed me but before she opened the door she turned around and spoke. "Please don't give up on me."

I stared at her, nodding blankly and watched her leave. I would never.

* * *

I forgot how cold mornings were now that Santana hadn't slept over. Her warmth always surrounded me when I woke up, but now all that's here is an empty, unwelcoming space. My dad's words really got to Santana I think. Maybe it suddenly hit her that we were in high school, having some sort of fling and she realised that she needed to start thinking of relationships. Maybe she'll tell me we need to stop having sex because she wants to go find the woman of her dreams. I really hope she doesn't give up on me either.

Something about today was just unpleasant. Not because of the weather or the dark clouds hovering over every area I stood in. The vibe around school was just odd. Before I left the house I checked on my dad and found him hovering over his desk reading. I didn't disturb him though. I thought about calling Santana, wondering if she was going to pick me up for school but I didn't disturb her either.

I know how annoying disturbances can be. So I keep to myself, just like I did the first day of school. Nobody takes notice of me while I'm at my locker. Give or take a few jocks who remember Santana's stunt with me in this exact spot. They whistle and holler crude comments but I feel so drained today, like the world around me is just sucking the life right out of me.

"Hey." I slam my locker shut and hold my hand to my chest. Quinn's standing beside me with her eyes wide and mouth slightly 'o' shaped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

I scoffed softly and hugged my books to my chest. "You think because you were nice to me once that I'll talk to you?" It was more of a rhetorical question but Quinn always has something to say.

"Ofcourse not, I just thought I'd say hey," She murmured, looking really vulnerable.

"Did Mr. Schue put you up to this? Is he getting every member of Glee club to make an effort with me now?" It came out of my mouth sharper than I planned but it seemed to provoke fear within Quinn.

"L-Like I said, I just wanted to say hey," Quinn mumbled. "That's all. I really do hope you're doing okay."

"I bet you do. Like that time you cared so much that you ordered Puck to slushie me? Or when you cared about me more than anybody else and got into that fight with Santana, my only friend," I spoke loudly, grabbing attention from a few surrounding students. "You know the consequences of your actions Quinn, but you still act like an asshole."

I side stepped her, walking towards my first class. I didn't want my first conversation with Quinn to be an argument, even though I could not hold my thoughts back. I knew with the mood I was in that a fist fight is probably what it would turn into. So really, I was doing her a favour walking away and leaving her alone. I was doing everyone a favour just keeping to myself.

* * *

I stood outside the Spanish room, observing my class mates. I don't even think one of them acknowledged what Mr. Schue was writing on the board. My eyes scanned the room further, landing on a familiar, beautiful girl in the back. She had her hair up in a high pony tail and the ends tickled her neck. Her lips were rubbing together in concentration as she traced something in her notebook. Her eyes lifted off the book, as if sensing someone was watching her. It all happened so slowly.

From this distance I couldn't tell if she wanted me to sit next to her. I assumed she did, so I stepped inside the classroom. But then she got up from her desk, her eyes still firmly piercing into mine. Her strides were elegant and with her body in full view now I could see she was wearing tight fitting jeans and black combat boots. When she was about a metre away from me she lifted her arms in the air, wrapping them around my neck. Her face buried into my chest and I instantly slid my arms around her waist pulling her so close against me. People in the room were so busy with what they were doing they didn't even notice our odd romantic moment.

Santana pulled back and stared at me in a different way now. Passion was lacking in her eyes and I think she only hugged me because it was one of those 'We normally see each other all the time and I miss you' moments. She cleared her throat and I frowned because I didn't want her to make this awkward. She turned away from me smoothly and walked back to her seat. It was almost like that embrace never happened. But it did and everything she makes me feel will never go away no matter how much she tries to avoid it and the problem is she never avoided it before. She was so sure.

I sat on the other side of the room. I actually did some work this class but I forgot most of the information by the end of it. I hadn't eaten breakfast this morning. I didn't want to do anything anymore if Santana wasn't there to share the moment with me. It's strange how accustomed I've grown to having her around. I think she's flickering away, but holding on for something. I just don't know what that something is. If it has anything to do with me, then I want her to be up front. It's almost like after one night she's changed her mind. I wonder if she'll go back to fucking cheerleaders tomorrow, or even tonight. I'm not even girlfriend material, or even friend material. She's probably already bored of me.

I looked over at her and she was intently watching me. She wasn't even trying to be subtle about it. I frowned and buried my face in my work again, but after a while I could still feel her eyes on me. So I joined in her game. I brushed my hair behind my ears so she could have a clear view of my face. I twisted my chair around slightly so I could face her better and she visibly shrunk. I don't even know what she's making me do or what she wants me to do and it's killing me. The pinching inside my chest grows tighter the more she avoids what we're doing and soon I feel like I'm going to lose it. She's opened up so much recently, I'd hate to give up on her before I know all of her.

* * *

Because Cheerios practice ran late I didn't get home until 6:30. I wish it had run even later, because as I approached my front door I heard screaming.

"You might not come back? You can't live there, what about our kids?"

"I'm doing this because of our kids!"

"That doesn't make any sense, you can't just up and leave!"

"Mom?" Both my parents heads turned towards me. "Where are you going?" I asked, observing the suitcases by her feet.

She wore a small smile, almost invisible. "I'm just going on a holiday Britt," She spoke, her voice cracking with each word.

"A permanent one?" I asked, confused.

"Britty, go upstairs," My dad spoke softly and I shook my head immediately.

"What? So you're going all Shirley Valentine on us?" I scoffed and ran my hands through my hair. I wish Charlie was home, she'd know how to deal with mom and her crazy impulses.

"I should go," My mom breathed, picking up her bags.

"No!" I screamed. "You're hardly here and now you're just going to leave? Please don't mom, please," I begged, tears threatening to fall.

"Brittany, I'm a mess." She dropped her bags and sat on the arm of the recliner.

I shot my dad a look signalling for him to give us some privacy. He sighed and nodded. "I'll be in the kitchen," He said reluctantly.

I stood in front of my mom, reaching up to wipe the tears under her eyes. The mascara was staining her cheeks but I'd get a tissue for her later.

"Do you love dad?" I asked firmly, containing the rest of my tears.

My mom breathed in and out through her nose and shook her head. "No. There was a time though, when I thought I did."

"I hope when I'm your age, I'll have someone that loves me as much as dad loves you." She smiled sadly at me and went to hug me but I stepped back and shook my head. "You know who has been there for me since I got out of the clinic?" She stared blankly at me, still offended that I rejected her hug. "Charlie, Dad, Scott and you'll never guess who else. Santana." Her eyes closed for a moment as she swallowed thickly. "Everyone but you."

"Brittany..."

"No. You're supposed to be the one taking care of me, asking how I am, how I'm recovering!" I was about to cry again, but I turned around and wiped my sleeve across my face.

I didn't want to say anything else, so I left. I was going to Santana to tell her I want her in every way possible and that she doesn't have to be scared of me for what ever reason. If I returned and my mom was gone then I know that I made the right choice and I did say everything I wanted too to her.

I didn't catch the bus this time, I just ran. I sped down every street and twenty minutes later I was standing outside Santana's front door. I knocked a few times but there was no answer. I really hope my dad didn't scare her off when he talked about love and the future.

The door suddenly opened and Scott stood there with a grin. "Hey wh-"

"Where's Santana?" I asked out of breath.

"Ugh, she said she was picking you up from cheerleading practise," Scott replied with a frown.

Crap. "Thanks!" I knew I couldn't run to school. I'd have a heart attack or something on the way. Luckily the bus only took a few minutes to arrive. I took out my phone and searched Santana's number, which I will have to learn to memorise if things go well with her. She doesn't answer. To pass the time I decide to just stare at her number, because I want everything domestic with her and it was a weird feeling because we are only in high school. It is our last year, but I wish Santana and me could be this young forever and I could back in time and tell her how wonderful she is and accept her crude suggestion of fucking like rabbits.

I laugh to myself in the bus and luckily there's only one other old woman sitting up the front. I don't know why I'm laughing, it was probably the rabbits thought. Or the fact that I've never done this before... I've never chased a girl, or a guy or anyone, unless we were playing tag. I'm actually taking time out of my existence to find Santana and tell her what she means to me. This is the funniest thing I've ever done.

Before I can amuse myself with my inner thoughts any longer, I notice we're almost at school and press the button. I thank the driver and rush over towards the entrance. I don't expect it to be open, but when it is I am so grateful. I'm slowly stepping down the hall because I'm sure there is someone other than Santana in here, unless she broke in...

Suddenly I see the janitor step out of his closet and walk in the opposite direction with a mop. I tip toe left down the hall and stop near the choir room. Inside it's empty and the door is locked. I knock just in case Santana stayed behind at school so late that she got locked in. When there is no answer I continue towards the cafeteria. The door is locked as well so I step in the direction of the gym. All that's lit are the pool lights which are barely making anything visible. I'm about to step out when I hear her.

"Looking for me?" She asks confidently.

I frown at her and shrug. I feel so drained and now that she's actually in front of me I just want to take her to bed and sleep.

"I rocked up at home and Scott said you were looking for me and that you would be here," She continues while I remain silent. I decide to speak after a few minutes, finding the frustration I used towards Quinn again.

"What is your problem? You've been completely cold to me and today was just weird. Was it because of what my dad said?" Her lips twitch up into a smile, an actual smile, even though I'm speaking completely serious to her. She walks towards me, the same pace she did in class. I want to open my mouth to say something but it's locked shut. I find the strength to step back but she keeps walking towards me and before I know it I'm falling backwards and grasping onto her shirt.

My vision is blurred underneath the water. I squint and she her face close to mine but her eyes are shut. We both surface and gasp. I cough and splutter water out of my mouth. Santana is rubbing her eyes and treading water in front of me. I turn and am about to swim to the ledge but she grabs my waist and pulls me against her. We float to the shallow end so we're both standing on our toes but she doesn't let go.

"Santana," I breathe.

"Britt, just let me hold you. I'll answer your questions if you let me hold you." I'm to tired to argue so I relax in her arms. "What your dad said made me scared but not in the way you think," She clears her throat and realise just how close her mouth is to my ear because she's taller than me. "I feel like I haven't treasured the person that means the most to me. I've tried, believe me. But I don't think it's going to be enough. I don't think I'm enough. I stuck up for you all those times because I could not stand the thought of you hurt. You scare me because... You made me fall in love with you before I even met you." I tense in her grip and feel my eyes burn with fresh tears. "When Charlie showed me that picture of you I started to believe in love at first sight. There was just something so pure and beautiful about your smile and your hair and your eyes. From that point on I promised myself that I would find a way to get to know you and be your friend," She sighed and laughed a little. "Then I actually met you and when I realised it was really you I was so nervous. I created this confidence in myself so I wouldn't be able to feel pain if you rejected me in any way. When you said you didn't want to be my friend the first time I..." She trails off and I feel my heart pinch. "I just wanted you in my life. I needed you in my life. I love you Brittany."

She loosens her grip on me and I turn to face her. We're both crying but you would only notice if you saw our eyes. We didn't make any sounds. All that left my mouth was a small whimper. She heard but she didn't move to comfort me. I silently thanked her for that and when I finally could speak, I said something that I didn't think I would ever say to her. _  
_

* * *

**Thoughts? :) **


	18. Warm water

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

* * *

_She loosens her grip on me and I turn to face her. We're both crying but you would only notice if you saw our eyes. We didn't make any sounds. All that left my mouth was a small whimper. She heard but she didn't move to comfort me. I silently thanked her for that and when I finally could speak, I said something that I didn't think I would ever say to her._

"I love you, so much."

She choked out a small cry but then covered her mouth. I knew she was happy. Even though she looked so devastated and sad, I knew she was happy because of what I said. It was weird that I liked seeing her cry. I just liked seeing everything pour out of her for me, for us. I moved forward in the water and wrapped my arms around her waist. She responded quickly by hugging me back just as tightly and we swayed in the water for a few moments. "Santana," I whisper. She pulls back and nods. "We," I clear my throat. "W-we should just keep doing what we're doing." She didn't respond positively to my words. She moved away from me and frowned. "That didn't c-come out right, no, we-"

"Are you saying you don't want to be with me?"

"No!" I instantly shouted back and she retracted like a turtle. She was hugging herself and I wanted to be those arms. "I mean, we can't, not just yet. We have our families to consider. We don't know how they'll react."

"Who cares," She replies, sighing in frustration and slamming her palm against the water. "I just want you." Her voice was so small, almost non-existent. Her eyes shot through mine I felt like I was naked or invisible. I didn't know how to say what I was trying too.

"I- Ugh!" I let out a frustrated sigh as well and hugged my body. "It hurts how much I want to be with you Santana. It's like I physically can't do anything without knowing you're alive and well and there's a possibility I'll get to see you. This morning when I woke up alone I couldn't handle it! I love you more than anyone else in this world." There was a hint of a smile that graced her lips, but just as soon as it appeared it disappeared.

"I feel the same, but I think we could tell Charlie and Scott and they would be okay," She suggests desperately.

"You don't know that," I breathed.

"Neither do you," She remarked confidently, stepping closer to me. "Just try, please?" The desperation returned. All I needed to do was say yes, that's it and she would be mine. I already told her I love her, so that was the second last step to becoming her girlfriend. I don't think it matters if we have a label though. Since we started having sex she's stopped hooking up with cheerleaders and I have stopped, well, masturbating. She knew how I felt, we both did. So trying to figure our relationship out in a pool was not going to get anywhere.

Instead of talking I let her know how much I wanted this another way. I extended my arm out and gripped the back of her neck. I didn't think we needed to talk any more, just for now. So I pulled her to me and crashed our lips together. She barely responded at first but soon enough her fingernails were digging into my shoulder blades and her tongue was desperately searching for mine. I groaned as I felt her jump up and wrap her legs around me. It was all so slow because we were in water, but that only made me long for her more.

She rubbed her front against me and I kept stumbling, but eventually made my way over to the wall of the pool. I flipped us around so she was against the wall and I was grinding into her at such a rapid pace that we could barely find each other's lips now. She ended up biting my tongue and pulled back with a grimace on my face. She didn't have time to show any remote signs of sympathy because I leaned in once again. The frantic rush of everything was making my pulse race and I didn't have time to feel any pain from her bite. All I could see were her swollen red lips, her lightly dusted pink cheeks and hooded eyes.

Our clothes were still on and despite being in water I could tell the difference between her natural wetness and the pool. Every time I thrusted against her core I could feel her grow slipperier. I sucked on her lips some more, before pulling back and kissing down her jaw. Her head flew back, exposing more of her neck. I licked every part of her skin that was visible to me, including her cleavage. Her shirt was soaked through as well, turning me on even more. I stopped what I was doing and pulled her against me. I began to walk towards the steps of the pool and when Santana noticed she groaned.

"What are you-"

"Shh..." I cooed entering a shower stall and pressing her against the wall. I turned on the hot water first and we both hissed. Then the cold water met our skin and we instantly felt the perfect temperature melt away all of our worries. Santana wiggled her legs our of my grip and immediately planted her hands on my chest, pushing me against the side wall.

We kissed until we couldn't breathe and soon enough I felt her fingers skating underneath my top. Sue is going to kill me for getting my uniform damp and I won't have time to get it dry so I'll have to borrow one for the next practice. But all of that escaped my train of thought when Santana's lips sucked on my chest. I looked to my right and noticed my top had been thrown on the bench. I looked down at Santana and her eyes caught mine as she pulled down one cup of my bra and licked my already erect nipple. Her mouth swallowed half my boob and then welcomed the other one into her mouth.

All I could do was grip tightly onto her waist and cause friction between my lower lips and her thigh. She squeezed my boobs and leaned up to kiss me again. I pulled her tongue inside my mouth and sucked. She let out the sexiest moan in history.

"Fuck me," I breathed. She didn't hesitate like she did outside the bar last week. She reached under my skirt and palmed my underwear which may as well not have been there. I realised she was still full clothed which was entirely not fair, so I pulled her top off and unclasped her bra. I arched into her when her fingers hit my clitoris. She was so good with her fingers. She rubbed tight circles down below, while I nipped at her neck. I didn't know why but I always wanted to look into her eyes when we were intimate. It sort of reassured me that she was really the one making me feel this good.

So when she entered two fingers inside of me I pulled back and we locked our gaze. Her mouth was slightly opened like mine and we were puffing really fast. She pumped her fingers achingly slow for a while, which allowed me to maintain our eye contact. But it was all so teasingly painful, I had to beg her to go faster.

"San," I whispered.

"Mm," She hummed into my mouth.

"Faster." Immediately she began to fasten her pace. I switched between standing on my toes to the bottom of my feet every time she pumped. Her thumb was added and instantly shook my clit at a rapid pace. I had to close my eyes. As much as I wanted to keep looking at her, I couldn't handle it, I was so close. She pumped a few more times and had me cumming more than I thought was possible.

"More," She husked. She changed the pace of her pumping every few minutes which caused my lady parts to spasm and quake and erupt.

When I orgasmed for the fourth time she pulled her fingers out and licked them straight in front of my face. I knew I was so close to collapsing, but I wanted to keep going. I had to show her how much I love her.

I turned the water off and led her to the benches. "Sit down." She sat. "Spread your legs." She followed my instructions once again. I straddled her lap and ran my hands through her hair. Her hands instantly fell on my butt and she squeezed. I arched into her which caused us both to whimper loudly.

"Britt," She breathed. "God, you're so beautiful." I pulled back and cupped her cheeks. We both leaned forward in unison slowly and caught each other's kiss. Her lips engulfed mine because mine were thinner but I used my long tongue to an advantage and plunged it into her mouth. "Mmm," She moaned loudly into my mouth and I kept my lips shut and swallowed so I could keep that sound forever.

I unzipped her jeans, loving how they fit on her body but hating the fact that they were so tight it would take me a while to get them off. But she signalled for me to stand up and she pulled her jeans down to her knees and hung her legs in the air. I understood what she wanted me to do, but before I pulled the jeans completely off, I licked and kissed her thighs. Her fingers threaded through my hair, I knew she wanted me to raise my head just a little to that sweet spot between her legs, but I really don't think I'd be good enough.

I pull the jeans off and drop them to the floor. When I sit back on her lap our breaths slowly collide and she lets out a strangled whimper. She buries her head against my shoulder in embarrassment but I pull back so I can see her slightly red tinted cheeks. "It's okay," I whisper, rubbing my thumbs against her face. I bring our lips back together and at the same time we grind into each other. "Ugh," I groan against her mouth.

It doesn't take long before we're fully going at it on this bench. She's thrusting up and I'm pushing down against her. Because of our thin underwear we're able to gain the full effect of scissoring. One of her legs is bent over mine so we're tangled. Santana scrapes her nails down my thighs and my hands cup her boobs and tease her nipples.

Once I can feel her getting close, I pause my movements. She frowns at first, but notices my hand descending down her body. "Oh my god," She half whispers half whimpers. I pull her underwear to the side and don't waste any time. My fingers form a scissor shape and I stroke her inner lips carefully. I bite on her jaw and she grinds against my fingers, so desperate for me to enter her. When I enter one finger, she gasps and pulls me so close to her I can feel her rapid heart beat. When I feel her growing wider I add a second finger, waiting for the perfect moment to touch her clit. Her head is against my chest and every two seconds her breath hits my skin.

"I love you," I mutter against her hair. She stops breathing and I pause my movements down there.

"I love you too," She replies shakily, leaning into to kiss me. When she says she loves me, I know she means it because there is love in her voice that has been there since we first spoke.

My fingers move on their own now and I remove them for a moment to cater to her clit. She violently trembles against my touch, so I enter her one final time. She cums within a matter of seconds and her arms wrap around my body to cradle me. But I'm the one that should be cradling her. I'm happy I made her feel good.

After getting dressed into fresh clothes that Santana kept in her locker, we decided to go back to my house. We knew Charlie and Scott were at Santana's, most likely wanting alone time. So we hopped into Santana's car but before she could start the engine I leaned over and brought her lips to mine.

She whimpered in surprise, but cupped my cheek and brought me closer. It was slow, passionate, careful. I loved feeling everything Santana had to give to me. I slid my tongue around her mouth and she sucked on it. We pulled back with a pop, but I leaned in one more time to bite on her bottom lip - they were just so inviting. She started the car after that and we ended up getting home at 10. Santana laced her fingers through mine and pulled me upstairs. I was going to turn on the light but I figured we both knew where the bed was.

We slid under the covers, using the moonlight as a source of light to see each other's face. "Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

She nods hesitantly, then shuffles closer to me. "I just hope that one day we'll be able to love each other behind closed doors."

* * *

The weekend came quick. Santana and me had been kissing in secret but haven't found the strength to do anything more because we have literally had no privacy or time. Charlie has wanted to hang out with me more now that mom has left and she even waits outside the exit of Mckinley when I finish school. I miss rides with Santana and the free time we spent together, but this is a good thing I suppose. Although it is making me miss her more.

Charlie, Santana and I went to the mall yesterday and while Charlie turned to pay for the clothes Santana grabbed my hand and took me into one of the dressing rooms. She told Charlie she thought she forgot something and that seemed to be fine with her.

Then we were at dinner at Santana's house and Charlie and Scott were washing up. Santana grabbed my face and kissed me at the table when they were a few metres away and I ended up bursting out into laughter. My sister turned and scrunched her face up, while Scott just scratched his head. It was so hard keeping it from them, because it would be so cute double dating. Although that would be awkward.

"Brittany and Santana!" As Charlie's voice invades our ears I pull away from Santana and lean back against the bathroom sink. I'm completely out of breath and with the way Santana is looking at me, she likes it.

"Coming!" I yell back.

Santana grows a smirk on her face and traps me against the sink. "Yeah you are," She husks and I shut my eyes tightly. Think of something not sexy Brittany, come on, you can do it!

"Fat bus driver," I murmur. I open my eyes slowly and watch Santana's eye's squint at me in confusion. She then smirks and shakes her head, making sure to sway her hips as she walks out of the bathroom. I'm soon to follow her downstairs and we join Charlie and Scott in the living room.

"What's up?" Santana chirps as she plops down on the recliner. I notice she leaves room for me but I just stand beside the couch awkwardly.

"Well," Scott begins, taking Charlie's hands. "We were thinking of going to the lake house this weekend." I feel a certain tension in the room but I tell whose causing it. That is until I look down at Santana and see her nails digging into the arms of the recliner.

"What?" She asks through a clenched jaw. Scott looks nervous but he manages to sound strong.

"I think it's time Santana. We haven't been since..." He trails off and by the tears forming in Santana's eyes I know what he is talking about.

"They were buried there weren't they?" I whisper the word vomit before I can stop it. Santana sighs and stands up, brushing passed me towards the kitchen.

Scott nods, "You'll come won't you Britt?" I give him and Charlie a small smile that says 'not without Santana'. They both sigh and nod their heads in her direction. I walk towards Santana carefully, thinking about what I could say to convince her. She's playing with the scratched wood of the breakfast table.

"I think the lake house would be more fun than chipped wood," I say, catching her attention. She bites her lip and wipes a stray tear under her eye. "Please just..." I breathe the rest of the sentence and begin to walk towards her. I'm about to caress her cheek when Charlie and Scott walk in.

I retract my hand immediately and step back. Santana deflates but offers me a tiny smile. "Please come?" I whisper, trying not to sound desperate in front of Scott and Charlie. She meets my eyes and stands up. I'm not prepared for her arms slipping around my waist, pulling me in for a hug. I turn to look at Scott and Charlie and they both give me the thumbs up. I send them a tight lipped smile and rest my chin on Santana's shoulder. This weekend is going to be so hard.

* * *

I have been resting my head on her lap for most of the trip. The first twenty minutes was full of awkward tension. Charlie and Scott were holding hands while Scott drove. Santana was sitting on the opposite side of the car to me and it felt like there was a world of distance between us. So I decided to make the first move. I unbuckled my seat belt and yawned loudly to see if that would get her attention. She didn't even look at me.

So I scooted onto the middle seat and twisted my body so my legs were bent and my feet were against the door. I slowly leant my head down and when I looked up Santana's brown eyes were staring into me.

"Hi," I whispered. She breathed out a tiny laugh that was barely audible. Her lips tilted into a half smile as she ran her fingers down my cheeks. I turned my head slightly to see that Charlie and Scott were facing forward. I didn't really mind if they saw this. What we're doing is cute, but really intimate. I grab Santana's hand and place it on my stomach. I don't let go of it, even when I feel myself falling asleep.

I wake up to the sound of the engine being turned off and shifting underneath me. I rub my eyes and look up to see Santana staring down at me again. But darkness surrounds her as it's turned to night. I must have slept the whole trip. Santana leans down and kisses my forehead. I quickly turn my head towards the drivers seat to realise it's empty. Same with the passenger seat.

"They're putting our stuff inside. I said I'd stay here until you woke up." I grin at Santana's words and cup her cheek, bringing her down to kiss me.

"You had no choice," I whisper against her lips and she smiles into the kiss. I tighten my grip on her cheek and soon my hand falls down to her neck. She shudders when I run my fingers along the sensitive parts of her skin.

We hear the door close and Santana springs her head up. It's dark outside so we can't see them, which means they can't see us. I lean up and sit properly, patting down my hoodie which had somehow ridden up. I look over at Santana to see her wink at me. I smirk back and shake my head. We both step out of the car and head towards the house. I can't hear Santana's footsteps after a while though and I stop and turn around.

She's just standing there, staring at the house. I can almost see the memories flooding back in her mind. I have a feeling she is going to be nostalgic all weekend and I don't mind at all. I slowly walk towards her, cringing when every step crushes the gravel beneath.

"You girls okay?" I hear Charlie call out from the door. But I don't answer her. My eyes are focused on Santana, just as her eyes stay trained on mine. I move beside her and take her hand.

"We're good," I whisper then clear my throat. "Yeah, we're good," I say louder. Charlie nods in the distance and heads back inside. I turn to Santana and lean in to kiss her cheek. "You're going to be okay. I'm right here."

* * *

Santana was really disappointed when I told her I was going to room with Charlie. She promised that she wouldn't try anything sneaky but I just told her I wasn't worried about what she'd try, I was worried about me.

"Sneak out later," I whisper in her ear as she stares out towards the lake. Charlie and Scott laid out a blanket on the grass and are currently snuggling - which is kind of making Santana and me really jealous.

"Britt!" She hisses, pushing me away softly. "You're the one who said we shouldn't."

I roll my eyes and sigh. "I know, I know. I was just kidding," I tease and squeeze her waist.

It's getting really cold and late. Scott suggested we sit out here for a while but he's just been teasing Charlie for an hour. Santana's throwing rocks into the lake to let out some pain that she refuses to show and well, I'm watching her. I brought a warm blanket and all you can see is my face as I shiver underneath it. Santana looks over at me and giggles before turning back around. She's wearing mini shorts and a t-shirt. I have no idea how she's keeping warm.

"Girls, we're heading off to bed," Scott says, hoisting Charlie up on his back and heading back to the house. I laugh at their youthful romance and lay back on the grass. Thank god this blanket is huge.

I suddenly see a shadow blocking my view of the stars, but I'm not that agitated when I see her grin. She kneels down beside me and asks, "Room for one more?" I decide this is okay. We're only going to be snuggling anyway. I stare at her with a cheeky grin before stretching my arms and dragging her under the blanket. She squeals and begins tickling me until I've loosened the blanket around us. She twists her body and lays her head on my chest.

"We're going to be okay," She whispers, to no one really.

I answer her anyway. "Yes." I lean down and kiss her head, wrapping my arms tightly around her so I can add to the warmth.

"We should move here. Get hitched. We can have a squirrel has our priest." We laugh together before she continues. "I need a picture with you," She suddenly added, as if it had been lost in her mind since we met and now she's just remembering.

I pull my phone from my pocket and hand it to her. She extends her arm and I lean my head against hers while holding her from behind. "Cheese." I end up bursting into laughter when she says that. We look at the photo and I'm about to tell her to delete it when she clicks save.

"But that wasn't cute," I whine.

"It was perfect," Santana reassures me and I lean down to nibble at her ear. "Hmm, s-stop it cheeky."

I giggle and kiss her cheek. "Sorry cheesy, good night." I lean my head against the tree behind us and close my eyes.

"I love you," She whispers. A smile grows on my face and I hug her closer to me.

"I love you."

* * *

We woke up sweating. The sun had rose at 6:45 and we both woke up half an hour later. As soon as we took the large blanket of us I could feel my hoodie and shirt sticking to me. Santana looked equally disgusted and she met my gaze. We were both in need of a long shower.

"Race ya!" I bolted passed her but she managed to grab my arm and pull me back. "Woah!" I breathed, watching as she raced towards the door. I quickly gained up on her, not worrying about waking Charlie or Scott up.

"Yes!" Santana raised her arms in celebration.

"That's not fair, you actually knew where the bathroom was." Santana pokes her tongue out and grips my hoodie. Her eyes turn a few shades darker as she comes closer.

"We could always shower together." I whine and step back.

"No, no, you know we can't San..." She shrugs her shoulders and winks.

"Your loss!" And with that she shuts the door. I head out to the kitchen and find Charlie cooking bacon and eggs.

"Smells awesome," I say, causing her to turn around abruptly.

"Oh morning Britt, where did you and Santana sleep last night?"

"Outside," I reply simply.

She arches an eyebrow. "Outside, in the cold?" I nod. "I thought you wanted to room with me and have some sisterly bonding time," She adds, pouting the signature Pierce pout.

"Well we had blankets," I reply, taking a seat at the table. She scoffs but doesn't argue further. Scott enters the room without pants or a shirt on and I quickly cover my eyes. "TMI Scott, TMI!" I yell and his eyes widen when he notices me. He quickly runs back into his room and I'm left laughing at myself like a dork.

"Don't be mean, he is a finely structured man," Charlie counters. I scoff and take the plate she hands to me. As I'm about to take a bite of my bacon I notice a blurred figure step into the room. The noise around me becomes dead silent. I can slightly make out the sound of the uneaten bacon hitting the plate in front of me. Santana is standing in the room with just a towel on and her skin is still wet and glistening. Her hair is damp and looks so soft.

"What is with your family and being half naked?" Charlie suddenly yells, setting down three other plates at the table. I swallow thickly, watching as Santana smirks and leaves the room. Did she seriously just walk in here so she could tease me with her beautiful-ness?

After finishing breakfast and getting dressed into something more appropriate, we all headed out to the area where Santana and Scott's parents were buried. I knew this was a huge step. I don't think I would be able to do it if my parents passed, especially my dad. I'm so proud of Santana. Even though I can't show it now, I'm sure she knows.

We reach the graves and stand about a meter in front of them. I turn to Scott and notice how hard he is trying to hold his tears back. I then look at Santana and notice there isn't a hint of her possibly breaking down at all. She's remaining so calm, but her forehead is pinched together creating lines. Her eyebrows are slightly tilted down and I think it's because she feels more angry than sad.

"I'm sorry," She speaks firmly. Scott moves behind Santana and places his hands on her shoulders. I stand next to Charlie, my arm linked with hers. She's on the verge of crying, because I'm pretty sure she got to meet their parents - which I was so jealous of. I wanted to have that formal 'meet the parents' thing but I was never going too. I loved Scott like he was my family and I really only had to impress him if he were ever to find out about Santana and me. I'm pretty sure I've already gotten on his good side just by letting him date Charlie.

Scott clears his throat and steps back to walk away. Charlie grabs his hand they leave Santana and me alone. I don't want to interrupt this moment, so I leave her alone and hope that she feels better soon. I really don't want this to be a sad weekend, I want Santana to finally get closure and realise that her parents death is not her fault.

* * *

Charlie and me are sitting on the same blanket Santana and I slept inside. I rub my palm against the fabric and even subtly smell it. I smile when her scent immediately fills my nose.

"Have you noticed anything different about Scott?" I whip my head around to face Charlie and notice her unsure expression.

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously, turning my body to sit facing her. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Santana approach the lake with only her swimsuit on. I'm so tempted to look, but I have to focus on Charlie right now.

"He has just been acting so strange and I can't figure out why," She sighs, pinching her lips together. Suddenly her face grows brighter and she grins at me. "Do you think he's going to propose? Normally guys trick their girlfriends by acting all distant and then they end up proposing!" I can feel Charlie's excitement radiating onto me but soon enough my smile fades and I realise what them getting married means.

"What would you say?" I ask blankly, not looking at Charlie.

"Yes! Ofcourse yes!" She sounds so, so happy. I don't think I could tell her that her possible fiance's sister and me are in love.

I look over towards Santana and see her legs sticking out of the water. I really want to hand stand underwater with her.

"I'm having an early night," Charlie yawns and uses my shoulder to lift herself up. I smile slightly at her and watch her return to the house. Santana's walking towards the house aswell. She's dripping wet and not one dirty thought enters my mind. I just want to get her warm again.

A few minutes later I feel myself getting cold so I step into mine and Charlie's room. Charlie places a finger to her lips, "Shh, Scott and Santana are talking."

I shake my head and plant down on the bed face first. I have no idea what to do. I feel like my feelings are forbidden but still manage to bring me so much excitement and safety.

* * *

"So, I'm not sure how to tell you this. U-um, I've been thinking a lot lately and I feel like it's about time I p-propose to Charlie."

"What...?" I breathe out. "Why do you think it's time?" I try not to sound irritated. I can feel my skin start to burn and tingle. Scott is staring at me as if he was waiting for me to jump up and down. I haven't said anything since visiting my parents. When I saw Brittany walk away I inwardly screamed. I hated that everyone was walking away from me.

I understood she wanted to give me time alone, because she thought that would help, but it didn't. I feel worse every second I'm away from her. "I'd like to think I have your support Santana," Scott replies innocently.

"You do, of course," I state dryly. Before Scott can say anything further I feel my phone vibrate. It's a text from Brittany.

_Meet me by the lake x - Brittany _

I don't bother replying. "I'm getting some air." Scott sighs and turns the lamp by his bed off. As I walk out of the room I notice Charlie sneaking towards my direction. She spots me and grins innocently. I send her a small smirk and step out of the doorway. She scurries into the room and winks before shutting the door behind her. I hug my body as I step outside. It's freezing and I wonder how long Brittany has been out here. I can see the outline of her figure by the large tree we slept under last night. It was magical having her that close.

Even in the car I felt like everything was so perfect in my life.

I licked my lips and rapidly rubbed my arms trying to get warm. I strolled over to her and stood right in front of her. She looked like she was struggling with her words, so I leaned forward and was about to press a kiss to her cheek when she stepped back.

"What's wrong?"

"We can't," She states. I'm confused at first, but realise that she must have spoken to Charlie about something personal when I was swimming.

"Why not?" I ask tiredly.

"Charlie thinks Scott is going to propose," My breath catches in my throat. Brittany notices and she steps forward. "Is he?"

"He said he was thinking about it," I breath, confirming her suspicions. She shakes her head, fighting off the tears.

"I-if they get married, we can't do this." I nod my head in understanding.

"I _know_ Britt. I fucking know," I say with the slightest bit of frustration. I don't let it overcome me though.

"Just because we're in love doesn't mean we can stop them from getting married. We have to think about them. They have known each other so much longer, they're older, they are perfect for each other."

I smile and laugh at her words. "So are we," I whisper.

Brittany clicks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "We just can't. Not until we know." She brushes passed me back towards the house. I follow her and watch as she enters her room and closes the door. I look over at the sofa and lay down on it, wishing I had taken some blankets out of the room before I left.

* * *

**What do you guys think? **


	19. Pure magic

**A/N: **I don't know what to say about this chapter. It's a little different in some way I can't really explain.  
To answer the most brought up question; from my personal life if my brother had a girlfriend with a really beautiful sister and we started liking each other and ended up falling in love, I would not get any support from my family. Despite the fact we wouldn't be blood related, it's just not common in my life and the people around me. So I hope that explains why Santana and Brittany are scared of Scott and Charlie's reaction!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**p.s sorry for any mistakes.**

* * *

What are you supposed to do when the questions on your mind are running at full speed. You can't catch them, you can't ask them, so you stay silent. That's what I'm doing. I haven't moved from the sofa. Even when I heard a door open and watched Brittany softly padding across the floor to the kitchen. I didn't make a sound but I didn't pretend to be asleep. Now Charlie and Scott are talking in the kitchen as they wash up. I shook my head when they asked if I wanted breakfast. Scott looked concerned but my gaze hardened, which told him to leave me alone.

Brittany ate beautifully. Her eyes would shut as her lips enveloped the edge of her spoon. I was able to hear the wonderous slurp noise she made when she drank her soup. Her toes flexed under the table and she rubbed her calves together every few minutes. She was avoiding me as well, but often I would catch her staring at me sadly. How was I suppose to start a conversation with her again. She drives me crazy - in a positive and negative way. Mostly positive, because I love her. The only negative effects she has on me is when I grow so shy that I can barely form words around her or ignore her for a whole day. If I spent copious amounts of time with her then I would have to take a breather. It wasn't her fault. It was never her fault. It was my own mind telling me that Brittany had effected my life more than I expected.

She rose from her seat and placed her plate beside the sink. Almost mechanically Charlie picked it up, still facing Scott, and dropped it in the sink. I could feel my eyes become so heavy with every breath I took. Eventually I allowed my eyes to completely shut, watching as one last slither of light shun across Brittany's thigh as she walked right passed the sofa.

* * *

I decided to carry her to the car because Charlie and Scott were yelling that we had to get back. Santana wasn't fazed by their yelling though and continued to sleep with her arms hugging her body like a blanket. I placed her in the back seat of the car and shifted her legs slightly so I could sit beside her. Then I pulled her legs back on top of my thighs and watched her stir. Her eyes scrunched up before opening and when she saw me her legs instantly fell to the floor and she sat on the opposite side of the car.

"You girls alright?"

"Yeah, what's with all the silence?"

I looked over at Santana who was looking down at her lap. I decided to answer for both of us. "Nothing."

Charlie didn't buy it. She pulled out her phone and gestured for me to take out mine. Scott started the engine and we were on the road.

_What did you and Santana fight about now? - Charlie_

_Nothing - Brittany_

_Talk to me, please - Charlie_

I sighed heavily so Charlie could hear and she whipped her head around. I placed my phone in my pocket and she rolled her eyes. She then did something I never expected. She turned to Santana and eventually they were both staring at each other.

"You need to stop flirting with her Santana," Charlie whispered loudly for me to hear. Scott had stuck in ear phones so he was oblivious to Charlie's words. Santana's eyes grew so wide, she wasn't sure if Charlie was threatening her or not.

"Charlie!" I squealed quietly.

"What? She must be still trying that's why you two aren't speaking," Charlie added simply shrugging her shoulders. I wanted nothing more than to tell her she was wrong and that Santana actually loves me and I love her, but the way Charlie was handling the thought of Santana flirting with me scared me.

"Santana isn't the problem," I stated firmly and watched Santana's head turn towards me. From the corner of my eyes I could see her lips tilt up at the sides and Charlie turned back to face the windscreen. I let out a heavy breath and mumbled something that Charlie couldn't hear at first.

"What?"

"Mom did leave recently. Don't you think I'm upset about that?" I snapped.

Charlie looked over at Santana, hoping for an answer but Santana just stayed silent. "So what does that have to do with Santana being all quiet with you?"

"She just visited her parents-"

"Alright!" Charlie shouted interrupting me. "I'm sorry Santana."

I turned to Santana and watched her slowly nod at Charlie. Her lips parted then, as if she was about to say something. And it wasn't until I heard her voice that I realised how much I missed it.

"You have nothing to worry about Charlie." What the hell did that mean? Is Santana giving up on me?

* * *

Monday afternoon was exhausting. Cheerios practice was over early because Coach Roz had to catch up on some real housewives and she set us a routine to learn. I was exited to work on my own, without the penetrating gazes from other cheerleaders. They knew I had been hanging out with Santana. They had seen us in the hallway. I don't think they were jealous that Santana never bat one eyelash at them any more, I think they were just surprised that she gave them all up for me.

As suspected when I arrived in the parking lot, Charlie was there waiting for me. I got into the car and noticed she has pulled out of school and turned right instead of left. "Where are we going?"

She shrugged and kept her eyes on the road. I huffed, reclining my seat backwards until I was practically lying down in the car. Charlie ignored my odd behaviour and kept driving. I hadn't seen Santana at all today. She wasn't in the cafeteria at lunch and every time I was at my locker she was never at hers. Either she was avoiding me or she just wasn't at school and that thought made me breathe easier.

I felt the car begin to slow down and I took my seat belt off to sit up. I noticed we were just outside a park and a few people that looked really familiar were scattered around some benches. I looked over at Charlie but she was already grabbing her bag and stepping out of the car. I stepped out also and waiting until she walked over to my side. I then followed her to the play equipment and grinned when I saw some of my cousins - young and old.

"Wow, you have gotten so big!" I squealed at my cousin alex who I hadn't seen since he was three. His mom and dad walked over and embraced me and we settled into conversation about how high school was going for me. Everyone in my family knew where I had been most of my teenage life and I was lucky that most of them did not judge me like my mom did.

I excused myself from the conversation and walked over to Charlie, who was talking animatedly to my uncle Roger. He ruffled my hair and I sent him a grin. I then pulled Charlie away for a second. "Why are the family here?"

"Well, I know you have been down lately since mom left for god knows how long," She shakes her head at the thought. "So I wanted you to feel the love and know that there are plenty of people that don't care what mistakes you have made." She wraps her arms around me and I return the hug hesitantly.

"You seemed to care about my mistakes back in freshman year when you kept Santana and me away from each other," I reply softly.

"Britt," She sighs. "I didn't want either of you to clash knowing what you both had been through."

"Did you ever think maybe we could find something in common?" I retorted and she raised an eyebrow at me.

"You're very defensive of your relationship with Santana," Charlie states with squinted eyes.

"What relationship?" I accidentally blurt out, but luckily Charlie doesn't seem to understand what I meant by relationship. She grips my shoulder and tries to get me to look at her.

"Brittany, I know why you're protective of Santana now." My heart froze in my chest and dropped down to my stomach. I was unconsciously stepping out of her grip and she furrowed her eyebrows. "She's the best friend you've been waiting for and you don't like people talking badly about her," She adds sincerely. Her eyes are sparkling when she says those words which cause me to smile in reply.

"Yeah," I breathe. She winks at me and notices something or someone over my shoulder. I turn around and watch Scott and Santana approach us. Santana's eyes find mine and because I'm still smiling at what Charlie said, Santana grins at me.

"Hey," I say kindly to Scott and he reaches forward to squeeze my cheek. I scrunch my face up and pull back but his grip is too strong.

"Scott, quit it, only I'm allowed to squeeze her cheeks," Santana says the last bit like she's talking to a baby and reaches forward to grab my other cheek between her two fingers. I make protesting noises and eventually they loosen their grip and I run off in the opposite direction. I look back and notice them laughing. I want Santana to follow me, but I don't know what to say to her. She's being outgoing now and I like talking to outgoing Santana. When she's quiet it scares me because I feel like I have to wait until she wants to talk to have a conversation with her.

I could hear this ringing in my ears as I kept running. Eventually the ringing turned into a piano as I weaved through dozens of trees. And after all my running I found the most beautiful landmark. Kids were being swallowed inside the rainbow castle and I knew that after everything I've been through, my family will not judge me for wanting to act like a kid. So I ran forward and pushed my way in. I still had my shoes on which ended in me being yelled at by a few of my cousins. I left the castle and headed for an unoccupied bench, but then I saw how bored Santana looked. She was sitting on the edge of a seat while Scott was holding Charlie around the waist and whispering something funny in her ear. I decided to be really bold. The only thing running through my mind was that I wanted Santana right now. It didn't matter who could say or what they would say.

I strode over to her, nudging her further onto the seat with my legs and then wrapped my arms around her waist. I nuzzled my nose into the crook over her neck and her breath hitched in my ear. I squeezed her tighter than I have before and could see Charlie's face fall. I knew that she saw in my eyes what I saw in hers when she was with Scott.

I hid my face again and pulled Santana closer. She tensed and just as I thought she was going to break my hold and run, she instead managed to wrap an arm around my shoulder and press our bodies against each other more. I didn't care what Charlie was thinking right now, I couldn't. Now that I was home.

Then Santana proceeded to pull me up with her and lead her away. Her fingers laced in mine as she ran a little bit ahead of me. She turned back and smirked. I knew then that she didn't care what anyone else thought either. I turned back and saw Charlie standing up, staring at our retreating figures. Scott then looked over as well and seemed confuse as to what Charlie was so interested in.

I turned back and noticed Santana and me had stopped outside the jumping castle. She pulled off both of her shoes and I did the same. She then disappeared inside and I followed. We watched as most of the kids giggled and jumped along with us. But we were three times their size so the were finding it hard to stand up. My hand was still in Santana's, even when we notice Charlie poke her head in.

"Some of the family is leaving Brittany," She said monotonously. I stopped jumping, effectively making Santana stop as well. We were both heavily panting.

"I'll be out soon," I replies breathlessly. She just nodded and left.

Santana and me were the only ones left in the castle and her body suddenly shot towards mine. Her eyes shot through mine as we fumbled to stay on our feet. "I've missed you so much," She breathed close to me.

"I've missed you too," I replied honestly. I fell down causing her to fall on top of me. "We shouldn't, not here." She nodded in agreement. It would be a fun experience to have sex in a jumping castle, but we both still didn't know if Scott has proposed. It's just so hard staying away from something you're addicted to. I knew that feeling like an old friend.

Since I suspected Charlie knew about my feelings for Santana, I walked out of the castle with her hand in mine. I didn't let it go, making it awkward for some guests who eventually ended up hugging us both. Once they were gone, we walked over to the bench Charlie and Scott occupied.

"It's weird isn't it?" I directed my question at Charlie, who maintained a calm expression. I have know idea how she feels about this new information and I'm not sure I want to know. I feel like she would be more upset with me keeping it a secret from her than what Santana and me have actually been doing.

"What is?" Charlie asked. I inhaled deeply and moved closer to Santana.

"Anything new with you two?" I changed the subject. They both shook their head as Scott leaned over trying to figure out what was wrong with Charlie. She has never been like this with me before. I felt a nudge on my shoulder and I looked confusedly at Santana. Her eyebrows were raised and a smirk appeared on her face. It clicked in my head. Scott hadn't proposed.

* * *

There had never been a more quiet car ride home from the park. Everyone including Scott was silent, which I think meant he knew something or was hiding something. I didn't really want to think about the possibility of him still proposing to Charlie, so when we got home I had gone straight to bed. Santana begged to stay over but I said I wasn't ready yet. She respected that and placed a kiss on my cheek, which I can still feel as my fingers trace over that exact spot.

Charlie isn't waiting near the door for me in the morning. She is still in bed when I open the door.

"Char?" She lets out a hum and I walk in closer. "How are you?"

"Fine," She croaks out. I know it isn't true, but I think she is old enough to sort out whatever is going on with her and when she finally tells me I will be there for her.

I catch the bus to school, waiting outside my locker to see Santana at hers. She arrives soon enough and looks so carefree. I repress the urge to hug her and walk the opposite way to my first class. It isn't my favourite class, so I choose to do easy parts of the work given out by the teacher and spent the rest of the time thinking about what could have gotten Charlie so upset. I'm sure she knew about me and Santana. There was definitely something that clicked behind her eyes. Like she finally saw passed every little affectionate thing Santana and me did, finally realising what they meant.

When class was over I walked straight outside to the bleachers. My mouth turned up into a massive grin when I saw who was sitting on the couch. "Hey," I breathed, plopping down next to her.

Santana scooted closer to me, but not too close. "Hey, how is Charlie? Is she still acting weird?" I nodded and explain that she's been in bed since we got back from the park. "Scott has been acting really weird as well. Every time I ask him about it he just walks away."

I smile sadly at her and place a hand on her knee. "We should be able to figure it out. I mean, they forced us to have dinner all together, we should do the same."

"Awesome plan Britt," Santana congratulates me with a kiss on the cheek. I wink at her and notice her breathing has changed. She's staring at my lips and I realise how long it feels since we have kissed. She leans forward, never dropping my gaze. I somehow can't find the strength to move away or even forward to meet her lips. So I sit still until I feel her breathe against my mouth.

But then the loud ringing of the bell fills our ears and she mutters curse words to herself before standing up. I purse my lips and send her a lop sided smile. She giggles and pulls me up, never dropping my hand until we reach the art class room.

Santana surprised me by sitting in her normal spot on a different table, so I just kept walking to my normal seat. Mrs. H handed out blank sheets of paper to each of us then stood in the middle of the room.

"Use your imagination!" She shouted, with overly exaggerative hand gestures. I looked around the room and most of the cheerleaders were giggling. I notice one of the cheerleaders approach Santana and whisper something in her ear. Santana rolls her eyes and shakes her head. That's my girl. I stand up, without caring if Mrs. H is looking or not and approach Santana. I shove the cheerleader out of the way and receive a laugh from Santana.

Then I feel a sharp pain on my shoulder and watch as the cheerleader retracts her hand. "What the fuck!" I squeal and the whole classroom gasps.

"Brittany S. Pierce, Santana Lopez and Pamela Anderson, detention after school." We all sighed in frustration and watched as 'Pamela' walked her big tits back to her seat.

Santana then leaned over to say something. "That was hot." I breathed out a laugh and scurried away from her, growing increasingly red in the face. I know Coach Sue and Roz will be mad at me for getting detention, but at least I don't have practice today. I did however want to race home to check on Charlie, but now that Santana is going to be with me, I can ask her to join me.

* * *

There was unwanted tension as Santana me and that cheerleader sat in different parts of the room. I watched as the cheerleader made flirty eyes at Santana but her attention was focused on finishing her drawing.

Eventually the girl gave up on trying to flirt and raised her hand. "Yes?" Mrs. H answered tiredly.

"My poor kitten was rushed to the hospital and I like urgently need to leave!" The girl spoke really fast and even place her hand on her forehead to dramatize her lie further.

"I don't want to see you back here Anderson," The teacher remarked simply and I gaped at her. "Mouth shut Pierce. I'll be back in five minutes girls, nature calls."

Santana's head whipped up and followed Mrs. H's retreating figure. Santana then looked at me and shyly smiled. She continued to draw and I just stared at her. We were alone and we were both unsure of what to do. I looked around the room and saw some paint trays containing wet paint in them. I grinned and slowly got off my chair. I grabbed a paint brush and swiped it into blue paint.

I went back to my chair and began painting over the newspaper covering the desks.

"What are you doing?" Santana's voice interrupted me for a moment but I shook my head and continued with red paint this time. When the paint became really thick I got up and walked over to Santana.

"Paint with me," I ordered softly. She dropped her pencil and followed me to my table. We both sat down and rubbed our fingers across the paint. Santana's face screwed up and I giggled. Before she could look at me I wiped the paint from my fingers across her cheek and she jumped on her seat.

"Brittany!"

"What?" I said innocently. She wrapped her fingers around both of my arms and forced me to stand up. She stood up as well and pushed me back against the table. My back was arched, which meant if she pushed me down my hair would be drowned in paint. I didn't think she could be that evil, but I was wrong. She suddenly lunged forward and I was lifted off the ground. I heard the smoosh sound as my butt and back made contact with the paint first.

Santana then climbed onto the table as well and tackled me. We rolled across the table, both of us trying to pin the other one. When she flipped us again my knee accidentally hit her centre causing her to let out an embarrassing moan. "Oh my god," She breathed, resting her head forward onto my chest to hide her face.

"San," I whispered. I grab the sides of her face, forcing her to look at me. She eventually does and before I can protest she leans down and kisses me. I feel the paint on both our faces smash together and spread as she tilts her head to create a better rhythm. I respond and poke out my tongue, tenderly sliding it between her lips. She sucks it into her mouth without hesitation before pulling back to catch her breath.

"I know what you're going to say. You want to stop because of Scott and Charlie. But seriously Britt, I need you," She says honestly. I sit up, allowing her to wrap her legs around my waist. I reach up and with my pointer finger I trace a love heart on her right cheek where there is red paint. She smiled, familiarised with the pattern. She's about to lean down again when we hear footsteps closing in. Santana jumps down and grabs a paper towel. We rub as much as we can off our face but it's no use.

Mrs. H takes one look at our clothes and clenches her jaw. We think she's about to let out a string of curse words and future detention times, but instead she just sighs and steps out of the way of the door. "Hope you two had run making art," She says monotonously. We laugh as we run out of the classroom, down the hall and towards Santana's car.

"We can shower at my house," She suggests. I nod and find my stomach filling with butterflies I haven't felt since Santana first flirted with me. Of course I didn't realise they were butterflies back then, but they have returned and it feels almost like I'm falling in love with her again. I feel that way because of the meaning behind her words. She didn't just say she could shower, she said we. I didn't know why it felt as though we were only starting to hang out and be affectionate, but it feel really sweet.

* * *

I wasn't prepared to find Charlie at Santana's house when we arrived there. Even more, I didn't expect to see her face pale and eyes bloodshot like she had been crying for days.

"What's wrong?" I immediately run to her side. She stands up abruptly before I'm allowed to reach for her and points to Santana. She's holding a phone in her hand.

"Did you know about this?" She hands the phone over to Santana. Santana's eyes widen in size when she looks down at the small screen. I walk over to her and stare at what is making Charlie so upset.

"I had no idea," Santana breathes.

Charlie breathes out a laugh and sits back down on the sofa. "Scott is upstairs having a shower. He doesn't know I've read the messages."

"Is this why you were upset yesterday?" I ask boldly. Charlie licks her lips and shakes her head. Shit. She definitely knows.

"At first it was something else that caught me by surprise," She looks between Santana and me. "But then I heard this incessant buzzing noise that wouldn't shut up."

"You've known since yesterday?" Santana asks shocked. Charlie nods in reply and buries her face in her hands. I quickly wrap an arm around her before she can object. Santana stands in front of us, still holding the phone. We hear footsteps pad the stairs and Scott stares at us all with a confused expression.

Charlie stands up, approaching him with shattered hope. "Is this why you have been acting strange?" She grabs the phone off of Santana and throws it to him. When it hits the floor it seems to click inside him what Charlie is accusing him of.

"Charlie, baby, they were just texts," Scott pleads.

Santana walks over to me and intertwines our fingers. She leans up and kissed my jaw, causing my eyes to flutter shut for a moment.

"I thought you were going to propose!" Charlie screams, causing me to snap back.

"I-I was, really! Charlie those texts were from months ago while I was severely drunk," Scott explains. Charlie lets out a huge scoff and pushes at his chest.

"You only get drunk when I am there to take care of you, so obviously you were texting some slut with me beside you!"

This wasn't meant to happen. They were supposed to be the strongest couple I knew, that stuck together through anything and miraculously didn't have any arguments. But now they're screaming in front of Santana and me and all I want them to do is be quiet.

"Did you even know about Santana and Brittany or were you too busy texting sluts?" Charlie accuses him, waving her hands wildly in the air.

"What are you talking about?" Scott asks confused.

Charlie is about to speak when I raise my eyebrows and shake my head. She gets the hint and steps away to calm her breathing down. Santana lets go of my hand and walks over to Scott.

"You aren't supposed to hurt the girl you love," She mumbles. Scott looks down in shame and tries to reach for her hand but Santana is quick in pulling it away. "I love Brittany and I think even if you and Charlie weren't arguing right now, we still would have told you about us. Because despite you and Charlie dating we have this connection that is impossible to deny and run away from. She's magic Scotty," I grin to myself at Santana's words. "Pure magic."

I look over at Charlie and she sends me a small smile. I suddenly hope she'll forgive Scott. They owe us a double date.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, let me know what your thoughts on the chapter are :) **


	20. Nobody else

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

**A/N: Lots of mixed reviews on recent chapters but I accept them all, thank you for reading :) **

**p.s any mistakes are mine. **

* * *

"You love her?" Scott asked curiously and not at all demanding. He was so light with his words that I think if Santana said we slept together he would smile and accept it. "As family or...?"

Santana shrugged her shoulders. "Not really. I just love her. The way you love Charlie." Scott turned to me, lips parted slightly in surprise. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. It clicked in my head what Santana was doing. She had Scott in a vulnerable position. He couldn't judge us if he was in the wrong first.

"I wrote this paper for English in freshman year before I went away. I called it The Love We Long For," I smiled to myself at the memory. "I wrote about the feelings that I was so desperate for, even at a young age. The feelings that defined love. I had felt all of these things without even noticing. I had been so busy focusing on getting better and pleasing you guys that I didn't realise that what I longed for was standing right there," I turned to Santana and saw a tear descend her cheek. "I can't help it, you know. You should know what I mean Char. Everything that Scott has done for you and made you feel should outweigh that one drunken mistake. You can't let go of something that makes you feel so alive and loved," I sighed heavily into my hands and began to walk to the door.

I halted without even taking a step as I saw who was standing there. My mom and dad, holding hands and staring at me like I've been missing for a four years. And I kind of have. But I found myself as soon as I found Santana.

"What's going on?" My mom asked, eyes shooting towards each person in the room. "Charlie?" My sister just shook her head pushed passed them to get some fresh air. Scott followed her after a moments silence, leaving Santana and me to face my parents alone.

"Mom listen-"

"No," She interrupted me firmly. But just as I thought she was about to yell at me for what she heard me say about Santana, her face softened and she smiled. "You don't have to explain anything sweetie."

I nodded vaguely and then turned around to see Santana fiddling with her hands. I cleared my throat to get her attention and she looked up. Half my lips tilted into a smile and she giggled, returning the warm gesture. She then walked forward, stood beside me and faced my parents.

"I feel the same way about her," I stared at her with raised eyebrows. "I just needed to say that," She mumbled, mainly to herself.

I watched my mom's lips curve up and my dad was about to break into a grin as well. Then I realised my mom was actually back here, in the flesh, staring at me intently and grinning widely. She hadn't smiled at me genuinely in four years.

"What are you doing back mom?" She seemed confused at the abrupt change in topic but then shook her head.

"Oh, right yes. Well I spent some time away figuring out where I went wrong in terms of being a mother and after a few long phone calls with your father, he convinced me that the best thing to do was to return home and try to make things better with my beautiful girls," She explained, her tone full of remorse and warmth.

I liked hearing that she wanted to change, not because somebody else asked her too. I walked forward and reached around her waist to hug her. She returned it and squeezed me really tight. I saw my dad walk over to Santana and give her a pat on the shoulder before pulling her into a hug.

Charlie and Scott then returned inside, their faces resembling those clown heads at theme parks. To say they were a little shocked at the visual before them was an understatement. Charlie smiled softly at me, knowing that I was so happy being cuddled by mom again. I pulled back and watched my mom turn to Charlie.

"Sweetheart," She whispered, her voice breaking at the overpowering emotion she was feeling. Charlie didn't answer with words. She moved forward, pulling my mom into an embrace. Scott shook my dad's hand and we all waited in silence for a minute.

"Scott and I are going away for a week to figure s-stuff out," Charlie explained. I nodded, showing her that she had my approval. I hugged her tightly and whispered kind words in her ear.

"Take care and call if you need."

Scott hugged Santana but she hardly returned it. She sent him a tight lipped smile as he walked upstairs to pack. "What's the matter?" I whispered.

"I'm just disappointed in him, more than I thought I would be." I nodded, leaning in and kissing her cheek. She blushed and ducked her head. "You should go home and get some sleep."

"What about you, you'll be here alone," I replied, sucking my lips in my mouth in nervousness.

"I'll be okay," Santana responded with fake confidence. I saw right through it.

"Mom, dad, can Santana stay with us until Scott and Charlie come back?" I asked before Santana could intervene.

"Sure," My mom answered with a surprisingly loving tone. She was getting better, I was so happy for her.

* * *

I led Santana into my room and shoved over some of my clothes so she could fit hers in a drawer. "I could just wear your clothes," She said smugly. I rolled my eyes and unzipped her bag. I watched as she retreated to my bed as I began unpacking her bag.

"You aren't going to let me do this by myself are you?" I ask annoyed.

She just threw her head back in laughter and sat back on her elbows. "We can always do that later Britt-Britt," She responded through giggles.

"Santana," I warned, trying to hold back my amusement. She finally sighed and approached her bag. She basically just shoved a bunch of t-shirts and shorts into the drawer without folding them. I dug around her bag more and accidentally pulled out her underwear. "Shit," I breathed, immediately dropping the item.

Santana smirked and picked them up. "I'm going to wear these tonight."

I thought about her words and how confident she was being. I loved this side of her so much. "I guess since our family knows then..." I trailed off when she began nodding, instantly understanding what I was getting at.

"We really don't have to hide," She whispered, sliding her arms around my waist to pull me closer.

"What about school?" I breathed near her mouth.

"I don't care what anyone thinks Brittany." The way she said my name had my knees trembling and the difficulty to remain stoic increased. I couldn't even look her in the eyes because I knew we would end up just ripping each other's clothes off.

"Since my parents know, I think we should respect them by not," I racked my brain thinking of the right way to say what I was thinking. "...Having so much lady sex?" It came out as more of a question which caused Santana to scoff at and bite her lips.

"I agree, but what about kissing?" She spoke softly, leaning down to my neck and pecking at the flesh. My eyes fluttered closed at the contact but soon widened when I felt her teeth bite at my collarbone. I emitted an embarrassing shriek which had Santana breathing out a laugh against my skin. She has no idea what she was doing to me. But then again, she probably did.

I lifted my hands to bawl her shirt into fists. It happened so fast she wasn't able to stop herself from tumbling backwards onto the pile of clothes on the floor. I laughed when I landed on top of her and she grinned, combing her fingers through my tresses. I watched as her lips pouted and she leaned up to kiss me. I had almost met her halfway when she pulled back and made me follow her. I smiled before capturing her bottom lip between mine. She was thrown off by my control that her hands still by her side and I was the one left to do the touching.

I tilted my head right and she mirrored me. I opened and closed my lips over hers in a slow rhythm so she could enjoy it. My hands gripped her waist, then began descending down her thighs which tensed under my touch. Her hands then froze over the top of mine and she pulled her lips away from mine. I opened my eyes and watched her expression change. She was concentrating so hard on the kiss that her forehead had defined creases.

"None of that," She whispered, bringing my hands up to her lips. "I just want to kiss you." I grinned down at her and happily gave her what she asked.

* * *

Walking down the hallway today had been different then any other. I'm sure it was because my fingers were tightly entwined between hers. I looked to my left and saw Puck eyeing us both which his jaw clenched. His eyebrows were scrunched as well and he looked really annoyed. I think it's because he couldn't get Santana or me to be with him again. It felt good teaching him a lesson.

Santana squeezed my hand as a sign that she wanted my attention and I followed her gaze to three students I never thought would be smiling at me. Quinn, Mike and Mercedes were all standing in front of the lockers staring at me and Santana with smiles on their faces.

I wanted to smile back, but Mike had hurt me and Quinn did as well. Mercedes was not as much of a bitch to me than Quinn, so I sent her a tight lipped smiled. I didn't even realise we reached my locker until I felt Santana stop walking. I looked over at her and she was still holding my hand, her right shoulder leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Are you going to keep staring or get your books out?" She asked smugly. I blushed and opened my locker without looking at her again. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw her move forward and at first I just thought she was going to say something. But then I felt her fingers sliding up my waist.

"Santana!" I hissed, swatting her hand away. She giggled and folded her arms.

"We aren't at home, your parents won't catch us," She explained, almost sounding desperate.

"What happened to you just wanting to kiss?" I asked, arching an eyebrow. She quickly leaned in and pecked my lips.

"Kissing is fun, but sex with you is like," She looked up at the ceiling. "The feeling is indescribable." I couldn't help but feel warm everywhere on my body when Santana said that.

When I turned back to my locker I noticed that there was a shadow hovering over me and I tensed immediately. Santana's eyes widened as she stepped passed me to block me from whoever was there.

"Fuck off," She hissed. I turned my head and noticed Puck and a few footballers holding slushies in their hands.

"I'd rather fuck you both senseless, but if I can't do that then..." He heaves the drink at Santana without a second thought. I squeal and then watch as an arm is extended towards me and the ice cold drink floods my face. I wipe my eyes and when I can see Santana, I grab her arm and take her to the bathroom.

"Those assholes," Santana groaned, slamming her palms against the sink. I stood back, scared that she might not want me crowding her. She then grabbed a paper towel and wiped her face clean. "Come here," She said softly, looking at me through the mirror. I walked over to the sink and leant against it. I was taller than her so bending my legs helped her to clean my face. I didn't want to tell her I could do that myself, even though I should have. But having her be this domestic with me was so wonderful.

She then moved closer, placing her left leg between both of mine. My hands immediately found her waist and she paused her movements to read my expression. I stared at her trying to figure out what she was thinking, but she didn't allow me when she ducked her head. Her cheeks were tinted in a light shade of red.

The door of the bathroom suddenly burst open and Santana placed her hands on my shoulders. We were both shocked to see who was standing there looking empathetic.

"Rachel?" I looked beside her. "Quinn?"

The girls awkwardly eyed each other and stepped forward. "We saw what happened," Rachel explained.

"Yeah look Puck is an ass and I am so sorry for causing any hurt to you Brittany," Her eyes welled up with tears. "I really am."

"Are you two fucking?" I snapped my head towards Santana and eyed her suspiciously. The girls remained silent, awkwardly shuffling between feet.

"We prefer the term sharing a romantic connection," Rachel replied semi confidently. Santana chuckled to herself and I squinted my eyes at her. Quinn then took a defiant step forward towards Santana.

"Don't laugh at her," She ordered. Santana stepped forward as well, matching Quinn's matriarchal stance. I stood back, unsure whether to intervene or let them go at it because it would be pretty hot...

"Don't tell me what to do," Santana shot back. Yep, definitely hot. I looked to Rachel who was shaking and all she could let out was a squeak as the girls stepped closer into each other's personal space.

"Don't San," I pleaded. She turned to me, sighing as if she just snapped out of some sort of trance. I moved forward, cupped her face in my hands and kissed her forehead gently. She wrapped me up in an embrace and I rested my chin on her shoulder. I turned my head towards Rachel who was calming Quinn down by peppering kisses all over her face.

I smirked, "You were right."

Santana pulled back and followed my line of sight. Her mouth formed a capital O and her eyebrows almost reached her hair line. "Fuck yeah," She accidentally said a little louder than a whisper, causing the girls opposite us to stop what they were doing.

"Please Santana," Rachel rolled her eyes and huffed. I sent them both a sincere smile before tugging Santana out of the bathroom and towards the locker room to get two spare shirts. Just as we were about to enter a voice stopped us.

"Hey Brittany." I recognized the voice and it made me tense. Santana noticed and held me close to her.

"What do you want Chang?" She spat.

"Could I talk to Brittany alone?" He asks gently, without any hint of foul play in his tone. Santana sent him a disapproving glare and then looked at me. I smiled slightly and nodded.

"I'll just be inside," She murmured, disappearing into the locker room. I turned back to Mike and he had his hands fiddling in his pockets. He looked really nervous.

"Brittany, I'm so sorry about that night at the karaoke bar," He apologized, taking a step towards me. "I shouldn't have listened to Puck, it was stupid of me. You're a really great girl and I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner," My eyes widened and he noticed. "No! Not like that, just as friends. Well I mean, unless you want it to be a date, but just friends for now. I just want to apologize and prove to you I'm not like the other guys." He sounded really sincere and remorseful, I couldn't help but hesitate with my answer. He said we would go as friends so that was alright.

I think Santana will get jealous though. But if I go with Mike and come back to her, it'll prove that I love her the most.

"Alright," I whispered then cleared my throat. "Pick me up at 7. But this is not a date." Mike nodded excitedly then strode off in the other direction. I then turned around and walked into the locker room and found Santana rubbing lotion on her arms and legs.

"What did he want?" She asked annoyed.

"He asked me to dinner," I said simply and watched as her eyes widened comically.

"What the hell did you say?" She dropped the lotion bottle and walked towards me.

"I said alright." Her brow creased and her hands flew up in the air. She began pacing in front of me and I found it quite amusing. Jealous Santana was adorable.

"What the hell do you mean alright? I can't believe after all we have just been through you're going to throw it all away for some guy that was such an asshole to you!" She takes a deep breath and faces me again. "He doesn't deserve you Brittany, please don't do this. I don't even want to think about what he has planned for you... He could be working with Puck and his buddies to slushie you at dinner! What if you get hurt again Britt? I can't let you get hurt, please just don't go, or let me go with-"

"Santana, stop!" I yelled before she could continue and she tries to catch her breath. "I'm going with him as a friend. He wants to apologize. Nothing is going to change between me and you after this, please just trust me." Santana seemed to calm down and she eventually allowed me to hug her. "I'm yours," I mumbled against her shoulder and she hugged me tighter.

* * *

"Good choice," Santana complimented as she eyed my simple outfit up and down. I had skinny jeans on and a long sleeve striped sweater. Santana handed me a thin grey scarf and I wrapped it once around my neck. "Very cute." I couldn't believe she was actually smile. I think she forgot about the fact that I was going to dinner with Mike. It wasn't intimate at all and I wanted her to know that after tonight. I trusted her that she wouldn't follow me tonight. She knew we were going to a small cafe near Breadstix but didn't show any sign of wanting to join. I think she realised that she had to trust me.

"I have to get going," I said, looking over at the alarm clock near my bed.

"I swear if he hurts you again," Santana huffs. I placed my arms around her neck and rest our foreheads together.

"I can take care of myself baby, but it's very nice that you're protective," I whispered, leaning down to brush our noses together. She smirked and ran her hands down my back and didn't stop when she reached my ass. She even squeezed and caused me to moan involuntarily.

"Okay baby," She whispered and I pulled away from her because I knew I was a millisecond away from pushing her down on the bed. She pouted as I walked towards the door. "Be home in two hours," She called.

"Yes ma'am," I replied in a thick southern accent. She blew me a kiss and I winked back, disappearing outside the room. I knew Santana wouldn't have much to do at home. She would probably end up watching porn if she grew desperately bored... Oh shit, now I'm thinking about her lying in my bed and... Stop! I open the door and see Mike's car parked on the curb.

My parents went to see a movie at 6 so they won't be back till late. They normally are the types to see the movie then drive around town trying to find a nice place that has all you can eat. I smile at the thought of my parents sharing a meal for the first time in so long.

Mike grins at me as I get in the car. "You look good," He says. I nod in thanks and face forward. I just wanted to get this over with.

* * *

I ordered the smallest meal which ended up being a tiny bowl of salad and another equally small bowel of chips. Mike had ordered a steak burger which he was devouring. It was gross watching him stuff his face, so I looked down at my food as I ate. We hadn't spoke much, probably because we were both starving. Well obviously I wasn't.

"How have you been?" One person springs to mind when he asks that. I grin at the thought of her.

"Really good," I reply. He nods happily. "How about you?"

"Well," He wipes his mouth with his sleeve. "I'm still bummed about how I treated at the bar. I wish I could take it back." He was looking me dead in the eyes it was spooky.

"It's okay, really," I said, just to shut him up.

"I really hoped that tonight would make up for it and we could maybe go on a few more dates in the future..."

"Mike this isn't a date. You know I'm with Santana," I stated. He rolled his eyes and leant forward.

"So? That's not legit right? I mean Santana fucks around with the whole cheer leading squad," Mike rambled. He really had no filter.

"No," I half yelled, startling him. "Everybody thinks she a bad person but she's not. And when I returned everybody assume I was crazy! You used me because one of your ass hole friends told you too. I bet if Puck told you to wipe his ass you would," I mentally high five'd myself for that one. "You and your friends go around torturing others claiming that they're freaks, but really, you're just losers with no future."

Mike's mouth opened to reply but the waiter interrupted him. "Dessert."

"No thank you," I replied with a clenched jaw. The waiter nodded and turned to Mike.

"I'll j-just have a chocolate mousse." I rolled my eyes. He was trying to prolong this meal. But I didn't want to fall to his level. I was going to be here for another half an hour so I would do the mature thing and stick it out. Even if all I'm thinking about is Santana.

"Look Brittany, I'm sorry I insulted Santana. I can see now that she means a lot to you," He said in a calming tone. I relaxed in my seat, but didn't look him in the eyes. "I just want another chance... I bet if I was Santana you would give me another chance," He added with a small smile.

"Don't compare yourself to Santana," I stated sternly. "Just don't."

"Alright, alright. Well I'm just saying that you shouldn't settle so quickly. I think we would be good together. We both dance-"

"I don't dance any more," I spit.

"O-oh, well we both like to perform... And I'm sure if we hang out more, we could find that we have so much more in common."

"Mike," I shushed him. "I'm really not interested. In fact, anything you say further will just turn me off you even more. I don't even know what Tina sees in you..." I muttered.

"Tina? Cohen-Chang?" I nodded slowly. "She's into me?" His voice seemed a lot brighter.

"Wow you move fast," I murmured, placing my cutlery on my plate and standing up. "You'll pay right?" I didn't give him a chance to answer, I just walked out. I decided not to call Santana to pick me up, the walk wasn't too long anyway.

The night air was perfect. I longed for Santana next to me, holding my hand and whispering cute things in my ear. But I was so close to home that the thought vanished from my mind. Santana was sitting on the step outside, obviously waiting for me. "Hey," I yelled, getting her attention immediately.

"Hey," She said monotonously. "How was it?"

"Crap," I replied honestly, approaching her. She stood up and turned around, walking back into the house. I could tell she was trying to remain calm about the situation but I knew she wanted to say 'I told you so' or 'It was pointless going in the first place'. I followed her into the kitchen and watched her lean against the breakfast table. Her eyes stared out the kitchen window and I moved in front of her so she would look at me.

"Did he flirt with you?" I nodded honestly. She rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "Did you flirt back?" I furrowed my eyes. That hurt that Santana even asked that. I stepped closer to her and looked her straight in the eyes.

"All I could think about was returning home and seeing you. I stood up for you and I blatantly rejected him and everybody else because of you. So please don't ask me if I flirted San," I explained, looking down to hold in my tears. She reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. I eventually focused my eyes back on her face and watched her lean forward.

"I'm sorry," She whispered before kissing me hard. She pushed me back against the kitchen sink and I gripped her shirt to keep my balance. I inhaled through my nose and smirked when I felt her fingers trying to unbutton my jeans. I lightly pushed her chest with my fingers until she backed up. She tried to lean forward again, tempting me with her pouty lips, but I wanted to do things differently this time.

I laced my fingers between hers and pulled her upstairs. We got to my bedroom and I turned the lights on this time. With my hands still holding hers, I pulled her towards me as I fell back on the bed. She lifted her legs up and straddled me, rocking back and forth hard to create a rhythm. I dug my fingers into her back and coaxed her to lean forward. She obliged, but not before lifting her shirt over her head to reveal that she wasn't wearing a bra. I gazed down at her breasts and didn't hesitate to lean forward and capture them between my lips. She arched into me and I continued licking and sucking on her flesh. I leaned back up and plunged my tongue into her mouth.

I was becoming so horny that I just wanted to be inside of her already. "Make love," I cleared my throat and caught her gaze. "Make love to me Santana." She nodded slowly and kissed me again, savouring my taste. I nipped at her bottom lip making her whimper and then peppered light kisses across her chest. She suddenly took control, pushing me back on the bed and lifting my sweater up until she could see my bra. I arched my back so she could reach around and unclasp it. She then lifted my sweater over my head, threw it off the bed and attached her lips to my breasts.

"Ahh," I hissed. She cupped my breasts and squeezed them together causing me to tremble under her touch. "Fuck me." It was the third time my foul mouth asked Santana that same request. And two out of three times she answered to my advantage. I leaned up, causing her to kneel. I then licked up the crevice of her breasts and she tangled her fingers in my hair tightly.

I then brought my fingers to the waistband of her cotton pyjama shorts which I could sense were already soaked. I pulled them down and flipped her over so I could throw them off. I ran my palm from her throat, across her breasts, stomach and settled between her legs. Her breath hitched in her throat, making her moan come out crackly. I cupped her lower lips and pressed my palm hard against her clit. She let out a loud strangled moan and watching her expression change so fast made me feel a little dizzy. I pressed lazy kisses to her jaw until I buried my nose in the crook of her neck.

"Oh god," She whimpered, pressing me into her. I pulled back and crawled down to her legs. I kissed her lower stomach just where her panties ended. I took them in my hands and pulled them down to her knees until she bent them. I threw them onto the pile of clothes, then pulled my own jeans and panties off.

When I began kissing her lower lips, she began thrusting into my mouth. I moaned every few seconds at the rhythm she was creating, then managed to stop her legs from moving. That only caused her breathing to pick up and her moans were becoming louder. I lapped my tongue up and down her lips and sucked on the pink flesh until she squirmed underneath me.

When I entered her, she clung onto my like this was the last night we could have together. I reminded her I would always be here by pulling her up to sit in front of me, while still entering her with two fingers. I captured her lips in a passionate kiss. She scratched my back causing me to shudder and pause my fingers for a moment.

She had flipped me over after her sixth orgasm. We had been at it for almost two and half hours and I was still not tired. Her eyes were lidded from the pleasure but she was still entering me relatively fast. I bucked my hips and licked her lips. She curled the tips of her fingers inside of me and I felt my walls clench around her skin. I was reaching my third orgasm and ended up wrapping my legs tightly around her waist, pulling her into me. I didn't want her to ever stop touching me. Even if her shoulder bumped against mine while we walked down the hall at school, I never wanted her to leave.

"I love you with everything I have," I murmured into her cheek. She fell off of me and I turned over so I could face her. "Do you love me?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm in love with everything you are Brittany Pierce," She replied softly, leaning forward and kissing me on the nose.

* * *

**Thoughts?  
Do you guys want to see anything in particular? **  
**I'm going to be wrapping up this story soon, but if you want something to happen or anything answered that I haven't already, let me know! **


	21. Truth or dare?

**A/N: **Took on board what some of you wanted to see in this chapter :) I hope you enjoy it!  
I laughed alot at one of the reviews even though it wasn't a positive one, but either way it made me chuckle the way it was worded.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**p.s didn't have time to edit, sorry for any mistakes! **

* * *

In front of my eyes was the nicest smelling hair I've ever had the pleasure of being in the presence of. I giggle at my inner thoughts and Santana shifts beside me. Her nose is just below my chin and her fingers grasp my shirt as she stretches. Her naked front pushes into me as her body arches and I try and hold the gasp aching in my throat. It's even worse that I'm naked as well and her skin against mine feel as though there is ecstasy coursing through my veins. I haven't ever tried the drug but I'm sure this some what euphoric state is what it would feel like. She sighs and the air travels from her lips to my neck. I shiver and she notices because I feel the vibrations of her laughter against my skin.

"What's the matter Britt-Britt?" She whispers hotly. I swallow the enormous lump in my throat and am sure she sees it. Giggles erupt from her throat louder this time and I shift backwards to look at her. It's a bad idea because I realise how flushed I must look from both of us being naked. But then I notice the light red hue covering her cheeks and rub my thumb across the right one. Her lips disappear into her mouth for a moment as she moistens them. My eyes instantly lock onto them, humming in approval.

"You're the matter," I begin seriously, causing her to raise her eyebrows. "You're too sexy for your own good," I add and her face scrunches adorably.

"Stop it _you_," She grumbles gently, poking my chest multiple times hard. I try and catch her finger but its too fast and we begin a little game. She laughs as she dodges my grasp. It's such a small, innocent activity we're participating in but I feel like I should cherish it and wrap it in pretty bow. Just when she thinks she has won the game, I lick my lips slowly which catches her eye for a split second. I take the opportunity to finally grasp her hand, eventually pulling her towards me when a smirk appears on her face.

Our noses graze and our eyes lock like they're in a silent battle. My hand leaves hers and trails a hot path down her stomach to her growing heat. I run two fingers along her slick, dripping slit and watch the brown in her eyes turn a shade darker. She attempts to close her eyes but I nudge her nose with mine. She takes the hint and locks our gaze again.

Her vagina reacts to my fingers by thrusting forward at an achingly slow pace. With my other hand I push down the blanket so I can see from my peripherals, her stomach clench and unclench. Her lips come up brush against mine as I enter her and I break into a wide smile. Before I can relish in making her dead silent for a solid amount of time, her mouth is sucking on my own and I'm being forcefully pushed back against the mattress. My fingers are still inside of her and they're stuck between my core and hers as she humps my hand so fast that I can barely register what's happening.

"San," I breathe once her lips pop back from mine. She grinds harder, relishing in making _me _fall speechless. I could barely finish her whole name.

Her lips caress my jaw with such tenderness that I feel as though I'm dying. I'm sure this is how pleasant it feels seeing the white light. I nudge her lips back to mine and bite down hard on her lower lip. She hisses through clenched teeth and I'm sure she's close to her climax. Just as I'm about to run my thumb along her clit, the door opens wide and I squeal. My reaction to my parents standing in the doorway is not the best. I end up clenching my fingers inside Santana and feel her cum. She collapses against me and I believe that she's unaware of our audience. I then watch my mother clear her throat and Santana's eyes widen as she turns around, quickly pulling the blanket back over us.

"Morning," She says awkwardly, out of breath and barely able to form a smile. My parents just chuckle softly, before smiling politely and shutting the door. I wrap my around Santana's waist and giggle into her shoulder.

"That was awkward," I mumble. She shifts off of me and props her head against her elbow, looking down at me. I grin at her and brush back the hair falling over her forehead.

"You know," She says, brushing a finger along my collarbone. "We haven't gone on an official date."

"That's because you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend," I reply automatically and immediately shut my mouth tightly. Santana's eyes bulge out of her head and she opens her mouth to say something but then closes it. "Well, we d-don't need a l-label I mean... Who c-cares... Right?" I splutter, trying to rekindle the warmth in her eyes but she's just frozen.

"We were bound to be girlfriends sooner or later I guess," She replies shakily. I nod quickly, urging her to continue. "I've just never been someone's girlfriend and done all of the date stuff."

"You could have fooled me," I reply lovingly and she blushes.

"I want you to be though and I want to take you out," She clears her throat. "I just don't know if I'll be good at it... If that makes sense?" I nod slowly but my eyes squint in confusion.

"I guess if we don't try we'll never know," I state, giggling and watching Santana's warmth return. "We could start off small. Like have a movie night here, maybe Friday?" I suggest in an innocent tone. Her fingers travel up to the back of my neck and she tickles the faint hairs there. I shiver involuntarily again and she smirks.

"Definitely."

* * *

All I needed at school was Santana. Knowing that she was a few classrooms down from me, probably missing me too, was enough. I didn't expect to be approached once again by Rachel and Quinn who were laughing about something that most likely came from Rachel, because I don't like Quinn's sense of humour.

"Brittany," Rachel breathes, grinning like that cat from Alice in Wonderland. "Quinn here is having a small gathering on Friday for the Glee club and you and Santana are welcome to attend."

Just then Santana appears behind me at my locker, rubbing my back soothingly. "What's going on?" She asks and I watch as Rachel tenses.

"They invited us to Quinn's party on Friday," I state quietly.

"Sorry," Santana snaps instantly. "Can't make it." Then she pulls me away, sending them both a fake smile as we walk backwards a few steps down the hallway.

"You didn't even think about it," I state.

"What's there to think about? I don't like them."

"Well, I guess it will be awkward hanging around with the Glee club again."

"Exactly," Santana agrees, running her fingers down my arm. "I don't like how they treated you or me, so we can't give them what they want." I nod my head in agreement, waiting for Santana to continue her master plan, but she doesn't. She stops there.

"Maybe we could go for an hour, then have the date back at my house," I suddenly blurt out and Santana steps back in shock.

"Brittany," She pleads as her shoulders visibly deflate. I know she isn't going to fight me on this. "They hurt you," She states again and I nod in understanding.

"I know that, but I want to see if maybe they have changed. Maybe we can all be friends again," I regret my words as I watch the veins in Santana's neck pulsate like she's going to implode.

"You didn't want to be my friend for so long when I had done nothing to hurt you and now you want to rekindle what you lost with the Glee club?" She hisses.

"Santana, please," I murmur, afraid of what she'll say if I argue further.

She sighs and shakes her head. "I don't want to lose you to them, I know they don't like me."

"I love you more than I love anyone else in this world," I reassure her, leaning forward to capture her lips. She responds by gripping my waist and pulling me closer. We hear a wolf whistle and pull back, noticing Tina and Artie giggling at their locker. I blush and send them an awkward smile. Santana just rolls her eyes and laces our fingers together.

"We'll talk about it more later okay?" I nod and we both head to the Spanish room.

When we enter, Rachel is sitting beside in the back corner with Quinn. It's odd seeing them actually show each other attention in public, but judging by the 0% care rate of other students, it's old news. I guess I have missed out on a lot.

"Okay class, we are going to be starting a new project that is due in two weeks from now." Half of the students groan while the other half are asleep or drawing pornographic pictures on their desk. Puck is one of them. I suddenly remember something.

"Hey," I whisper, leaning over to Santana. Mr. Schue's voice becomes muffled as she looks at me with genuine curiosity. "When you and Puck were under the bleachers why were you so scared of him?" Santana seemed to tense a whole lot at the sudden question. She definitely was not expecting me to bring this up so long after it happened. But sometimes when something is brought up, a random thought pops into my head and I immediately have to ask someone or discuss it with them.

"Well, he was cornering me," Santana whispers back as if it's so obvious.

"I think you could have fought him off if you wanted to, he looked high," I replied worriedly. She sighed and ran her fingers along my thigh. I instantly stopped her by placing my hand over hers, because I really wanted to know the answer and she was just trying to distract me.

"Puck and I, we've slept together before." I nod, already knowing this because of Puck's words to her. "I was really, really wasted when it happened but no one noticed Puck dragging my body upstairs to a bedroom. The next day he came up to me and smirked and I was so confused as to why. Then one of the jocks whispered something about Puck going away to juvi because of some incident at a party. Turns out someone had seen Puck take me upstairs without me consenting and they turned him in."

"Santana," I mutter. "I'm so sorry." I squeeze her hand lightly and shift my chair closer to her.

She shakes her head and stares at the table. "It was Quinn," She mumbled. "Quinn was the one who told on Puck."

I gasped, "Quinn?"

"Apparently he had tried the same thing with her, but she wasn't as drunk with me so she was able to kick him in the nuts and run off," She chuckled at that.

Then another thought popped into my head. "Why did you get into a fight with her if she did you a favour?"

"She was going to hurt you Britt. After she found out how fucked up I was she realised that she didn't want to be associated with me. We were never really friends but I thought maybe after she helped me out we could be, you know? But when people found out she told on Puck, the most popular guy in school, her reputation was at risk." I nodded, not needing to know more.

"You're beautiful," I suddenly blurt out. Santana's lips curve up into the most adorable smile in the world, but before she can reply Mr. Schue's voice invades our ears.

"You two will be working together, si?" We look at him in confusion and nod slowly, obviously not having heard a word of what he explained. He places down a sheet of paper with the title 'Traditional Spanish Music' on the top in bold letters. "You'll be researching the music of Spain and I expect an A+ from you both," He winks creepily and walks to the next desk. Santana shakes as if a spider had just been crawling under her skin or something. I giggle and we start reading the research questions silently in our heads.

* * *

Every time we talked about Quinn's party we would get into an argument about how they don't deserve me as a friend. Then it would end up in either me or Santana pinning one another to whatever hard surface was nearest to us. Angry Santana was sexy and made me really horny. I guess the feeling was mutual.

So I'm in the middle of the gym floor, limbs tangled around hers and chest heaving. It's a little after 4:30 in the afternoon. Santana cornered me after Cheerios practice and said it was finally time to make the decision. I told her I wasn't going to change my mind and she said she could make me. That's how I ended up having the best orgasm of my life. I couldn't stop the embarrassing moans emitting from my lips every time she pumped her fingers.

"Yes, yes, oh my god, Santana." ... "Right there baby, mm." ... "Far out that's so good San."

I was so scared that Coach Roz or Sue would walk in, but nobody was around at this time so I knew we were safe. I was naked, which made the adrenaline in my bones grow faster each time Santana entered me. It was a rush doing something so naughty in school. Santana didn't give me a choice and I was totally okay with that.

Once I got dressed, Santana sat behind me and I leant back against her. "As amazing as that sex was, I really think we shoul-"

"Okay," She exasperates clearly. I turn to face her, pinching my brows in confusion.

"Okay?" She nods. "Okay," I say excitedly, capturing her lips and tumbling on top of her to repay the favour.

* * *

After being in the gym for another hour, Santana and I headed back to her place to get ready. I could only put on make up since my clothes were back at my house, but Santana didn't want to go there right away. Since my parents had caught in the most awkward position this morning, she was feeling a little uneasy about seeing them again.

Once the clock reached 6:30, we decided it was time to head back to my house. I changed quickly, not bothering to have another shower because Santana had begged me to take one with her at school. We entered a quiet house and I looked around the kitchen and living room. Nobody was home. Then a piece of paper caught my eye. It was resting on the coffee table. I picked it up and read it aloud.

"Gone out tonight for dinner, lock up if you're going anywhere. Love Mom and Dad."

Santana let out a huge sigh of relief. "You're going to have to see them again someday," I reassured her and she instantly tensed.

"Yeah, yeah, let's just hope it's not for another couple years," She joked and led me upstairs. I rummaged through my closet before settling on a simple pair of black shorts, a pink tank top and black blazer. On my feet were two large knee high boots which complimented the length of my legs. As I walked around to put things in my purse I noticed Santana's eyes on me. I turned to her and giggled noticing her eyes were glued to legs and occasionally drifted to my butt.

"Ready?" I asked, effectively breaking her wandering eyes. She nodded dumbly and followed me downstairs, out of the house. We settled in her car and turned the heater on as it was a little cold out. She offered to wait if I wanted to change into some jeans but I said I'd probably be dancing if the party is fun so I'd get hot anyway.

"Wanky," She replied with a smug smirk. I rolled my eyes and waited for her to start the engine.

The drive took just over 15 minutes. I hadn't been focusing too much on what they would say when Santana and me arrived. I was more focused on not looking like a weirdo in front of them - that is basically why they kicked me out of Glee club in the first place. I didn't realise that we were parked outside of Quinn's house already until I saw the passenger door open. Santana was standing on the footpath, holding the door open and I smiled in thank you.

She took my hand when I stepped out and we walked to the front door together. After three large knocks, courtesy of Santana, a very drunken Rachel opened the door. "Woah giiiiirrls, wassup? Want some pink?" She handed me a glass of something and I cringed after smelling it. Santana took the glass from me and had a sip.

"Gross Berry, what the hell is this?" She fake spat on the ground.

"Artie said his grandmama used to be a bartender and he got the recipe from her!" I chuckled at how much Rachel reminded me of a 13 year old girl getting drunk at her first party. Normally I'd see her for a few seconds talking about what flavour her drink is or how much she wishes she was still in Glee club, but now she's ranting about duct tape and ironing boards and Santana looks at me like she's about to slap the girl in the face.

"They just fit so nicely in the cupboard-"

"Rachel!" I yell, interrupting her rant. She looks stunned and shifts from one foot to the other. "Can we come inside?" Something clicks in her brain and suddenly she's laughing so loud that I'm sure she could fit her two fists in her mouth. Santana lightly shoves her out of the door way and takes me inside. We find everyone in the basement after Rachel is yelling from behind us the directions to it.

We walk slowly down the stairs and watch as Rachel closes the door behind us. There's some light music playing but nothing too heavy and up beat.

"Guys look whose here!" Rachel squints and Santana and me both wince.

All eyes are on us now and I can feel my heart beat out of my chest and hit each person in the face. I suddenly exhale a laugh at the thought of that happening and earn a nudge in the hip from Santana. She's confused by the sudden laughter and is trying to gauge an explanation for me. I say the only thing I can think of at that moment, because I don't want anything to be awkward.

I raise my hands in the air and look towards the group. "Let's party!"

I didn't expect the eruption of cheers emitting from each one of them. Santana was even laughing beside me, then began walking towards the fridge to get a drink. Mercedes and Tina were laughing or crying or both in one corner of the room. Quinn was looking into a mirror and flattening out her shirt. Artie was wheeling around the cups that Kurt had placed on different places on the carpet.

Santana was still by the fridge as I ran over to the pool table and jumped up on it. There were cheers of excitement as a new song came on and I danced to the beat. I hadn't even had anything to drink and I was feeling so intoxicated from everyone else's vibes.

"Wooooo, Brittany!" Rachel cheered, wrapping her arms around Quinn and pretending to nibble on her neck. Quinn squealed and ran off with Rachel chasing after her.

I took my blazer off in the heat of the moment, knowing that I was still covered up. I held it with my thumb and pointer finger and spun it around fast over my head. Silence entered the room as the song changed and it turned into this slow, sensual beat that I had never heard of before. My eyes found Santana, sitting on the sofa just a few meters away. She had been staring back at me ever since I climbed on the pool table.

I bit my lip, watching as everyone was doing there own thing and not paying attention to me anymore. I bent my legs to sit down and then jumped of the table. I walked as seductively as I could over to Santana and swung my legs over each side of her thighs. The drink in her hand was placed on the small round table by the sofa and she took my waist in her hands.

"I'm not even drunk," I whispered close to her face.

"Neither," She replied breathlessly. I then blindly reached over to the bottle she had placed down and opened it. I lolled my head back and took a large swig before wincing at the dry taste. "Hot," I heard her whisper.

I looked down and placed the bottle back on the table. She tightened her grip on my waist and then trailed her hands upwards until they reached the back of my neck. She then pulled me down so our lips smashed together. Because we were both still sober it was easy maintaining a steady rhythm. Her tongue entered my mouth and I caught up and sucked. She groaned and pulled her head back.

There was another song change, but this time it wasn't on an ipod, it was live. Rachel was standing up with a microphone covered in pink jewels. She must have come prepared. Quinn then got up with her own simple black microphone and pressed play on a song. A fast beat flooded the room and everyone cheered.

I turned back to Santana as they started to sing. Her eyes were glossy and I looked over at the empty beer bottle beside us. "You feeling okay?"

She nodded and grinned cheekily, reaching her hand down and around my body to tap my ass to the beat. I giggled and wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her in once again.

After a few minutes of intense making out, I realise that I was actually rocking against her to the beat. Thankfully everyone was wasted so they didn't really pay attention, but I still felt exposed. I excused myself and walked over to the fridge, grinning at Rachel and Quinn as I passed because they were still singing.

I pulled out a beer, not bothering to get one for Santana because I wanted to catch up to her. I didn't want one of us to be drunk and not the other. I didn't even know we would be drinking. But I promised myself I'd have only one more after this, because the night was going really well.

* * *

After their third duet, Rachel announced we were all going to join in on a friendly, non-sexual game of spin the bottle. Santana sat beside me in the circle, while the others were secretly glancing over at us every now and then. Santana's hand founds it way to my knee and rested there. I noticed Mercedes trying to hold back a smirk and Rachel trying to hold back from jumping Quinn who was giving her sexy eyes.

Tina spun first and it landed on Artie. She all but leapt onto his lap and they began a full blown make out session.

"I thought she liked Mike," I whispered to no one in particular but Mercedes answered.

"She realised that he's a dumb ass so she's given up," She explains shrugging. I look over to Tina and watch her grin at Artie as she cuddles her close. I smile because it's nice seeing everyone so close and happy again.

It came to my turn to spin and it unfortunately landed on Kurt. Not that he was a bad looking guy - he was very pretty. I just wish it would have landed on Santana.

"Um, I don't think I can." Kurt smirked and chuckled to himself.

"It's fine sweetheart, we all know you're taken," He winked at Santana and she glared at him.

"Alright twinkle toes that's enough," She remarked, taking the bottle and spinning it fast. It landed on Mercedes.

Santana sent Mercedes a tight lipped smiling which Mercedes nodded to. "Single ladies kiss other single ladies, couples kiss each other!" Mercedes announced.

"That's going to be a horror film, watching Berry and Fabray mack on all night," Santana said with a smirk after she earned a few laughs.

"Hey!" Quinn objected half heartedly, but Rachel calmed her down before she could lunge at Santana. I doubt she would make it across the circle though. She lazily fell back in Rachel's arms and closed her eyes.

"How about truth or dare?" Tina suggested. We all grinned at each other, apart from Santana whose smile never appeared. I leaned over and kissed her cheek gently.

"Wow you two really need your own romantic soap opera," Artie chuckled to himself.

"Yeah I've never seen either of you be so lovey dovey," Mercedes added and I noticeably blushed. Santana hid her face in my neck and giggled.

"Brittany you can start," Rachel said. "Truth or dare?"

I hesitated for a few seconds before answering. "Truth."

"Do you love someone at the moment?" The way she said the question had me guessing that she had already thought about it. I looked over to gauge everyone's expression and they looked really familiar. Wide grins and arched eyebrows.

"Yeah..." I croaked out then cleared my throat. "I do." Mercedes and Tina breathed out a loving sigh and rested their heads together.

"Your turn Brrrrrittany!" Kurt slurred into his glass. I looked around the room and my eyes eventually found the person sitting next to me. She had her head still buried against my neck and I nudged me shoulder up. Her eyes met mine and I whispered loud enough so everyone could hear.

"Truth or dare San?" She looked nervous, but visibly relaxed knowing I would never ask her anything personal or make her do anything uncomfortable. She smiled softly at me before answering.

"Dare." Every clapped their hands silently and giggled. I felt like we were in freshman year again, only this time it was better because I had Santana.

Eventually the noise around us seemed to dissipate. I clenched my fists, feeling the sweat collect in my palms. I knew I couldn't say what I wanted to out loud, but then again I could. It would be personal and intimate but knowing these people wouldn't judge us now was an advantage.

I decided to lean up to her ear and whisper the dare. "Take me home and strip for me." She let out a shaky breath against my skin and I pulled back.

"What'd you say Brittany?" Rachel asked excitedly. Mercedes, Tina, Artie, Kurt and Quinn were all waiting for an answer. But I simply smirked, took Santana's hand and stood up.

"It was really great catching up again guys, we'll do it again soon," I said politely as Santana was rushing me back up the stairs and out the door.

"What did you think she dared her?" Kurt whispered to the others.

"Something hot yo," Artie answered smugly. Tina lightly shoved his shoulder and they all went back to playing the game.

* * *

"Maybe we could make this a little more fun than a simple strip," Santana suggested discreetly. I let her push me down on the bed while she unzipped my school bag and pulled out the Spanish homework.

"What's that for?" Her head whipped up to me and one eye closed really slowly. I grinned in return and waited for her to explain.

"I'll ask you some questions on this project and seeing as you're a dancer, I'll put on a little show for you." She reaches for her iPhone and searches something in YouTube. I wait patiently, knowing that I'm probably already soaked down there from anticipation.

She presses play and some soft guitar strumming fills the room. It's good that we're home alone other wise my parents would kill me for having loud, disruptive Spanish music playing through the house at midnight.

She places the iPhone beside me on the bed then stands back. She looks shy all of sudden, like she's going to back out before it's begun. Then she lowers her head and looks up at me through thick lashes. "Hey," She says quietly.

I stare at her lovingly. "Hi," I whisper. She then looks down at the project sheet while swaying her hips to the music. I had never been so memorized by one fluid movement so much in my life. I had barely heard the question she asked but I shook my head when I saw her eyes watching me carefully and answered the first thing that came to my head.

"Hip hop?" She laughs so loudly but continues swaying her hips. I scrunch up my face and pout in embarrassment and when she notices, she moves closer to me.

"I'm sorry baby, but you're incorrect," She says sadly, not moving to take anything off yet.

"That's not fair," I whine. "We haven't even done any research on the topic yet!" I debate and watch her smirk fade when she realises that it is unfair.

"Okay fine, how about I ask you about dancing then," She suggests with one eyebrow raised. I nod excitedly and watch her lean forward to pick up her iPhone. She puts the song on repeat and continues to sway as she places it back beside me.

"What dance move am I doing right now?"

I tense and frown. "Swaying?" I answer hesitantly. She smirks takes off the fluffy vest she had on. I giggle anxiously, waiting for the next question.

"What's this move?" She asks, rolling her body like a worm. I grin because that's my favourite move.

"Body roll," I answer confidently. She claps her hands softly before removing her boots.

Her socks come off next and then she somehow undoes her bra without removing her tight dress. I watch in amazement at how fluid she is. Her eyes find my ogling ones and she smirks widely, strutting forward until my knees are brushing her shins.

"How many Step Up movies are there?" I frown at the question and scoffed. This was too easy.

"Four." She licked her lips while staring me straight in the eye.

"Wanna help me out," She whispered, lifting her arms in the air. My hands immediately fell to the bottom of her dress and slid it up her body. I had to stand, causing Santana to step back a little, but we were still close. Once she tossed her dress to the side, I had full view of her boobs, torso and underwear. It was the same colour and material as her bra. I could see right through it.

The song started again and she pushed me back on the bed.

"Do you like my dancing?" She said, dropping to the floor and then slowly rising again. Her hair was wildly splayed over one side of her face making the scene even more seductive.

I swallowed thickly. "No," I said shaking my head slowly. Her face fell and she looked at me as though she was challenging me. Then I just smirked and stood, causing her to freeze. I took threw my blazer off and my tank top. I was left in my polka dot bra and tight black shorts. I then walked around her, trailing a sizzling line around her mid section to her lower back.

I walked her forward towards the desk beside my bed. My hands found hers and I guided them to face palm down on the surface. I then brushed my nose against her hair, taking in the beautiful smell again. She tilted her neck to the side, urging me on more. Her breathing was quickening, every aching moment I wasn't touching her.

"Brittany," She breathed and I pulled back the slightest inch to watch her face. Her eyes were closed and she moistened her lips. "Truth or dare?"

I closed my eyes and smirked. I loved her playing games with me like it was a normal routine for us. "Truth."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." I didn't even think about it. Nor did I think about my next move. My hand dipped into her underwear and she arched her butt into my front. I raised my other hand to her boobs and brushed my fingers along them. My teeth found her neck and nipped at the skin while she moaned. "Yes," I repeated, raising my leg to rub my front against her to cause some friction.

"Mmm," She moaned again. Her hand reached around and grabbed the back of my hair, tugging it hard. I pumped my fingers inside of her without teasing her. We had made love already and I believe she would be okay with getting to the point. She was. Because she tightened around my fingers quicker than usual. Her knees trembled but my hold on her kept her up right. "Again."

I peppered kisses down her neck and entered her again.

* * *

I had Cheerios practice Saturday and I got Santana to accompany me. She sat up in the bleachers and watched while I was given the spot at the top of the pyramid. So many girls scoffed and glared at me, but I wasn't going to let them get to me.

"Good job," Quinn's voice rung through my ears. I turned around and watched her standing with her hands on her hips.

I smiled lightly, "Thanks." She laughed and walked forward, bringing her arms around my neck. I was shocked at first, my whole body tensing at the foreign contact. After a few seconds though, I brought my hands to her back and patted gently. "Thanks Quinn," I said louder this time.

After practice was over I walked towards Santana and laced our fingers together. We sat on the bleachers for a while until most of the Cheerios disappeared into the locker room.

"You and Quinn are friends again?" She asked and I sighed, knowing it was bound to be brought up.

"I wouldn't say friends. We're just better now, the whole Glee club is." I smiled at her and poked her cheek. Eventually she started laughing and giggling, shoving my fingers away.

"The only thing those fingers are poking is down here," She murmured, spreading her legs slightly and looking down. I followed her line of sight and smirked. "You know we still have to have that date at your house."

"We will," I responded softly, staring out in front of us. "It just has to be perfect," I turned to her catching her gaze. "Because I love you and all." She exhaled a laugh, reaching up to brush the hair out of my face. "C'mon," I chuckled. "Let's go see if the locker room is empty."

When we walked in there was only one cheerleader doing up her laces and getting ready to leave. She sent me a glare and shy smile in Santana's direction and Santana rolled her eyes and placed her hand on my butt. I smirked in accomplishment then skipped over to my locker. Santana followed and leaned on the one against mine. She was watching while I placed my red towel around my neck and I turned my head to face her. My lips rose into a lazy smile and I reached for my drink bottle, bringing to my lips and taking a generous swig. I placed the bottle in my bag and shut my locker. Then without a word, I brushed passed Santana and was about a meter away before I turned around and smirked at her.

"Coming?" She bit her lip and chased me all the way to the showers.

* * *

**Thoughts? **

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**But I'll never stop writing about them or loving them :)**


	22. Plans

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. **

* * *

It's gotten to the point where I can feel Santana even though she isn't here. Charlie and Scott returned home this morning and I thought we would all catch up. I had forgotten what state Charlie left in. I had been so caught up in finally being public with Santana, I didn't realise that Charlie was away with a man who lost her trust. She seemed different though, when she stepped inside alone.

"Scott is spending time with Santana." I just nodded. I didn't want to bring up the fact that Santana could come over and we could have a girls day, because that would be just to benefit me. We couldn't be lovey in front of Charlie when she was still clearly reeling from recent events.

"What did you and Scott do while you were away?"

That question sparked something in Charlie's brain. Because she immediately turned bright red and went on a rant about everything that is wrong with Scott. I knew she didn't mean any negative aspect she described of Scott, because she was just letting the rage take over her rational thoughts. I didn't try and correct her though or tell her that isn't how she really feels, because she would have turned defensive on me and denied it. I thought about talking about me, just to take her mind off of Scott. But she just kept talking, like someone had stuck a Guns n' Roses song inside of her and she just wouldn't stop. When I thought she was finished talking, I opened my mouth to say something. I couldn't even say a quick 'yeah' because she just wouldn't stop talking.

"I don't think I'll ever feel the same about him." She paused then and I knew I had to be quick.

"Yes you will," I mumbled quickly. She whipped her head to me and was panting from talking so much.

"What makes you say that? Just because your love life seems to be turning out well! What if Santana cheats on you? Would you be able to feel the same about her?" She asked so many questions in a row I didn't know which one to answer first. I feel like she was jealous of me right now. She was taking her anger out on me because I was finally happy and I didn't like that.

"Stop it," I said grumpily and began to walk away.

"Why? You know it's true Br-"

"No!" I screamed before she could finish. "I don't know it's true, because I know Santana will never cheat on me. How do you even know Scott did something with that girl he was texting? It could have been flirting but nothing more..." I sighed heavily, sitting back down next to Charlie and taking her hands in mine. "What if you're giving up a relationship over a small drunken mistake?" Her agitation seemed to weaken and her fingers relaxed under my palm. "Charlie?"

Her eyes met mine and the smallest tear dropped down her cheek. "I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry. You're getting so much better and I have Santana to thank for some of that."

I grinned and pulled her into a hug. "I'm always here for you. You're just not thinking rationally and saying silly things about the love of your life."

"You're right." Her face brightened and her eyes lost their glaze. "I have to tell him I'm not giving up." My smile faltered a little, realising how fast Charlie had changed her mind.

"Wait, are you sure?"

She paused, with her hand on the door knob. "Yes. I can't wait for our double date." We grinned at each other and she disappeared outside. I pulled my legs up on the sofa and hugged them tightly. It was starting to rain outside. I could hear the patter of droplets against the window. My dad was upstairs in bed. The only good thing about that, is that my mom was right there with him. He forgave her again. I hope this time it lasts.

The next thought that popped into my head was to call Santana and tell her to come over and cuddle me, because I doubt when Charlie and Scott are making up she would want to witness it.

But I didn't move. I just sat there, blindly staring at the coffee table until my vision blurred. Eventually my eyes closed, I fell sidewards onto the sofa and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

There was a weight on my hand, like someone had just sat on it, or placed one of those 80's televisions on it. My lids flung opened when wetness met my finger tips. I almost screamed my lungs out of my mouth when I first saw was licking my fingers. Then my vision eventually found clarity and I watched as a humongous cat waddled off into the kitchen away from me.

He was fluffy and cute and I had no idea where he had come from. I stood up and walked towards the stairs when I heard a bump against the door. I shook my head and lifted my foot to the first step, when the bump sounded again. I had time to ask my mom and dad where the large cat had appeared from. So I turned and walked towards the door. I frowned when I realised it was locked and untwisted it, before turning the knob.

When I pulled open the door a body fell backwards and squealed. I squealed just as loud and flew backwards, almost hitting wall behind me. I adjusted my vision to the figure laying on it's back and realised, under all that wet brown hair that Santana's grin grew as laughter filled the room.

"What are you doing?" I yelled, lifting her up and almost dropping her back down when I realised how cold she was. I opened the closet and pulled out the fluffiest towel we owned. I ran to Santana's side and saw the she was now shivering her way to the living room. I wrapped the towel around her back and brought her to the sofa, but she stopped me from making her sit down. Instead she turned to me, gave me the sweetest smile and kissed me.

I was stunned for the first millisecond of the kiss, but soon reciprocated. Her moan informed me that my tongue was welcome any time soon into her mouth. I gripped her waist, pulling her against me and gasped as her wet clothes met mine. I dipped my tongue between her lips and pushed her back towards the sofa. Instead she ended up hitting the coffee table and fell on her butt. I giggled but didn't want to stop.

"I s-should g-g-get w-warm," She said through chattering teeth.

"I'll make you warm," I replied almost too seductively. I didn't expect her to show up at my house, because I fell asleep before I could call her. Maybe she just knew I needed her here with me. "Wait," I pulled back, watching her pout. "How long were you outside for?"

She smiled innocently and shrugged. "Santana," I said sternly.

"Okay, maybe like an hour or somethi-"

"An hour!" I leaned forward, peppering kisses over her face and rubbing her arms to make her warm. "I'm so sorry, I was asleep and someone must have locked the door and then when I woke up I thought you were the one kissing my fingers but it turns out we have a cat now!"

She sat beneath me amused. Her laughter never left her lips because she was trying desperately to hold it back. "I'd love to meet your pussy," She suddenly blurted out before she could think. Her hand came up and smacked herself in the forehead.

"It misses you," I whispered, leaning forward to brush our noses together.

* * *

Santana mentioned 14 times today that she personally wanted to thank whoever made the Cheerios skirts. It had been three weeks since Charlie and Scott worked everything out. They basically went all the way back to the start. They started going on occasional dates, rather than becoming a partnership again. They weren't able to make the trip to Columbus with Santana and me. So we were in my room, packing light because we would only be gone a night.

I looked over at Santana's suitcase and noticed she had a lot more clothes than needed.

"We're going to be away for a night, why are you packing like we're moving in together?" I asked with a chuckle, because saying it out loud made it sound even more daft.

Santana turned to me, with a smirk playing on her lips and a certain sparkle in her eyes that made me grin. She was still my diamond. "Your parents said we could still for an extra night or two because they wanted the house to themselves."

"I see you're speaking to my mom again," I said gleefully. She walked towards me and brushed her fingers down my cheek.

"I got over the embarrassment long ago, I'm just kind of intimidated by her. She's so smiley and cheerful these days," Santana cringes while she speaks, causing me to emit a huge laugh.

"Everything okay in there girls?" My dad's voice sounded through the door.

Santana wrapped her arms around me and threw me on the bed. "It's fine Mr. Pierce."

I flattened my hair and sat up. "What was that for?"

"I don't know," The smirk on her face grew. "But now that I know I'm strong enough to throw you on a bed, then I'll be in control more often."

"If that wasn't so hot, I would've pushed you back," I say flirtatiously.

"Woah baby, we'll have plenty of time away to talk dirty. For now, just relax and I'll make you lunch." She kissed me on the forehead then walked out of the room. I had no idea how she just paused her sexual frustration and could simply walked away. I had to rub my thighs together to relieve some tension built up since Santana first walked into the room.

She only had to look at me with those big, beautiful brown orbs and I was instantly wet. I walked downstairs to check on Santana and she had plates set out on the dining table with chicken sandwiches on each one. There's two bottles of water as well. When she noticed me in the doorway she smiled shyly and gestured for me to sit down.

Before I sat, my fingers skimmed across the table and eyed how beautifully set out everything was. It was as though we were living together already, not playing house like some pretentious six year old best friends. I liked the thought of waking up everyday and having Santana cook for me. I would cook for her to, but I'm sure from what I had seen already that she is a better chef.

"Dig in," She mumbled, handing me a bottle of water. I smiled in thank you, but didn't start eating. I just watched her swallow and chew, swallow and chew.

* * *

Santana and me chose to drive separately to the squad to Columbus. Rachel had driven with Quinn the way there as well. We chose the rooms next to each other and watched the other Cheerios give us strange looks. Santana had more admirers then Quinn, Rachel and me of course. Most of the girls expected that, because she was here, that she would be sneaking off to their rooms.

I knew though. I knew that I could leave Santana alone in the room and know she wouldn't have a girl sneak into the room. She wouldn't even be thinking of another girl. I didn't have any second guesses. I just knew.

Quinn and me left early for practice. We secretly just wanted to impress our girlfriends.

Santana looked a little reluctant to be hanging out with Rachel alone. She even tried to tempt with a record 8 orgasms that she could possibly give me but I knew I had to get to practice. It was nationals and I had always wanted to be a part of such an important event. Maybe after this, I could join the Glee club and convince Santana to join as well.

"You and Rachel are official then?" I asked cautiously.

Quinn nodded, looking a little flustered just talking about her girl. "Finally. We're really happy."

"How long did you hide it for?"

She seemed to turn sad then. "Almost two years. We got into so many fights about telling people or hiding it for longer. Rachel was the one who wanted us to be public, but when you're as popular as me, you don't just give up your reputation for some Glee club geek."

She didn't sound harsh when she said that. Remorseful, not harsh.

"You know I've been watching you recover since you returned." My eyebrows shot up but that didn't faze her. "I knew you had boundaries, so I just watched. When I found out you and Santana were dating I almost blurted out that Rachel was my girlfriend to the whole squad at lunch. Then I saw how happy you two were and so I didn't bother telling people, I showed them."

"Dykes!" Quinn stuck her middle finger up at the girl who I recognized as the one from the locker room with Santana. I almost wanted to shout the same crude word back at her, but that wouldn't solve anything.

I gave her a look and she knew. She knew that I knew and most likely every other girl on the squad knew because apparently they all had a turn with Santana. The thought of someone else me her made me sick. Quinn put a hand on my back and watched my expression with worry.

"Brittany, are you alright?" I took a deep breath and nodded.

Sue and Roz called us over to warm up and I just thought about winning and impression Santana.

* * *

"So what are you planning on doing school?"

I shrugged.

"Any plans?" I shook my head. "Well I plan to audition for NYADA, move to New York and in about three years make my debut on Broadway. If I'm lucky they'll want me in Evita as soon as I walk through the door."

"Alright Berry, I'm gon stop you right there, because as much as it is fascinating listening to you speak of your bright future, I don't really have one without Brittany and our families so please do me a favour and keep your positiveness to yourself."

"Why don't you have a future?"

I could sense the sympathy in her voice. I hated it.

"Didn't you see those girls out there? I slept with more than half the squad and Brittany knows that. They're going to make her life a living hell because we're dating and I can't stop it, because I'm not _popular_," I spat the last word out.

"Brittany knows you won't cheat," Rachel assured me.

"I know and I would never hurt her," I sighed. "I'm just not focused on anything after school. I just want to be happy with her and make her happy."

"You're a lot like Quinn." I eyed her curiously. "She says she wants to protect me because when we weren't public about our relationship she hated herself. She kept calling herself a coward and that she wasn't worthy of my love. But I told her she is the love of my life and we would work because we understand each other and have plenty of time to grow."

I exhaled a laugh through my nose. "You're okay Rachel, you know that?"

"So are you Santana. You just have to believe it more." I sent her a tight lipped smile then hopped off of the bed.

"We should get ready so we can go see our girls kick ass." She nodded and headed for the door.

"You know," She turned on her heels. "You can talk to me if you need to." I watched her waiting for an answer or any movement. There was something swirling in my head that I wanted to blurt out and before I could tell myself it was a bad idea, I just did it.

"Her parents are planning something. Something big. I don't know what it is but I don't want Brittany to know that they are even planning anything until we've returned to Lima, but I'm scared."

"Is it a bad thing that they're planning?"

"I don't know but I suspect it's good. They seemed really happy, but anxious."

"Then don't be scared," She said gently, shrugging as she walked out of the room.

* * *

I don't think I ever told Brittany how damn sexy she is. Her flexibility is insane - better than any other girls on the squad. Quinn is pretty good too and judging by the flushed face of Rachel, she has a fan.

Brittany's flips are higher then when I watched her practice three weeks ago. She had been working so hard and still managed to find time for me. And what did I do? Homework for half an hour each night and watched television at Brittany's house, waiting for her to return. I had nothing going for me, expect for my average grades. No extra curricular activities under my decrepit belt. No possible scholarships headed my way because I never put myself out there.

Rachel's question had been plaguing my mind throughout the entire cheer. I should get a job. I should apply for some colleges... Depends how my grades are. I don't want to apply and then get rejected, I don't think I could face anyone if they asked. I'd get a job. I'd get a job and support Brittany in whatever she wanted to do.

BANG!

Suddenly gasps flooded the room from every direction. I shook my head and saw Rachel already running passed me, down the stairs towards the Cheerios. When I focused on what everybody was gasping about, my blood froze and stopped climbing to my brain. I didn't think, I just ran.

When I approached the girl that everybody was screaming at I couldn't hold back. Even with Quinn in my ear telling me to leave it alone. Sue was surrounding Brittany on the floor and screamed. "I told you girls to stop the lesbian jokes and win the championship! Now you've cost us this year and you," She pointed to the culprit who dropped Brittany from the top of the pyramid. "You're done."

I stood behind the cheerleader and watched as she slowly turned me, with her arms folded and features all pinched together.

"Look Sa-"

I lunged without thinking, without caring about what she was going to say. I tackled her to the ground and when people told me to stop punching I didn't. I couldn't. I was flipped over the second I hesitated and was kneed in the gut. I winced in pain but managed to shove her off me. With one last connection between my fist and the girl's chin, I dropped back to the ground and shut my eyes. I was panting and being screamed at by officials. They were dragging me out. I hadn't even checked on Brittany. That's what a girlfriend is supposed to do. Fuck.

"Santana!" I heard her voice and spun around. She took my hand and walked out with me. I was surprised she even could walk.

"Some girls managed to break my fall just before I hit the ground," She explained, as we got into my car.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. She leaned towards me, straining to hear my words. I squeezed my eyes shut and slammed my palm against the wheel. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

Santana," She cooed, bringing my head to her chest. "Please don't be sorry. You weren't the one that dropped me."

"What are we going to do?" I whispered against her chest. "What are you going to do with me?"

"I'm going to love you," She replied with only simplicity in her tone. She held my hand as I drove us back to the hotel. We got to our room and I held her waist as we walked towards the bed. She lay down and I offered to get her some water but she shook her head. Instead she pulled me down next to her.

I watched her eyes scan every inch of my face. "I have baggage. Lot's of baggage."

"I know I told you to pack light," She replied bluntly.

I smiled sweetly at her then shook my head slightly. "I mean I have regrets and issues and people that know me that will most likely continue to throw hateful words towards you. I can't stand the thought of you hurt."

"I can look after myself, but knowing that I have you to take care of me as well, is just a plus."

"I don't know how I got you."

"Hey," She whispered, "I have no idea how I got you either. If you forgot I recently got out of rehab." She chuckled which lightened the mood a little.

"It feels like I've known you since we were kids." She leaned closer, bringing her lips to mine. It was soft, yet dry. I licked my lips and shuffled closer to her on the bed. I brought our lips back together a few more times before pulling back with a gentle pop. "We'll make it right?"

"Yeah," She whispered back instantly. Suddenly her features hardened and her thumb brushed over my cheekbone. "You have a bruise starting to show."

"Don't worry about it. Are you sure you're feeling ago?"

"Yes," She confirms confidently. "I told Coach Roz that I may have just hit my elbow a little hard but other than that I'm fine."

I nodded, knowing she wouldn't lie to me about an injury. "We should go home tomorrow, we shouldn't stay any more than we're supposed to."

"Okay," She agreed. She was about to lean in again, when there were three loud knocks against the door.

"What?" I spat, rolling my eyes. Brittany giggled and pressed her nose against my neck.

"Can we come in?" Quinn asked.

"Yeah," Brittany spoke loudly, her voice vibrating against my throat.

"Oh Brittany are you alright? We were so worried!" Rachel spoke really fast.

"Yeah, I gave that girl a piece of my mind after you left, although Santana managed to scare the shit out of her already," Quinn offered lightly.

"Thanks guys," Brittany said tiredly, emerging from under my chin. "Join us?" For once I didn't actually react to such a strange offer. I felt the bed dip and Quinn cuddled against Rachel who was beside Brittany. It was weird how we all fit in the bed and how we fit well, together.

I suddenly didn't want to go home. Or leave this bed, ever. I was starting to realise what Brittany meant when she described the Glee club as a family.

* * *

I woke up in the morning to an empty bed. But then I heard some noises in the bathroom and watched Brittany emerge with a bandage around her arm.

"I went to a doctor with Coach Sue earlier, there was some minor bruising, nothing serious," She assured me, hopping on the bed. I sat up, brought my hands around waist and tugged her closer.

"Where are Rachel and Quinn?"

"They left to their own room about half an hour ago," She responded, tugging at the hem of my shirt.

I look down to her own attire. "Did you sleep in your uniform?" She nodded. "Did I try to..." She shook her head. I let out a large breath. "Thank god. You know how I like you when you wear your uniform more often than you're supposed to."

"I do," She husked, pushing me back on the bed and straddling one of my legs. "Wanna fuck me?" I was stunned by her forwardness but also extremely turned on. She discovered that by grinding down against my wet spot, applying pressure to all the right places.

I grunted and bucked up into her until her pace grew faster. "Oh yeah," I breathed, shutting my eyes and falling into a fast rhythm.

Her fingers tangled in my hair while mine explored her ass. I squeezed the flesh, inevitably pushing her harder against me. I suddenly felt soft gently lips apply pressure to my cheek. It wasn't a simple kiss though, it was against a specific spot on my skin. She kissed the spot again and I winced a little. I opened my eyes to see her normally light blue orbs, darkened.

"Did I hurt you?" She breathed, barely audibly.

"No," I replied hoarsely. "Just keep going," I urged her, lifting my hips up into her. She kept humping my leg until my mouth fell open and my face scrunched up. She knew that I had come undone and slowed her pace. "Far out."

"Mmm, you like that?" She husked in my ear. The fall must have done something to Brittany's speech, because she sounded dirtier every time she opened her mouth. "Want another round baby?"

I chuckled and brushed away the hair sticking to her face. "We should get back home, your parents are expecting us."

"You called them?" I nodded. "Alright, but we should probably shower," She spoke softly, rubbing her soaking folds against my thigh once more before getting off the bed and walking into the bathroom. I ran straight behind her.

* * *

"Eighth place isn't so bad," My dad tried to assure me. I just shrugged and held Santana's hand tighter. I had no idea what was going on. As soon as we returned home, my parents were in the living room just sitting there. The television wasn't on. They just grinned at Santana and me as we sat in front of them on the recliner.

"What's with the grins?" I asked curiously.

My parents looked at each other for a while, as if speaking to each other telepathically. Then they turned to us again and my mom pulled out something from her pocket. When her fingers retracted from her palm, I noticed an identical set of keys.

"You girls have proved how mature you can handle a relationship, while managing school and cheerleading."

"And Glee club," I chimed in. I had asked Santana on the way home and she said she would do anything for me. I blushed and we made out in the car for a while before eventually going inside.

"And Glee club," My mother continued. "So we thought it would be only right for a next step. I know you still aren't out of school but we have both known that this is for the best, for a while. You'll only be down the road so you can always visit and we'll be around for dinner often and don't worry Santana, we have talked to Scott and he understands why we have chosen this drastic change-"

"Mom!" I spoke loudly, interrupting her ramble. "What are you trying to say exactly." She didn't answer. She just stood up and handed me one key and Santana the other. From closer inspection I knew exactly were these keys were for.

"Your mother and I have already paid for it, so don't worry about that. We still have savings left if you were to go to college next year Britty and Santana we also have been saving a fund for you if you were to ever choose a College close by," My dad took a deep breath, then stood up and clapped his hands. "You girls are moving in together."

What if my dreams are bigger than Lima? They aren't bigger than the love I have for Brittany, but before I knew she existed I dreamt of becoming a pop star. I don't want that type of fame any more. Maybe I could settle for getting a job as a Spanish tutor to earn extra cash. Brittany wouldn't want me if I had a stupid job like that. There's suddenly a click inside my brain, like the chains of a bike, surrounding my brain, are suddenly moving again swiftly. Of course she would still love me. I feel pressure against my hand and turn to her. She's inching closer until her forehead is resting against mine. The key is between our palms but I barely feel the sharp pinch of the key's edge as it presses into my skin. Its Brittany and I against the world.

* * *

**It's my last year of high school so I don't know when the next chapter will be. I'm sure when to end this fic, but it will be soon and in an appropriate way I hope. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully I'll have something out in the next week, but until then let me know if you're still enjoying this enormous amount of fluff and sexual tension! **


	23. Anything for you

**A/N: **This chapter has a trigger warning. But otherwise, enjoy.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

* * *

It's been a week since Santana and me joined Glee club. We couldn't hold in our excitement as we both held hands and walked into the choir room Monday lunch. The excitement was caused from receiving an A+ for our Spanish project. Mr. Schue grinned at both of us as we took our seat in the back row. I slipped one of my hands between Santana's legs and her thighs tightened around it.

I didn't move it. I couldn't really. But it felt oddly comfortable.

Then I had a class without Santana. The stares had become less intimidating. Cheerleaders would huff as they passed me, but their blatant glares of harsh disrespect no longer existed. Which was a definite plus. I didn't expect positive attention though. So when a cheerleader sat next to me in class, I instantly retracted my silent shell.

"What question are you up to?"

I shifted my seat away from her.

"Not talking to me," She smirked. "Well, all I wanted to say was congratulations. You finally cured Santana Lopez."

My eyes shot up, but I forced myself not to look at her. I didn't want to seem interested. But what did I cure Santana from? Loneliness? I know she didn't have any friends, but people like Kurt could see the good buried within her. And the cheerleaders liked what she did to them, but they didn't necessarily like her. What if I never came back to Mckinley?

Would Santana have found a different medicine to cure her?

"I'm sorry that the squad has been given you such a hard time. I mean, you're Brittany Pierce," She stared forward in thought when she said my name. "You survived something that most of us probably wouldn't be able to handle. You returned to Mckinley even though you knew people might remember you for the wrong reasons."

"She's right," A voice to my left says. I turn to see Mercedes leaning closer to me on her desk. "The Glee club was so cut up after what we said to you. We made you leave, we made you feel worthless and it's not something we're proud of. Once you left, we felt so horrible. We dedicated a whole week of Glee club to Britney Spears just for you. We never thought you would be away for so long Brittany and we're all so, so sorry."

"Thank you," I muttered under my breath.

"Why are you so quiet?" The cheerleader asks. I bite my lip and still refuse to look at her. "My older sister told me that people who don't talk much are always thinking. It's their way of avoiding all of the negative thoughts they can never put into words. Sometimes positive thoughts though, like a thank you?"

Seven possible ways to say thank you went through my head. I turned to the cheerleader and then to Mercedes who was pinching her lips together. Her cheeks were red, like she was embarrassed about something. I remembered then, about what I saw under the bleachers.

I found myself smiling at the thought and it looked a bit creepy from another persons perspective. "Thank you," I whispered then cleared my throat of prolonged silence that rented it for an hour. "Thank you for saying all of that, but it really doesn't make up for anything I've been through. I'm starting off by trying to make amends with Quinn but it will take so much time. Mercedes, you're a sweet person but what you did back then was honestly cruel. I would have never done something like that to you. I would have never judged you for your inability to cope. I lost the drive to do something I love and it is mostly my fault but I did not need the extra torments from both of you," I whispered the last part as I stood up. There was 10 minutes left of class but the teacher wasn't paying attention.

As I walked out the door I murmured to myself, "Santana is all I need."

* * *

The keys to our apartment were hanging on a hook by the door of my current home. We could take them at any time, but had to let my parents know when. We decided to wait. Graduation was in a few weeks so we had time to study and in our free time buy furniture.

Santana and me were currently driving to the new apartment to see what it's like. We had spent most of our week deciding when to officially move in. Now that we know the date, we're going to test it out for a night. I stepped out of the passengers seat after the short drive from my house and walked towards the porch. I turned to see Santana grinning widely at me.

"Come on!" I squealed, bouncing on my heels. She shoved the key inside the hole and turned. The door opened and luckily did not creak. So far so good. To our right there an empty medium sized room.

"Study," Santana mumbles and I nod in agreement. She takes my hand and pulls me to the other side of the hallway. "Living room," She then points to the tiled room guarded off by a bench. "Kitchen." We walked through the kitchen back into the hallway and found a bigger room than the first and smirked at each other. "Bedroom," Santana whispered into my ear. I giggled and ran off into the en suite bathroom. The whole apartment consisted of neutral colours and would be easy to paint over.

I don't know if Santana would a agree to a wall in our bedroom with unicorns and ducks painted on it, but then again; she would do anything for me.

Once we've finished the tour of our new apartment, we drive to Santana's house to pick up a spare double mattress. We then stop off at a Chinese take out store and order our dinner.

When we return to the apartment, we set out a newspaper in the middle of the living room floor and dig in to our dinner. I find using chopsticks difficult at first, until Santana's hands cover mine and guide my fingers to the right position.

"I think everything will be okay," I say after swallowing some pork.

"What do you mean?" Santana puts her noodle box down and crawls over to me. She wraps an arm around my lower back and settles her hand on my hip.

"I just think by graduation, everybody will be okay with each other. We'll be able to clap each other on stage and not cringe," I place my noodle box beside me. "Mercedes sort of apologized and so did one of the cheerleaders that you..." I trailed off not wanting to voice the next few words. Santana understood and wrapped her other arm around my front. "It was really weird, but nice. I guess I had been waiting so long for anyone at school to acknowledge what they put me through but now that I have you, none of it matters."

"I hope from now on, all you feel is love. I don't want you worrying about others, not even me. Because you'll already no if I'm fine. If you're fine, I'm fine," She replied and one side of her lips tilted up in a lop sided smile.

I leaned forward and flicked her nose up with my own. She leaned up and pressed her lips to mine firmly. There was so many wonderful things I could think of doing right now. But I recently learnt not think so much and just speak or do. So I kissed her once more and then pulled back.

"I'm going to kiss you again. I'm going to send my love to you with my lips and you're going to feel every ounce of it. My hands are going to draw invisible patterns all over your skin. My fingerprints are going to be etched onto your skin forever so everyone knows I cherish you. I'm going to pick you up and carry you. You might squeal in surprise. You will wrap your legs and arms around me as if you're unwilling to ever let me out of your reach. When I lay beside you, not on top of you, not underneath you, when I lay beside you, my body pressed right against yours, you will hear my heart beat. I don't know fast it's going to beat, because you always find a way to make it go crazy," I exhale a laugh and watch her blush.

She then pulls her arms back to her side and slides backwards on her butt. Her legs are bent and spread and her eyes are sending me that lustful look that tells me she wants everything that I just explained.

_"What could you do with those hands my love?" _She starts singing softly. I cross my legs and watch her. She glides a hand from her chest down her stomach, towards her centre.

_"What could you do with those lips my love?" _I use my knees to push off of the floor and crawl towards Santana. She stays in the same position, with her lips being pulled into her mouth every few seconds.

I lean forward and tilt my head far enough so that I'm able to immediately slide my tongue between her lips. I massage them softly and make her groan. My hands rest on the carpet, either side of her hips. She sucks on my lips for a while, which pulls me forward. I tilt my head the other side of her face envelope her bottom lip. The sides of our noses smash together every time one of us pulls on each other's lips. My tongue continues to play with hers.

I allow her to bite my bottom lip and thankfully it isn't hard so we can continue kissing without blood getting in the way. Her hand suddenly hits my chest and she pushes me away.

Her lips are completely swollen and the outline is tinted is a light shade of red. She runs her tongue along her top lip before singing again. _"What could you do with that heart my love? Could you find some room for both of us." _

I raise my hand and run the pad of my thumb along the lip her tongue just ran across. She pouts her lips and kisses my thumb, letting the tip of tongue poke out against it as well. I stand up and hold my hands out for her. She obliges and once she's in front of me, I reach around to the back of her thighs and lift her up. Her arms automatically fly around my neck to hold on and she locks her ankles around her back.

I smile up at her and she grins the biggest grin I've ever seen from her. Her eyes are barely open and her dimples appear. I use one finger to trace over them, before carrying her towards the bedroom. I kick open the door and when we reach the mattress I slowly guide her back down flat against it. Her hands fall from around my neck and reach down to the hem of my Cheerios top. She pulls it up over my head and throws it away, like how we often treat each other's clothes.

She pulls my down to her and sucks on my lips greedily. I rake my fingers up her sides, inevitably pulling her shirt up and over her head, all the while looking into her eyes. The screen lights up on her phone and she turns her head to the side. I don't bother looking, it's probably Scott. I lean down and press hard kisses against her throat, intending to mark her.

She moans and squeezes at my chest. I roll forward, allowing our centres to hit. Suddenly she rolls me over and whispers against my lips, "Beside me, remember?" I nod, immediately understanding. I glide my fingers up her neck and rest them on her jaw. One of her legs ends up between both of mine and I'm struggling not to come early.

I end up riding up and down slowly against her thigh but eventually pause when I feel the leg being replaced with a hand. A soft, gentle hand that I should start thanking more often for giving me so much pleasure. I watch Santana's eyes open and close. She reaches into my underwear and presses a finger hard against my clitoris, then begins to rub sideways.

We move closer and hold each other. Our foreheads rest against each other and I know that she wants to see my reaction. She slides a finger through my slit and enters me. My mouth automatically falls open and my eyes squeeze shut. Small puffs of breath emit from my lips and rebound off of Santana's face.

I inhale a sharp quick breath and my stomach retracts and my toes flex and I can feel my heart beating, thumping, hammering loudly and I'm sure Santana can feel it and hear it too. I rock into her hand. She presses the heel of her hand against my clit. For a while the room is silent. Not even our breaths are heard even though we're basically moulded together.

She pushes harder and faster into me and I rock back matching her pace. My fingers twist into her blonde hair and I hope to god I'm not hurting her as I pull her hair. But I can't help it. She's touching that special spot. She's performing every act I spoke of before and doing it with such care that I can barely breathe normally. I can barely hear the traffic outside and I can hardly move my legs.

Before I know it, she pulls out of me and my thighs are quaking and my throat is so dry because I didn't even have the energy to lick my lips. Even though she was doing all the work, I still had to keep up. My fingers have lost their way and are now hanging lazily through her tresses. I feel the softness of her lips press against my own and force myself to kiss back. My toes slide up her leg when I'm able to stop shaking.

I wish life outside this room didn't exist. I wish I could stare at Santana for the rest of my life. Because despite how amazing this moment feels, there will always be something in the future which may ruin the good times. It's impossible to have a an all around good life. But I try as hard as I can to block out the bad and I can especially do that when I'm with Santana.

It's like her presence keeps the bad away.

* * *

The next morning I woke up naked. My exposed butt was pressed against Santana's front, but she was dead asleep so I didn't feel embarrassed. I tried to get up without waking her but then her phone went off and her eyes shot open.

"W-what time is it?" She mumbled lazily.

"Time for school," I replied, brushing the hair out of her face. She looked a little pale but that's probably from exhaustion. I don't know how long we were up for because Santana didn't ever check her phone and we didn't have a clock yet.

Once we placed the mattress up against our bedroom wall neatly, Santana drove us back to her house. We showered and had toast for breakfast before leaving for school. We both had a free period just before lunch so that meant we could go somewhere together for a while.

I was at my locker, packing some books in my bag because we decided to head to the library for some study first. It was Santana's idea and I protested at first because I wanted more of her sweet lady kisses, but she told me she would give me twice as many after school. Just as I shut my locker there was an announcement that I had to go to Principle Figgins office.

"Do you want to me to come with you?" I nodded at Santana and she took my hand.

I hesitantly looked through the glass walls windows of the principles office and saw the back of a dark girl. I recognized her hair immediately. When the click of the door sounded both heads turned in my direction. I gripped Santana's hand a little harder as I stared into Regina's soft eyes.

"Brittany," Figgins spoke cheerfully. "Regina, your old doctor has come to visit you, how kind," He adds in his thick Indian accent. I'm still staring at her in disbelief, looking like a complete freak with my mouth just hanging open.

"Was she really your doctor?" Santana whispers beside me. I nod dumbly, watching Regina get out of her seat and walk towards us.

"Hello Brittany," She says kindly, offering Santana a gentle smile. I don't know if Santana smiled back or not, because I'm still staring and I know it's starting to become awkward in the room.

"Uh, thanks for looking after Britt," Santana says awkwardly. "You two should catch up," I feel her lips against my cheek. "I'll see you in the library."

"Wait what?" I grab her hand to stop her.

"Don't you want to catch up with me Brittany?" Regina speaks and I whip my head around to face her.

"I'll let you guys catch up," Santana repeats, placing a kiss to my hand and walking out of the office.

"What a-are you doing, I-I-I mean h-how did you know that I go here?" Not the real question I wanted to ask but it was a start.

"How about we go somewhere and I'll explain," She speaks gently. I find myself nodding and lead her out of the room and out of school.

* * *

I slammed my fist against his chest but he wouldn't budge. It was as though his hands were bolted to the wall behind me, locking me between him and the wall.

"You think because nobody is talking about you dykes that we've forgotten? Pfft, you're a fucking joke Santana," He spits and presses his lips forcefully to mine. I suck my lips into my mouth so that they aren't tainted with his. I don't want anyone to touch them except for Brittany. I can't move my head though and I eventually run out of breath and try to head butt him.

"You always liked it rough didn't you?" He snarled. "You're a real _fighter_." I cringe when I'm reminded of that night.

There is no one around, because the weather is crap and everybody is inside. Of course I had to be stupid and retreat under the bleachers. That's when he found me, cornered me and began shouting at my face.

I catch a glimpse of the rain and dark clouds in the distance and laugh in my head because this weather fits this situation perfectly. I wonder what Brittany is talking about with her old doctor and if they're having a better time to me. Or if Regina is pinning Brittany against a wall, threatening to tell everyone her most shameful secret if she doesn't fuck her.

"Fuck off!" I scream, kneeing him in the stomach but it's no use. He dodges my jabs and slams his forehead against mine which hurts enough. But then the back of my skull smashes against the concrete wall behind me and I almost fade into unconsciousness. Almost.

He presses his lips roughly to mine again and squeezes my face in his hands. "Wake the fuck up bitch!" My eyes are half lidded but they shoot open completely when I feel the wrath in his tone.

"Go away," I sob helplessly. He laughs in my face then thrusts his crotch up into me. I shriek and close my legs as tight as I can.

"How about I go tell Brittany what a sick girl you really are?" He threatens seriously. I shake my head violently and cry harder.

"D-don't, please!"

"Then fucking kiss me back!" He growls and pushes up into me, much harder this time. I lift up my head and stare into his eyes. They're black as the night sky and I can't recognize any sign of a man in him. He's just a monster. So when I kiss him, the taste is foreign and dirty. After one kiss I pull back and find the strength to look him in the eyes again.

"Did you ever ask your sister what actually happened?" I ask, surprisingly strong.

"Don't fucking talk about her you sad little dyke!"

"It was her idea," I continue. "She came onto me, she fell in love with me!"

"You're lying, shut up!"

"She killed herself because I couldn't love her back and I'm fucking sorry but that's not my fault!"

Puck doesn't speak any more. Instead he slaps my boobs before turning me around. I can hear his zip as he pulls it down. His belt clanks against the floor as the pants they were holding up fall to his ankles.

I almost feel as though I'm in a dream when I hear singing. But as they grow louder I realise that I'm not in a dream at all and the singing is actually from the Glee club. They pour out onto the oval at the most precious time. Puck hadn't even gotten his underwear off.

"Fuck," He curses harshly against the back of my neck. He then pulls his pants back up and quickly rushes off further under the bleachers. I stay put against the wall for a while, wondering when the fuck I'll be able to move, let alone breathe properly.

It almost happened again. Almost.

"Santana?" I realise I'm shaking when I feel a hand touch my back and I freeze. "What the hell happened?" It's Quinn.

I can't let out a single word. I'm trying so hard but they're caught somewhere in my throat. Quinn turns me around and attempts to get me to look at her.

"What happened?" She asks more firmly this time. I shake my head and slowly allow our eyes to meet.

I manage to force the tiniest smile and pat her hand that's now on my shoulder. "Nothing."

* * *

Santana texted me after lunch saying she was feeling sick and had to go home. I offered to skip class and look after her but she just replied with a monotonous 'no thanks'.

Regina is sipping on her coffee and telling me about some of her recent patients. I nod along, trying to take my mind off of Santana. She didn't seem sick at all today or last night. Well actually, she was pale this morning. Maybe she has food poisoning. Crap, I have to go.

I jump off of my seat, shocking Regina in the process. "Woah, where's the fire?" She jokes lightly.

"Sorry, my girlfriend needs me," I blurt out without registering.

"I thought she was your girl." Regina grins and shakes her head. "I'm glad you're happy with her," She adds honestly. I send her a gentle smile and pull her in for a hug.

"Thanks for coming to see me," I say kindly, before rushing out of the cafe.

I take a quick pit stop off at school so I can put all of my books back. The cafe was only two blocks away so I jogged most of the way. I felt sick knowing that Santana was most likely throwing up now or struggling to get around the house. I slammed my locker shut and was about to run down the hall when Quinn stepped in front of me.

"Brittany wait." She sounded worried and anxious.

"Quinn I can't, I have to go to Santana-"

"No! She, well, I saw her today. She was with Puck under the bleachers. I think he, t-tried to-"

"Stop," I shouted firmly, staring her dead in the eye.

"She didn't look upset, but she was acting really strange. She s-smiled at me and acted like everything was fine."

"Shut up, please," I pleaded softly this time. Quinn nodded and waited for me to continue. "Why would she act fine if he attacked her? That doesn't make any sense."

"Well that's what I was wondering until Puck cornered me in the hallway. He was c-crying." My eyes widened. "He said she," Quinn sucks in a sharp breath. "He says she grabbed him under the bleachers and started kissing him because you weren't satisfying her."

Before Quinn can speak further I shove passed her and run out of school, down the street and towards Santana's house.

* * *

She wasn't there, so I ran to my house. She wasn't there either.

I was completely out of breath when I arrived at our apartment. The door was unlocked and I could hear the shower in the bathroom running. I quickly sped up my steps and found her leaning back against the wall still full clothed, getting soaked.

"Santana," I screamed. "What are you doing?" I stepped into the small glass rectangular box with her and waited for a response. Her eyes were staring at the glass wall. The only movement she did was blink. I moved forward and placed my hand on her shoulder, squeezing her to get a response.

She shot out a breath and stared at me with frightened eyes. "What happened?"

"N-nothing," She stuttered out. I growled and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Don't lie to me Santana, don't!" I placed a gentle hand upon her cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning into my palm. "What happened baby?" I whispered.

I pulled her lips into her mouth then grabbed my hand and placed it by her side. "I'm sorry," She murmured. My brow wrinkled and I stepped back. I had an idea in my head that she could be sorry for, but I hoped I was wrong.

"I don't understand," I said, pressing my back against the opposite wall in front of her. "Did you kiss him?"

She folded her arms across her body, hugging herself. Her eyes lost their sparkle, her lips trembled and her body began to shake. I wanted to calm her down, but I needed an answer first. We wouldn't cheat on each other, we said so. We promised. Tears spilled from my eyes suddenly.

"Yeah," She whimpered, hugging her body tighter. Her face contorted as she cried. I didn't know why she kissed Puck, but I knew that Santana would not have done it willingly. He's attacked her before. He's a danger to any woman or girl. I didn't know how he could get Santana to kiss him and I didn't even want to find out. I thought I knew all of her secrets. I was starting to feel sick.

"Come on," I said, turning off the tap and stepping out of the shower.

Santana's eyes meet mine and she shakes her head slowly. _"Come on,"_ I say firmer and she isn't hesitant in following me out of the bathroom this time. Her wet feet imprint the carpet all the way to our bedroom. "Lie down." She falls onto the mattress and looks up at me. She's stopped shaking but she's still hugging herself.

"Remember when you told me I scared you," She just stared me. "Well right now you're scaring me. I'm terrified of you right now and I don't want to be. You said you would tell me everything someday and I feel like there is something you left out of your confessions," I wiped away the lone tear on my cheek. "I waited until you were ready to tell me. So I will wait for you to tell me again, I promise." I lean down and place a kiss on her forehead. I then stood up and walked towards the door.

"Why do you love me?" She suddenly spoke, pausing my movement.

I turned around and faced her again. She was leaning up on her elbows. "You told me not to give up on you and I won't. I love you for the same reason you love me Santana."

* * *

I woke up in my own bed the next day with the plan of skipping school. I stared at the empty spot next to me and memories of last night flooded back again. It was hopeless, trying to get Santana to speak. But I did not want her thinking everything in her head because I learnt to speak to her so she owes me that.

I duck out of the house before anyone wakes up. It takes me just under 10 minutes to jog to the apartment. It's dark when I open the front door. There isn't the smell of eggs and bacon on the stove or warmth emitting through the house. It's colder than it was last night in here. I traipse through the house towards the bedroom. The door creaks when I open it. Santana's sitting up on the mattress, her hair hanging over her face. I flick the light on to illuminate the room.

Her head slowly turns towards me. "I-"

"Don't," I suddenly interrupt her. My heart is telling me to say this but my head is yelling no. "I don't want to know anything about your past any more. I want to be apart of your future because that's what I'm most looking forward too. I want to graduate beside you and move in here officially. I want to spend every day knowing that you're mine and every night in your arms."

"Her name was Gabby Puckerman." Obviously Santana did not feel the same way. "She was a year younger than me. I was over at her house because she needed someone to tutor her in Spanish and apparently she had heard from Noah that I was a pro. When we were in the kitchen studying, she leaned over and kissed me. I barely felt it because I was jumping off of my seat before she could say anything. The next week Noah had a party and I only went because I felt bad for what happened and I wanted to apologize to Gabby. Halfway through the night she came up to me with a drink in her hand and offered it to me. I was trying to be polite so I drank it. Next thing I know I'm lying on a bed and she's going down on me," Her voice strains. "I was barely conscious, but I managed to make it home. She cornered me at school the next day and told me she loved me. I said what she did was wrong and I could never love a psycho like her. She told Noah that I tried to have sex with her and the next week he attacked me in the same bed his sister had me on. After he came back from juvi he found out Gabby killed herself and the whole school was whispering for months about why she did it. Nobody found out it was because of me."

"You didn't have to tell me," I whisper, sitting beside her.

"I did. I owe you honesty because you're my inspiration Britt. You have put your life back together on your own and I've been a terrible girlfriend."

"No," I disagree with a slow shake of my head.

"Puck threatened to tell you if I didn't kiss him, that is the only reason I did it. I just didn't want to disappoint you because that's all I seem to be good at," She explains sadly.

"Don't say that," I say. "Yes you have been through so much at a young age, but so have I. This is where we help each other recover. That's what a partnership is about right?" I ask hopefully. She tilts her head sideways to look at me.

"Right," She responds with a smile.

"I told you we can get through anything."

She rests her head on my shoulder and we sit staring at the beige wall in front of us for about an hour. I plan my ideal future on that wall. There are a couple kids, Santana in a business suit, me in the kitchen making dinner, my parents at the table, Charlie and Scott playing footsies beside them and Quinn and Rachel flashing their engagement rings to everybody.

"I want to go to college," Santana says, breaking me from my daze.

"So do I."

"Where would we go?" I grin at the prospect of spending our years at college together.

"Louisville has a really great cheer leading program and they offer a Studio Art course because despite what you might say, you are a very talented artist," She laces our fingers together. Another thought pops into my head. "I want to turn in Puck."

"What?" She mutters, without taking her head off my shoulder.

"I want to turn in Puck, he can't keep threatening you and being violent because of something that happened so long ago." Santana nods slowly, processing exactly what I'm saying. "Quinn can be a witness," I add.

"What's the point when we're so close to graduating. We'll probably never see that ass hole again," She replies bitterly.

I bite my tongue. "I just want you to be safe."

She finally looks at me and places a hand on my cheek. Her thumb brushes against my cheekbone. "Anything for you."

* * *

**A/N: I'm not adding a court scene in this chapter or the next, just know that Puck is of age now so he went to prison, yay!**

**I hope this chapter wasn't too dark for some of you, just know that it is all happy from here!**

**Oh and the song Santana was singing is called What Could You Do? by DOLOREAN. **

**Let me know your thoughts, good or bad :) **


	24. Flickering wings

**A/N: **So this is the final chapter! Thank you all for giving this story your time of day, I hope you have enjoyed the ride. I was asked if there would be a sequel and I'm not really a fan of sequels, mainly because I can never find motivation to write them! But I will be writing more stories in the future, maybe sooner than you think because I have this idea that keeps bugging me. So I hope you see on that ship when it sets sail :)

**Disclaimer: For the last time, I do not own Glee or it's characters.**

**p.s SORRY FOR ANY MISTAKES, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO EDIT. MY APOLOGIES. **

* * *

The roar of applause was not able to break Santana or me from our kiss backstage. She had me pinned against the wall, so close to my climax. Every time my breaths grew quicker, signalling I was about to cum, Santana slowed down. I clawed at her shoulders like our new cat does to our back door. She palmed my butt with one hand while the other swiftly hid under my red graduation gown. It bunched up at my waist and the pressure on my legs was hard to hold up. Santana read my mind then and placed a leg between both of mine. She thrust upwards while I rubbed down on her. I was sure there would be glistening sticky substances left on her gown when we were done, but I was not ready for it to be over yet.

I fisted her gown in my hands and brought her body closer to mine. I was standing on my toes, humping her so fast that my head was in such a daze. I felt like the room was spinning and every inanimate object in the room grew in size. "Fuck, fuck, don't stop," I panted.

She lifted me higher up, so I was basically sitting on her thigh. I had no idea how she was holding me up. I was the stronger one out of both of us.

I kept panting and grunting louder than I should have. We were just around the corner from our other classmates who were all lined up. Thankfully the line didn't stretch far backstage. The only barrier between us and the audience was a thick curtain and a thin wall that I was leaning against. I'm sure that if I thrust any harder the wall would break under pressure.

"Keep going Britt, almost t-there," Santana hissed, plunging her fingers deeper inside of me. I shrieked and bit my lip so hard I could taste my own blood. My eyes slowly opened as I performed a few more body rolls against Santana's thigh. She dropped her leg back to the ground to stand and my feet hit the floor as well. I could barely stand from being held up so long. Santana grabbed my cheeks with her hands and pulled my lips against hers.

Her tongue moistened my lips before I sucked it into my mouth and wouldn't let it go for a while. She moaned and pulled back with a pop.

"Santana Lopez!" Principle Figgins called out.

Santana's head whipped to where the voice was coming from. I kissed her cheek and whispered a congratulations before watching her run off. I followed slowly and saw her pull open the curtains forcefully. She smiled at the crowd, making that adorable scrunchy face. She then shook her chest left and right which caused a few people to wolf whistle. I rolled my eyes and smirked.

I watched her receive her certificate from Ms. Pillsbury then swap the little tassel on her cap to the opposite side. She stood in line beside everyone else who had graduated so far and swayed to the bands music.

It was almost my turn, just a couple more people before me. "Brittany Pierce!" I inhaled the deepest breath ever. Apart from the one I inhaled before Santana first fingered me. Well I wasn't really breathing then, but I still had to inhale.

"Brittany Pierce!" Crap. I opened the curtains and sent the crowd my best dorky smile. I raised my hand and spun it like a cowboy would a lasso. I all but ran down the stairs towards Ms. Pillsbury. She grinned and even hugged me.

"We're so proud of you Brittany," She whispered into my ear. I pulled back and caught Mr. Schue's eye. He winked and continued clapping.

I didn't care about order, I just ran straight to Santana and linked my arm with hers. We rocked from side to side until the last part of the song played out. Then the room erupted even more in applause and we all threw our caps in the air. Mine hit Santana's on the way up and ended up losing it's flight. We were too busy kissing to notice where they landed.

* * *

We didn't end up applying for college. We wanted to stay in our apartment longer so we could still see Scott, Charlie and my parents. We even added Rachel and Quinn to that list. They were accompanying us to Europe for a month next week, because travelling was the first thing on Santana's list that she made at the age of 6. The other night I saw her cross the 1. next to travelling and add a 2. next to it instead. Then I watched her right my name by the 1.

We bought furniture for our living room and our bedroom, but the study was still mostly empty. All that was in there was a filing cabinet that my dad brought over because he was trying to be helpful. Santana and me laughed at him. He was doing so much better and speaking to us all more. Him and mom were going on date nights every week and spent time at home either in bed or watching a documentary on sea life. Dad would school mom in the different types of whales and sharks and I attempted to voice my opinion one night.

"Did you know dolphins are just gay sharks." The room fell into an awkward silence after that. It wasn't because no one understood what I just said, it was because they didn't know how to respond. I was just too smart. Well, that's what Santana always said.

She's in the kitchen cooking some Spanish dish her mom always made when her and Scott were young. "I can't believe you still remember every ingredient," I said in disbelief. She wasn't even looking at a recipe.

"I would literally stand an inch away from my mom when she would make this. I memorized every ingredient by the age of 10," She replied with a proud grin. I continued to watch in silence, hoping to pick up every flavour that entered the pan. Maybe we could make this for our kids someday.

"What time is our flight again?"

I pulled open a drawer and checked over our schedule. "9 am." Santana instantly groaned.

"You're up at 6 am for work anyway," I reminded her, poking at her sides. Santana had picked up work at one of Scott's friends local cafe. She really enjoyed it there, despite a few annoying customers that she would always complain about when she returned home. But I listened. Because before the complaining started she would always jokingly say, "Honey I'm home!" When she walked through the door.

"I know, but I was hoping we could schedule in some sexy times before we head to the airport," She spoke an octave lower then normal, still stirring the food in the pan.

"Can we not be like Kurt and Blaine," I whined. "We never had to schedule sexy times before. You always just threw me against a wall or on a bed or turned me around or-"

"Okay!" She squealed, her cheeks flushing in embarrassment and probably something else inappropriate. "We won't turn into Kurt and Blaine. But we have to get busy on that plane before we touch down in Rome, or we'll never be able to have alone time with Berry and Fabray in the room beside us."

"They'll be making lady babies too," I said shrugging. She scrunched her face in disgust, then brought the wooden spoon to her lips. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head. It was strange seeing her semi orgasm from something that wasn't what I was doing to her.

"This is so delicious Britt, try," She ordered gently, dabbing the spoon with more of the delicious smelling sauce. She placed it near my lips and I poked my tongue out against it. I wasn't much of a spicy food fanatic but since living with Santana she's managed to change my mind. I ended up sucking every last bit of sauce off of the spoon while Santana stared at me in disbelief.

"I'm gonna be honest here baby, that was a turn on watching you suck on a spoon," She said with a nod.

I giggled and stood behind her. I pulled at her apron until it fell loosely around her neck. She took the hint and threw it off to the side. "Brittany," She said firmly. "Baby, it's dinner time."

"I know," I husked, reaching my hands around to her butt and squeezing. She gasped into my mouth as I kissed her heatedly. With the momentary distraction of her teeth biting hard on my bottom lip, she managed to push my back against the fridge. I grunted and gripped harder to her butt. She bunched my shirt up so to my chest allowing my bare skin to rub against the front of her tank top.

I pushed my front up, distracting her this time. She lost her footing for a moment and I pushed her backwards against the kitchen bench. There were some parts of our relationship that were so romantic and intimate. Then there were other parts that consisted of moments like this. We would get so carried away with lust that we would forget the true meaning of what sex is about to us. But sometimes that was a good thing. Mind blowing orgasms were such a good thing. So I lifted Santana onto the bench and she lied back. Her butt was hanging off the edge and I pulled her panties aside, facing my prize. I looked into her eyes which were glued to my tongue that continuously darted out to wet my lips.

"I'm so hungry." My voice hit her centre and she bucked wildly. It only took me two minutes to make her cum this time.

* * *

Lord Tubbington, that's what I named our cat, stayed with us a few times a week so that he could get used to the place. We drove him to my parents house the night before our flight and he ran straight upstairs to my old room. Dad says he's been living in there like hermit. Sometimes it smells like smoke when I go up there, or like other cats. I've asked him whether he's in a gang or not but he ignores me. Santana says he is too bad ass to talk to me now.

My dad is crying in the living room, not wanting to say goodbye. From this distance I can see a ring on his finger. It's the wedding ring he received when he and mom got married. My mom's arms are cutting off my circulation. Scott and Charlie cornered Santana near the front door and enveloped her in a group hug. I watched in amusement as her face screamed for 'help.'

I walked over to my dad when my mom finally let me go. He wiped away the tears and stood up. After clearing his throat awkwardly he said, "Be safe Britty." Then he hugged me for five minutes and kissed my forehead like he used to before I went to sleep. He did the exact same thing before I went to the clinic. Charlie was in her peter pan pyjamas that I used to steal as a kid. Because I was a little taller than her I just used them as a blanket. She kissed me hard on the cheek, incidentally squashing my face.

I saw out of the corner of my eye our old club house. The bright purple had faded away to a dull brown colour but it still looked safe. "We'll be back," I said softly, earning nods from my parents. I took Santana's hand and led her outside. She eyed the club house warily before turning to me.

"You wanna make out in there?" She suggested, immediately causing me to nod and grin.

It was easier for her to step inside, because of the height difference. Once we both were sitting inside, I had to arch my back a little. That only meant my face was closer to hers. "You used to cook in here?" She observed the plastic cups and plates.

"Yeah," I picked one up and dusted the dirt off. "Hungry?" She took the plate off me and put it to the side, her eyes still focused on mine. She shook her head and smirked before leaning closer.

Her lips grazed over mine but the moment broke as there was a knock on the small window behind me. "You girls better not be tainting my club house!" Charlie yelled. Santana burst out laughing and I tried to cover her mouth. When we saw Charlie's figure disappear, Santana moved the small chair out from underneath her and sat on the floor. I copied her, but moved to sit in front of her crossed legged. Her legs stretched either side of my hips and she dragged me forward with her feet.

"What are you excited to see most tomorrow?" Santana whispered.

I reached forward and tucked some hair behind her ear. "You."

* * *

It's almost 6 in the morning when my eyes open. We returned home late last night after some PG rated kissing in the club house. Santana's arm was draped over my stomach so I was pinned to the bed. I blew air against her cheek and she frowned.

"Wake up baby," I murmured close to her ear. She groaned and buried her face in the pillow. "Santana, wake up."

"Nope," She muttered.

"Rome is waiting for us," I teased. Her head perked up, but the messy hair over her face only allowed me to see her lips - which eventually curved up into a grin.

"Well then why are you still lying down for, let's go!"

Fifteen minutes after we brought our bags downstairs, Rachel and Quinn arrived at the front door. I looked passed them and saw Mercedes waving in the drivers seat. I grinned back at her. She was moving to LA in three months to start her singing career. Even though I only witnessed a tiny portion of her talent I was positive she would make it far.

"Alright we're ready," Santana breathed as we sat in the back seat. I turned to her and took her hand, lacing our fingers together. She leaned forward and nudged my nose with hers.

"We aren't," Quinn responded sarcastically. Rachel scoffed before turning around in the passenger seat and gesturing for Quinn to lean forward as if she was about to tell her a secret. Rachel then grabbed Quinn's cheeks and pressed a hard kiss to her lips. Santana's hands immediately flung over her eyes and she pretended to faint dramatically.

"You girls are gonna have a fun month together," Mercedes teased still keeping her eyes on the road.

* * *

Santana's head was resting on my lap the entire flight. I had to blow in her face again to wake her up. She grumbled but soon followed me off the plane. Rachel and Quinn were hand in hand, skipping down the never ending hallway into the airport. Santana looked so sleepy, I just wanted to get to the hotel and fall asleep with her.

We didn't expect to receive the nicest suite in the whole hotel. It was enough that our parents had bought an apartment for us, but letting us spend some of our college fund on a holiday that they were reluctant about at first, was incredible. I promised myself I would get them the best birthday presents when I get back.

"Santana," I said softly, approaching her figure by the huge glass wall. "How nice is this." She grinned and turned around. I thought she was going to take her clothes off, but instead just pulled her pants down, pressing her bare butt against the wall.

"Woah!" We both screamed as another voice entered the room. "Nobody wants to see that," Quinn teased.

Santana scoffed, "Please, they would rather see my bare ass than your girlfriends face." I slapped Santana's shoulder and gave her a stern glare. She folded her arms and mouthed a 'sorry'. "What's for dinner tonight?"

"We're going to a nice restaurant down the street," I said excitedly. She smiled and kissed me. I love when she would kiss me impulsively. It reassured me every time that she is still happy with me.

After showering separately for the first time in two months, Santana met me near the door. I sent her a shy smile as I noticed her hungry eyes scanning my outfit.

"Maybe we could stay in," She whispered hotly against my ear. I giggled and grabbed her hand.

"Later baby," I replied. We ended up walking to the restaurant because we were basically in the heart of Rome. It was pitch black outside, with only street lamps maintaining our vision along the cobbled path.

/ /

It wasn't long before we had visited every restaurant within walking distance from our hotel. Rachel insisted on visiting some hot tourist destinations but Santana and me were happy to wander around. We knew we could find something amazing if we were on foot.

Eventually we ended up on a bench situated near a fountain. The sun was being swallowed by the buildings in the distance. I shifted on the bench to look at Santana and she was already staring at me. Her mouth was still and her eyes had gained their sparkle back.

"I love you." My heart tightened in a good way. It sent tingles through my body. Even after telling me she loves me so many times I still feel those crazy butterflies. Her eyes fell to my chest. I instinctively jutted my chest out a little to satiate her ogling. The view satisfied her and she even reached forward and grazed her fingers over the top of my boobs.

I stared around us but the place we were was practically deserted. I hope groping your girlfriend in public isn't illegal here.

"San," I whispered, causing her eyes to find mine again. "Let's go." I dragged her back in the direction of the hotel. Unfortunately Quinn and Rachel had already returned.

Rachel couldn't stop talking about the famous Colosseum she witnessed up close and personal. Quinn looked exhausted and as soon as her head hit my lap she fell asleep. Santana quirked an eyebrow and stood against the wall by the door. Rachel was pacing in between us, waving her arms in the air as she spoke loudly.

I didn't take my eyes off of Santana. I knew she had some sort of plan. 'What?' I mouthed.

She smirked as a reply and dragged one finger down the crevice of her boobs. She was only wearing a bikini top because we planned to go swimming tonight. We only had three days left in Rome and Santana was complaining about not using the awesome pool upstairs on the top floor. I shuddered, watching her finger trail down her stomach to the top of her bikini bottoms. I hope Quinn couldn't feel my thighs quivering.

Santana spread her legs and my eyeballs almost shot out of my head. Rachel was too distracted to notice how bold my girlfriend was being. 'Stop' I mouthed.

She shook her head then bent her legs a little, leaning her head back against the wall. I instantly stood up, effectively knocking Quinn to the floor with a thud.

"What the hell Britt?" Surprisingly, with her girlfriend on the floor hurt, Rachel still didn't stop talking.

* * *

The water was warm in our Paris hotel. Much warmer than I'd ever felt. Santana had purchased a different bikini every city we visited. I wasn't complaining because they only became more revealing every time.

"Come here," She husked, performing a come hither motion with her pointer finger. "I want to show you something."

I walked forward in the water until she was backed up against the pools ledge. She reached behind her untying her bikini top. My eyes instinctively fell to her boobs that were wet and inviting. I missed them so much. For the passed two weeks we would only have enough time to remove our bottom layer of clothing. I missed her boobs.

I leaned down and captured her right nipple in my mouth. I closed my eyes and sucked. She arched into my mouth and pulled my hair so I could devour the flesh further. I flicked my tongue continuously over her nipple, making her emit the sexiest whimper.

"Right there baby," She whispered breathlessly. My mouth moulded around her other boob and I performed the same tongue work. It was surprising that the pool area was empty, but it was late. We had seen a lot of kids around the hotel so their parents probably told them it was too late to swim. They probably warned them about two women having sex late at night in the pool and not to disturb them.

Santana's legs eventually wrapped around my waist as my tongue continued to lick laps over her boobs. I used my hands to push them together and suck them each in a rhythm. "Oh god," She moaned, resting her head back against the ledge.

I licked up her chest, up her throat, up her lips. She growled and pulled me closer by my hair. I kissed her hungrily until I ran out of breath. Even then I only strayed about half an inch away from her mouth.

/ /

It was on one hot day that I couldn't stand being close to anyone. As soon as Santana and me hugged I started sweating. We spent the day in the pool and thankfully the water was ice cold. Rachel fell asleep under her umbrella and Quinn was listening to her iPod while floating on an inflatable lounge chair.

Santana was sitting on the edge of the pool, applying sun screen to her arms. They glistened in the sun and looked like caramel chocolate bars. I was desperate to go over there and get a taste but I pinched my thighs together and observed from a far. Santana's eyes caught my ogling and she smirked. Her hand dipped between her boobs, giving every other man and woman a show as well. I scanned our surroundings and observed that no one else was watching. So I turned back to Santana and sank down a little lower in the water so only everything above my mouth was visible.

She held the edge of the pull and sank down in the water. She waded closer to me, but stopped and sunk down completely. I grew anxious and unconsciously started walking backwards.

Santana's body emerged from under the water next to me. I gasped. We couldn't touch here, because there were families surrounding us. I knew that if we even kissed I would want more. So I held back and she understood. She sent me a smile before saying, "I'm going back to the room." I nodded and leant back in the water, enjoying the coldness against my back.

I had a feeling Santana would spend an hour in the shower under cold water. She probably wanted me to join her. With that thought I stepped out of the pool. I rounded the corner and grabbed my towel from the small circular table attached to an umbrella. Santana's towel was resting untouched beside mine. I picked it up and didn't bother disturbing either Rachel or Quinn. The water beneath my feet left a trail all the way to the room. I waited by the door, strangely nervous.

I don't think I'll ever not be nervous about touching or seeing Santana.

When I entered the room, I didn't hear any water running. Instead I heard noises of pleasure emitting from our bedroom. I swallowed thickly and followed the noises. When I opened the door I noticed the room was dimly lit. I slowly walked into the room, shutting the door gently behind me. It didn't disturb Santana. Instead her noises grew louder. I decided this was a rare moment. I hadn't seen Santana like this before except for that one time we watched porn. Even then she wasn't really touching herself. I knew she wanted too though.

I pulled out a chair from the desk near the bathroom and turned it to face the bed. I sunk down in the chair and squished my thighs together uncomfortably. Santana's eyes were closed and her mouth was wide open. Her hand was hidden beneath her underwear. It moved up and down really fast, then slow, then really fast again. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the hidden part below her underwear. I wanted to see it so badly. I don't think a bomb going off in the hotel could have had the power to remove my gaze from her.

She was the epitome of everything beautiful in this world.

* * *

Three months after returning from our trip overseas we decided that we would apply for college next year. I found a job right next to Santana's at a book store. I mostly just stack novels on shelves and occasionally sell at the counter but that's only when my boss Paul is busy. Santana has decided to agree to my offer of inviting the kids from glee club over.

She's just returned from a 7 hour shift and her jacket is lazily thrown to the floor. Her arms wrap around my waist and she lifts me off the ground.

"I just called the last one of em', they'll be here at 8!" I said through high pitched squeals as Santana started to spin me. "S-stop!"

"Never baby!" She shouts back. Eventually the spins slow and she places my feet back on the ground. "Shower?" She asks with a smirk gracing her lips. I nod my head eagerly and turn around, rushing through the hall to our room before she can catch me.

When I open the door I rip my shirt off. Then my skirt unzips and it pools around my feet. I can hear Santana's feet padding the floor towards me. I snap my bra off and pull down my underwear. I turn around just in time to see Santana's naked body standing in the doorway. Just beyond the door I can see a bra resting on the carpet. She must have threw her clothes off while she followed me.

Her smirk falters as she heads towards me, brushing her finger down my arm as she passes me. The next thing I hear is the water running and a satisfied moan emitting from Santana's lips. I enter the bathroom and watch her rub the soap down her stomach. Her back is against the wall and she's arching it slightly with her eyes closed.

I open the glass door and step inside. Her eyes open slightly and her smirk returns. "Wanna wash me?" She asks, with a flick of her tongue. I pierce my gaze through her eyes and grab the soap from her. I drop it to the shower floor and she eyes me curiously. My body is suddenly flush against her, our breasts rubbing delightfully in an up and down motion as we breath heavily. "Guess not," She husks.

I shut her up by surging forward and kissing her. My hands grip her waist and I push her hard against the wall. Her groan is swallowed into my mouth as we kiss open mouthed. Our tongues tangle and our breaths are snatched by each other when one of us inhales. With the water running down our faces, we occasionally swallow water and once our kisses grow too heavy, I end up choking and having to pull back. My hands ball into fists and I rub my eyes. I spit out the water in my mouth and turn to face Santana again. She's blinking repetitively and squinting as though her eyes burn. I wipe her eyes and rest our foreheads together. She reaches around me and turns the water the off. It's a whole lot quieter now. I didn't realise how heavy we were both breathing until now. Santana's hands cup my face and she kisses me passionately.

Droplets of water continue to fall from our hair but everything is forgotten when I place my hand between her legs. Two of my fingers slide through her folds like a scissor. She stops kissing me and tilts her head back. I lean down and place wet kisses all over her neck, while still teasing her folds. I bring one finger up to run across her clit and she instinctively bucks forward. I enter a finger slowly but it goes deep. "Ah, Britt," Santana moans against my ear.

"Keep going, keep going," She's panting rapidly now.

An idea clicks inside of my head, like the hands of a clock just paused. I pull my finger out of her and she groans in protest. "Shh," I whisper against her lips. I then slide down her body slowly, revelling in watching her abs twitch and her thighs quiver. I grab both of her legs and part them wider. I look into her eyes and see her watching me. Her teeth bite into her lips and her chest contracts shakily. "Relax." My voice reverberates off her hot centre.

"Oh my god," She breaths out when my pouted lips kiss her clit. My mouth opens wider and I leave opened mouth kisses right down to her entrance. Then I poke my tongue out and flick it all the way back up. These motions continue until her knees shake uncontrollably. Her fingers dig against the wall behind her and her eyes squeeze shut. "Fuck Britt, right there."

I suck on her clit one last time and watch her climax up close and personal. She slides down the wall and sits in front of me. We kiss for a few minutes. She can taste herself on my lips. Then there is a knock on the door and we both whip our heads in that direction. She begins laughing quietly to herself and eventually I join her.

* * *

Santana's wearing her apron again. She is standing by the oven, waiting the pies to be done cooking. I'm watching her from the living room. Quinn is rambling about something to do with the wrong film for a special camera. All I hear after that is that Rachel isn't getting sex for a week. Artie is asleep on a beanbag in the corner of the room. I bought that on impulse last week.

Tina and Mike moved in together last month. She called me and told me he invited her on a date and she couldn't resist apparently. I told her to be careful but seeing Mike now, I'm happy Tina chose him. The first thing he did when he saw me again was hug me. Santana was about to pull him off but I reassured her it was okay. I hear Puck was still serving time and would get out in a year or two. I never wanted anything bad to happen, to anyone.

"Where are the pies?" Rachel yells while she rolls on her butt around the floor. She's on her fourth beer while we're all on our second. Well except Artie because I'm pretty sure he is passed out.

"Fucking hell," Santana curses. "Almost done, hold on!" I watch her in amusement as she wipes at her forehead and leans down to open the oven. The shorts she's wearing fit her butt perfectly.

"Britt?" I snap my head to Quinn. "Were you seriously just perving on your own girlfriend? Don't you see her enough?" She laughs.

I blush instantly and go over to help Santana. She smiles when she notices me approaching and hands me a plate. I place some pies on but after three my fingers start burning and stinging and I flinch and drop a pie on the bench. "You okay baby?" Santana asks in concern. She pulls my fingers to her lips and sucks them generously in her mouth.

My eyes widen and look over to the rest of the group. Quinn is trying to hold back her laugh and Rachel is still rolling on the floor.

Kurt couldn't make it because he's in New York working at a fashion magazine and barely gets time off. He did call to apologize though and he would come and visit soon.

"It would not be wise to leave the pies near the drunk girl," Quinn suggests.

"Whaaat? Baby, I'm drunk! No! I'm not," She then turns to me. "I s-swear on your cat's life Britt!"

"Hey," I slap her shoulder. "Don't swear on Tubbs life he has nothing to do with it."

"It's okay honey," Santana kisses my cheek. "Berry won't be getting any pies until she drinks water and sobers up."

Rachel whines loudly for ten minutes so Quinn decides it's best if she takes her home. Artie is lifted off the bean bag by Mike who gestures for Tina to start the car up. Santana and me decide that it's best if one of us takes Mike, Tina and Artie home because they have all been drinking. Quinn had only had half a glass because she ended up telling me her life story which I blanked out on.

Santana opts to clean up while I drive our friends home. Mike is living with Tina about fifteen minutes away. The traffic isn't too bad, so Artie continues to sleep in the back seat next to Mike.

When I pull up in front of their house, they thank me and ask if I'll be okay taking Artie home. He's sharing an apartment with his girlfriend Sugar who we haven't met yet but he promises to introduce us all soon. She lives a few minutes away and with all the strength I have I lift Artie out from the back seat and drop him to stand in front of the door.

I shake him awake and he stretches his arms in the air. "Oh god Britt, I'm sorry," He says through a yawn.

I laugh and pat him on the back, "It's all good." He then disappears inside.

When I return home, the only light on is our bedroom and when I enter Santana is reading a book in bed. Her eyes meet mine and she smiles. "You cleaned everything," I say in surprise. She nods and continues smiling.

"Everyone okay?" I nod, mimicking her answer. She chuckles and pats the spot beside her. "I feel like going away again," She says softly as I snuggle in next to her. "I don't know where though."

"We have a whole life time to figure out where," I reply, turning to face her. She places the book on the bed side table and tugs the blanket over our heads. We lay down with our heads on our pillows and stare at each other, as though we're seeing each other for the first time. I don't see the pills in my sleep anymore. I think about them occasionally, like right now. I don't need them or want them, they just cross my mind. Every part of my past seems to cross my mind and probably will continue to do so in the future.

But I know that at least now I'll have Santana to protect me.

_**The end.  
**_

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited and followed this story either from the beginning or even now. I appreciate everything you guys have said!  
I hope to hear from you in the future, because you will certainly hear from me!

xo cr0wznest


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